Current Events > I've never dated or slept with a woman...

(+) Yeah! (+)

KogaSteelfang posted...

You know that scene from The Lord of the Rings where Saruman spins Gandalf on the floor? I'm pretty good at being spun like him.

Like a record, baby?

KogaSteelfang posted...

You know that scene from The Lord of the Rings where Saruman spins Gandalf on the floor? I'm pretty good at being spun like him.

You just know they had some wicked wizard secks after that and did nasty shit with them staffs

KogaSteelfang posted...

Must be nice to know you're wanted. That people look at you and see a partner. Someone who makes them comfortable enough to share a night with, and provide and receive intimacy.

Maybe it's something I take for granted, but I'd say it isn't all that cracked up to be. Having the interest of someone you don't feel the same way about isn't all that great of a situation to be in. Or at least it isn't where as far as I'm concerned. Seeing people break in front of you isn't an enjoyable experience and one I wouldn't wish on anyone on either side of it.

KogaSteelfang posted...

My only option would be paying someone to fake that. I'd know it. I'd know that they didn't want to be with me. I'd know they're just faking for money. I'd know that I'd be the one putting them into a position where they have to pretend and be with someone they don't to be. For what? For money and my own gratification? I can't do that, man. I feel like that would be far more damaging to me than just staying a virgin.

If you feel that way, that's what you need to do. Like I said, smashing genitals isn't as great as movies would have you believe. Just like relationships in general, whether they be romantic or not, the majority range from mundane and/or inconsequential to negative. It's just those lucky few instances where you actually get that click which connects you on another level. I've only had that click in my teens once romantically speaking.

KogaSteelfang posted...

Sure, sure... That's totally something I can do. Just like getting dates and having sex. Just like getting a billion dollars and inheriting a castle. It's all so easy.

You can. It starts by opening up, the very thing you've been doing this entire time. I know it doesn't account for much from a random screenname online, but you're trying. That's a lot more than many do, just comfortable wallowing in their own self-pity.

In the end, don't take my word as gospel or anything. I'm just some random person online sharing his experiences and believing himself to be every bit as broken as you do. Just in a different way.

Don't worry it's overrated

Damn_Underscore posted...

I mean you cant just be the guy who never says anything

That IS me though. It takes me so freaking long to be able to interact with people. By the time I'm ready to just say something they've already forgotten I exist and accepted me as part of the background.

Damn_Underscore posted...

So what you should do is join some sort of group in your area where you meet multiple times and have to interact with people.

There's nothing in my area to join. Or go to. Or do anything really. Plus what I posted above.

If it's any consolation, I've known people who said being in a bad relationship was way worst than not being in a relationship at all. I know a couple of people who don't want to be in relationships anymore because of one to multiple bad experiences. Some of these bad relationships changed some people I know for the worst.

I know the word "virgin" gets thrown around as an insult, but it's really not something you should be ashamed of. I think as a society, especially the Millenial/Gen Z generation, we're getting better at accepting that not everyone will share the same goals in path as everyone. Never feel left out or pressure that you haven't dated or slept with anyone.

Koga I sincerely hope that you're able to find someone for you. You a good dude and it sucks that you've had a rough time of things. Don't give up on yourself

https://gamefaqs.gamespot.com/a/forum/a/a2b66c6b.png

TC is alright

Smackems posted...

You just know they had some wicked wizard secks after that and did nasty shit with them staffs

Pretty sure that scene did end with Gandalf getting slammed, then waking up later that night confused and disgusted by what just happened.

TheSavageDragon posted...

You can. It starts by opening up, the very thing you've been doing this entire time.

It's easy to open up on here. There's a screen between us. Nothing I say it do on here will affect my life, I'm not speaking publicly despite a bunch of you guys seeing what I'm saying.

If we were in person, I would never bring these things up or talk about them. I've just grown accustomed to using gamefaqs as an outlet for the things I have to keep bottled up IRL.

