Current Events > Is this like a common thing with women?

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FelineCyborg 05/20/22 1:57:30 PM #1:	One of the things that trips me most about my breakup is how she waited until she had another dude lined up before discarding me and showing her true colors. I talked to some other guy friends and a lot actually had similar experiences of getting strung along at the end of a relationship until the chick finds a replacement. Like giving the guy barely enough to keep him around, mix in some false hope future planning for a little extra zest in the manipulation Which begs the question, every time I meet a chick and woo her or whatever, how many other dude's lives am I ruining by getting with her? It's such a weird cycle to think about --- "well, yeah, and a lot of minorities go to see minstrel shows, too." - PyroSpoon <cite>FelineCyborg posted [p:965180535] in Is this li... [t:80027953]...</cite> <quote>One of the things that trips me most about my breakup is how she waited until she had another dude lined up before discarding me and showing her true colors. I talked to some other guy friends and a lot actually had similar experiences of getting strung along at the end of a relationship until the chick finds a replacement. Like giving the guy barely enough to keep him around, mix in some false hope future planning for a little extra zest in the manipulation Which begs the question, every time I meet a chick and woo her or whatever, how many other dude's lives am I ruining by getting with her? It's such a weird cycle to think about </quote> ... Copied to Clipboard!
Dakimakura 05/20/22 2:01:38 PM #2:	It is a thing for all people who have the ability to cultivate other options --- This is signature Not waste of data at all <cite>Dakimakura posted [p:965180627] in Is this li... [t:80027953]...</cite> <quote>It is a thing for all people who have the ability to cultivate other options </quote> ... Copied to Clipboard!
FelineCyborg 05/20/22 2:02:34 PM #3:	Dakimakura posted... It is a thing for all people who have the ability to cultivate other options Seems incredibly disrespectful to treat somebody who trusts you like that, just to blindside them once you have all your ducks in order. Seems kind of cowardly? Forming an exit strategy from the person you are currently taking energy from while they are none the wise? --- "well, yeah, and a lot of minorities go to see minstrel shows, too." - PyroSpoon <cite>FelineCyborg posted [p:965180646] in Is this li... [t:80027953]...</cite> <quote>Dakimakura posted... </cite> <quote>It is a thing for all people who have the ability to cultivate other options</quote> Seems incredibly disrespectful to treat somebody who trusts you like that, just to blindside them once you have all your ducks in order. Seems kind of cowardly? Forming an exit strategy from the person you are currently taking energy from while they are none the wise? </quote> ... Copied to Clipboard!
Dakimakura 05/20/22 2:03:59 PM #4:	FelineCyborg posted... Seems incredibly disrespectful to treat somebody who trusts you like that, just to blindside them once you have all your ducks in order. Seems kind of cowardly? Maybe but some people are just planners. They like to have back up plans if things should go not as intended. --- This is signature Not waste of data at all <cite>Dakimakura posted [p:965180673] in Is this li... [t:80027953]...</cite> <quote>FelineCyborg posted... </cite> <quote>Seems incredibly disrespectful to treat somebody who trusts you like that, just to blindside them once you have all your ducks in order. Seems kind of cowardly?</quote> Maybe but some people are just planners. They like to have back up plans if things should go not as intended. </quote> ... Copied to Clipboard!
FelineCyborg 05/20/22 2:05:34 PM #5:	Dakimakura posted... Maybe but some people are just planners. They like to have back up plans if things should go not as intended. I think everybody likes plans. The problem is the other side can't really plan for the blindside when they are basically essentially being manipulated in the moment while the other person is like "ok were good now I got mine, just wanted to make sure I wasn't alone for one second, ok you can go now" Like nobody would willingly be a stand in like that unless some degree of manipulation was going on --- "well, yeah, and a lot of minorities go to see minstrel shows, too." - PyroSpoon <cite>FelineCyborg posted [p:965180709] in Is this li... [t:80027953]...</cite> <quote>Dakimakura posted... </cite> <quote>Maybe but some people are just planners. They like to have back up plans if things should go not as intended.</quote> I think everybody likes plans. The problem is the other side can't really plan for the blindside when they are basically essentially being manipulated in the moment while the other person is like "ok were good now I got mine, just wanted to make sure I wasn't alone for one second, ok you can go now" Like nobody would willingly be a stand in like that unless some degree of manipulation was going on </quote> ... Copied to Clipboard!
theAteam 05/20/22 2:06:15 PM #6:	FelineCyborg posted... Seems incredibly disrespectful to treat somebody who trusts you like that, just to blindside them once you have all your ducks in order. Seems kind of cowardly? Forming an exit strategy from the person you are currently taking energy from while they are none the wise? Someone that doesn't want to be alone but doesn't want to be with the person they are with. Which is to say yes. It's also possible they happen upon someone else they would rather be with but that seems to still be a case of not really wanting to be with their current SO. --- Buffalo Bills <cite>theAteam posted [p:965180726] in Is this li... [t:80027953]...</cite> <quote>FelineCyborg posted... </cite> <quote>Seems incredibly disrespectful to treat somebody who trusts you like that, just to blindside them once you have all your ducks in order. Seems kind of cowardly? Forming an exit strategy from the person you are currently taking energy from while they are none the wise?</quote> Someone that doesn't want to be alone but doesn't want to be with the person they are with. Which is to say yes. It's also possible they happen upon someone else they would rather be with but that seems to still be a case of not really wanting to be with their current SO. </quote> ... Copied to Clipboard!
FelineCyborg 05/20/22 2:07:33 PM #7:	theAteam posted... Someone that doesn't want to be alone but doesn't want to be with the person they are with. Right, that's the part thats disrespectful. Stop wasting the other person's time and energy. I literally don't understand not wanting to be with somebody but still willing to take from them. Blows my mind. --- "well, yeah, and a lot of minorities go to see minstrel shows, too." - PyroSpoon <cite>FelineCyborg posted [p:965180758] in Is this li... [t:80027953]...</cite> <quote>theAteam posted... </cite> <quote>Someone that doesn't want to be alone but doesn't want to be with the person they are with.</quote> Right, that's the part thats disrespectful. Stop wasting the other person's time and energy. I literally don't understand not wanting to be with somebody but still willing to take from them. Blows my mind. </quote> ... Copied to Clipboard!
