Poll of the Day > My girlfriend does not do well with conflict at all.

(+) Yeah! (+)

We were at my mom's boyfriend's house the other day and he is very conservative in his politics, while I've always been more left leaning. My mom has apparently become more conservative in her views in the time she has been with him. Because of this, all three of us have sometimes argued pretty intensely over some things. We always stay respectful with eachother, but we can usually get pretty loud. All three of us are able to switch it off and talk about other things within a moment. My mom's boyfriend and I even started playing a game of chess and he offered me another drink nonchalantly in the middle of an argument. Part of me likes being able to have these debates with them knowing that we will still keep a healthy respect for eachother in the relationship. My girlfriend however completely shuts down. She doesn't like when people raise their voices because in her childhood it had always meant that bad things were going to happen. It's hard for her to not make those same associations with the arguments I have with my mom and her boyfriend. I feel bad because this most recent time, she even started crying once we got home because it was too much for her. I think I just need to make more of an effort to keep the politics out of the conversation when she's there with me. Does anyone else have similar problems when dealing with any kind of conflict?

ye... me and my cousin are big time headbuttin' butt-heads when it comes to political debate; but my mom hates it and starts crying and then we all feel bad.

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Yeah that is just how some people are

If you had an especially rough or abusive childhood, then conflict can trigger a genuine fear response and its natural for them to want to avoid that whenever possible

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Girlfriend?

For some reason I always thought you were

You know

Like me

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Yeah, you have to be mindful of that, TC. Trauma is terrible, and not something people enjoy having to live with. Hug her. Talk to her. All that good jazz.

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Clench281 posted...

Girlfriend?

For some reason I always thought you were

You know

Like me

I thought I had you on Facebook or Instagram. I have pics of me and my girlfriend.

Lokarin posted...

ye... me and my cousin are big time headbuttin' butt-heads when it comes to political debate; but my mom hates it and starts crying and then we all feel bad.

It sucks because it's not like we want them to feel bad.

Mead posted...

Yeah that is just how some people are

If you had an especially rough or abusive childhood, then conflict can trigger a genuine fear response and its natural for them to want to avoid that whenever possible

Yeah I get it. Plus, my girlfriend is much more introverted than I am. There are other situations we often find ourselves in where I am much more comfortable than she is. :/

Clench281 posted...

Girlfriend?

For some reason I always thought you were

You know

Like me

an incel?

yeah i'd avoid it if you know its something shes uncomfortable with and you can just do it another time

Fam_Fam posted...

an incel?

Have you seen him before? He could definitely get women if he wanted

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Could just argue without raising your voices.

Muscles posted...

Have you seen him before? He could definitely get women if he wanted

no i haven't / I don't keep track of what people look like here. i asked the question because he left his post open-ended

blu posted...

Could just argue without raising your voices.

haha no

HornedLion posted...

Yeah, you have to be mindful of that, TC. Trauma is terrible, and not something people enjoy having to live with. Hug her. Talk to her. All that good jazz.

I can get a little carried away in some situations especially if I've had a few drinks. I try to check on her and ask her if she's doing okay. We talk about everything though so we are pretty comfortable with eachother. There will still always be those situations where we are not completely aware of what we are doing in the moment. She felt much better after venting to me and I was able to hold her while she cried it out.

Clench281 posted...

Girlfriend?

For some reason I always thought you were

You know

Like me

TC likes different types of milk and eggs

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Fam_Fam posted...

an incel?

Clench thought I was gay. Lol

Muscles posted...

Have you seen him before? He could definitely get women if he wanted

Thanks for the compliment. Appreciated.

https://i.imgur.com/dfRVE0p.gif

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wwinterj25 posted...

https://i.imgur.com/dfRVE0p.gif

It's so cute. :3

GunslingerGunsl posted...

It's so cute. :3

Coons know a lot about humans. They observe and learn. I try to be like coons. I also don't care about drama so I think I'm doing quite well.

Edit:
Muscles posted...

Have you seen him before? He could definitely get women if he wanted

I missed this but yes the TC is very attractive.

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GunslingerGunsl posted...

Thanks for the compliment. Appreciated.

Why do you appreciate me being complimented??

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I was talking about clench lol

TC already has a girlfriend so it doesn't make sense to say he could get a girl if he wanted

I have no idea what TC looks like though

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Well Chris is also good looking, so it works

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It sounds like you're at least on good enough terms with your mom + her BF to potentially discuss it with them? IDK if they'd hear you out or not in terms of telling them you'd like to keep the 'discussions' a little more tame when the gf is over.

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Clench281 posted...

Well Chris is also good looking, so it works

I wasn't saying he's not, I just don't remember/haven't seen what he looks like

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Tell your fam that when you fart and stare at them, it's the signal to tone down the discussion.

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That just means shes weak. Throw a pokeball at her and shes yours.

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Kimbos_Egg posted...

That just means shes weak. Throw a pokeball at her and shes yours.

Legit funniest thing I've ever seen you say

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Politics is stupid to argue about might as well shake your fist at some clouds

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ArvTheGreat posted...

Politics is stupid to argue about might as well shake your fist at some clouds

I tell the clouds I loves them.

