Current Events > Thoughts on this? Trying to become a better person, but now allowed to

(+) Yeah! (+)

So, I've been alcohol free now for 6 months and I've lost a lot of weight and starting to feel really good about myself. One of the reasons is because I've been going outside to work in my yard, and then work over at my parent's place as well to clean their stuff up. They've been really thankful and want to pay me for my work, but I don't want them to pay, I just want my dad to help me with a very little thing - taking the trailer to the dump so I can use it again, but he never does.

It's been full for the past 5 days now, preventing me from doing more work, something I need to do in order to remain happy and not depressed. They know this. I don't even need my dad to empty it, I just don't drive, so I can't take it there. Now I'm starting to get really depressed again because I can't get anything else done at either of our places until the trailer is empty and I can put more stuff in it.

I even tried to give my dad the money for it, but he said he should pay me for all the work I've done for them, but I don't want their money, I want the fucking trailer dumped, but he doesn't "feel" like it, and never does.

So how would you feel about that? Someone is doing a bunch of great, free labor for you, and all you have to do is one simple thing, drive 1/2 mile up the street and let me empty it.

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I don't know what to do. I'm starting to get really, really depressed. I don't want to sit here, I want to get things cleaned up. I can't even f'n hire one of those trailers to come here to fill up because the spot is taken up by the camping trailer they leave here since I don't drive.

I don't understand why it's such an issue. I want to do all the work and make everything look nice, for free. All I need is 20mins of your time to drive the trailer up and back. I'll pay and do all the work. But I guess Facebook games are more important to do

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Is there some other task you can work on in the meantime to keep yourself occupied? That does sound frustrating, sorry.

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Take their money, use it to get someone on Craigslist to dump the trailer for you. Then get back to work and stay happy.

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KILBOTz posted...

Take their money, use it to get someone on Craigslist to dump the trailer for you. Then get back to work and stay happy.

I said I would hire someone to come and pick the trailer up, but it's my dad's trailer, and he think someone will ruin it.

Shablagoo posted...

Is there some other task you can work on in the meantime to keep yourself occupied? That does sound frustrating, sorry.

Not now. I need to pressure wash, but my dad has to find one of the pieces. I could mow for 4mins, but my brother has the battery, both of them, and never returns it. Tried to have the neighbor lend me his, but he wasn't home.

I was trying to grind the rust off of an outside fridge, but I couldn't get it to work with sandpaper. My dad has a power one, but at this point I'm about to f'n lose it if he continues to prevent me from working, so I'm not even going to ask him for it.

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Dont worry about it, you seem to have an excuse for everything

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R1masher posted...

Dont worry about it, you seem to have an excuse for everything

Um, what?

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Bad_Mojo posted...

Um, what?

count how many times you wrote but

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Why don't you learn to drive? That'll give you something to work towards and let you be less dependent on your parents.

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R1masher posted...

count how many times you wrote but

...

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R1masher posted...

count how many times you wrote but

Okay, got it. I'll say it without, "but" -

My parents both know that I'm really depressed and that working around my house and yard has really improved that. They are both really happy with all of the work I've done at both of our places, including the little I've done at my brother's house.

Now that I've done a lot of work and ready to continue, I've hit a snag because my dad won't help me with the one thing I need - a quick drive to the dump so I can clean even more things up for them.

Now I'm starting to get really depressed again, I've talked about it to him, and they continue to not help me. And this is in response to them asking me things like, "how can we help you feel better," and, "you can always come and ask us for anything," and statements like, "we should pay you money for all the great work you've done around here,' and, "everything looks so good. Thank you so much!"

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How about you dont worry about what decisions your parents make and not use them as a reason to keep yourself happy?

Focus on other stuff and the positives so far in the mean time. Dont be so narrow-minded with emptying a trailer. Look for other solutions for emptying it.

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--Zero- posted...

How about you dont worry about what decisions your parents make and not use them as a reason to keep yourself happy?

Does no one actually read what TC is posting?

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Just drive it yourself, it's easy peasy
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TendoDRM posted...

