Current Events > Would it bother you if your kid started wearing girls clothes?

(+) Yeah! (+)

If my daughter gets harassed for wearing clothing that barely meets the dress code. Id try to encourage her to wear different clothing as im having to go to the school already cause shes being harassed.

See, Daddies trying to help you not get harassed so maybe you can help by wearing a little more appropriate clothing. Or fuck it we can just fight more and longer if you want.

I find it hard to believe my daughter wouldnt compromise if im doing what i can to help her....

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Xavier_On_High posted...

I would talk to the school and I would talk to the teachers, and the bully's parents, and we would discuss the best way to curb the bully's behaviour. If the school and the parents did nothing I would take legal action.

The dress and fairy wings are irrelevant. Bullies will bully either way.

So though this process the bullying will still take place. And will get worse and worse when they see him go to the school for help. The bullies will see that they are getting through to him and making it worse.

I deal with teenagers all the time. They are relentless and they target the weak and the outcasts. Sometimes conforming to a degree is the best option. Its a survival skill. "be who you are and eventually everyone will accept you" is some saturday morning cartoon shit. More often than not, i see them come out of school with some severe mental issues and needing therapy because they tried to go against the grain and got put down by their peers.

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Nope. I did it when I was a kid

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Flauros posted...

So though this process the bullying will still take place. And will get worse and worse when they see him go to the school for help. The bullies will see that they are getting through to him and making it worse.

I deal with teenagers all the time. They are relentless and they target the weak and the outcasts. Sometimes conforming to a degree is the best option. Its a survival skill. "be who you are and eventually everyone will accept you" is some saturday morning cartoon shit. More often than not, i see them come out of school with some severe mental issues and needing therapy because they tried to go against the grain and got put down by their peers.

That's fucking insane

",People who try to do the right thing and stand up for themselves develop mental issues If unsupported, therefore don't support them and defend bullying. Make sure it's as effective as possible and tour kid is insecure and terrified "

No people who tell their kids not to be themselves and that bullying works is what causes people to have mental strain

Not strong support structures and self confidence

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Flauros posted...

So though this process the bullying will still take place. And will get worse and worse when they see him go to the school for help. The bullies will see that they are getting through to him and making it worse.

I deal with teenagers all the time. They are relentless and they target the weak and the outcasts. Sometimes conforming to a degree is the best option. Its a survival skill. "be who you are and eventually everyone will accept you" is some saturday morning cartoon shit. More often than not, i see them come out of school with some severe mental issues and needing therapy because they tried to go against the grain and got put down by their peers.

I don't know why you think this is some "gotcha".

I was bullied to the point of attempting suicide when I was 14, so I am familiar with it. And I've amicably resolved bullying situations at both of my kids schools. There are solutions to these problems, and usually they don't involve just trying to fly under the bully's radar. But hey, I'm sorry that the parents and teachers failed those kids.

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None of my sons have ever wanted to this so Ill probably never have to answer this question.

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UnfairRepresent posted...

This is bullshit logic, you don't give in to bullies you stand up to them

When segregation ended people bullied the fuck out of black students , according to your logic that means we should have kept segregation

If we never stood up to bullies Asia would be speaking Japanese, Mainland Europe would be speaking German and the US would still be English

We'd still have slavery and treat women like dogs

Fuck bullies . We do what's right

If people bullied your kid for his hair would you shave him bald?

No, but I got bullied for having a bowl cut once because my dad only knew how to do those, so I cut my own hair to look a little different.

Regardless, I am speaking from a parental role. I wouldn't want my kids getting bullied lol.

Xavier_On_High posted...

I would talk to the school and I would talk to the teachers, and the bully's parents, and we would discuss the best way to curb the bully's behaviour. If the school and the parents did nothing I would take legal action.

The dress and fairy wings are irrelevant. Bullies will bully either way.

...trust me when I say, your kid would get bullied even more and lose a lot of friends this way.
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Slayer_22 posted...

...trust me when I say, your kid would get bullied even more and lose a lot of friends this way.

Nah man, I'll trust my own experiences and observations on this one. Conforming doesn't stop real bullying.

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Saw a little boy no more than 5 years old wearing a skirt at the playground last weekend

Just make sure they can handle going against the grain

Xavier_On_High posted...

Nah man, I'll trust my own experiences and observations on this one. Conforming doesn't stop real bullying.