I can't talk about my life to anyone involved in it. I'm so closed off that I can't even open up to my family about myself. Just simple things like what movies I like is hard to talk about. God forbid it's someone I don't know well and I'm not comfortable with.

KogaSteelfang posted...

It's easy to open up on here. There's a screen between us. Nothing I say it do on here will affect my life, I'm not speaking publicly despite a bunch of you guys seeing what I'm saying.

As I said before, I'm not the one to take advice from looking at my track record. But I feel like you should try to treat interactions with the preferred sex in the same manner. It's harder to do in person, I agree 100%. But why care what some random screenname of a woman thinks of you when it comes to online dating? Though I guess that opens up a whole new can of worms, one I'm not keen of opening up myself.

KogaSteelfang posted...

If we were in person, I would never bring these things up or talk about them. I've just grown accustomed to using gamefaqs as an outlet for the things I have to keep bottled up IRL.

I can't talk about my life to anyone involved in it. I'm so closed off that I can't even open up to my family about myself. Just simple things like what movies I like is hard to talk about. God forbid it's someone I don't know well and I'm not comfortable with.

Not sure, but I feel like I recall you seeking professional help regarding this. As unbelievably hard as it is, I'd say take their advice.
I honestly can't grasp not being able to convey what passions you have to others IRL. Hope you find a way of dealing with it. Judging from your responses here, you're definitely well aware of yourself and others. I'd say the only thing you're lacking is confidence.
In your experience it seems a lot easier said than done, but just tell people what movies you like. If they think less of you for doing so, they're not the type of people you'd want around anyway. Generally you'll find people are more receptive than you lead yourself to believe.

So, it's almost 1pm on Valentine's day, and I haven't even gotten out of bed.

Happy birthday Cupid.

KogaSteelfang posted...

So, it's almost 1pm on Valentine's day, and I haven't even gotten out of bed.

Happy birthday Cupid.

I mean hey, if you've got no work or anything, might as well get some gaming in. I've been playing, and loving, Like A Dragon: Infinite Wealth

Same and never will

Ive never had sex, but I honestly dont care about that. Its just been something that Ive felt I NEEDED to do no matter what.

Never had a relationship last more than a few months either lmao. Havent been on a date in like seven years either lol.

But honestly Im much happier now than I ever was when dating or pursuing someone. I feel kinda bad for people who dont know how to be independent It aint the end of the world, folks.

Maybe my gay privilege is showing, but I find it hard to believe that in this day and age (where dating apps reign supreme) that someone can have such a difficult time finding someone to sleep with.

ZannoL posted...

Maybe my gay privilege is showing, but I find it hard to believe that in this day and age (where dating apps reign supreme) that someone can have such a difficult time finding someone to sleep with.

Right? Never get any matches on dating apps or anything though

NoxObscuras posted...

I mean hey, if you've got no work or anything, might as well get some gaming in. I've been playing, and loving, Like A Dragon: Infinite Wealth

Yeah, I'm off today. Haven't played anything though. Just stayed piled up in bed watching YouTube. I have since forced myself to get up and eat something.

rexcrk posted...

Ive never had sex, but I honestly dont care about that. Its just been something that Ive felt I NEEDED to do no matter what.

I didn't used to care at all. I thought "if it happens, it happens, if not then whatever." But as I grew older I started getting lonely and wanting a relationship. I want to fall in love, I want to get married.

Then the more I looked into it, the more I realized how far behind I was. So I kinda became desperate and tried online dating and stuff to try and make up progress. But it just showed me how hopeless it actually is. Then that just flushed what little mental health I had left. Eventually had a total mental breakdown(this stuff was only part of it). But I never really recovered from that. I hit rock bottom and Everytime I feel like I'm gained ng balance back, something comes along and knocks me back down.

ZannoL posted...

Maybe my gay privilege is showing, but I find it hard to believe that in this day and age (where dating apps reign supreme) that someone can have such a difficult time finding someone to sleep with.