Why don't you learn to drive? That'll give you something to work towards and let you be less dependent on your parents.

I get horrible shakes. HUGE issue, I can't even do go-karts or bumper cars. Quit a job one time, the only time, because I had a panic attack working on a fork lift

[LFAQs-redacted-quote]


That's the thing - I hate help. Most people that come and help me makes the job harder for me. That's why I'm so hurt over this - They always "help" with shit I don't want them to help with because they make it harder to do it, and when I ask for something, they make it super complicated. But that's an issue on me, not them. I don't work well with people, I'm the strange one

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dolomedes posted...

but it's easier to shit on somebody just looking to vent and chat

this site sucks.

Go catch a butterfly, bug boy.

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KILBOTz posted...

Take their money, use it to get someone on Craigslist to dump the trailer for you. Then get back to work and stay happy.

^ I agree with this maybe even travel via uber with the money to help out even and meet them at the dump site

Maybe just be honest with how you feel tbh, just tell them it means a lot to you and you end up feeling useless.. that you dont wanna mess that up and maybe even lay out some options they may be comfortable with like the before mentioned


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Bad_Mojo posted...

Okay, got it. I'll say it without, "but" -

I was referring to post 5, but maybe its just bad mojo burn some sage

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RedJackson posted...

I agree with this maybe even travel via uber with the money to help out even and meet them at the dump site

Bad_Mojo posted...

I said I would hire someone to come and pick the trailer up, but it's my dad's trailer, and he think someone will ruin it.

RedJackson posted...

Maybe just be honest with how you feel tbh

Bad_Mojo posted...

They know this

But every weekend they help my brother out, taking hours out of their time to do so - the son that doesn't help them at all.

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dolomedes posted...

lmao

i don't have a net. my success rate for hand-catching butterflies is low.

well, in the wild. i used to have to hand-catch dozens in an old volunteer role, but that was in a small room.

Please continue.


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R1masher posted...

I was referring to post 5, but maybe its just bad mojo burn some sage

Sure, I can do that without, "but," as well.

There are a few other things I need to do around my place. I need to mow the lawn, I need to pressure wash some stuff, and I want to sand down a fridge. The stuff I need is with other family members and I never get to use them, which is fine, I guess.

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Bad_Mojo posted...

Sure, I can do that without, "but," as well.

There are a few other things I need to do around my place. I need to mow the lawn, I need to pressure wash some stuff, and I want to sand down a fridge. The stuff I need is with other family members and I never get to use them, which is fine, I guess.

i got no advice other than tough love and sarcasm, hope everything works out

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Working on the yard isn't what made you feel better, it was getting out and working on something and seeing results. If it didn't happen now because your father won't dump the trailer it would happen a little bit later when you finished working on the yard. Put that energy into developing a stable, physical hobby that doesn't require the involvement of somebody else to be sustained.

dolomedes posted...

well, in the wild. i used to have to hand-catch dozens in an old volunteer role, but that was in a small room.

Where at? They have a butterfly wing at the museum in my city, was it something like that?

https://www.mpm.edu/plan-visit/exhibitions/permanent-exhibits/first-floor-exhibits/puelicher-butterfly-wing

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Bad_Mojo posted...

But every weekend they help my brother out, taking hours out of their time to do so - the son that doesn't help them at all.

Ah, my bad yeah that sucks homie, best you can do is really just let that thing be since at this point its just bringing you down. What can ya do? There are things you can control and other things you cant.

Best to train yourself to understand and jam it into your brain that things that belong to others, things that have certain rules and or conditions that make action harder, that when things are at the mercy of another persons will that theres just nothing you can really do without the access

If you do something and it comes from the right place thats already something noble - take the W man, its well deserved honestly

These are the little things that make the world a better place - you have a direct hand in that. Lots more people could feel better mentally if they had others who actually gave them a pat on the back.

