Current Events > Lovefaqs update: how's it going?

(+) Yeah! (+)

My girlfriend still hasn't come back.

Pepys Monster posted...

My girlfriend still hasn't come back.

C'mon, man. She is marrying someone else. Don't be a fucking loser. (I mean that in a supportive way)

Pepys Monster posted...

My girlfriend still hasn't come back.

from where? The store? Or another mans trousers?

Haven't been on a date since Feb 2020 because I became a covid hermit. Oscillate between indifferent and depressed about that.

I went on a date on December 31st mostly to see Spiderman

bsp77 posted...

C'mon, man. She is marrying someone else. Don't be a fucking loser. (I mean that in a supportive way)

It's easy to get sucked into that line of thinking

I still think whatsherface is coming around even though it gets less and less likely every day lol

Doom_Art posted...

It's easy to get sucked into that line of thinking

I still think whatsherface is coming around even though it gets less and less likely every day lol

It's been a couple years...

bsp77 posted...

It's been a couple years...

oh yeah i was thinking it was like mine where its been like two weeks nevermind then

Doom_Art posted...

oh yeah i was thinking it was like mine where its been like two weeks nevermind then

I also am not trying to be mean. I was talking with him about needing to move on a couple days ago. I gave real advice in that thread, and apparently others have done the same, and they criticized me for even trying. I understand why now.

I just think that Im too hot to put myself out there, it wouldnt be fair to everyone else

greyfox747 posted...

I just think that Im too hot to put myself out there, it wouldnt be fair to everyone else

Thank you

Update: still chatting with Hinge girl. I was worried when she questioned me about being trans and my gender, because I was worried she might veer into transphobia, but luckily I think she just doesn't know much about it but wants to wrap her head around it and she ultimately didn't cross any lines. Her family still lives in China and she misses them, which makes me a little sad.

What is your gender?

dj1200 posted...

What is your gender?

It's literally in my sig?

AngelicRadiance posted...

Thank you

I gotta leave some women for everyone else, you know?

ElatedVenusaur posted...

It's literally in my sig?

I automatically skip over sigs.

send gf

I love Gspot.

dj1200 posted...

How's your love life?

Bad.

Pretty bad, ngl. I have some bad blood with an old friend that started over a girl, though in time I realised it was just a trigger point for a wave of negative shit I'd been collecting for the last few years. I honestly thought I was over it, and I was planning to re-establish contact - even spoke to a mutual friend I had to leave behind when I cut ties, because he's cool and I miss him. But every time I think about this main friend and what happened with him, and how shitty I always felt being around him before he stabbed me in the back, it keeps making me angry beyond belief.

Like you know that universal human experience where you play an argument over in your head and like imagine what you should have said to win it? Imagine that, but every time I imagine confronting that son of a bitch, I have to stop what I'm doing and let it play out. It has to take precedent and I have to process it as a priority or I spiral even worse. I'll be playing Minecraft and I'll legitimately have to put my controller down and have an imaginary argument for like thirty minutes, and I can't stop until I'm done. This betrayal really fucked me up, even a year later.

It's been a rough fucking year, and frankly I've had to acclimatize to having no friends more than anything. I already feel unlovable at the best of times, like no-one could love me based on my own merits, so as a constant feeling that had to take a back seat to me learning to cope with being alone, period. Or making the most of the time I have around people who aren't down to hang out as much as I am.

But the good news is that with my recent new job, it's helping me work on myself and giving me a sense of strength and confidence. There's a lot of hard work, loading/unloading washers and dryers and pushing massive carts of laundry around, and I can feel my forearms and biceps hardening. I'm losing weight slowly but surely, and I'm beginning to step out and act on my own initiative more than ever. I just need to start taking some good selfies or get someone to take some good Tinder pics, and I need to bolster my joke repertoire and my obscure trivia library. It feels like I'm finally beginning to bleed some of the poison out of me that's been killing me since shit went down last year.

So the short answer is that my love life is non-existent and hampered by some shitty, traumatic circumstances, but I'm getting better every day and I'm liking the direction I'm going in. Next time I talk about this stuff will probably be in a more positive light.

MrMallard posted...