TheGoldenEel 05/20/22 2:09:52 PM #8:	Its a common thing with all people, dont pin this on women imo --- BLACK LIVES MATTER Games: http://backloggery.com/wrldindstries302 \\ Music: http://www.last.fm/user/DrMorberg/ <cite>TheGoldenEel posted [p:965180815] in Is this li... [t:80027953]...</cite> <quote>Its a common thing with all people, dont pin this on women imo </quote> ... Copied to Clipboard!
AP3Brain 05/20/22 2:12:31 PM #9:	It is insanely easier for a woman to find another partner so it is more common but I don't think there is any difference in mentality after a breakup. In most cases, one side has already been done with the relationship for awhile and is ready to move on. Some people do have codependency issues though. Like those types that fear ever being single. I literally don't understand not wanting to be with somebody but still willing to take from them. What was she "taking"? Did you not enjoy your time when with her or was she using you somehow? <cite>AP3Brain posted [p:965180863] in Is this li... [t:80027953]...</cite> <quote>It is insanely easier for a woman to find another partner so it is more common but I don't think there is any difference in mentality after a breakup. In most cases, one side has already been done with the relationship for awhile and is ready to move on. Some people do have codependency issues though. Like those types that fear ever being single. <quote>I literally don't understand not wanting to be with somebody but still willing to take from them.</quote> What was she "taking"? Did you not enjoy your time when with her or was she using you somehow? </quote> ... Copied to Clipboard!
FelineCyborg 05/20/22 2:13:20 PM #10:	TheGoldenEel posted... Its a common thing with all people, dont pin this on women imo Never really had any of my dude friends do this, but maybe you're right. I just don't get it, even when I had options, I can't hurt people like that. It seems incredibly uniquely sadistic to completely take somebody's love for granted like that, lead them on, and disappear in a cloud of smoke and act like your a good person after that. I'm able to tolerate loneliness, I wouldn't have anything to gain by hurting people like that --- "well, yeah, and a lot of minorities go to see minstrel shows, too." - PyroSpoon <cite>FelineCyborg posted [p:965180879] in Is this li... [t:80027953]...</cite> <quote>TheGoldenEel posted... </cite> <quote>Its a common thing with all people, dont pin this on women imo</quote> Never really had any of my dude friends do this, but maybe you're right. I just don't get it, even when I had options, I can't hurt people like that. It seems incredibly uniquely sadistic to completely take somebody's love for granted like that, lead them on, and disappear in a cloud of smoke and act like your a good person after that. I'm able to tolerate loneliness, I wouldn't have anything to gain by hurting people like that </quote> ... Copied to Clipboard!
Glob 05/20/22 2:14:06 PM #11:	FelineCyborg posted... Right, that's the part thats disrespectful. Stop wasting the other person's time and energy. I literally don't understand not wanting to be with somebody but still willing to take from them. Blows my mind. My last partner did this to me for 11 years and can't understand why I don't want to 'be friends' now. <cite>Glob posted [p:965180896] in Is this li... [t:80027953]...</cite> <quote>FelineCyborg posted... </cite> <quote>Right, that's the part thats disrespectful. Stop wasting the other person's time and energy. I literally don't understand not wanting to be with somebody but still willing to take from them. Blows my mind.</quote> My last partner did this to me for 11 years and can't understand why I don't want to 'be friends' now. </quote> ... Copied to Clipboard!
Ar0ge 05/20/22 2:16:27 PM #12:	Also, why do you think you are ruining other men's lives by getting with a girl? As long as she isn't cheating on her boyfriend or something you aren't ruining anyone's life. <cite>Ar0ge posted [p:965180949] in Is this li... [t:80027953]...</cite> <quote>Also, why do you think you are ruining other men's lives by getting with a girl? As long as she isn't cheating on her boyfriend or something you aren't ruining anyone's life. </quote> ... Copied to Clipboard!
FelineCyborg 05/20/22 2:17:18 PM #13:	AP3Brain posted... It is insanely easier for a woman to find another partner so it is more common but I don't think there is any difference in mentality after a breakup. In most cases, one side has already been done with the relationship for awhile and is ready to move on. Some people do have codependency issues though. Like those types that fear ever being single. What was she "taking"? Did you not enjoy your time when with her or was she using you somehow? I honestly didn't enjoy the time, because that time was based on assumption it was going to be an actual commitment. Now I'm just thinking of all the things I could've done with my time except being taken for a ride as mvc2 menu music put it so succinctly I wasn't racing towards a finish line i was trying to make a new start --- "well, yeah, and a lot of minorities go to see minstrel shows, too." - PyroSpoon <cite>FelineCyborg posted [p:965180976] in Is this li... [t:80027953]...</cite> <quote>AP3Brain posted... </cite> <quote>It is insanely easier for a woman to find another partner so it is more common but I don't think there is any difference in mentality after a breakup. In most cases, one side has already been done with the relationship for awhile and is ready to move on. Some people do have codependency issues though. Like those types that fear ever being single. What was she "taking"? Did you not enjoy your time when with her or was she using you somehow?</quote> I honestly didn't enjoy the time, because that time was based on assumption it was going to be an actual commitment. Now I'm just thinking of all the things I could've done with my time except being taken for a ride as mvc2 menu music put it so succinctly I wasn't racing towards a finish line i was trying to make a new start </quote> ... Copied to Clipboard!
