Poll of the Day > Theme of tonight is "Where did I mess up in my life?"

(+) Yeah! (+)

Yesterday I had a sudden realization about a pretty signfiicant part of my life, and tonight I've been dwelling on it a lot, but the question that I keep on going back to is where exactly I messed up in my life to get me where I am right now. None of you can answer this, but I need to share it somewhere and PotD has always been that place to dump these out of context thoughts, because I doubt that anyone is really watching for me here anymore.

Okay, but, counterpoint: what if you actually didn't mess up in your life so far?

ya ever thought of that?

argonautweakend posted...

Okay, but, counterpoint: what if you actually didn't mess up in your life so far?

ya ever thought of that?

Yes, if that was the case. When does it get better?
Does it get better?

Based on my impression of you, I don't think there was any one thing that messed up your life. You are not a mentally healthy person in many ways, and I think your mental health is deteriorating and your quality of life is going with it, but that's not a matter of there being a single turning point where everything went wrong. More importantly, that's not irreversible, so characterizing it as "my life has gone wrong and I can never fix it" doesn't make much sense and is going to actively impede your ability to improve your life until you stop thinking that way.

Judgmenl posted...

but the question that I keep on going back to is where exactly I messed up in my life to get me where I am right now.

The point where you started posting on PotD. It was all downhill from there.

adjl posted...

Based on my impression of you, I don't think there was any one thing that messed up your life. You are not a mentally healthy person in many ways, and I think your mental health is deteriorating and your quality of life is going with it, but that's not a matter of there being a single turning point where everything went wrong. More importantly, that's not irreversible, so characterizing it as "my life has gone wrong and I can never fix it" doesn't make much sense and is going to actively impede your ability to improve your life until you stop thinking that way.

Yeah seriously, you need to see a therapist. Life is never "messed up" if you're still alive, that's just your perspective.

You should try writing your thoughts down. I came to a pretty big realization myself. I had a tbi (traumatic brain injury) 12 years ago, and I had never realized how profoundly it impacted my thinking. Part of me feels almost like it's woken up from a coma with all the memories and creative impulses returning to me after such a long time. It makes me sad that for the past 12 years I haven't been my full self, but the realization has put things into perspective and I can finally move on with a better understanding of myself.

Good luck in your journey. Don't discount getting counseling, talking to someone can help organize your memories.

Sometimes a wrong turn is really a short cut

Judgmenl posted...

When does it get better?
Does it get better?

That depends. What do you expect from life? What would you like your life to be like? How would you like your current situation to improve? What would you deem fulfilling, or would bring you joy and contentment?

A vast majority of people will lead very ordinary, plain lives. You can be happy with an ordinary life as long as you aren't longing for things that are unattainable without significant effort (or luck).

If you're searching for something extraordinary, it may not be in the cards. Best to be grounded and eke out an enjoyable existence appreciating what you do have. From what I can gather, you have a decent job, a home, ready access to food, physical health and abilities, you live in an area where you could make friends and meet people if you're lonely. You have a wealth of resources at your disposal. Chances are, if you are unhappy or unfulfilled, it is only you that is in the way of you getting what you want out of life.

Happiness is more of a short-term thing than a long-term thing. People who win the lottery (a huge happiness event) are happy for a couple of years, but they revert to their baseline after a bit. Likewise, people can live quite happy lives living without many of the things we in the West view as necessities so long as their situation is improving in the moment. Point being: choices you made a long time ago are unlikely to be having a large effect upon how you feel now. (Especially if there are no lingering active issues like drug use/homelessness/etc)

In the short term happiness can decline if you're failing at goals, if you have no goals, if you have a mental illness, etc. I have no way to know if you have a mental illness, of course, but if you do you are very unlikely to 'get over it' on your own without help. My wife has anxiety and my father-in-law had outright schizophrenia. Both were skeptical and/or scared of treatment, but both felt far better after getting it (and they both said they felt 'more like themselves' after treatment, which was a fear of theirs going in).

If, as I gather from the discussion, you are resisting a mental health check-up perhaps ask yourself: what do you have to lose by checking in? At this point in western society there isn't much of a stigma against people with mental illnesses. There is, in fact, probably more of a 'stigma' against people who refuse to take care of themselves...FYI.

Take care of yourself!

ParanoidObsessive posted...

The point where you started posting on PotD. It was all downhill from there.

So freshman year of highschool. Or was it earlier than that... can't remember. I'd say that tracks, but even though I've "escaped" regularly checking or posting here and not much is different.

I have messed up every part of my life, so for a long time I've been living forbiddenly, continuing to live when I'm not even supposed to be alive.