Pretty bad, ngl. I have some bad blood with an old friend that started over a girl, though in time I realised it was just a trigger point for a wave of negative shit I'd been collecting for the last few years. I honestly thought I was over it, and I was planning to re-establish contact - even spoke to a mutual friend I had to leave behind when I cut ties, because he's cool and I miss him. But every time I think about this main friend and what happened with him, and how shitty I always felt being around him before he stabbed me in the back, it keeps making me angry beyond belief.

Like you know that universal human experience where you play an argument over in your head and like imagine what you should have said to win it? Imagine that, but every time I imagine confronting that son of a bitch, I have to stop what I'm doing and let it play out. It has to take precedent and I have to process it as a priority or I spiral even worse. I'll be playing Minecraft and I'll legitimately have to put my controller down and have an imaginary argument for like thirty minutes, and I can't stop until I'm done. This betrayal really fucked me up, even a year later.

It's been a rough fucking year, and frankly I've had to acclimatize to having no friends more than anything. I already feel unlovable at the best of times, like no-one could love me based on my own merits, so as a constant feeling that had to take a back seat to me learning to cope with being alone, period. Or making the most of the time I have around people who aren't down to hang out as much as I am.

But the good news is that with my recent new job, it's helping me work on myself and giving me a sense of strength and confidence. There's a lot of hard work, loading/unloading washers and dryers and pushing massive carts of laundry around, and I can feel my forearms and biceps hardening. I'm losing weight slowly but surely, and I'm beginning to step out and act on my own initiative more than ever. I just need to start taking some good selfies or get someone to take some good Tinder pics, and I need to bolster my joke repertoire and my obscure trivia library. It feels like I'm finally beginning to bleed some of the poison out of me that's been killing me since shit went down last year.

So the short answer is that my love life is non-existent and hampered by some shitty, traumatic circumstances, but I'm getting better every day and I'm liking the direction I'm going in. Next time I talk about this stuff will probably be in a more positive light.

That's a lot, and that sucks. Sorry, man.

For the Tinder profile, try to use some pictures of you doing things, being social, etc. When I set it up years ago, I actually had someone just take a bunch of pictures of while I was talking with friends. A couple of tnose shots caught me with the best smile ever that I simply can't replicate on command. Pretty sure that led to some right swipes.

Also, have a few people review your profile for the pics and content. Both men and women, and hopefully people who have used the apps and been successful.

Use more than just Tinder btw. I personally did best with Bumble, OK Cupid and Tinder, but I know a lot of people who also do well with Hinge and Coffee Meets Bagels. It's a numbers game, so open that funnel wide.

When you get match, make sure your message has a question about something on her profile and tease something similar about yourself. Ask a question within every message you send. It will help her want to reply. Personally, I feel that 5 or so messages each is enough to ask them out. So many guys talk about how the woman suddenly disappeared. I ask how long they had been messaging and they are like "a week or so". Ugh. They aren't there for a pen pal.

Unless there is something very specific you were discussing doing, keep the ask a mix of general and specific. It needs to be both direct but hard to say no to (so don't offer one day only). I would say something like, "I have enjoyed chatting with you and would like to continue this conversation in person. Are you available next week after work for a drink or something? I am available Monday, Wednesday and Thursday." I personally think a late afternoon or early evening drink is perfect, as it is pretty cheap and lets you talk. If going well, can easily extend the date through the evening with extra stuff.

Well, that is more than I meant to say. I just kept going.

[LFAQs-redacted-quote]

Things aren't that bad.

It's more that after years of badgering me to open up about shit - with myself being a private, guarded person who's been pretty severely bullied by others in the past, and with my friend being a gossip and someone who's used shit I said against me in the past - I finally had something I could be vulnerable about that was fairly low-risk, which was this girl I was into.

If she rejected me, that's fine - I get it and I respect her decision. And of course she's gonna date someone else, hard pill to swallow but that's the way it's gotta be.

I get rejected, shit hurts but it's fine. She makes moves on my friend and they get together, and that fucks me off. Not because of her - because of my friend.

Like I already felt like less of a person around him, like I was an accessory in his life. And then he pulls this shit? You've gotta be fucking kidding me. You're gonna badger me about being more vulnerable with you and then pull this shit? Eat shit and die.