Prestoff 05/20/22 2:18:25 PM #14:	I'm not totally against having a "back up" plan, especially with a partner that feels like it's not going to work out. But for the specific thing you described, that's a manipulation tactic and a scummy one at that. I personally never had that done to me, but that is an absolute scumbag move. --- DI MOLTO! <cite>Prestoff posted [p:965180995] in Is this li... [t:80027953]...</cite> <quote>I'm not totally against having a "back up" plan, especially with a partner that feels like it's not going to work out. But for the specific thing you described, that's a manipulation tactic and a scummy one at that. I personally never had that done to me, but that is an absolute scumbag move. </quote> ... Copied to Clipboard!
VandorLee 05/20/22 2:19:45 PM #15:	Boss: "So you just waited until you had a better job to discard me...??" --- "God didn't create humans, no, it's humans who created God." Dr. Londes, Cowboy Bebop: "Brain Scratch" (#1.23) (1999) <cite>VandorLee posted [p:965181028] in Is this li... [t:80027953]...</cite> <quote>Boss: "So you just waited until you had a better job to discard me...??" </quote> ... Copied to Clipboard!
Glob 05/20/22 2:20:58 PM #16:	VandorLee posted... Boss: "So you just waited until you had a better job to discard me...??" Do you believe you owe the same loyalty to your boss that you owe to a partner? <cite>Glob posted [p:965181061] in Is this li... [t:80027953]...</cite> <quote>VandorLee posted... </cite> <quote>Boss: "So you just waited until you had a better job to discard me...??"</quote> Do you believe you owe the same loyalty to your boss that you owe to a partner? </quote> ... Copied to Clipboard!
Jabodie 05/20/22 2:22:30 PM #17:	These kinds of things can happen without plotting. There's a type of person that will poke and question the relationship of somebody they vibe with. When there's some doubt in the relationship, and chemistry with somebody new that occurred through "friendship", it's easy to start imagining getting out of something you don't like and getting something new and exciting. Still kinda skeezy, but I've seen it happen. --- <insert sig here> <cite>Jabodie posted [p:965181100] in Is this li... [t:80027953]...</cite> <quote>These kinds of things can happen without plotting. There's a type of person that will poke and question the relationship of somebody they vibe with. When there's some doubt in the relationship, and chemistry with somebody new that occurred through "friendship", it's easy to start imagining getting out of something you don't like and getting something new and exciting. Still kinda skeezy, but I've seen it happen. </quote> ... Copied to Clipboard!
_Krave_ 05/20/22 2:25:01 PM #18:	The monke never let's go of a branch until it has its hand on another. --- Am I seducing or being seduced? <cite>_Krave_ posted [p:965181176] in Is this li... [t:80027953]...</cite> <quote>The monke never let's go of a branch until it has its hand on another. </quote> ... Copied to Clipboard!
AP3Brain 05/20/22 2:47:10 PM #19:	FelineCyborg posted... I honestly didn't enjoy the time, because that time was based on assumption it was going to be an actual commitment. Now I'm just thinking of all the things I could've done with my time except being taken for a ride as mvc2 menu music put it so succinctly I wasn't racing towards a finish line i was trying to make a new start That doesn't really make sense...you did enjoy that time but are now having a bad time realizing that it didn't result in a commitment. So many people think like this and I never really got it. Why not just enjoy people's company without thinking about the commitment part? I'd get it if she made it seem like she was fueling you up, making it seem like she was ready to get married and flipped the next day I guess. How long were you together? <cite>AP3Brain posted [p:965181683] in Is this li... [t:80027953]...</cite> <quote>FelineCyborg posted... </cite> <quote>I honestly didn't enjoy the time, because that time was based on assumption it was going to be an actual commitment. Now I'm just thinking of all the things I could've done with my time except being taken for a ride as mvc2 menu music put it so succinctly I wasn't racing towards a finish line i was trying to make a new start</quote> That doesn't really make sense...you did enjoy that time but are now having a bad time realizing that it didn't result in a commitment. So many people think like this and I never really got it. Why not just enjoy people's company without thinking about the commitment part? I'd get it if she made it seem like she was fueling you up, making it seem like she was ready to get married and flipped the next day I guess. How long were you together? </quote> ... Copied to Clipboard!
FelineCyborg 05/20/22 2:56:11 PM #20:	AP3Brain posted... So many people think like this and I never really got it. Why not just enjoy people's company without thinking about the commitment part? It's a little more nuanced then that and pretending it isn't doesn't really help much --- "well, yeah, and a lot of minorities go to see minstrel shows, too." - PyroSpoon <cite>FelineCyborg posted [p:965181887] in Is this li... [t:80027953]...</cite> <quote>AP3Brain posted... </cite> <quote>So many people think like this and I never really got it. Why not just enjoy people's company without thinking about the commitment part?</quote> It's a little more nuanced then that and pretending it isn't doesn't really help much </quote> ... Copied to Clipboard!
Pogo_Marimo 05/20/22 2:57:17 PM #21:	Dakimakura posted... It is a thing for all people who have the ability to cultivate other options --- 'Cause you know that I have no fear, ain't gonna walk into the river and disappear. I'm gonna be a powerful man. Red blood running down the broken sand. <cite>Pogo_Marimo posted [p:965181915] in Is this li... [t:80027953]...</cite> <quote>Dakimakura posted... </cite> <quote>It is a thing for all people who have the ability to cultivate other options</quote> </quote> ... Copied to Clipboard!
Lost_All_Senses 05/20/22 2:59:23 PM #22:	Might be hard to hear, but she most likely found someone she felt more suited for her and rethought how she felt about you. But, a lot of the time, the person doesn't realize they only feel that way because they're comparing a fresh relationship with a guy really trying to a relationship where people got more comfortable and aren't gonna try hard every day. She might risk never realizing that and finding a comfortable love. Because she thinks she can easily find someone who will try his hardest forever. It's just not realistic. --- Name checks out "I don't wanna be the toughest, I just keep it 100 and think nothin of it"- Black Thought <cite>Lost_All_Senses posted [p:965181956] in Is this li... [t:80027953]...</cite> <quote>Might be hard to hear, but she most likely found someone she felt more suited for her and rethought how she felt about you. But, a lot of the time, the person doesn't realize they only feel that way because they're comparing a fresh relationship with a guy really trying to a relationship where people got more comfortable and aren't gonna try hard every day. She might risk never realizing that and finding a comfortable love. Because she thinks she can easily find someone who will try his hardest forever. It's just not realistic. </quote> ... Copied to Clipboard!
