Current Events > I'm 30 and I've never had a gf

(+) Yeah! (+)

Idk if I ever will. Whether it's meeting someone through mutual friends, getting a number on a night out, matching online, etc. Just feels like it never works out for one reason or another. Idk why it's always out of my grasp and thinking about it fucks me up. I feel like it's all I'm missing in my life at this point. I'm much more accepting of myself now but accepting that it may never work out hurts. I try to stay positive about it but I'm human and the experiences of rejection or missed opportunity all fold into themselves and somewhere deep in my soul I receive the message that I'm unlovable.

I am so sick of getting my hopes up. I want to participate in the experience of meeting someone and mutually getting more and more interested in each other to end up with something positive but it doesn't work out like that.

solution: become a pick up artist

You're probably over thinking it.

Just meet someone you vibe with and let it grow naturally. Don't force it.

I hate matching with someone and getting to know them feels like a job interview

Don't worry about it. Live you life. One will show up eventually, and when they do show up, you'll be ready. You can't rush love, you'll just end up being miserable.

If you make a suitable tribute I'll go out with you. At least until the end of the day and then you'll be able to say you had a gf.

I'll be 30 this year and I've resigned myself to the fact I'll never have a gf or even go on a date... It's just how it goes sometimes...

I4NRulez posted...

Just meet someone you vibe with and let it grow naturally. Don't force it.

Ivany2008 posted...

Don't worry about it. Live you life. One will show up eventually, and when they do show up, you'll be ready. You can't rush love, you'll just end up being miserable.

I wanna cry reading these. Idk if I have what it takes to just be natural or ready.

I've thought I've found the one 3 separate times and it's just ended up hurting me since they seemed to just like my attention and flirt with me to keep me interested but not respect my feelings to either cut it off or make the jump.

Youre thinking about it too much. As cliche as it sounds, it will happen when youre not chasing it.

I have lots of ideas that could potentially help, but I have to know more about you. You seem like a good guy though.

DM if you want

Master Kazuya posted...

I wanna cry

I didn't get laid until I was 27. That was my first gf she was 20 years old, me rushing things. I was absolutely miserable. I'm in the process of talking to this woman now whose 33, me being 36. She lives 3 hours away from me, but has way more in common with me than my first gf. Trust me, you can't rush love. Before that I was a workaholic, so I didn't have time for love.

Do me a favor though. Work on yourself. That's what I had to do. I was in a really bad place. Now, I own my own house, own my own car (albeit it was a gift for graduating college), am about to start looking for work in a much better field than I was in before(retail), and might have someone who is actually willing to not only move for me, but drop weight for me (she's a heavier woman at 340 lbs. Apparently she's dropped at least 35 lbs so far). We both agreed to work on ourselves while I finished college. Mind you, I didn't hold up my end of the bargain yet. I ran into a ton of medical problems the past 6 months, all of which she understands. But once college ends in less than a month, I'm going to drop weight myself.

Even if we don't end up together, at least we'll both be happy.

Yeah I would try not to think about it too much.... it's not THAT big of a deal. It's definitely uncommon, but I don't think it's *that* super rare to be in this boat. I think more guys than you would think are in this situation, and most would never admit to it or talk about it (wisely, I'd think).

But even with that said, you need to start putting yourself in situations where it's a possibility if you are interested in getting something going.

Master Kazuya posted...

Idk why it's always out of my grasp and thinking about it fucks me up.

I know this feeling very well.

Man I was about to make a fun post about how you made your account at age 12 and call for the mods but it was October so you could theoretically turn 31 this year. DRAT

love yourself instead

No_U_L7 posted...

solution: become a pick up artist

A lot of the big PUA guys say the industry died with dating apps. >_>

I had sex with like 4 or 5 different girls between high school and being an adult. I didn't actually date someone until I was 28.

Same bro I'm 36 and going through the same stuff. Feel like there's something fundamentally wrong with me but my cause is lost. You still have time and will pull it together. You just gotta have faith. I believe in you and in 10 years you will be laughing at this post as you cuddle with the one you love or fuck multiple bitches.

