Current Events > What experiences have you had on relationship and hook up apps? Met many people?

(+) Yeah! (+)

Have your experiences generally been good or bad? Have you enjoyed yourself, regardless of whether you've gotten many meet ups or not?

Another 19 year old Sunhawk alt?

I suppose a lot of people on this board don't date much, anyway.

I never was successful in online dating. Its hard to even get a girl to respond to you there.

Meeting girls in real life is so much better because at least you actually get to talk to them

I can get up to the point where we make plans to meet and then they ghost me.

Before I met my husband, dating apps were an innovative boon for me as a gay man to find partners while dodging typical public minefields. It was significantly harder for homosexuals to safely meet up and mingle for dating opportunities without attracting spectator drama; in some places even in the US, it still is. We are not a majority, not even close. That being said, most gay men in the west are all down for casual hookups and the occasional shot at a relationship (culturally in that order). That part's not a stereotype. Dating apps made a huge improvement in the low risk ease of finding partners who just wanted a fun night without commitment, something a gay man in their prime can socially and emotionally flourish from when done carefully.

However, I would never invest any confidence and time searching for a long term commitment on dating apps. Structurally, such a goal is antithetical to the utility they generally provide. It's like going to a butcher shop for a pet; wrong department. If you have reached a point where you're primarily relying on dating apps in your search for a long term relationship, you painted yourself into a corner. Thankfully it's one that you can at least step out of once you acknowledge it and make a life style change by demoting apps on your social priority list. That's what I had to do to find a partner I could trust for the long run.

I've been proposed to multiple times over my lifetime (which is more than some people can say, particularly as a man). The only guy who convinced me he was the real deal is my now husband and a notable part of that was because we bonded almost entirely without social media. Texting lovey dovey crap between us was about it. And we only started doing that AFTER we were already invested in each other organically off our phones. I said yes to him because he had shown me he had a lot of attractive qualities that are not in an itty bitty fake ass dating profile...

One of the first things I tell friends aching to secure a relationship: don't be afraid to put down the apps; sometimes relying on them is what's actually holding you back with toxic algorithms that don't have your individual health in mind. Ordinary people dated and settled down with each other long before apps existed. It's how we are here.

It's going well. In the last 6 months I've gone on 18 dates total. The dates have all been fun and it's been a learning experience for me, as I haven't actively dated since I met my ex back in 2009. Hoping to settle down with a woman who has the same views on relationships and life.

I tried Bumble for a few weeks before COVID and went on two dates. Neither were really compatible so didnt pursue things with them further.

I had told myself I was going to delete it when I wasnt having fun anymore, so once I wasnt feeling it, it was gone and havent bothered looking for a relationship since then.

I met my current girlfriend off Hinge; we've been seeing each other for more than three months now. In the five months prior to meeting her, I went out with 12 other women, some of whom I was really into, but none of those got past the third date.

And just putting this out there: don't be afraid to ride solo while focusing on improving things for yourself.
That's not something to be ashamed of; that's making progress for yourself. That's smart.
Ironically that's also how some people meet their future spouses anyway.

Never treat seeking a relationship as a fix that's going to finally lift you up.
You need to be flying well on your own before you do that...

That's the part a lot of people fuck up on. They're dumping their emotional baggage (loneliness) on someone else to fix, that's what being a socially starved sad sack offers as a date. Bad look. Unsatisfying partnership. It's being a leech. But if you're already on your groove solo, you don't look like dead weight. You look more like someone worth interacting with. Loneliness is not a valid reason to deprive yourself of wellbeing. It's a cop out for the weak.

last time i matched with someone i asked a basic "so, what exactly are you looking for here?"
and she responded with "i'm looking to get paid"

Definitely bad... Used them for years and never gained anything from it besides worsening my already garbage self-esteem...

3 matches in 5 years and never a reply is pretty bad...

spanky1 posted...

I can get up to the point where we make plans to meet and then they ghost me.

This has happened so much to me. Girls are so fucking skittish on there.

I've gone on a few dates and talked to a bunch of girls. It's generally a positive experience but I do feel like I'm walking on eggshells sometimes. A lot of the conversations just don't feel natural.

Nothing good. Just proof that no one would want me.