FelineCyborg 05/20/22 3:00:04 PM #23:	AP3Brain posted... That doesn't really make sense...you did enjoy that time but are now having a bad time realizing that it didn't result in a commitment. So many people think like this and I never really got it. Why not just enjoy people's company without thinking about the commitment part? I'd get it if she made it seem like she was fueling you up, making it seem like she was ready to get married and flipped the next day I guess. How long were you together? 10 years. She made a huge deal celebrating my birthday and our 10 year anniversary which was in beginning of March. End of March she was gone --- "well, yeah, and a lot of minorities go to see minstrel shows, too." - PyroSpoon <cite>FelineCyborg posted [p:965181966] in Is this li... [t:80027953]...</cite> <quote>AP3Brain posted... </cite> <quote>That doesn't really make sense...you did enjoy that time but are now having a bad time realizing that it didn't result in a commitment. So many people think like this and I never really got it. Why not just enjoy people's company without thinking about the commitment part? I'd get it if she made it seem like she was fueling you up, making it seem like she was ready to get married and flipped the next day I guess. How long were you together?</quote> 10 years. She made a huge deal celebrating my birthday and our 10 year anniversary which was in beginning of March. End of March she was gone </quote> ... Copied to Clipboard!
AP3Brain 05/20/22 3:03:28 PM #24:	FelineCyborg posted... 10 years. She made a huge deal celebrating my birthday and our 10 year anniversary which was in beginning of March. End of March she was gone That's definitely a long time. Never been with someone close to that long so can't say much lol. Surprised y'all didn't get married though. No fights or anything at the end that would have spurred a breakup? <cite>AP3Brain posted [p:965182054] in Is this li... [t:80027953]...</cite> <quote>FelineCyborg posted... </cite> <quote>10 years. She made a huge deal celebrating my birthday and our 10 year anniversary which was in beginning of March. End of March she was gone</quote> That's definitely a long time. Never been with someone close to that long so can't say much lol. Surprised y'all didn't get married though. No fights or anything at the end that would have spurred a breakup? </quote> ... Copied to Clipboard!
FelineCyborg 05/20/22 3:05:02 PM #25:	AP3Brain posted... That's definitely a long time. Never been with someone close to that long so can't say much lol. Surprised y'all didn't get married though. No fights or anything at the end that would have spurred a breakup? The last week I slept with her were some of the most peaceful comfortable nights there were. She probably had the new guy then which was why she was being so nice to me. --- "well, yeah, and a lot of minorities go to see minstrel shows, too." - PyroSpoon <cite>FelineCyborg posted [p:965182080] in Is this li... [t:80027953]...</cite> <quote>AP3Brain posted... </cite> <quote>That's definitely a long time. Never been with someone close to that long so can't say much lol. Surprised y'all didn't get married though. No fights or anything at the end that would have spurred a breakup?</quote> The last week I slept with her were some of the most peaceful comfortable nights there were. She probably had the new guy then which was why she was being so nice to me. </quote> ... Copied to Clipboard!
VandorLee 05/20/22 3:24:04 PM #26:	Glob posted... Do you believe you owe the same loyalty to your boss that you owe to a partner? Loaded question. Really depends on job or partner. --- "God didn't create humans, no, it's humans who created God." Dr. Londes, Cowboy Bebop: "Brain Scratch" (#1.23) (1999) <cite>VandorLee posted [p:965182507] in Is this li... [t:80027953]...</cite> <quote>Glob posted... </cite> <quote>Do you believe you owe the same loyalty to your boss that you owe to a partner?</quote> Loaded question. Really depends on job or partner. </quote> ... Copied to Clipboard!
FelineCyborg 05/20/22 3:47:39 PM #27:	Lost_All_Senses posted... Because she thinks she can easily find someone who will try his hardest forever. It's just not realistic. I wasn't that guy. I was always trying. Like I was basically her personal bank/ butler/support animal. I was there on call for her. That's probably why she became less attracted to me, I became way too subservient but I told her multiple times being isolated for 2 years really fucked with me and I had no other support but her. It was like a trauma bond ( we were living separately during the pandemic) Also I blame her for me being so isolated and weak to begin with. Sure I would've taken precautions but she reinforced this thing about covid that made me too scared to function. She blamed me for going to a concert January 2020. She was always super ocd about diseases and never wanted me to go out when the pandemic started --- "well, yeah, and a lot of minorities go to see minstrel shows, too." - PyroSpoon <cite>FelineCyborg posted [p:965183070] in Is this li... [t:80027953]...</cite> <quote>Lost_All_Senses posted... </cite> <quote>Because she thinks she can easily find someone who will try his hardest forever. It's just not realistic.</quote> I wasn't that guy. I was always trying. Like I was basically her personal bank/ butler/support animal. I was there on call for her. That's probably why she became less attracted to me, I became way too subservient but I told her multiple times being isolated for 2 years really fucked with me and I had no other support but her. It was like a trauma bond ( we were living separately during the pandemic) Also I blame her for me being so isolated and weak to begin with. Sure I would've taken precautions but she reinforced this thing about covid that made me too scared to function. She blamed me for going to a concert January 2020. She was always super ocd about diseases and never wanted me to go out when the pandemic started </quote> ... Copied to Clipboard!