No, but neither does having your parent go to the principal and get others in trouble. That'll get you bullied more.

And I'll trust my own experiences too.
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Slayer_22 posted...

No, but neither does having your parent go to the principal and get others in trouble. That'll get you bullied more.

And that would be a failure of the teachers and the parents, not the child who just wants to express themselves. With proper procedures in place and parents actually engaged in their child's safety, there's no reason they can't be protected.

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Xavier_On_High posted...

And that would be a failure of the teachers and the parents, not the child who just wants to express themselves. With proper procedures in place and parents actually engaged in their child's safety, there's no reason they can't be protected.

Totally. It isn't like kids can be bullied after or before school or anything, right?
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Robot2600 posted...

Everyone who voted yes is part of the problem.

You're not an ally.

Oh no, I'm not a hollow buzzword. Say it ain't so.

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Slayer_22 posted...

Totally. It isn't like kids can be bullied after or before school or anything, right?

Again, if proper procedures are in place, it's very difficult. Bullying is a failure of guardianship, not of the victims.

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Xavier_On_High posted...

Again, if proper procedures are in place, it's very difficult. Bullying is a failure of guardianship, not of the victims.

...you keep saying proper procedures. What, are you saying you gotta be a helicopter parent? Explain these procedures.
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Slayer_22 posted...

...you keep saying proper procedures. What, are you saying you gotta be a helicopter parent? Explain these procedures.

If your kid is getting bullied, yeah, helicopter away. I don't get why that's a bad thing; parents are supposed to protect their children. It's not coddling them if they're literally being bullied. Threaten legal action against the school and the bully's parents. Do anything it takes.

As for procedures, both of my kids schools have zero tolerance policies on bullying. Bullies will be removed and parents can be fined or prosecuted. Individual teachers know and care about the situations of individual students and the school has liaison officers and counsellors for victims; and for bullies, because children aren't evil and their behaviour can be corrected. This is a run down, underfunded state school (equivalent to public school in the US) but the parents and teachers actually care and engage and it makes a huge difference.

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Xavier_On_High posted...

If your kid is getting bullied, yeah, helicopter away. I don't get why that's a bad thing; parents are supposed to protect their children. It's not coddling them if they're literally being bullied. Threaten legal action against the school and the bully's parents. Do anything it takes.

As for procedures, both of my kids schools have zero tolerance policies on bullying. Bullies will be removed and parents can be fined or prosecuted. Individual teachers know and care about the situations of individual students and the school has liaison officers and counsellors for victims; and for bullies, because children aren't evil and their behaviour can be corrected. This is a run down, underfunded state school (equivalent to public school in the US) but the parents and teachers actually care and engage and it makes a huge difference.

Yeah, that sounds healthy.

"You can be yourself. I just have to hover over you at all times and never let you out of my sight."

I had a friend who had 2 helicopter parents. He was bullied when he was younger, so they did just that. They never let him out of their sight, he couldn't even go over to my house to hang out...and his parents actually liked me.

The one time he snuck out, he apparently(I wasn't there, sadly) did some hard drugs and got addicted. Stuff went downhill from there. It wasn't hard to figure out why he did that.. This is an individual case, yes, but hovering over your children is never a good idea. People, all people, need freedom. How do you expect a child to figure out who they are if they are trying to conform to what you would like, under your gaze?

And also, that sounds like a mythical dream. My sister was at a similarly underfunded school and bullied, and when my parents tried intervening, nothing happened. Then she was bullied more, and then she didn't even want to talk about it anymore. Stopped when we moved, and she went to a new school.

Case by case basis, I suppose. Sounds like you live in a perfect world, though, gonna be honest.
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Slayer_22 posted...

Yeah, that sounds healthy.

"You can be yourself. I just have to hover over you at all times and never let you out of my sight."

I had a friend who had 2 helicopter parents. He was bullied when he was younger, so they did just that. They never let him out of their sight, he couldn't even go over to my house to hang out...and his parents actually liked me.

The one time he snuck out, he apparently(I wasn't there, sadly) did some hard drugs and got addicted. Stuff went downhill from there. It wasn't hard to figure out why he did that.. This is an individual case, yes, but hovering over your children is never a good idea. People, all people, need freedom. How do you expect a child to figure out who they are if they are trying to conform to what you would like, under your gaze?