Never give up. You are a fucking WARRIOR.

gunplagirl posted...

If you make a suitable tribute I'll go out with you. At least until the end of the day and then you'll be able to say you had a gf.

a suitable tribute. lol

gunplagirl posted...

If you make a suitable tribute I'll go out with you. At least until the end of the day and then you'll be able to say you had a gf.

What if he sings Tenacious D?

These posts always make me sad :(

Don't give up, TC. Do you excerise? Part of a group/program? Anything?

No_U_L7 posted...

solution: become a pick up artist

do not listen to this

I'm even older and never had one.

Never even tried to get one, and I ignored it when anybody showed interest in me.

It's just not in my nature. I'm a solitary man.

dj1200 posted...

a suitable tribute. lol

A girl has gotta eat, after all.

bsp77 posted...

What if he sings Tenacious D?

No.

pssst give her a shrubbery, one that looks nice, but is not too expensive.

I feel ya, dude.

But theres nothing wrong with it. Been single pretty much my whole life (Ive tried plenty of times though) but nothings ever worked out.

I think its for the best though. While I think Im great and really do like who I am, I know theres a lot about me that would be considered off-putting. I also have weird values. And Im not attractive enough to get away with it lol

As others said, love yourself first.

Also helps if you pick a hobby, stick with it, and become super involved in it. Whether its mountain biking, art, hiking, etc.
You may find someone special in those social circles.
And if someone sees that you value yourself and your goals, they will definitely find an attraction to that as opposed to someone hopeless and annoying who makes the first romance their everything.

I'm younger than you, but experienceless as well. Literally have no idea how to go about it either. Love just doesn't make sense to me yet. Maybe porn and social media completely fucked up my perception of it lol

I'm not a relationship expert. With that being said. It's never too late to become a "Man of Value" that attracts quality women. What's your goal? To be a PUA or a Relationship Guy? Just be honest with yourself first. Once you've accepted who you are and what you're looking for, then you can begin to shape yourself into what you need to be to get what you're looking for. That's if you can admit you recognize certain areas of your life experience that need work. Posting the topic itself is a start.

Try not to get too emotionally involved when you do try. Especially at the start of a relationship. If you do, you might get stung BADLY. Don't let people take advantage of you. As it might take awhile for people to show you who they are depending on who/how they are. Try not to get played(You might have to do some research on how women behave). It will then be up to you to accept what you found or let it go. Don't stay in a relationship that is bad or never improves either.

One of the things that makes people stay is if they genuinely enjoy your company. Are you a person that others like to be around? How are you in arguments or outbursts? Are you Healthy? Are you gonna be able to protect them? Are they gonna feel safe around you? Those are just a few questions that require some self-inquiry. Some people will know if you're inexperienced or not. You generally don't want **** Carousel Riders for flings. They are usually loose and abusive. To each their own though.

Always and I mean ALWAYS, Trust your Gut/Intuition/Vibe/SixthSense or whatever you want to call it. If it feels bad, DON'T DO IT. Don't compromise your values, especially if you know you have good values. There are times when you technically can compromise but that's up to your discretion. Some people might take advantage of that. Again pay attention. There will be signs during the first few meetings or in the following weeks/months. Whether or not the person is a match for you or not.

Like I said. I'm not relationship expert but I learned a few lessons along the way so far in my years.
Hope things work out for you.

Are you ever around single women? Do you have any friends that you socialize with??

I'm 32 and I never had one either and honestly based on how my personality is I don't think I'll ever have one unless the girl in question shows extreme interest, is aggressive in showing it and I like her personality/trust her enough.

Like I know I'll never be aggressive enough to pursue anyone and ask people out on dates, that's just how I am.... plus I don't like people all that much/I have a hard time trusting anyone so having anyone out there that I like/trust is another challenge. It's why I grew up without friends and always alone. And honestly while there's a lot of good looking people out there I'm more interested if I'm compatible with them personally wise. Like just because you're a pretty face doesn't mean that I want to know you.

