Current Events > The Rapture Is Supposed to Happen Today According to Evangelical Nuts

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Humble_Novice
09/22/23 3:07:18 PM
#1:


Well? Why haven't they disappeared already?

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Aristoph
09/22/23 3:08:28 PM
#2:


Plot twist: the Rapture happened a couple hundred years ago. We're what was left behind.

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Error1355
09/22/23 3:08:34 PM
#3:


oh

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#4
Post #4 was unavailable or deleted.
Tyranthraxus
09/22/23 3:12:15 PM
#5:


Somehow Harold Camping returned

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It says right here in Matthew 16:4 "Jesus doth not need a giant Mecha."
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FortuneCookie
09/22/23 3:12:48 PM
#6:


No, no, no. I'm going on vacation. Wait until I get back. Like, Tuesday after next.

Lemme go to Halloween Horror Nights at Universal and ride Disney's Dinosaur one last time before the Rapture hits.
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Were_Wyrm
09/22/23 3:12:50 PM
#7:


Finally!

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EthanSilver
09/22/23 3:13:10 PM
#8:


Aristoph posted...
Plot twist: the Rapture happened a couple hundred years ago. We're what was left behind.
Well damn... that would explain a lot of things if it were true.

Don't abandon us Father which art in heaven!
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Xatrion
09/22/23 3:13:13 PM
#9:


Which evangelical nuts in particular? And why today?

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DementedDurian
09/22/23 3:15:50 PM
#10:


I remember some wingnuts put out an ad on Reader's Digest in 2010 that "the Bible guarantees the world will end on 2011" on an entire page of the magazine. It didn't happen, obviously.

Let's face it, even the Bible itself casts those who are predicting the end as posers. It hasn't stopped people from seeking attention like a kid who hit a family member.

Hell, I'd wager good money that when were near 2060, the lot will do it again because of discovered papers of Isaac Newton prediction's on the end times suggesting that year based on a Pope and quotes in the Bible.

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Shotgunnova
09/22/23 3:16:18 PM
#11:


Sorry, everyone! Father Theodore, bless his heart, spilled peanut butter on this passage. We really meant 2083.

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Irony
09/22/23 3:18:18 PM
#12:


Good thing I was already naked

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Kami_no_Kami
09/22/23 3:19:07 PM
#13:


EthanSilver posted...
Well damn... that would explain a lot of things if it were true.

Don't abandon us Father which art in heaven!
Nah. Im into that shit.

Step on me harder sky daddy!
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EthanSilver
09/22/23 3:19:22 PM
#14:


Irony posted...
Good thing I was already naked
No, it's not that kind of rapture wise guy... put your pantsu back on!
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MabusIncarnate
09/22/23 3:20:41 PM
#15:


Did it happen yet?

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dummy420
09/22/23 3:21:50 PM
#16:


They didn't even advertise this one. We haven't had a good end of the world prediction since 2012 came and went.

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GranAures
09/22/23 3:21:54 PM
#17:


Take me Daddy! My body is ready!

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Gritty
09/22/23 3:22:29 PM
#18:


I wish they would disappear
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C_Pain
09/22/23 3:32:31 PM
#19:


But about that day or hour no one knows, not even the angels in heaven, nor the Son, but only the Father.

How do they parse their beliefs with this?

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SilvosForever
09/22/23 3:33:42 PM
#20:


Let me eat my pizza first.

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GranAures
09/22/23 3:34:07 PM
#21:


The same way they parse everything else in their book that goes against what they profess makes them good Christians.
They ignore it

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Just because I have 99% of a heart doesn't mean it can't kill me. It's tried. Twice.
My body has a dongle and my heart doesn't care. The one thing we agree on.
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Questionmarktarius
09/22/23 3:35:36 PM
#22:


again?
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Pagliacci
09/22/23 3:38:30 PM
#23:


They can say what they will. If they're seeing that, it's probably because they're huffin' something. I learned my lesson about these folks years ago with a fellow named Ted Haggard. I thought he was the real deal and even sent him $5. Oh, it was so embarrassing when the beans got spilled! I had contributed to the iniquity of a man who moonlighted as a pastor while truly being a meth snorting "gentleman of the evening"...!

Dead gum gossipy neighbors had their little devil children running past my house singing, "he paid the meth man, he paid the meth man!" I got had by a strumpet and everyone knew it!

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EbonTitanium
09/22/23 3:46:46 PM
#24:


Odd, because the Rapture isnt in the Bible.

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Tyranthraxus
09/22/23 3:47:58 PM
#25:


EbonTitanium posted...
Odd, because the Rapture isnt in the Bible.
The prophecy is. If the rapture already happened in the Bible why would people expect it to happen again?

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It says right here in Matthew 16:4 "Jesus doth not need a giant Mecha."
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evilpresident
09/22/23 3:49:13 PM
#26:


Isn't it also stated that only God knows when it would happen?