And also, that sounds like a mythical dream. My sister was at a similarly underfunded school and bullied, and when my parents tried intervening, nothing happened. Then she was bullied more, and then she didn't even want to talk about it anymore. Stopped when we moved, and she went to a new school.

Case by case basis, I suppose. Sounds like you live in a perfect world, though, gonna be honest.

I feel like you're misunderstanding his use of helicopter parenting.

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Slayer_22 posted...

"You can be yourself. I just have to hover over you at all times and never let you out of my sight."

That's just an absurd strawman, but yes, that would cause problems.

Slayer_22 posted...

How do you expect a child to figure out who they are if they are trying to conform to what you would like, under your gaze?

I don't expect them to conform to what I want, but nonetheless, are you saying your alternative is for them to completely stifle their own self-expression in order to conform with the bullies instead? Which probably wouldn't even protect them anyway?

I know I'm fortunate with my schools, but it wasn't just luck. My eldest child's school had a massive bullying problem, and the teachers came together with the parents to find solutions, and it worked. There's no reason the mistakes of the past have to be repeated ad nauseam.

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i have a boy and a girl. I dress the girl cause shes only 2. I dress her in typically little girl clothes. The frilly fo fo stuff. I put her hair in cute lil bows too.

i wouldnt be okay with my son wearing the same frilly fo fo stuff. I cant give you a solidified logical answer that would satisfy far left people as to why I feel that way, and Im okay with that. I just wouldnt like it. Id feel the same if it was my girl wearing boyish clothing when shes old enough to dress herself.


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Xavier_On_High posted...

That's just an absurd strawman, but yes, that would cause problems.

I don't expect them to conform to what I want, but nonetheless, are you saying your alternative is for them to completely stifle their own self-expression in order to conform with the bullies instead? Which probably wouldn't even protect them anyway?

I know I'm fortunate with my schools, but it wasn't just luck. My eldest child's school had a massive bullying problem, and the teachers came together with the parents to find solutions, and it worked. There's no reason the mistakes of the past have to be repeated ad nauseam.

No, I'm not saying to stifle them. Just take preventative measures. I'm fine if my child wants to act however they want out of school. But I know how fucked kids can be in it. Outside it, it's easier to be you.
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I don't know about you guys but in my high school people got a lot more chill and were able to express themselves and be accepted.

Like there was barely any if no bullying at all after the first year, and by the end everybody knew and liked each other, all 150 kids in my year.

How common is that setup?
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I mean if it was my only son it would once it became a constant habit, but nah I wouldnt care in the end or the beginning.

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LightningAce11 posted...

I don't know about you guys but in my high school people got a lot more chill and were able to express themselves and be accepted.

Like there was barely any if no bullying at all after the first year, and by the end everybody knew and liked each other, all 150 kids in my year.

How common is that setup?

Depends. I know my friend said that he was a bit of a hot-headed bully, and never really got in trouble for it. He's matured since then, and regrets a lot of what he did, but it definitely wasn't friendly.
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no because my kids are girls

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Jesus Christ @ the people doubling down on defending bullies and telling their kid to be ashamed and afraid

pathetic

Absolutely pathetic and cowardly

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Yes it would!

I mean how did my goat even get the clothes? let alone put them on?

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Kid doesn't mean son, genius

@UnfairRepresent

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LightningAce11 posted...

I don't know about you guys but in my high school people got a lot more chill and were able to express themselves and be accepted.

Like there was barely any if no bullying at all after the first year, and by the end everybody knew and liked each other, all 150 kids in my year.

How common is that setup?

This was literally my class in HS. We all got along super well and had no problems with each other. Still hang out with a majority of my HS friends even 10 years later and look forward to the class reunion.
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UnfairRepresent posted...

Jesus Christ @ the people doubling down on defending bullies and telling their kid to be ashamed and afraid

pathetic

Absolutely pathetic and cowardly

Defending bullies =/= taking preventative measures so your child doesn't get bullied.
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Slayer_22 posted...

Defending bullies =/= taking preventative measures so your child doesn't get bullied.

Now, I've seen UR actually contribute to discussions before but we all know they usually try and take the most contrarian side of things, this is one of those cases where UR takes peoples words and twists them to create arguments no one is making so they can pretend like they are holier-than-thou.

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Slayer_22 posted...

Defending bullies =/= taking preventative measures so your child doesn't get bullied.