But I feel you on the annoyances of having brothers who get all the love lol. Im the middle child -_-

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It sounds really frustrating, sorry you are hitting these roadblocks when trying to improve yourself

-finds purpose in helping family with yardwork and doesn't accept payment

-doesnt drive

This is my life as well. And yeah, it makes it really frustating when you want a small favor after busting your ass and someone just doesn't feel like doing it. You do the work cause you want to, but that doesn't mean it doesn't feel a certain way when there's a huge lack of appreciation. When you did $100s of dollars of work and ask for a small favor to help you help them even more. I know the exact feeling. Even seeing you do a binch of work should add motivation to those around you, if they're not being stubborn. I know it does for me.


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Probably should get a drivers license

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Tenlaar posted...

Put that energy into developing a stable, physical hobby that doesn't require the involvement of somebody else to be sustained.

This.
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Blue_Thunder posted...

This.

If he's anything like me, it might be because doing things for others is easier to become motivated for. Though, I also started a garden, which is doing that. I do both now.

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dolomedes posted...

if you don't like me, you can ignore me. you're being antagonistic because i made a general statement about people being dicks when others show vulnerability.

Act like a dick and this is what the result is. I gave advice and you had to start your shit lol.

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Tenlaar posted...

Working on the yard isn't what made you feel better, it was getting out and working on something and seeing results. If it didn't happen now because your father won't dump the trailer it would happen a little bit later when you finished working on the yard. Put that energy into developing a stable, physical hobby that doesn't require the involvement of somebody else to be sustained.

It's making me depressed to see all this junk around here I need to throw away. It's making me depressed seeing my lawn become over grown. It's making me depressed knowing that they always help me brother, who treats them like crap, but they won't do anything to help me, the son that's doing so much for them.

masticatingman posted...

Probably should get a drivers license.

That's something I can't get over. I've tried. I have very, VERY bad panic attacks. Like, full blown balling and shaking ones.


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Bad_Mojo posted...

That's something I can't get over. I've tried. I have very, VERY bad panic attacks. Like, full blown balling and shaking ones.

I was the same way, until I started therapy and got on some meds. Could be worth checking out, if you can.

I'd be at least somewhat annoyed at your dad as well. Maybe to get him to drive the trailer you need to accept his money, but what you do with it is up to you. However make sure you don't except it until he drives the trailer to the dump for you. I'm not sure this is that helpful, but if you need to vent go ahead. Sometimes just doing that is helpful enough for you.

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R1masher posted...

Dont worry about it, you seem to have an excuse for everything

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Dolomeds gaslighting much? Focus on the TC and not indirectly insulting others that trigger you.

Lol at the I dont know you comment. Okay Ill leave you alone now before you lose your composure.

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How come you have high motivation to clean but no motivation to learn to drive?

15 year olds start learning to drive.

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pick4six posted...

How come you have high motivation to clean but no motivation to learn to drive?

15 year olds start learning to drive.

Bad_Mojo posted...

That's something I can't get over. I've tried. I have very, VERY bad panic attacks. Like, full blown balling and shaking ones.

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--Zero- posted...

Act like a dick and this is what the result is. I gave advice and you had to start your shit lol.

Bro. Look in the mirror

pick4six posted...

How come you have high motivation to clean but no motivation to learn to drive?

15 year olds start learning to drive.

I have very horrible panic attacks when I try to drive


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Oh okay. Hmm. I think you should just start dumping the trash slowly through the normal garbage until it's gone.

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Why don't you drive or learn to do it. Its easy as fuck, yeah its nerve racking as hell when you first do it hell I had to learn how to drive in NYC it was stressful as fuck but the more you do it the better you get and the less you stress over

pick4six posted...

Oh okay. Hmm. I think you should just start dumping the trash slowly through the normal garbage until it's gone.

Here in Portland the normal garbage comes twice a month. Week 2 and 4 of the month. It's hard to get rid of my normal trash, I've had to walk bags down to the gas station before and throw 'em away.

Right now in the back of the trailer I have about 15 big yard bags full of dirt/leaves/grass, some old furniture, normal trash, metal, 4 tires, and a bunch of other shit.

Here is what I have left -



As well has an oven and air conditioner outside

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