I'm sure most people feel that way. Just more proof that I'm somehow not good enough.

If I wanted to I could sleep with a different guy every week but I ain't gay.

ZannoL posted...

Maybe my gay privilege is showing, but I find it hard to believe that in this day and age (where dating apps reign supreme) that someone can have such a difficult time finding someone to sleep with.

It's hell out there for straight guys, from what I hear. I've personally never had much trouble finding a girl for the short term, and have been in a long term relationship for 4.5 years now, but I've only ever met my partners out in the wild.

Online dating and apps have really made it rough for the "average guy."

The whole "average guy is unfuckable" meme is partially true when it comes to dating apps, based on everything I've heard.

KogaSteelfang posted...

I'm sure most people feel that way. Just more proof that I'm somehow not good enough.

Youre good enough.

You just dont believe it because your upbringing was extremely tumultuous and abusive.

Youll get there. Until then, please dont attach your worth to whether or not you are getting laid. I promise you thats not where its at.

Gobstoppers12 posted...

It's hell out there for straight guys, from what I hear. I've personally never had much trouble finding a girl for the short term, and have been in a long term relationship for 4.5 years now, but I've only ever met my partners out in the wild.

Online dating and apps have really made it rough for the "average guy."

The whole "average guy is unfuckable" meme is partially true when it comes to dating apps, based on everything I've heard.

I see.

rexcrk posted...

Ive never had sex, but I honestly dont care about that. Its just been something that Ive felt I NEEDED to do no matter what.

Never had a relationship last more than a few months either lmao. Havent been on a date in like seven years either lol.

But honestly Im much happier now than I ever was when dating or pursuing someone. I feel kinda bad for people who dont know how to be independent It aint the end of the world, folks.

Yep, its different for everyone.

Some folks love being in a relationship; others thrive being single. Nothing wrong with either

Same here...

KogaSteelfang posted...

So, it's almost 1pm on Valentine's day, and I haven't even gotten out of bed.

Happy birthday Cupid.

All I've done today is go buy manga... So I'm not doing much more lol...

Prestoff posted...

If it's any consolation, I've known people who said being in a bad relationship was way worst than not being in a relationship at all. I know a couple of people who don't want to be in relationships anymore because of one to multiple bad experiences. Some of these bad relationships changed some people I know for the worst.

I know the word "virgin" gets thrown around as an insult, but it's really not something you should be ashamed of. I think as a society, especially the Millenial/Gen Z generation, we're getting better at accepting that not everyone will share the same goals in path as everyone. Never feel left out or pressure that you haven't dated or slept with anyone.

As someone who was in a bad (abusive) relationship, I'm happier single than I was with her.

ZannoL posted...

please dont attach your worth to whether or not you are getting laid.

That's easier said than done (for me, at least). I had exactly one chance to lose my virginity, and my body betrayed me. Ever since that moment almost two years ago, I have felt worthless and like a failure at life. I never felt that way before, and it doesn't get any better over time.

MartavisBryant posted...

That's easier said than done (for me, at least). I had exactly one chance to lose my virginity, and my body betrayed me. Ever since that moment almost two years ago, I have felt worthless and like a failure at life. I never felt that way before, and it doesn't get any better over time.

Good lord one not so great experience means youre doomed for the rest of your life?

Stop that.

Good relationship > Single >>>>>>>>>> bad relationship

TC, have you ever done therapy? I didn't real the whole topic through, but I saw one of the posts say you were dealing with bad social anxiety and depression. I hope you can eventually overcome this.

I find the show "Love on the Spectrum" to be therapeutic, other people are really shitty at this too.

Jupiter posted...

Good relationship > Single >>>>>>>>>> bad relationship

TC, have you ever done therapy? I didn't real the whole topic through, but I saw one of the posts say you were dealing with bad social anxiety and depression. I hope you can eventually overcome this.