I confided in my friend for almost a year about her, and I mentioned several times the way I spiralled after other crushes went sour. I get that they have chemistry and just want to be happy, but the one time I was vulnerable with him about something - after he spent so long prodding and prying and being unsatisfied with me for not sharing stuff I wanted to keep to myself - he spat in my fucking face like this.

Don't get me wrong, it's entitled and petty on my part. She rejected me, she liked him better. Whatever, her decisions are none of my business, and even if she was making moves on him that doesn't hurt me so much because I knew she wasn't interested in me. But my friend listened to me talk about this girl, watching me work myself up to asking her out, for almost a year.

It's like, if the roles were reversed - if my insecure, guarded friend came to me about a girl he liked and she started making moves on me? I wouldn't act on it. I genuinely wouldn't have done that to another person, even before this happened. And I liked to think that despite everything that's happened over the years that's made me feel shitty, disrespected and like less of a person, my friend would observe the same courtesy because he knows how much something like that would affect me. Specifically because over the course of this whole thing, I told him how rejection would probably affect me.

But he didn't observe the same courtesy, and that event really sealed the end of our friendship. We had chemistry as friends, but we didn't have compatibility and I wasn't happy as the person I was pigeonholed as in that friend group. I was already coming to terms with how negatively he made me feel on a day to day basis just being around him, and this was the inciting incident which brought all of that shit tumbling down like an avalanche.

One of these days, I was gonna split. I just didn't expect it to be as sudden, violent and hurtful towards myself as it ended up being. And I get that it sounds petty, and I fully cop to being a thin-skinned bitch about this who'd end a friendship over a girl like an asshole. In leaving, I accepted a lot of negativity in my role in all this, and I consider myself both an instigator and an antagonist in how I went about leaving my friend group and treating this guy. But I'm beyond the point of caring. That guy can eat shit and die, and I'll cop to being a shithead and a son of a bitch to someone who maybe didn't deserve it if it means taking control over my life and feeling like shit on my own merits, not because I'm trapped by obligation. I at least feel like I have my own life. I don't feel like a fucking idiot for not meeting anyone else's standards, and I don't feel spoken down to or ridiculed. That comes with the caveat of being pretty significantly lonely, but I'd still take my life today over another day being under that guy's thumb.

And the thing is, I don't think 90% of this dehumanization I'm attributing to him was deliberate. That's just the way our relationship unfolded, and as I began to feel more and more stifled, toxicity began to brew in me. He might have never meant to hurt me, but it doesn't change how I felt in the end. They were trying to break the news softly, but regardless of how it happened, our friendship was never gonna survive this. Fuck that guy, let him be happy and prosperous and all that but he can go fuck himself and I hope he gets fucked over just as hard in the end. Fuck him.

Sorry to rant for a second time in this thread. Like I know some shit posting fuckwit is gonna screenshot this and share it with some dumb fuckface on discord and they're gonna laugh about how much of a beta cuck I am, but I'm so fucking sick of living with the pain of this. It's not as bad as a girlfriend cheating on me with a friend - if anything, I'm more cut up about losing the friend than the girl. But regardless of if you think this is an overreaction on my part or not, the effect it's had on me is far-reaching and painful beyond description, and it's only now that things are falling into place and I'm able to start picking up the pieces.

And thanks for the dating app pointers bsp, I'll have to roll some of that into my dating app game.

MrMallard posted...

And thanks for the dating app pointers bsp, I'll have to roll some of that into my dating app game.

No problem. Always happy to help with this stuff.

As for the rest of it, you have a right to be upset. It is hard to say that one should never date someone that a friend had been into, as sometimes that can be limiting. However, a friends should always then discuss it before pursuing her. Personally, I don't care if a friend dates someone who I used to date or simply used to be into, however, he better talk to me about it first. That is what friends do.

I had to call my boss today, whatsherface was the one who happened to pick up the phone before tossing it to my boss.

Ack, every time I'm over her we keep bumping into each other, fuck.