This is such Tucker Carlson schtick

Your "preventative measures " family values fabric of the country election integrity I'm just asking questions claptrap rhetoric is "Tell my son not to be himself, tell him to ashamed, teach him that I don't have faith in him and that bullying works while actively encouraging it and decrying standing up to it"

Thats all you've done all topic is throw your son under the bus and defend bullying while using utterly pathetic terminology to imply what you're doing isn't grotesque.

It's transparent and it's cowardly

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IfGodCouldDie posted...

Now, I've seen UR actually contribute to discussions before but we all know they usually try and take the most contrarian side of things, this is one of those cases where UR takes peoples words and twists them to create arguments no one is making so they can pretend like they are holier-than-thou.

Shut the fuck up.

Ad hominems to defend bullying says it all.

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UnfairRepresent posted...

This is such Tucker Carlson schtick

Your "preventative measures " family values fabric of the country election integrity I'm just asking questions claptrap rhetoric is "Tell my son not to be himself, tell him to ashamed, teach him that I don't have faith in him and that bullying works while actively encouraging it and decrying standing up to it"

Thats all you've done all topic is throw your son under the bus and defend bullying while using utterly pathetic terminology to imply what you're doing isn't grotesque.

It's transparent and it's cowardly

I said I'm perfectly fine letting my children be who they are, just not in school. Idk where you are getting defending bullies, UR. Provide a quote where I say as much, please? Because I have been bullied before, and I don't support it at all, and having grown up and witnessed bullying and school's inability to do anything about it...yeah, I'm not buying the idea that you can let your child so what they want at it without expecting hate.

I mean, hell, treat school like a workplace. You're there to learn. When you get home, you can be you. I had a boss that was extremely gay but...weirdly enough, you couldn't tell unless you hung out with him outside of work. Same sort of situation, and he even said he just doesn't find any reason to act gay at work. I'm pretty sure he was the same way at school lol.

You can be proud of who you are but just...not always show it. You do know this, right?

IfGodCouldDie posted...

Now, I've seen UR actually contribute to discussions before but we all know they usually try and take the most contrarian side of things, this is one of those cases where UR takes peoples words and twists them to create arguments no one is making so they can pretend like they are holier-than-thou.

He literally just did this. Wild.
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IfGodCouldDie posted...

Now, I've seen UR actually contribute to discussions before but we all know they usually try and take the most contrarian side of things, this is one of those cases where UR takes peoples words and twists them to create arguments no one is making so they can pretend like they are holier-than-thou.

Which is funny because in the first post UR equated illicit drug use to certain South American cultures, portraying them as bad.

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Slayer_22 posted...

I said I'm perfectly fine letting my children be who they are, just not in school. Idk where you are getting defending bullies, UR. Provide a quote where I say as much, please?

Literally your first post in the topic:

Slayer_22 posted...

i had a son i wouldnt want him getting bullied to death in school so that would be a no go.

Yeah, now that I think about it, this shit would happen. And I'm not sure I'd want my kid to go through this.

You're saying you'd tell your kid to stop being who he is to give in to bullies. when told to stand up.to bullies you say

...trust me when I say, your kid would get bullied even more and lose a lot of friends this way. Totally. It isn't like kids can be bullied after or before school or anything, right?...you keep saying proper procedures. What, are you saying you gotta be a helicopter parent?And also, bullied after or before school or anything, right?...you keep saying proper procedures. What, are you saying you gotta be a helicopter parent?And also, that sounds like a mythical dream. My sister was at a similarly underfunded school and bullied, and when my parents tried intervening, nothing happened. Then she was bullied more, and then she didn't even want to talk about it anymore. Stopped when we moved, and she went to a new school.

Case by case basis, I suppose. Sounds like you live in a perfect world, though, gonna be honest.

that sounds like a mythical dream. My sister was at a similarly underfunded school and bullied, and when my parents tried intervening, nothing happened. Then she was bullied more, and then she didn't even want to talk about it anymore. Stopped when we moved, and she went to a new school.

Case by case basis, I suppose. Sounds like you live in a perfect world, though, gonna be honest.

You shit talk people standing up to bullies as being delusional while demanding that no one should do that, bring up that your sister wasn't supported in school as an argument... not to support her?

Then when I bring up users defending bullying YOU respond offended and putting on a performative outrage. Even though I never mentioned you.

So clearly you believed you were defending bullying.

