Board 8 > Hi again. My wife and I will be separating and I have no one to talk to

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Hi guys, it's probably been several years since I've hopped on Board 8. I used to frequent the boards religiously in the 2000's though and love the community.

My wife and I are separating. Over the last several years I thought things were okay, but over the last couple years a lot of her perpetual negativity and my inability to let shake it off has brought me to the brink of losing my sanity. Admittedly, there were signs early in the relationship but I thought she'd change over time as she would be around me (or at least that's what I thought early on and wanted to believe). We used to argue a lot and I eventually stopped because it became so exhausting and even argue. Several months ago she told my mom she was surprised that I was still with her with all the mental abuse she put me through in the first years of our relationship.

I couldn't stop thinking at what she said. And even now I'm a bit flabberghasted (maybe I'm overthinking it). Since then no matter what she does, I can't help but think of the negative times we've had together and they seem to outweigh the positives. I tried. I really, really, really tried to keep her happy. But looking at my surroundings it's tough for me to even look at myself and say I'm happy. Not only that, but these insidious thoughts kept flairing up and I can't really even see her in the same light as I used to. She has been taking therapy (I began not so long after and the only thing it's been making do is realizing how bad I've been mentally hurt) and has made strides to deal with her issues, but all the years of me dealing with it has left me completely empty and lost about who I am or who I was. Last night my body broke down as I couldn't contain these thoughts. I'm not even the same person when I'm around her. This morning when she work up she saw me on the couch in visible pain, I told her I'm just not happy and a lot of my stress and pain is likely coming from holding it all in.

I keep telling myself that being unhappy at times is apart of life and marriage, but I realize I'm usually happy when I'm not around the house or with other people and that I'm going through the motions of living day to day enough to wake up the next day. Even then, it's gotten to the point where I don't want to do anything. I don't know what I want anymore and feel so lost. She mentioned that maybe a separation makes sense, I already hate myself for not saying it myself. I feel so small. I have nothing left to give.

I don't really know why I'm writing this here. I mainly lurk but you guys have been a center for me throughout my teens and early adult years and I I've always felt like I belonged when I posted so long ago. I'm sorry, just needed to vent.

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I'm sorry to hear this. Hopefully you'll be able to find the help and healing you need through all of this.

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Have you two considered couples counseling together? It sounds like there may be a chance at saving this, if you want it. To me it reads like the bulk of your issues now stem from lack of communication, since you said that she has been getting help for her issues which implies that she is making strides.

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