Well my roommate who is one of my best friends is horrifically sick with something and his girlfriend took the chance to really aggressively hit on me. Very cool very awesome, what a fucking mess.

of course its funny because last girlfriend who was very jealous of other women had bad vibes from her and I was like NO WAY SHES GREEEEEEAT.

Girlfriend and I broke up almost a month ago. We hung out last night and it was awesome. Dont really know how long I can do this in between but I also cant imagine life with her completely gone.

Drunk Cobra posted...

Well my roommate who is one of my best friends is horrifically sick with something and his girlfriend took the chance to really aggressively hit on me. Very cool very awesome, what a fucking mess.

of course its funny because last girlfriend who was very jealous of other women had bad vibes from her and I was like NO WAY SHES GREEEEEEAT.

Stay away from her and you gotta tell him

Obviously. But like. Bro. What the fuck.

Drunk Cobra posted...

Obviously. But like. Bro. What the fuck.

Whatd she do? Not saying youre wrong but thats not a light accusation.

Yeah that's cooked. You're out here trying to be a good friend and she's making shit horrifically awkward - stuff like this could easily be a relationship ender. You've definitely gotta get your story straight and establish a position of concern on your end, if your friend gets the wrong idea it could be really bad for your friendship.

MrDrMan posted...

Whatd she do? Not saying youre wrong but thats not a light accusation.

@Drunk_Cobra yeah, we want some details. And to know if you talked to your find about it

My convo with the dress designer is...weird. We seem to be on entirely different wave lengths: she runs her own small business and has several times inquired to my investments (LOL) and I'm just like, "Nah. All I want is to have enough for my own place, to drown myself in delicious teas, to eat delicious food and drink delicious booze and chill with friends and read books and be pretty and make the world a better place." and she thinks I'm simple!
Hah, but I can't help but think she isn't seeing the forest for the trees. But it's got me thinking a lot, so I still respond to this woman I want nothing to do with, and she answers back.

ElatedVenusaur posted...

My convo with the dress designer is...weird. We seem to be on entirely different wave lengths: she runs her own small business and has several times inquired to my investments (LOL) and I'm just like, "Nah. All I want is to have enough for my own place, to drown myself in delicious teas, to eat delicious food and drink delicious booze and chill with friends and read books and be pretty and make the world a better place." and she thinks I'm simple!
Hah, but I can't help but think she isn't seeing the forest for the trees. But it's got me thinking a lot, so I still respond to this woman I want nothing to do with, and she answers back.

I don't like dealing with people like that. Who are always inquiring about investments and plans and such. It is exhausting and makes you feel inadequate.

Happily married for 7.5 years, together 11 and have the most amazing 8 month old girl. It wasnt without its bumpiness between us and there are still times where our tensions run high but we have each others backs for life. Neither expects perfection from the other. And when things get hard, weve gotten better at talking things out with each other.

MrDrMan posted...

Whatd she do? Not saying youre wrong but thats not a light accusation.

Pretty much after she left she texted me that I should come home with her and I could be her daddy tonight then doubled and tripled down on that after I gave her obvious outs of haha what a wacky joke. So yeah I don't think there's much of a grey area on this one. Woke up yesterday went to the gym then came back to said roommate testing positive for covid btw lol. He told her and she has not communicated with him whatsoever but texted me asking if my previous alcoholic ex girlfriend had done that would I break up with her. Which very cool to bring that up, very awesome. I pretty much told her she was out of line to be asking me this and it was very uncool she did that yesterday and she apologized but has yet to talk to my little man upstairs.

bump

dj1200 posted...

bump

You ever reschedule your Bumble date?

It's alright, I haven't talked with anybody since the date on the 31st but I honestly wasn't into him

I texted her today, but no response yet.

I should have swiped right on that person that liked me

I'm never gonna meet someone and no one cares about message board sports

Why didn't you?

Anyhow, I've got a date with a girl next weekend. There's a mutual attraction and there's a pretty good chance I could hit that.

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dj1200 posted...

Why didn't you?

Anyhow, I've got a date with a girl next weekend. There's a mutual attraction and there's a pretty good chance I could hit that.

Have fun on your date

I don't know. Her profile was kind of weird even though I kiiind of agreed with it

Anyway even if I did it was doomed to failure, Toronto dating is hard mode etc