Current Events > Domestic abuse

(+) Yeah! (+)

Stay safe.

Can you call the cops for a wellness check on him?

My advice: stay with a friend or at an Airbnb for a while. Don't tell anyone.

He'll probably find out after thursday when they come knockin on his door to arrest him. He'll know its me as there's no one else who would report his behaviour. Then he'll probably threaten to kill me or somethin as he's that type of person and he knows ex convicts. He could also twist the version of events, he's the type to blame shift and make up malicious lies. He's downstairs as I type this with my mum and they don't have a clue what's about to transpire. I feel sick to my stomach..

He'll probably find out after thursday when they come knockin on his door to arrest him. He'll know its me as there's no one else who would report his behaviour. Then he'll probably threaten to kill me or somethin as he's that type of person and he knows ex convicts. He could also twist the version of events, he's the type to blame shift and make up malicious lies. He's downstairs as I type this with my mum and they don't have a clue what's about to transpire. I feel sick to my stomach..

Never call police on family unless you want them shot or worse

Update TC?

@MatzoTov tomorrow is D-Day, I'm scheduled to be at the police station to give a full statement, apparently this session will last 2 hours. Then I have to somehow put on a brave face at work immediately after. I've been sick with worry all week, I even contacted them to request a cancellation, they said it will remain on file but nothin will get done. Then I came home from work and told my mum about his threatening behaviour, how he threatened me and threatened to stab his ex and burn her stuff.

She defended him as usual, basically sayin he was pissed, I said that doesn't justify threatening behaviour. She keeps tellin me 'You can't forget about the past' which is gaslighting. This is how narrow minded my own mother is. She basically told me to 'do what I have to do' so now I'm adamant now in my mind to proceed further and give a full statement on this bastard. Years and years of fear and intimidation. It's time to end this once and for all. My mum will probably disown me after tomorrow, I'll be a target, 'snitches get stitches' after all. They'll know it's me as everyone else enables him. I'll update how it goes tomorrow, my next post will be interesting to say the least.

Sounds like you come from a very troubled and toxic household. I think its time to whats right for you and your piece of mind. Even potentially saving other people.

Keep us posted.

Consider getting a gun if you can.

Check yourself into a hotel or other safe space like that and don't tell anyone for the next few days.

Is moving out an option? You likely shouldn't even be around your mom

Have they told you what sort of action they're likely to take?

They basically told me no further action as there was no evidence of direct threats, since when was indirect not a threat, an empty threat is still a threat. It was a half arsed investigation just to tick boxes of their compliance with the case. My mum lied to the officer sayin it was a 'one off' kinda thing. My recorded notes over the years suggest otherwise but unfortunately that doesn't account for sufficient evidence. My word is only my word and abusers will twist that to their desired effect.

They told me to email my full recorded notes to them, they didn't even properly look at them, the officer literally just skimmed through it. I was sat in that station for 2 hours testifying against an abuser yet nothing has been done. I wasn't convinced by the police response at all, a slap on the wrist is a fuckin disgrace after years of serious threats to hurt me, some to even kill me. After all that, this monster will still be around the house when he visits.

After today this isn't my mum, I was very upset all day in regards to her welfare then I came home and she was fuckin horrible to me, complete gaslighting behaviour, literally shutting me down as she's always done with people around to support her to make me appear crazy. I work in a school, I'm more switched on and open minded than these people will ever be, just complete low lives from a shithole council estate, a product of the environment.

You got the means to support yourself?

I should have asked this somewhere in my advice. Thats important

you mean financially?. I've got some savings. He threatened me again tonight, came round after a drink and warned me never to ring the police again. If I ring them again he would kill me for sure.

Leave then call the cops, period.

Get a motel room for the night or for awhile if you can or see if you can stay with some friends for awhile.

Just been threatened again, he came round at 11pm warning me "DON'T YOU EVER RING THE POLICE AGAIN YOU FUCKIN WORM". He called me a PRICK and told mum he wants to 'FUCKIN LEATHER ME". The police told me to ring them immediately if he starts again but I'm too scared, he sounds like he wants to kill me.

He would kill me if I called the cops again. He warned me never to ring them again. He said if my mum dies from stress he would leather me, my mum's illness (Lupus) is essentially his smokescreen to threaten me. He's evil, he would probably try and stab me or somethin. I don't have any friends tbh

I know it is hard, but you have to leave for your own well being. Abusers use family members and the pets and anything else you love to keep you trapped. Get to safety then think about what to do next.

He would kill me if I called the cops again. He warned me never to ring them again. He said if my mum dies from stress he would leather me, my mum's illness (Lupus) is essentially his smokescreen to threaten me. He's evil, he would probably try and stab me or somethin. I don't have any friends tbh

I appreciate your concern and other posters here. He's just gone home so there's temporary relief before he returns again. I contacted the local council, giving them the contacts of the police officer who I gave the statement. If I moved he would worm his way back in and seize control of my room.

My mum's part in his behaviour is concerning, how she repeatedly gaslights and invalidates me. She told him that she doesn't like it when he drinks as she likes it calm. It's interesting you mention using pets as leverage, he did exactly that the other day, taking my mum's dog back to his flat and she couldn't argue against it.

is there any reason you cant live on your own permanently? If it were me I dont think Id want my room back.

You almost definitely qualify for a restraining order if you think it would help.

Is that similar to an injunction?. The officer suggested that, but I'd have to go through court proceedings, so much bullshit.

TC if you are in England.

I found this help number you can call. Maybe they can help get you safe.

If you want to access support over the phone, you can call: National Domestic Abuse Helpline 0808 2000 247

I have found this one for men.

0808 801 0327

You are right about the BS that male victims have to deal with.

I am happy that some things seem to be going better for you.