If your girlfriend breaks down in hysterics because she overhears disagreements, you should probably try to get her into counseling of some kind because, unless you plan on sheltering her all her life (which you shouldn't), she's going to have to be able to deal with conflicts. Doubly so because you note that this stems from childhood trauma.

Alternatively if you want to mollycoddle her, you could concede in every argument and try to avoid entering into any kind of a discussion when she's a around. However, that's not really solving the problem, that's just enabling it and potentially hurting the other relationships in your life.

Granted, if your arguments with your mom and her boyfriend were ending in physical altercations then your girlfriend would have some pretty valid concerns.

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Muscles posted...

I was talking about clench lol

TC already has a girlfriend so it doesn't make sense to say he could get a girl if he wanted

I have no idea what TC looks like though

I completely misread your post and now I feel stupid. Haha.

Clench281 posted...

Well Chris is also good looking, so it works

Thanks! Pretty positive this has to be towards me this time! >.>

ReturnOfFa posted...

It sounds like you're at least on good enough terms with your mom + her BF to potentially discuss it with them? IDK if they'd hear you out or not in terms of telling them you'd like to keep the 'discussions' a little more tame when the gf is over.

This is a good idea. I was just thinking I'd send him and my mom a text about it.

Kimbos_Egg posted...

That just means shes weak. Throw a pokeball at her and shes yours.

Best advice yet.

ArvTheGreat posted...

Politics is stupid to argue about might as well shake your fist at some clouds

You say that as if I haven't already done that as well.

It's cool, I should have said "Clench" instead of "him"

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Obviously not a therapist but kinda sounds like your girlfriend has some type of PTSD.

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There's definitely some trauma and symptoms, but I wouldn't go as far as diagnosing her with PTSD. She might have met criteria at some point in the past though.

Clench281 posted...

Girlfriend?

For some reason I always thought you were

You know

Like me

a bitch?
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GunslingerGunsl posted...

There's definitely some trauma and symptoms, but I wouldn't go as far as diagnosing her with PTSD. She might have met criteria at some point in the past though.

Hopefully she'll be able to address her anxiety. Sucks living like that.

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It's funny because I relate to both of you. Sometimes I'm good with big fun arguments, but uhhh, I also burst into tears when telling my parents that they should've listened to my schedule when booking a trip to come and see me. I'm not great with conflict in a lot of instances.

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Jen0125 posted...

Hopefully she'll be able to address her anxiety. Sucks living like that.

Yeah, she used to go to therapy pretty regularly but hasn't for some time. She's been through a lot in her life. I've always admired how strong and responsible she has been. Her anxiety about some things can still bother her at times. :/

GunslingerGunsl posted...

Yeah, she used to go to therapy pretty regularly but hasn't for some time. She's been through a lot in her life. I've always admired how strong and responsible she has been. Her anxiety about some things can still bother her at times. :/

Well, I'll be thinking of her and trying to send some positive vibes.

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GunslingerGunsl posted...

Yeah, she used to go to therapy pretty regularly but hasn't for some time. She's been through a lot in her life. I've always admired how strong and responsible she has been. Her anxiety about some things can still bother her at times. :/

I know I have a bad habit of 'dropping' therapy when I'm 'doing good', but I'd really benefit from a semi-regular, perhaps less frequent check-in. Obvs don't know the best solution, but I know I do a lot better when I'm checking in on the ole skull riot.

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I myself am like your girlfriend: don't do well with conflict. I get really stressed out, shut down, and get physically ill.

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Kimbos_Egg posted...

That just means shes weak. Throw a pokeball at her and shes yours.

lmao

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<a onclick="return show_quoted_message(3, 79377962, 952303150, '2b1575e7');" href="/boards/3-poll-of-the-day/79377962/952303150">GunslingerGunsl posted... </a>

There's definitely some trauma and symptoms, but I wouldn't go as far as diagnosing her with PTSD. She might have met criteria at some point in the past though.

You don't have to diagnose her with anything. That's what the professional is there for. And whatever it may actually be, they can help with that.


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Most women dont. Theyd rather act like a child and avoid a situation rather than sort it out like an adult. In your specific situation, this is also the type of person that shouldnt be voting because they clearly arent educated enough to make a proper decision. Sounds like your mom is doing the right thing, imo. Havent talked to my gf about this stuff yet, but shes from a country with a harsh president, so she could go either way.

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Not really related, but, have you or your mom + boyfriend ever actually changed viewpoints during a heated debate? Is there an actual point to them?

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Krazy_Kirby posted...

a bitch?

Aww, show me on the gender-neutral doll where I've hurt you

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you said you would scream at your significant other for spending money if they bought you expensive jewelry.
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I believe the phrasing was "cuss out." In my head, I'd likely be thinking, "why the hell/fuck did you get me this?"

You're right that I'm probably conflict-averse enough to actually say it that way out loud, but there would certainly be a talk that gets that same point across: I am annoyed or upset that you made an expensive purchase using our joint funds for something that has no value.

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I have a habit of getting bored and turning off when in conflict once I've said my point and listened enough before I'm no longer care about the often trivial discussion. That's assuming it doesn't become physical.

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Jen0125 posted...

Well, I'll be thinking of her and trying to send some positive vibes.

Thanks! :)