[LFAQs-redacted-quote]

Ugh...

of the ones ive tried:

tinder: a series of various meetings, some lasting one date, some several, varying levels of sexual success too, but worth the payout. longest relationship from tinder was about a year and change, so that was positive.

bunble: virtually no success to speak of. couple of dates, but i dont think i ever got laid once on this. far too many who matched and didnt say anything, or just "hey." far more effort than tinder, where to some extent, the give-and-take of a conversation was more understood.

coffeemeetsbagel: joke app. if memory serves, they marketed themselves as "oh you only get a few swipes because we really want you to think about your matches and etc.!!" -- then they would turn around and sell you more swipes. no one was on it anyways, it was a total waste of a profile setup.

jswipe: maybe went on one date? also saw a lot of people i knew on there which were always strange but humorous encounters.

okcupid: easily the most successful. people actually care about their profiles. tons of material for you to work with from a profile/compatibility perspective. didn't have to swipe/match to message. went on numerous dates, had sexual success, one relationship lasted well over a year, and it also yielded my current relationship of 4 years and counting.

so glad to be out of that world as a whole though

ClockworkHare posted...

Before I met my husband, dating apps were an innovative boon for me as a gay man to find partners while dodging typical public minefields. It was significantly harder for homosexuals to safely meet up and mingle for dating opportunities without attracting spectator drama; in some places even in the US, it still is. We are not a majority, not even close. That being said, most gay men in the west are all down for casual hookups and the occasional shot at a relationship (culturally in that order). That part's not a stereotype. Dating apps made a huge improvement in the low risk ease of finding partners who just wanted a fun night without commitment, something a gay man in their prime can socially and emotionally flourish from when done carefully.

However, I would never invest any confidence and time searching for a long term commitment on dating apps. Structurally, such a goal is antithetical to the utility they generally provide. It's like going to a butcher shop for a pet; wrong department. If you have reached a point where you're primarily relying on dating apps in your search for a long term relationship, you painted yourself into a corner. Thankfully it's one that you can at least step out of once you acknowledge it and make a life style change by demoting apps on your social priority list. That's what I had to do to find a partner I could trust for the long run.

I've been proposed to multiple times over my lifetime (which is more than some people can say, particularly as a man). The only guy who convinced me he was the real deal is my now husband and a notable part of that was because we bonded almost entirely without social media. Texting lovey dovey crap between us was about it. And we only started doing that AFTER we were already invested in each other organically off our phones. I said yes to him because he had shown me he had a lot of attractive qualities that are not in an itty bitty fake ass dating profile...

One of the first things I tell friends aching to secure a relationship: don't be afraid to put down the apps; sometimes relying on them is what's actually holding you back with toxic algorithms that don't have your individual health in mind. Ordinary people dated and settled down with each other long before apps existed. It's how we are here.

What are your suggestions for doable alternatives to dating apps?

Especially if you're social circle is small?

Temporal posted...

What are your suggestions for doable alternatives to dating apps?

Especially if you're social circle is small?

Use Meetup. I have seen it work wonders for introverted, socially awkward dudes.

I think it just feels vapid. There's no real excitement in it, so I stopped >_> Meeting and approaching in person is way better.

So, I have a new "experience" to add. A woman from an app that rejected me 6 months ago, just sent me a message asking me to support her fundraiser.

I find it weird as hell that she's reaching out to me for a fundraiser. It's not just me right? It's weird?

About 8 hookups, split into two separate two months endeavors as a rebound for a failed relationship

NoxObscuras posted...

So, I have a new "experience" to add. A woman from an app that rejected me 6 months ago, just sent me a message asking me to support her fundraiser.

I find it weird as hell that she's reaching out to me for a fundraiser. It's not just me right? It's weird?

Yeah, weird. I assume this is rejected before even a date? So not an ex by any means?

bsp77 posted...

Yeah, weird. I assume this is rejected before even a date? So not an ex by any means?

We went on 4 dates, but we never made anything official. She said she wasn't feeling a connection, so I wished her well and we went our separate ways.

I didn't block her, but I did delete her contact info. So I actually thought it was a scam for a second. A number I didn't recognize randomly sending me a link to a fundraiser. Was about to mark it as spam when I realized there were other messages from the number lol.

NoxObscuras posted...

So, I have a new "experience" to add. A woman from an app that rejected me 6 months ago, just sent me a message asking me to support her fundraiser.

I find it weird as hell that she's reaching out to me for a fundraiser. It's not just me right? It's weird?

uh yeah thats weird and tactless
she just wants your money

those people are not exactly rare on apps now, which was inevitable