Lost_All_Senses 05/20/22 3:57:28 PM #28:	FelineCyborg posted... I wasn't that guy. I was always trying. Like I was basically her personal bank/ butler/support animal. I was there on call for her. That's probably why she became less attracted to me, I became way too subservient but I told her multiple times being isolated for 2 years really fucked with me and I had no other support but her. It was like a trauma bond ( we were living separately during the pandemic) Oh. You probably right. A lot of women don't like men that don't stand up for themselves. Standing up for yourself creates personality. It creates intrigue. I once had a girl tell me she liked to be bossed around. I told her that just wasn't me tho. Do you like serving? Or do you just do it out of fear that if you don't there will be reprecussions? Cause Im a people pleaser as well. I legitimately enjoy doing things for others when able. It gives me self value and worth. But, as soon as a grown adult starts acting entitled to my what I provide, I immediately check it. I use to not do that. I use to think the right thing to do was to never use anything Ive done for someone as leverage. But that just opens you to being used. Sometimes you gotta remind people that they should be grateful, otherwise they'll forget. Even of they really love you. We as humans just get comfortable and start taking things for granted, if we're not careful. I realized I was on the opposite end with my mom. She just acts like what she does for me is nothing major. So, I got comfortable for awhile not really seeing it as a big ask to always rely on what she does for me. But as I got older, I got a little irritable at times and when Id even get a little attitude, I came to the realization I was paying back all her contributions with my attitude. And it made me feel shitty. But not everyone is gonna have that self check, so, you gotta learn to set boundaries yourself and make sure people stay grateful --- Name checks out "I don't wanna be the toughest, I just keep it 100 and think nothin of it"- Black Thought <cite>Lost_All_Senses posted [p:965183278] in Is this li... [t:80027953]...</cite> <quote>FelineCyborg posted... </cite> <quote>I wasn't that guy. I was always trying. Like I was basically her personal bank/ butler/support animal. I was there on call for her. That's probably why she became less attracted to me, I became way too subservient but I told her multiple times being isolated for 2 years really fucked with me and I had no other support but her. It was like a trauma bond ( we were living separately during the pandemic)</quote> Oh. You probably right. A lot of women don't like men that don't stand up for themselves. Standing up for yourself creates personality. It creates intrigue. I once had a girl tell me she liked to be bossed around. I told her that just wasn't me tho. Do you like serving? Or do you just do it out of fear that if you don't there will be reprecussions? Cause Im a people pleaser as well. I legitimately enjoy doing things for others when able. It gives me self value and worth. But, as soon as a grown adult starts acting entitled to my what I provide, I immediately check it. I use to not do that. I use to think the right thing to do was to never use anything Ive done for someone as leverage. But that just opens you to being used. Sometimes you gotta remind people that they should be grateful, otherwise they'll forget. Even of they really love you. We as humans just get comfortable and start taking things for granted, if we're not careful. I realized I was on the opposite end with my mom. She just acts like what she does for me is nothing major. So, I got comfortable for awhile not really seeing it as a big ask to always rely on what she does for me. But as I got older, I got a little irritable at times and when Id even get a little attitude, I came to the realization I was paying back all her contributions with my attitude. And it made me feel shitty. But not everyone is gonna have that self check, so, you gotta learn to set boundaries yourself and make sure people stay grateful </quote> ... Copied to Clipboard!
FelineCyborg 05/20/22 4:05:01 PM #29:	Honestly I felt like this past year around her I totally wasn't myself at all, it was bizarre. Like I felt manipulated into that position, I had such a past attachment to her combined with my intense isolation . I do like people pleasing as part of my natural character but this was something entirely different. It felt manipulative and like I was being taken advantage of and we've had falling outs before but never like this one where my entire perception of her changed in one moment. I was on a stress leave from my job seeing a therapist and the entire time instead of working on myself and my issues I was serving her while she was being dismissive to my needs. It's honestly pretty fucked up. Since I've been away with her it's like...I actually have my identity back. I wasn't listening to my needs at all and was just doing something out of desperation and attachment and she was pulling all the strings. She literally could've gotten anything she wanted from me. I even had conversations with her , because I was feeling bad instincts, like don't play games here if you want this to end let me know the right way because I'm not going to be able to handle the weird sneaky way --- "well, yeah, and a lot of minorities go to see minstrel shows, too." - PyroSpoon <cite>FelineCyborg posted [p:965183448] in Is this li... [t:80027953]...</cite> <quote>Honestly I felt like this past year around her I totally wasn't myself at all, it was bizarre. Like I felt manipulated into that position, I had such a past attachment to her combined with my intense isolation . I do like people pleasing as part of my natural character but this was something entirely different. It felt manipulative and like I was being taken advantage of and we've had falling outs before but never like this one where my entire perception of her changed in one moment. I was on a stress leave from my job seeing a therapist and the entire time instead of working on myself and my issues I was serving her while she was being dismissive to my needs. It's honestly pretty fucked up. Since I've been away with her it's like...I actually have my identity back. I wasn't listening to my needs at all and was just doing something out of desperation and attachment and she was pulling all the strings. She literally could've gotten anything she wanted from me. I even had conversations with her , because I was feeling bad instincts, like don't play games here if you want this to end let me know the right way because I'm not going to be able to handle the weird sneaky way </quote> ... Copied to Clipboard!
Zodd3224 05/20/22 4:05:52 PM #30:	I dont think estrogen has an impact on this behavior --- Fire Walk With Me https://imgur.com/a/X14Jka4 <cite>Zodd3224 posted [p:965183473] in Is this li... [t:80027953]...</cite> <quote>I dont think estrogen has an impact on this behavior </quote> ... Copied to Clipboard!
