Poll of the Day > Cleaned out my deceased stepfather's storage unit this morning... found porn

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Far-Queue posted...

You're not allowed to post in my topics unless you tell me why you let your epic run on Mega Man General die

Lmfao

keyblader1985 posted...

Is it really weird that I think someone's spouse would deserve to know about their sexual orientation?

why would you wanna tell them he's gay but you don't wanna tell them he watches porn

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Because they're not even close to being on the same level?

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Far-Queue posted...

I didn't assume the others were gay porn until BlackScythe mentioned it, then I thought about the other titles and they could conceivably be gay titles.

There were a couple dozen tapes in the drawer, I only looked at the ones I took pics of. Wish I had gone through them now.

If you get curious enough, you can always Google the titles of those porn videos but then you might not want to find out.

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keyblader1985 posted...

Because they're not even close to being on the same level?

yeah, one is harmless and one isn't. it's bizarre that you would think its important his wife knows he's gay/bisexual. why would that matter enough to be worth disclosing something he may have kept secret.

i probably wouldn't say anything in either case, but you could make a much better argument that his wife should know about his pornography usage. it contributes materially to a harmful industry, and it's an actual behavior that may have betrayed her trust

i dont see how the stepdad would have any moral obligation to disclose that he's attracted to men. whereas in a monogamous relationship, clearly he would be morally obligated to disclose that he watches porn. if you're disclosing something on his behalf im assuming you have an ethical reason why you feel its necessary

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Maybe he planned on reconnecting with his brother and he's like I must study the culture of the gays.

Cream Entertainment presents: Groin Grinders

That doesn't sound like a real porno, that sounds like something fake you'd see on South Park or an American Pie type movie.

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can i have them

i'll watch them

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PunishedOni posted...

i probably wouldn't say anything in either case, but you could make a much better argument that his wife should know about his pornography usage. it contributes materially to a harmful industry, and it's an actual behavior that may have betrayed her trust

Man, nobody is thinking about the industry here. Nobody hears that someone watches porn and instantly thinks "but what about the industry?" Neither would many people consider it a betrayal, unless there was some previous agreement/statement that they don't use it. One's sexual interests are private, provided they're not cheating. But if someone is secretly gay, then their entire marriage may have potentially been a lie.

PunishedOni posted...

whereas in a monogamous relationship, clearly he would be morally obligated to disclose that he watches porn.

What?

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Zareth posted...

Cream Entertainment presents: Groin Grinders

That doesn't sound like a real porno, that sounds like something fake you'd see on South Park or an American Pie type movie.

Or one of those safes where you hide your valuables. Because no criminal is going to even want to touch your stash of VHS porn.

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Nobody hears that someone watches porn and instantly thinks "but what about the industry?"

wow, you must have skipped over me when you talked to everyone in the world about what someone thinks when they hear that somebody watches porn

But if someone is secretly gay, then their entire marriage may have potentially been a lie.

they're pretty clearly attracted to women - one of these tapes is fetishizing trans women specifically. Being attracted to men too doesn't make the marriage a sham.

keyblader1985 posted...

unless there was some previous agreement/statement that they don't use it.

You mean like a marriage vow? Usually cheating on your wife is frowned upon

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do you think he was cheating on her with the porn

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helIy posted...

do you think he was cheating on her with the porn

if he kept it secret from her, yeah. that should be disclosed

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but why

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helIy posted...

but why

it can create pain and jealousy the same way as having sex with someone else can. there's nothing magic about genitals touching someone else that makes it the only form of cheating. im not saying you can never use porn in a marriage, im saying you should talk about it with your spouse. seems like a pretty low bar lol

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Yeah... I don't think a whole lot of people share your views on pornography there.

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keyblader1985 posted...

Yeah... I don't think a whole lot of people share your views on pornography there.

morality isn't determined by what the average person thinks. it was still ok to be gay even when the average person had bigoted views like yours

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You are completely off your rocker.

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Sixty-Nine

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PunishedOni posted...

if he kept it secret from her, yeah. that should be disclosed

Is it difficult being you in a daily basis?

keyblader1985 posted...

You are completely off your rocker.

you're really defensive about porn lol

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and you're really weird about porn

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if not liking an exploitative industry is weird then im happy to be weird :)

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whos gonna tell him there isnt any ethical consumption under capitialsm

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PunishedOni is absolutely right. If youre being secretive and hiding your porn watching from your significant other, it can be the same as cheating. A marriage is suppose to be about being open and honest with one another. If youre hiding things from them, like pornography, then it is not a healthy relationship.

PunishedOni posted...

if not liking an exploitative industry is weird then im happy to be weird :)

Relationships are based on expectations and you're right that breaking those is damaging. It's not specific to porn either.

But if you are making it about porn - you're just shaming people if you aren't able to differentiate between industry (bad), sex workers (good), and consumption (based on expectations).

Veermok09 posted...

Relationships are based on expectations and you're right that breaking those is damaging. It's not specific to porn either.

But if you are making it about porn - you're just shaming people if you aren't able to differentiate between industry (bad), sex workers (good), and consumption (based on expectations).

Yeah I didn't clarify because the context of the topic was industry sex tapes - I don't think porn is inherently harmful or exploitative, just that the porn industry is. And yeah that's a separate issue from spousal harm

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TheSlinja posted...

there isnt any ethical consumption under capitialsm

I don't think using this as an excuse makes a lot of sense. It sort of reads like "it's impossible to be perfect, therefore I don't have to worry about the consequences of my actions"

I agree that just voluntarily changing consumption patterns doesn't solve the problem by itself - I don't think that gives you carte blanche to contribute to it without reflecting on how it affects other people and how necessary it is for you.

Also it's her*, thanks :)

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