Like the closest I've ever gotten to having a girlfriend or a friend in general is when a coworker showed interest in me about 2 years ago (or at least I perceived it as interest) and since I lack the social skills and balls to ask her out I've been "trying" to get her to ask me out instead... it hasn't worked and while we remain friends to this day, our friendship lately has somewhat diminishing and it's because another coworker who got here like a few months ago has shown her all the interest I wish I could have shown her and obviously she's gravitating towards him and not me and it's killing me inside lol. And even with all that I'm too scared to do anything about it. Shit like this has me convinced that I'll be a loner forever and I have no one to blame but myself. I'm just too passive

Tryin2GetDaPipe posted...

I'm 32 and I never had one either and honestly based on how my personality is I don't think I'll ever have one unless the girl in question shows extreme interest, is aggressive in showing it and I like her personality/trust her enough.

Like I know I'll never be aggressive enough to pursue anyone and ask people out on dates, that's just how I am.... plus I don't like people all that much/I have a hard time trusting anyone so having anyone out there that I like/trust is another challenge. It's why I grew up without friends and always alone. And honestly while there's a lot of good looking people out there I'm more interested if I'm compatible with them personally wise. Like just because you're a pretty face doesn't mean that I want to know you.

Like the closest I've ever gotten to having a girlfriend or a friend in general is when a coworker showed interest in me about 2 years ago (or at least I perceived it as interest) and since I lack the social skills and balls to ask her out I've been "trying" to get her to ask me out instead... it hasn't worked and while we remain friends to this day, our friendship lately has somewhat diminishing and it's because another coworker who got here like a few months ago has shown her all the interest I wish I could have shown her and obviously she's gravitating towards him and not me and it's killing me inside lol. And even with all that I'm too scared to do anything about it. Shit like this has me convinced that I'll be a loner forever and I have no one to blame but myself. I'm just too passive

Looks like your coworker wasn't...

Tryin2GetDaPipe

33 here. Same.

I went to dinner with a few girls and we spend the night talking about general stuff and then i walk her to the station. But maybe its because i dont know how to flirt or im just too boring the texts eventually become slower and slower and when i feel they're getting uninterested, i take the hint and stop replying.

Cobra1010 posted...

I went to dinner with a few girls and we spend the night talking about general stuff and then i walk her to the station. But maybe its because i dont know how to flirt or im just too boring the texts eventually become slower and slower and when i feel they're getting uninterested, i take the hint and stop replying.

You need to be more assertive and show interest. Personally, I always kiss them at the end of a first date (assuming chemistry) if something didn't materalize naturally during the date.

dont give up TC. i used to think id be alone forever 6 years ago and now im married with a kid. life comes at you fast just gotta keep holding on

Cobra1010 posted...

I went to dinner with a few girls and we spend the night talking about general stuff and then i walk her to the station. But maybe its because i dont know how to flirt or im just too boring the texts eventually become slower and slower and when i feel they're getting uninterested, i take the hint and stop replying.

I hate when girls do that thing where they act like theyre interested in you and then all of sudden change their mind.

Or when they do the thing where they dont respond to your texts but then when you try to take the hint and stop texting / bothering them theyre all like well he stopped showing interest in me!

[LFAQs-redacted-quote]

This by far more important, and this also can lead to relationships, especially if you get a larger mixed social circle.

Babidi123 posted...

Youre thinking about it too much. As cliche as it sounds, it will happen when youre not chasing it.

This is what happened to me lol. I am pretty much " yea this is fine ok"

Then i met my girlfriend

[LFAQs-redacted-quote]

Can't speak to the pandemic, but Meetup worked well for me. Went from zero friends post divorce to having about 30 people at my birthday party one year later.

ok, imagine you're fishing
if you cast your line, and you start thinking about fish too much, you'll get anxious about your cast and reel it in
but, if you cast your line and just chill, then the right fish will get hooked. and then you eat it.

[LFAQs-redacted-quote]

Sorry, man, that's rough for you now then. Virtual doesn't really work well for finding close friends.