Lost_All_Senses 05/20/22 4:08:01 PM #31:	FelineCyborg posted... Honestly I felt like this past year around her I totally wasn't myself at all, it was bizarre. Like I felt manipulated into that position, I had such a past attachment to her combined with my intense isolation . I do like people pleasing as part of my natural character but this was something entirely different. It felt manipulative and like I was being taken advantage of and we've had falling outs before but never like this one where my entire perception of her changed in one moment. Since I've been away with her it's like...I actually have my identity back. I wasn't listening to my needs at all and was just doing something out of desperation and attachment and she was pulling all the strings. She literally could've gotten anything she wanted from me This seems like a huge learning experience for you at least. You're not coming off as someone who would end up right back in the same situation. You seem wiser than that. So, you gained perspective from all this. You decide yourself how much that's worth to you. To me, figuring out who I am and tweeking that to be more capable where I can is my top priority. --- Name checks out "I don't wanna be the toughest, I just keep it 100 and think nothin of it"- Black Thought <cite>Lost_All_Senses posted [p:965183518] in Is this li... [t:80027953]...</cite> <quote>FelineCyborg posted... </cite> <quote>Honestly I felt like this past year around her I totally wasn't myself at all, it was bizarre. Like I felt manipulated into that position, I had such a past attachment to her combined with my intense isolation . I do like people pleasing as part of my natural character but this was something entirely different. It felt manipulative and like I was being taken advantage of and we've had falling outs before but never like this one where my entire perception of her changed in one moment. Since I've been away with her it's like...I actually have my identity back. I wasn't listening to my needs at all and was just doing something out of desperation and attachment and she was pulling all the strings. She literally could've gotten anything she wanted from me</quote> This seems like a huge learning experience for you at least. You're not coming off as someone who would end up right back in the same situation. You seem wiser than that. So, you gained perspective from all this. You decide yourself how much that's worth to you. To me, figuring out who I am and tweeking that to be more capable where I can is my top priority. </quote> ... Copied to Clipboard!
AP3Brain 05/20/22 4:08:52 PM #32:	I mean it sounds like you are a better person without her anyways... I'd never act subservient to someone in a relationship. <cite>AP3Brain posted [p:965183535] in Is this li... [t:80027953]...</cite> <quote>I mean it sounds like you are a better person without her anyways... I'd never act subservient to someone in a relationship. </quote> ... Copied to Clipboard!
KhlavicLanguage 05/20/22 4:09:21 PM #33:	i'm a dude and always have a "backup" or two lmao. this is gonna sound like copium but my relationships are better off anyway when i'm not in the back-of-mind fear of being in ruin for months if things fall apart. <cite>KhlavicLanguage posted [p:965183551] in Is this li... [t:80027953]...</cite> <quote>i'm a dude and always have a "backup" or two lmao. this is gonna sound like copium but my relationships are better off anyway when i'm not in the back-of-mind fear of being in ruin for months if things fall apart. </quote> ... Copied to Clipboard!
Lost_All_Senses 05/20/22 4:15:13 PM #34:	AP3Brain posted... I mean it sounds like you are a better person without her anyways... I'd never act subservient to someone in a relationship. You been in a lot of relationships? Cause no one thinks they'll end up there until years go by of someone slowly putting you there. Then you wake up one day and it hits you and you don't know if it's real or you're making too much out of it. Because part of the manipulation is the person slowly convincing you that that's not what's happening. The whole gaslighting thing, ya know --- Name checks out "I don't wanna be the toughest, I just keep it 100 and think nothin of it"- Black Thought <cite>Lost_All_Senses posted [p:965183688] in Is this li... [t:80027953]...</cite> <quote>AP3Brain posted... </cite> <quote>I mean it sounds like you are a better person without her anyways... I'd never act subservient to someone in a relationship.</quote> You been in a lot of relationships? Cause no one thinks they'll end up there until years go by of someone slowly putting you there. Then you wake up one day and it hits you and you don't know if it's real or you're making too much out of it. Because part of the manipulation is the person slowly convincing you that that's not what's happening. The whole gaslighting thing, ya know </quote> ... Copied to Clipboard!
FelineCyborg 05/20/22 4:15:20 PM #35:	KhlavicLanguage posted... i'm a dude and always have a "backup" or two lmao. this is gonna sound like copium but my relationships are better off anyway when i'm not in the back-of-mind fear of being in ruin for months if things fall apart. Why is being alone that threatening? And having a back up is just disrespectful to your current partner , you are treating your partner as disposable and replaceable. Do you want that done to you in a relationship? --- "well, yeah, and a lot of minorities go to see minstrel shows, too." - PyroSpoon <cite>FelineCyborg posted [p:965183691] in Is this li... [t:80027953]...</cite> <quote>KhlavicLanguage posted... </cite> <quote>i'm a dude and always have a "backup" or two lmao. this is gonna sound like copium but my relationships are better off anyway when i'm not in the back-of-mind fear of being in ruin for months if things fall apart.</quote> Why is being alone that threatening? And having a back up is just disrespectful to your current partner , you are treating your partner as disposable and replaceable. Do you want that done to you in a relationship? </quote> ... Copied to Clipboard!
AP3Brain 05/20/22 4:17:17 PM #36:	Lost_All_Senses posted... You been in a lot of relationships? Cause no one thinks they'll end up there until years go by of someone slowly putting you there. Then you wake up one day and it hits you and you don't know if it's real or you're making too much out of it. Because part of the manipulation is the person slowly convincing you that that's not what's happening. The whole gaslighting thing, ya know Ye. I only lost myself once and I didn't allow it to last long. I make sure I am always confident about being independently alone and that a partner would only be an addition to my life. <cite>AP3Brain posted [p:965183737] in Is this li... [t:80027953]...</cite> <quote>Lost_All_Senses posted... </cite> <quote>You been in a lot of relationships? Cause no one thinks they'll end up there until years go by of someone slowly putting you there. Then you wake up one day and it hits you and you don't know if it's real or you're making too much out of it. Because part of the manipulation is the person slowly convincing you that that's not what's happening. The whole gaslighting thing, ya know</quote> Ye. I only lost myself once and I didn't allow it to last long. I make sure I am always confident about being independently alone and that a partner would only be an addition to my life. </quote> ... Copied to Clipboard!
