Poll of the Day > Is there a way to become a better conversationalist?

(+) Yeah! (+)

I feel like I get by alright, I have friends and I'm pretty sure most acquaintances like me well enough but conversations generally feel dry unless I me and whoever have a common interest to talk about

Muscles posted...

I feel like I get by alright, I have friends and I'm pretty sure most acquaintances like me well enough but conversations generally feel dry unless I me and whoever have a common interest to talk about

You want to have a wet conversation? Then bring up how you think BotW is a 10/10 on GameFAQS. Conversation will be so wet that a towel will be needed.

i realised I do this naturally, although it does take some effort but overall it helps.

edit: wrong link I meant this one

https://youtu.be/7fnVcXfPe5c

You can engage a person by asking them things without asking a question, while you can disengage by asking in the form of a question.

For example:

"What did you eat for breakfast?" is a question, it's disengaging.

"Tell me what you had for breakfast." is not a question, it's engaging.

Practice.

Smile, and/or warmly say hello to people you pass by. Don't wait for people to initiate. If you're like me, initiating conversation is outside of your comfort zone, and pushing yourself through your discomfort can gradually help you be more at-ease with social situations.

Ask them about their day, or if you know them already, ask them about their family or something that they've shared with you in the past (sick dog, or car trouble, for example), and ask a follow-up question.

Try to avoid the traps of well-worn topics ("Some weather, huh?"), and dicey topics, like politics or religion. Save the dicey topics for people you are familiar with who you understand can handle differing opinions.

It's okay to voice your opinion on things, but don't pooh-pooh other people's opinions that you disagree with, unless you're okay with them disliking you. This circles back to my previous point about knowing your audience. The best way to prepare for possible backlash is avoidance.

Following current news and pop culture can come in handy. It's always good to be up-to-date with current events just to have something to chat about, even if it's to answer a simple question to avoid sounding clueless.

Even if you hate something to the very core of your being, avoid saying as much. I don't mean something obvious, like pedos or nazis, but something silly like Imagine Dragons or sushi. Your answers and statements help shape your personality in the eyes of the person you're speaking with, and while you shouldn't be disingenuous, you should take great care with voicing strong opinions.

If one of my coworkers were to tell me they were looking forward to seeing Imagine Dragons in a couple weeks, I would stick to "Hope you have a good time!", and if they ask me if I like their music, I would say something to the effect of "I've heard a couple of their songs. It's not my thing but I do like their drummer" or "I like this one song, has a decent hook"... I try to find something I can compliment, even if it's something I dislike, rather than completely shit on the thing they enjoy.

Again, your answers help shape your personality. It's okay to answer genuinely. It's okay to hint to the fact that you dislike something. You don't want to outright lie just for people to like you, but you don't need to shit on things you dislike, either.

It takes a certain level of charm to be that person who is "rough around the edges and tells it like it is"... there's a fine line between being that guy, and being "that miserable asshole who hates everything I like". In my experience it's much easier to soften your own opinions, and be more open-minded, or at least less aggressively spiteful, to things you dislike

Start learning random and interesting things to talk about. People know me as a human trivia machine because I know a ton of random shit. All you really need to do is be able to spark a topic that everyone can talk about.

I'm always googling random shit to learn about.

Start off like this "how much does a polar bear weigh?? Enough to break the ice!"

Jen0125 posted...

Start learning random and interesting things to talk about. People know me as a human trivia machine because I know a ton of random shit. All you really need to do is be able to spark a topic that everyone can talk about.

I'm always googling random shit to learn about.

In the spirit of that, watch QI or listen to the podcast "No such thing as a fish".

Join a pyramid scheme, it's sink or swim

SmugRickMoranis posted...

Practice.

Smile, and/or warmly say hello to people you pass by. Don't wait for people to initiate. If you're like me, initiating conversation is outside of your comfort zone, and pushing yourself through your discomfort can gradually help you be more at-ease with social situations.

Ask them about their day, or if you know them already, ask them about their family or something that they've shared with you in the past (sick dog, or car trouble, for example), and ask a follow-up question.

Try to avoid the traps of well-worn topics ("Some weather, huh?"), and dicey topics, like politics or religion. Save the dicey topics for people you are familiar with who you understand can handle differing opinions.

It's okay to voice your opinion on things, but don't pooh-pooh other people's opinions that you disagree with, unless you're okay with them disliking you. This circles back to my previous point about knowing your audience. The best way to prepare for possible backlash is avoidance.

Following current news and pop culture can come in handy. It's always good to be up-to-date with current events just to have something to chat about, even if it's to answer a simple question to avoid sounding clueless.

Even if you hate something to the very core of your being, avoid saying as much. I don't mean something obvious, like pedos or nazis, but something silly like Imagine Dragons or sushi. Your answers and statements help shape your personality in the eyes of the person you're speaking with, and while you shouldn't be disingenuous, you should take great care with voicing strong opinions.

If one of my coworkers were to tell me they were looking forward to seeing Imagine Dragons in a couple weeks, I would stick to "Hope you have a good time!", and if they ask me if I like their music, I would say something to the effect of "I've heard a couple of their songs. It's not my thing but I do like their drummer" or "I like this one song, has a decent hook"... I try to find something I can compliment, even if it's something I dislike, rather than completely shit on the thing they enjoy.

Again, your answers help shape your personality. It's okay to answer genuinely. It's okay to hint to the fact that you dislike something. You don't want to outright lie just for people to like you, but you don't need to shit on things you dislike, either.

It takes a certain level of charm to be that person who is "rough around the edges and tells it like it is"... there's a fine line between being that guy, and being "that miserable asshole who hates everything I like". In my experience it's much easier to soften your own opinions, and be more open-minded, or at least less aggressively spiteful, to things you dislike

I already do most of that, I just feel like I can't get from small talk to real conversation. Do you just bring up a random topic?

Jen0125 posted...

Start learning random and interesting things to talk about. People know me as a human trivia machine because I know a ton of random shit. All you really need to do is be able to spark a topic that everyone can talk about.

I'm always googling random shit to learn about.

I have a lot of trivia stored in my brain, I just didn't think that was the kind of stuff people wanted to talk about