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Tyranthraxus
09/22/23 3:50:47 PM
#27:


evilpresident posted...
Isn't it also stated that only God knows when it would happen?

it says something like "anyone who tells you they know when it will happen is a false prophet"

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It says right here in Matthew 16:4 "Jesus doth not need a giant Mecha."
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Jagr_68
09/22/23 3:53:02 PM
#28:


So many fucking assholes on this planet undeserving of the 12 virgins or endless slaving up in heaven yo lol

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voldothegr8
09/22/23 3:53:03 PM
#29:


Tyranthraxus posted...
it says something like "anyone who tells you they know when it will happen is a false prophet"
Well isn't that convenient

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Ruvan22
09/22/23 4:03:30 PM
#30:


Irony posted...
Good thing I was already naked

I don't think "always be ready" is going to get you out of the public indecency charge...
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Irony
09/22/23 4:05:44 PM
#31:


Ruvan22 posted...
I don't think "always be ready" is going to get you out of the public indecency charge...
I live in the south if I just tell them I'm ready for the Rapture they'll be like godspeed

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EbonTitanium
09/22/23 4:06:54 PM
#32:


Imagine if it didnt does happen but the Evangelicals nuts are the ones left behind.

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#33
Post #33 was unavailable or deleted.
HudGard
09/22/23 4:10:19 PM
#34:


This is good. God said that no one, only Him, will know when it will happen.

Therefor if enough people choose to know when it will happen we can keep God in an infinite state of not wanting to look bad.

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Tyranthraxus
09/22/23 4:12:34 PM
#35:


HudGard posted...
This is good. God said that no one, only Him, will know when it will happen.

Therefor if every enough people choose to know when it will happen we can keep God in an infinite state of not wanting to look bad.

How to figure out the last digit of pi:

  1. We know it can't be zero, so that just leaves 1-9
  2. Get 9 people, each one guesses a different digit
  3. One of them is right

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It says right here in Matthew 16:4 "Jesus doth not need a giant Mecha."
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brestugo
09/22/23 4:13:50 PM
#36:


I wonder how many people Amazon will fire for not showing up tomorrow.

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Putin delenda est
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Questionmarktarius
09/22/23 4:16:28 PM
#37:


HudGard posted...
Therefor if every enough people choose to know when it will happen we can keep God in an infinite state of not wanting to look bad.
Prevent the apocalypse with this one weird trick!
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mybbqrules
09/22/23 7:00:54 PM
#38:


C_Pain posted...
But about that day or hour no one knows, not even the angels in heaven, nor the Son, but only the Father.

How do they parse their beliefs with this?
You...are aware that most members of the religious right only pay lipservice to the Bible and have no idea what's actually in it, right?

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DrizztLink
09/22/23 7:02:48 PM
#39:


Aristoph posted...
Plot twist: the Rapture happened a couple hundred years ago. We're what was left behind.
The Rapture happened and it was exclusively Amelia Earhart.

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UnholyMudcrab
09/22/23 7:09:54 PM
#40:


What's the source on this?

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IfGodCouldDie
09/22/23 7:12:50 PM
#41:


C_Pain posted...
But about that day or hour no one knows, not even the angels in heaven, nor the Son, but only the Father.

How do they parse their beliefs with this?
God and Jesus are the same being but only one of them knows. Split personality?

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Jiek_Fafn
09/22/23 7:13:59 PM
#42:


Time for us meeks to inherit the earth

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Tyranthraxus
09/22/23 7:14:17 PM
#43:


IfGodCouldDie posted...
God and Jesus are the same being but only one of them knows. Split personality?
I don't think Jesus ever said anything about Rapture

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It says right here in Matthew 16:4 "Jesus doth not need a giant Mecha."
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ultimate_reaver
09/22/23 7:15:20 PM
#44:


UnholyMudcrab posted...
What's the source on this?

yeah Ive googled and Im not finding anything but a couple lone crazies with minimal views

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OriginalPlain2
09/22/23 7:16:30 PM
#45:


yea YEAH

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Wandering__Hero
09/22/23 7:16:32 PM
#46:


Matthew 24:36

But about that day or hour no one knows, not even the angels in heaven, nor the Son, but only the Father.

44 So you also must be ready, because the Son of Man will come at an hour when you do not expect him.

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Blbmbr666
09/22/23 7:17:44 PM
#47:


This might explain all the annoying religious nutjobs that ruined my morning drive down the shore.

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invertedlegdrop
09/22/23 7:21:07 PM
#48:


Wandering__Hero posted...
Matthew 24:36

But about that day or hour no one knows, not even the angels in heaven, nor the Son, but only the Father.

44 So you also must be ready, because the Son of Man will come at an hour when you do not expect him.

This^^^^

No one can know the time of the Rapture, anyone who says they do is a fool...

Its what brought down Harold Camping but folks been predicting and failing to predict the rapture for centuries...

https://youtu.be/QynNpzqYt0Y?si=-wBtm5toEvseSM3x

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Nota214
09/22/23 8:13:33 PM
#49:


invertedlegdrop posted...
This^^^^

No one can know the time of the Rapture, anyone who says they do is a fool...

Its what brought down Harold Camping but folks been predicting and failing to predict the rapture for centuries...

https://youtu.be/QynNpzqYt0Y?si=-wBtm5toEvseSM3x
Was that the May 2012 guy?
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invertedlegdrop
09/22/23 8:23:48 PM
#50:


Nota214 posted...
Was that the May 2012 guy?

Yeah but it was 2011, then he moved it to October 2011, its funny but many people fell for it and some sold off everything, if you watch the vid you'll see...

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