Yes, but it hurts more than it helped. He kept insulting me, laughing at me for being a virgin my age, and even told me to give up on getting married and having kids because I'd be an awful husband and father...

That last one pushed me to brink of suicide. I had everything set and ready, and was trying to psych myself to go through with it. But then I thought "I'm in therapy. I need to at least talk this through first." So I backed out of my plans and told him a couple days later that I had my suicide planned and had almost went through with it. How do you think he responded to that? He told me that he understands why someone like me would choose to do it. And that was it. Nothing else was discussed about it.

At that point I was so distraught and frustrated that I just straight up quit therapy and due to an error my doctor made I couldn't get a prescription for my anxiety and depression meds either. So I just never bothered getting that fixed either.

Jupiter posted...

Good relationship > Single >>>>>>>>>> bad relationship

TC, have you ever done therapy? I didn't real the whole topic through, but I saw one of the posts say you were dealing with bad social anxiety and depression. I hope you can eventually overcome this.

He should 100% be in therapy. If he tried and feels like it didn't help, he needs to try a new therapist.

KogaSteelfang posted...

Yes, but it hurts more than it helped. He kept insulting me, laughing at me for being a virgin my age, and even told me to give up on getting married and having kids because I'd be an awful husband and father...

That last one pushed me to brink of suicide. I had everything set and ready, and was trying to psych myself to go through with it. But then I thought "I'm in therapy. I need to at least talk this through first." So I backed out of my plans and told him a couple days later that I had my suicide planned and had almost went through with it. How do you think he responded to that? He told me that he understands why someone like me would choose to do it. And that was it. Nothing else was discussed about it.

At that point I was so distraught and frustrated that I just straight up quit therapy and due to an error my doctor made I couldn't get a prescription for my anxiety and depression meds either. So I just never bothered getting that fixed either.

Holy shit. Sounds like that therapist should NOT be a therapist. Like he should lose his license over that. I'm pretty sure a lot of that is stuff you are absolutely not supposed to say or do as a therapist. A better therapist would definitely help, but I can understand how you are probably wary against them now since that first one was so awful.

[LFAQs-redacted-quote]

I've considered it, but I've been super hesitant. I'd probably have to ask my doctor to help me find one and what if they try to send me back to him?

Also, money is right right now and I'm also just afraid it wouldn't work out again.

Edit: Especially when it feels like all I need to fix my life is to meet someone.

KogaSteelfang posted...

Yes, but it hurts more than it helped. He kept insulting me, laughing at me for being a virgin my age, and even told me to give up on getting married and having kids because I'd be an awful husband and father...

That last one pushed me to brink of suicide. I had everything set and ready, and was trying to psych myself to go through with it. But then I thought "I'm in therapy. I need to at least talk this through first." So I backed out of my plans and told him a couple days later that I had my suicide planned and had almost went through with it. How do you think he responded to that? He told me that he understands why someone like me would choose to do it. And that was it. Nothing else was discussed about it.

At that point I was so distraught and frustrated that I just straight up quit therapy and due to an error my doctor made I couldn't get a prescription for my anxiety and depression meds either. So I just never bothered getting that fixed either.

Good grief.

Was this a licensed therapist or someone who printed their certificate themselves? How did you even find them?

Their behaviour as you describe it is completely unethical, and you should report it.

ai123 posted...

Good grief.

Was this a licensed therapist or someone who printed their certificate themselves? How did you even find them?

Their behaviour as you describe it is completely unethical, and you should report it.

Supposedly licensed. Claimed to be one of the lead psychiatrists in California in the 60's that worked with police and helped normalize it.

But he did retire and then was doing it as a hobby he said. So idk he actually still had a license or what. But that's not even the half of his bad behavior. He'd take calls from other clients during my sessions, be on the phone to them for like 40 minutes then still charge me for the full hour.

these guys sometimes have no empathy, doctors in general.

ZannoL posted...

Good lord one not so great experience means youre doomed for the rest of your life?