Lost_All_Senses 05/20/22 4:17:44 PM #37:	FelineCyborg posted... Why is being alone that threatening? And having a back up is just disrespectful to your current partner , you are treating your partner as disposable and replaceable. Do you want that done to you in a relationship? Yeah. He thinks he's winning, but really he's just preventing himself from ever actually feeling in love with someone. That's a good way to end up feeling alone while surrounded by people. --- Name checks out "I don't wanna be the toughest, I just keep it 100 and think nothin of it"- Black Thought <cite>Lost_All_Senses posted [p:965183744] in Is this li... [t:80027953]...</cite> <quote>FelineCyborg posted... </cite> <quote>Why is being alone that threatening? And having a back up is just disrespectful to your current partner , you are treating your partner as disposable and replaceable. Do you want that done to you in a relationship?</quote> Yeah. He thinks he's winning, but really he's just preventing himself from ever actually feeling in love with someone. That's a good way to end up feeling alone while surrounded by people. </quote> ... Copied to Clipboard!
Lost_All_Senses 05/20/22 4:18:31 PM #38:	AP3Brain posted... Ye. I only lost myself once and I didn't allow it to last long. I make sure I am always confident about being independently alone and that a partner would only be an addition to my life. Good on you, man. That's a good way to go about it. You definitely are way more at risk when you fear being alone --- Name checks out "I don't wanna be the toughest, I just keep it 100 and think nothin of it"- Black Thought <cite>Lost_All_Senses posted [p:965183764] in Is this li... [t:80027953]...</cite> <quote>AP3Brain posted... </cite> <quote>Ye. I only lost myself once and I didn't allow it to last long. I make sure I am always confident about being independently alone and that a partner would only be an addition to my life.</quote> Good on you, man. That's a good way to go about it. You definitely are way more at risk when you fear being alone </quote> ... Copied to Clipboard!
FelineCyborg 05/20/22 4:20:09 PM #39:	I tried to go on dates when I saw red flags in the relationships tbh. But I was emotionally distant. Never made it past a 2nd or 3rd date. One of them I just talked about my ex and my date cried for me and said i deserve so much better and hugged me. Like, I loved her yo. I don't have the emotional capacity to love two people at the same time or fake love one person but really love the other person, like all of this behavior is incomprehensible to me. I have that weird trauma bond with my ex where I don't feel safe around anybody else. My cousin is coming in to move with me and I don't know if I can handle being around any human being that's not her. Everybody else gives me anxiety. I don't know why. And I've known my cousin forever he's like a best friend /brother to me She had a lot of ocd tendencies and safety habits that I eventually mirrored after 10 years of being around here so it's a weird dynamic --- "well, yeah, and a lot of minorities go to see minstrel shows, too." - PyroSpoon <cite>FelineCyborg posted [p:965183799] in Is this li... [t:80027953]...</cite> <quote>I tried to go on dates when I saw red flags in the relationships tbh. But I was emotionally distant. Never made it past a 2nd or 3rd date. One of them I just talked about my ex and my date cried for me and said i deserve so much better and hugged me. Like, I loved her yo. I don't have the emotional capacity to love two people at the same time or fake love one person but really love the other person, like all of this behavior is incomprehensible to me. I have that weird trauma bond with my ex where I don't feel safe around anybody else. My cousin is coming in to move with me and I don't know if I can handle being around any human being that's not her. Everybody else gives me anxiety. I don't know why. And I've known my cousin forever he's like a best friend /brother to me She had a lot of ocd tendencies and safety habits that I eventually mirrored after 10 years of being around here so it's a weird dynamic </quote> ... Copied to Clipboard!
RiKuToTheMiGhtY 05/20/22 4:23:07 PM #40:	Sorry to hear this happened to you, I hope you move past this and find a better woman. --- doa-plus.com - We Press Forward. . . By Pressing Back. <cite>RiKuToTheMiGhtY posted [p:965183868] in Is this li... [t:80027953]...</cite> <quote>Sorry to hear this happened to you, I hope you move past this and find a better woman. </quote> ... Copied to Clipboard!
Aressar 05/20/22 6:26:41 PM #41:	In my experience this is not that uncommon for women to do. Some of them make it known when they're sure they don't want to continue dating right away, but often they seem to wait until they have someone to fall back on. The first time that happened to me I was pretty upset and felt deceived, like she'd been working on this for god knows how long. With other women with whom I have experienced this however, I already assumed this to be the case. I try to just accept the situation, react like an adult and move on. If she suggests "another time when it feels right" or "maybe later" or to "wait for her", I'll move on even harder. --- One time, CE triggered me so hard with their objectively wrong opinions that I accidentally punched myself in the balls. <cite>Aressar posted [p:965186624] in Is this li... [t:80027953]...</cite> <quote>In my experience this is not that uncommon for women to do. Some of them make it known when they're sure they don't want to continue dating right away, but often they seem to wait until they have someone to fall back on. The first time that happened to me I was pretty upset and felt deceived, like she'd been working on this for god knows how long. With other women with whom I have experienced this however, I already assumed this to be the case. I try to just accept the situation, react like an adult and move on. If she suggests "another time when it feels right" or "maybe later" or to "wait for her", I'll move on even harder. </quote> ... Copied to Clipboard!