No you're not outright saying "I love bullying all the live long day!" but literally every single post you make is downplaying bullying and shit taking people who stand up to it

Strawnanning people who stand up for their kids as "Helicopter parents " and victim blaming "Well maybe he'll be bullied less if he conformed to the effective bullies. I'm just taking 'preventative measures!'"

And you know it. You're so utterly disingenuous

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I assume you're referring to sons, and no. The more freely he can express himself the better. I'd probably proud that he isn't influenced by societal conventions.

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Hell your "Its fine that my co workers are gay in their private time but they have to hide it from us at work or else it bothers me!" 1940s bullshit is just bullying

Bad enough for adults but telling kids to be ashamed of being gay and hide it because bullies are so effective, I won't have your back and its wrong to stand up to them is disgraceful and pro bullying

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UnfairRepresent is so stupid. He thinks "kid" doesn't include girls.

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UnfairRepresent posted...

Literally your first post in the topic:

You're saying you'd tell your kid to stop being who he is to give in to bullies. when told to stand up.to bullies you say

You shit talk people standing up to bullies as being delusional while demanding that no one should do that, bring up that your sister wasn't supported in school as an argument... not to support her?

Then when I bring up users defending bullying YOU respond offended and putting on a performative outrage. Even though I never mentioned you.

So clearly you believed you were defending bullying.

No you're not outright saying "I love bullying all the live long day!" but literally every single post you make is downplaying bullying and shit taking people who stand up to it

Strawnanning people who stand up for their kids as "Helicopter parents " and victim blaming "Well maybe he'll be bullied less if he conformed to the effective bullies. I'm just taking 'preventative measures!'"

And you know it. You're so utterly disingenuous

Speaking of disingenuous, you have taken everything I said and twisted it so it suits your narrative. Idk why you're doing this.

No, I am saying to not go to school to express yourself when you can do it at home. And I didn't say that at all. That quote you quoted said nothing of this.

You jumbled my text and removed all context, good job. And my idea was actually to tell the kid to stop bullying my sister or I'll kick his ass, and he sure as hell didn't do that anymore. But moving away solved the negativeness of that situation, I don't think threatening someone like that looks good on my part, but there ya go. It's irrelevant to the situation and that might only temporarily solve my problem or get me/my child in more trouble. So I didn't really mention it.

And no, I didn't believe I was defending bullying. I did, however, believe you thought I was defending bullying, though. Because you do. As you've just proven. Lol.

Standing up to bullying isn't just 'well, if EVERYTHING is perfect and all the parents and teachers care everything should go smooth <3<3<3<3'. That isn't something you should expect. I lived in middle class under middle neighborhoods all my life. Never did the fucking schools or teachers deal with these situations as they should have. Xavier is LUCKY, I promise you that.

I hate bullying, I hate helicopter parents.

Unfortunately, we live in a world where not every school is going to effectively deal with bullying as well as Xavier's schools do. Not a single school that I went to, my friends went to, or my siblings went to, have done so. I've lived in multiple states, all in lower/middle class neighborhoods.

People are assholes. Best to assume the worst for school, treat it like a job(a user in this topic has the same sentiment too!), make friends(if you can) and be yourself at home. I'm not defending bullying for thinking that, but...of course, you'll think I am.
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A lot of girls clothes suck at being useful clothing, so I wouldnt like it much even if they were a girl, but I wouldnt stop them.

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uwnim posted...

A lot of girls clothes suck at being useful clothing, so I wouldnt like it much even if they were a girl, but I wouldnt stop them.

Off-topic, but I notice a lot of girls clothes don't have pockets. Which makes purses necessary.

Like, my sister had some jeans on with NO pockets, but they had designs as if it did.

What the fuck?
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UR, newsflash here but the clothes you wear dont define who you are

Yes it would bother me. I would prefer if my son is into traditional boys things. But I'm okay with my daughter doing or wearing anything.

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UnfairRepresent posted...

Shut the fuck up.

Ad hominems to defend bullying says it all.

IfGodCouldDie posted...

this is one of those cases where UR takes peoples words and twists them to create arguments no one is making so they can pretend like they are holier-than-thou.

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Not if she were a girl

Fuck no. I wouldnt care if my daughter wore boys clothes, or my son wore girls clothes.

As an aside, its weird how kids pick up gender roles and what they consider to be boys things and girls things. We havent modelled any of that to them, but my kids have picked it up from daycare and media.

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