Stop that.

Believe me, I would give anything to change the way I feel about myself.

KogaSteelfang posted...

Supposedly licensed. Claimed to be one of the lead psychiatrists in California in the 60's that worked with police and helped normalize it.

But he did retire and then was doing it as a hobby he said. So idk he actually still had a license or what. But that's not even the half of his bad behavior. He'd take calls from other clients during my sessions, be on the phone to them for like 40 minutes then still charge me for the full hour.

I think you have a serious claim against them and, at minimum, they should have their licensed revoked.

60s Californian therapists were into all kinds of mad shit like primal therapy and est.

ai123 posted...

I think you have a serious claim against them and, at minimum, they should have their licensed revoked.

60s Californian therapists were into all kinds of mad shit like primal therapy and est.

He claimed to be one of the first ones on call with police for suicide jumpers. Said him and his partner started a company for that stuff and he had to talk people down and stuff. Which was the only reason I decided to talk to him about it.

Then again, he said that he'd get a call that someone was threatening to jump that he'd just take a casual drive. Stop and get some food and take the scenic route because if they jumped before he got there then it's not on him, and if he talks them down then it didn't matter how long it took him to arrive. Said he'd just use those calls for basically paid days off.

KogaSteelfang posted...

He claimed to be one of the first ones on call with police for suicide jumpers. Said him and his partner started a company for that stuff and he had to talk people down and stuff. Which was the only reason I decided to talk to him about it.

Then again, he said that he'd get a call that someone was threatening to jump that he'd just take a casual drive. Stop and get some food and take the scenic route because if they jumped before he got there then it's not on him, and if he talks them down then it didn't matter how long it took him to arrive. Said he'd just use those calls for basically paid days off.

Sound like he spent more time talking about himself than you.

A good therapist will be able to help you. Please give it a try.

ai123 posted...

Sound like he spent more time talking about himself than you.

A good therapist will be able to help you. Please give it a try.

He absolutely did. Anytime anything in my life was brought up he'd just turn it to discuss his own and tell me I shouldn't feel the way I do. Like, he told me I had no reason to be depressed compared to him because he was recovering from skin cancer. That HE had a reason to be depressed, that I was just feeling sorry.

KogaSteelfang posted...

He absolutely did. Anytime anything in my life was brought up he'd just turn it to discuss his own and tell me I shouldn't feel the way I do. Like, he told me I had no reason to be depressed compared to him because he was recovering from skin cancer. That HE had a reason to be depressed, that I was just feeling sorry.

I'm so sorry you had such a shitty therapist. Most aren't like that

KogaSteelfang posted...

I have a lot of issues and hangups.
I have really had social anxiety, and depression. Super low self esteem and self loathing tendencies. I'm emotionally damaged from abuse and feeling unwanted is a major trigger which sends me into a downward spiral.

I have tried, and I got plenty of matches off of tinder, okcupid and bumble. But that's as far as it went. They either just never responded to a message, or did fir 1-2 then ghosted, or unmatched me. It really just wore me down more than anything and I gave up.

I need to be in a certain frame of mind to try again, but I haven't been there in a long time. I see everyone else succeed all around me and on here and it just makes me feel like I'm not good enough.

That's really all there is to it.

These might be empty words, but I really respect that you've at least tried. I've felt lonely for quite a while now too, but I've never made any attempt to do something about that. I think a lot of people are either too timid or too in their own head to even make that attempt.

I truly hope you can manage to find a little bit of confidence again. Nobody deserves to feel this way.

Koga, I've mentioned this in the past but it bears repeating. Your two main issues are that you still live with/surround yourself with your abusers and you live in a small country town with nothing going on. You need to find a way to relocate to a larger area away from your family. Distancing yourself from your family will help you with your self worth. The population of a city will allow you to look into the groups and events where you can meet new people. The city will also have licensed professional therapists. Who you went to in the past was not a therapist in any way, shape, or form.

Bro same