FelineCyborg 05/20/22 7:51:51 PM #42:	Aressar posted... In my experience this is not that uncommon for women to do. Some of them make it known when they're sure they don't want to continue dating right away, but often they seem to wait until they have someone to fall back on. The first time that happened to me I was pretty upset and felt deceived, like she'd been working on this for god knows how long. With other women with whom I have experienced this however, I already assumed this to be the case. I try to just accept the situation, react like an adult and move on. If she suggests "another time when it feels right" or "maybe later" or to "wait for her", I'll move on even harder. I've literally never been so angry...thinking who the fuck do you think you are ? Then I was thinking of all these revenge plots , I actually spoke to her today and her life sucks and she's had the worst luck since we split and I felt sorry for her?? I actually don't want any suffering on her.....wish I could help her because I still love her but she doesn't want me to exist so shrug --- "well, yeah, and a lot of minorities go to see minstrel shows, too." - PyroSpoon <cite>FelineCyborg posted [p:965188443] in Is this li... [t:80027953]...</cite> <quote>Aressar posted... </cite> <quote>In my experience this is not that uncommon for women to do. Some of them make it known when they're sure they don't want to continue dating right away, but often they seem to wait until they have someone to fall back on. The first time that happened to me I was pretty upset and felt deceived, like she'd been working on this for god knows how long. With other women with whom I have experienced this however, I already assumed this to be the case. I try to just accept the situation, react like an adult and move on. If she suggests "another time when it feels right" or "maybe later" or to "wait for her", I'll move on even harder.</quote> I've literally never been so angry...thinking who the fuck do you think you are ? Then I was thinking of all these revenge plots , I actually spoke to her today and her life sucks and she's had the worst luck since we split and I felt sorry for her?? I actually don't want any suffering on her.....wish I could help her because I still love her but she doesn't want me to exist so shrug </quote> ... Copied to Clipboard!
Guide 05/20/22 7:54:27 PM #43:	I don't think it's as common as people in this topic are making it seem. Have y'all done this? I've done some fucked up stuff, but not this. --- evening main 2.4356848e+91 https://youtu.be/Acn5IptKWQU <cite>Guide posted [p:965188499] in Is this li... [t:80027953]...</cite> <quote>I don't think it's as common as people in this topic are making it seem. Have y'all done this? I've done some fucked up stuff, but not this. </quote> ... Copied to Clipboard!
Lost_All_Senses 05/20/22 8:08:11 PM #44:	Guide posted... I don't think it's as common as people in this topic are making it seem. Have y'all done this? I've done some fucked up stuff, but not this. Done what? This is about being the victim. I personally was never on either side. --- Name checks out "I don't wanna be the toughest, I just keep it 100 and think nothin of it"- Black Thought <cite>Lost_All_Senses posted [p:965188784] in Is this li... [t:80027953]...</cite> <quote>Guide posted... </cite> <quote>I don't think it's as common as people in this topic are making it seem. Have y'all done this? I've done some fucked up stuff, but not this.</quote> Done what? This is about being the victim. I personally was never on either side. </quote> ... Copied to Clipboard!
SauI_Goodman 05/20/22 8:15:34 PM #45:	It happens. Pretty crappy thing to do tho. All you can do is move on. --- Italian, French, German. <cite>SauI_Goodman posted [p:965188925] in Is this li... [t:80027953]...</cite> <quote>It happens. Pretty crappy thing to do tho. All you can do is move on. </quote> ... Copied to Clipboard!
TheGoldenEel 05/20/22 8:16:49 PM #46:	FelineCyborg posted... Never really had any of my dude friends do this, but maybe you're right. Fwiw my wife had been in a relationship for 5ish years before we started dating, and the guy (who she was living with) one day left and moved out directly into a new womans house --- BLACK LIVES MATTER Games: http://backloggery.com/wrldindstries302 \\ Music: http://www.last.fm/user/DrMorberg/ <cite>TheGoldenEel posted [p:965188953] in Is this li... [t:80027953]...</cite> <quote>FelineCyborg posted... </cite> <quote>Never really had any of my dude friends do this, but maybe you're right.</quote> Fwiw my wife had been in a relationship for 5ish years before we started dating, and the guy (who she was living with) one day left and moved out directly into a new womans house </quote> ... Copied to Clipboard!
rexcrk 05/20/22 8:21:00 PM #47:	Classic wmen --- Tell my tale to those who ask. Tell it truly, the ill deeds, along with the good, and let me be judged accordingly. The rest... is silence. <cite>rexcrk posted [p:965189034] in Is this li... [t:80027953]...</cite> <quote> Classic wmen </quote> ... Copied to Clipboard!
pfh1001 05/20/22 8:24:41 PM #48:	Yes, that's absolutely something a lot of women do-- I've had it happen to me multiple times and I've seen it happen to every single guy I know. <cite>pfh1001 posted [p:965189108] in Is this li... [t:80027953]...</cite> <quote>Yes, that's absolutely something a lot of women do-- I've had it happen to me multiple times and I've seen it happen to every single guy I know.</quote> ... Copied to Clipboard!
Just_a_loser 05/20/22 8:28:42 PM #49:	TC, you really think guys don't do the same thing? A lot of them cheat on their women for a while before either breaking it off or not. A lot of women know this. In a way it's a nasty cycle that keeps going around. But some women view it as doing the same thing guys do and evening the score. --- Your face looks like I need a beer. <cite>Just_a_loser posted [p:965189171] in Is this li... [t:80027953]...</cite> <quote>TC, you really think guys don't do the same thing? A lot of them cheat on their women for a while before either breaking it off or not. A lot of women know this. In a way it's a nasty cycle that keeps going around. But some women view it as doing the same thing guys do and evening the score. </quote> ... Copied to Clipboard!
Guide 05/20/22 9:07:31 PM #50:	Lost_All_Senses posted... Done what? This is about being the victim. I personally was never on either side. No yeah, but I see quite a few responses making it seem like planning a backup is standard. --- evening main 2.4356848e+91 https://youtu.be/Acn5IptKWQU <cite>Guide posted [p:965190018] in Is this li... [t:80027953]...</cite> <quote>Lost_All_Senses posted... </cite> <quote>Done what? This is about being the victim. I personally was never on either side.</quote> No yeah, but I see quite a few responses making it seem like planning a backup is standard. </quote> ... Copied to Clipboard!
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Current Events > Is this like a common thing with women? (+) Yeah! (+)

Current Events > Is this like a common thing with women?