Current Events > I don't get how people enjoy sex

(+) Yeah! (+)

I like to think of myself as a pretty serious gamer. I've played all the "hard" games, such as Dark Souls, Dark Souls 2, Dark Souls 3, etc and I've destroyed them all. They weren't even remotely a challenge for me. I don't know if it's my quick reflexes or my tactical thinking, but if you put a video game in front of me, that game is going to be beat. The only thing that is getting in my way is a dead controller battery (and even then, I always carry backups at all times).

Lately, I've been getting into more physical activities to challenge me, as video games just do not cut it anymore. I've tried both team sports and solo activities, such as running or rock climbing, and as expected, I've dominated in each of them. However, I do find these activities fun as a change of pace from my usual gaming.

So when my new girlfriend Michelle (pronounced Mish-elle) asked if I wanted to try sex, I jumped at the opportunity. I've never had sex before (why waste my seed?) but I figured it would be a great chance to see if this is the ultimate test for my skills. I know lots of men brag about their sexual prowess, so I wanted to see if this was an adequate challenge for someone like me, or just another disappointment.

To prepare, we first engaged in what Michelle called "foreplay." This was almost pathetically easy; nothing but a bunch of open mouth kisses and rhythmic breast grabs. I even noticed Michelle had her eyes closed, which I think truly illustrates the simplicity of this phase of the sexual process.

After about ten minutes of that nonsense, we decided to go right into the main event, sexual intercourse. For weeks leading up to this moment, I had practiced throwing hoops of various sizes into the air and thrusting my penis through them, simulating what I expected sex to be like, and preparing for any moment. My precision had become unmatched.

So you can imagine my disappointment when Michelle took off her pants and all there was just one hole, and a stationary hole at that. I entered this hole with absolutely no difficulty, tried a few of the trick thrusts I had practiced at home, and 30 seconds later it was over.

After sex, I told Michelle that I had never been more disappointed in my entire life, and she agreed. How do people find any enjoyment in this? It reminded me of the quick time events in the video games I frequently dominate, only on a biological level.

Are people really such simpletons that this is a pleasurable activity for them, or am I missing something?

GreenButter returns!

This is a Wendy's.

You haven't conquered anything. 30 seconds is a horrible time. My best is 6.8.

Lmao

Waiting for very long before you have sex most likely will lead to insane amounts of disappointment. Especially when you've engaged with countless amounts of hentai, and porn. You get an idea in your head about sex that is very far above reality.

This is why I wish I could have been having sex when I was much younger (lost my virginity to my wife, in my mid 30s now)

So how many people wont realise this is a copy pasta?

https://youtu.be/9XJe2iVrwTY?si=HNTzRzIl4Qty6jv2

Damn, that's crazy. Anyway, you guys wanna buy some watches? I've also got jewelry and a waffle maker. Please

you need 2 lvl up

Is this a copy pasta?

This feels like a copypasta

Return of the King

10/10, amazing job

ArkhamOrigins posted...

10/10, amazing job

Seriously. This was fantastic.

Better pound that shit faster next time. 30 seconds is some scrub time!

dropped this

oh shit it's well-known eyetalian stallion green "rocky marciano tony soprano fettuccine" butter

You're supposed to build up her meter, not your own.

GB is such a good looking dude, can get all the women he wants, yet cares for none of it. What a monk.

BlazinBlue88 posted...

GB is such a good looking dude, can get all the women he wants, yet cares for none of it. What a monk.

i guarantee you that green "de niro pacino" butter is having large amounts of sex as we speak