Current Events > Who else feels like they're gonna be a girlfriendless virgin 'till they die?

(+) Yeah! (+)

:(

Yea

Increasingly common thing.

Nope. Already done that girlfriend thing.

you don't need girlfriends or sex when you've got a great social circle and supportive force like CE you can take solace in :3

I only need my waifus

I'm not. I felt like that for most of my adult life. If you work on yourself, go out and be social and actually try to date, you will find someone and you will find a partner. Shit like they felt like a dream for me.

It might not happen on the first date or even 10th first date, but as long as you try and learn from your mistakes, you will find someone.

I've never been in a serious relationship for longer than a few months. But I'm not giving up. It's one of those things you can't. What's more painful? Accepting rejection after rejection or not trying at all and just being sad about what could have been if you did? If you never try, it will never happen.

*raises hand*

Its extremely painful breaking up with a girlfriend of 5 years tbh. It leaves a huge fucking hole in your heart that wont probably ever go away.

So maybe you can count your blessings?

I rather be a virgin than be with the wrong woman I've learned. Because being with the wrong woman can drive you to insanity as well as make you lose your own sense of self. If you're a virgin you're still a clean slate. Don't give up it's actually a really valuable thing and some women, a growing number actually see it as someone attractive because you haven't been "tainted" by a bunch of bad experiences

2Pacavelli posted...

I rather be a virgin than be with the wrong woman I've learned. Because being with the wrong woman can drive you to insanity as well as make you lose your own sense of self. If you're a virgin you're still a clean slate. Don't give up it's actually a really valuable thing and some women, a growing number actually see it as someone attractive because you haven't been "tainted" by a bunch of bad experiences

I guess that's one way of looking at it.

Flipside is that you miss out on tons of experiences and social growth. Not being close to anyone of the opposite sex could stunt you socially, sexually and emotionally.

There are so many ways I can think of with how that line of thought backfires.

pokeweeb30 posted...

...

might want to self delete before it gets modded and you end up suspended/blocked/etc

SpiritSephiroth posted...

I guess that's one way of looking at it.

Flipside is that you miss out on tons of experiences and social growth. Not being close to anyone of the opposite sex could stunt you socially, sexually and emotionally.

There are so many ways I can think of with how that line of thought backfires.

I understand that too. I felt that way in my young 20s which led me to rushing into situations I shouldn't have rushed into so soon. And that wound up messing me up in some ways emotionally and time wise I think even though I did gain experience. There's a legit tradeoff though in some situations it may be worth it

But basically I'm looking at it like a person messing up and having a baby or something of that magnitude with a manipulative or abusive woman or worse because they were rushing to get experience and wound up dealing with other who were not ideal

It'd be better to stay a virgin even if you just stay making meaningful friendships or close bonds, than rush certain situations

pokeweeb30 posted...

It depends on if I kill myself or not

Damn dude! Hopefully things arent that bad.

Im a foreveralone

pokeweeb30 posted...

or not

Fingers crossed not is the answer.

SpiritSephiroth posted...

Its extremely painful breaking up with a girlfriend of 5 years tbh. It leaves a huge fucking hole in your heart that wont probably ever go away.

So maybe you can count your blessings?

Turn the break up into a positive, dude. My 11 year relationship ended in 2022 and its one of the best things that ever happened to me.

Glob posted...

Turn the break up into a positive, dude. My 11 year relationship ended in 2022 and its one of the best things that ever happened to me.

Congrats

SpiritSephiroth posted...

Its extremely painful breaking up with a girlfriend of 5 years tbh. It leaves a huge fucking hole in your heart that wont probably ever go away.

So maybe you can count your blessings?

Heard that, my gf and I broke up for a weekend when we were just past 4 years and it was the most dreadful heartache I ever experienced.

2Pacavelli posted...

I rather be a virgin than be with the wrong woman I've learned. Because being with the wrong woman can drive you to insanity as well as make you lose your own sense of self. If you're a virgin you're still a clean slate. Don't give up it's actually a really valuable thing and some women, a growing number actually see it as someone attractive because you haven't been "tainted" by a bunch of bad experiences

Here's the thing though. You gain a lot of valuable experience, and you know what you want the earlier you get into a relationship. IMO there's at least equal amounts of internalized trauma from being an old virgin with no dating experience or late in the game, and from being broken up from relationships, but it's better to have loved and lost than never been loved at all IMO.

This comes from a dude in his late 30s who just stated having relationships late last year. Obviously getting the right person is important, but you won't know unless you try, and the chances of you finding Mr or Ms. right the first time around from your first date is low.

When someone is incapable of holding a conversation as I am, it's a foregone conclusion.

It's pretty much a certainty at this point.

Break ups do hurt a fuckton, but I would take the risk every time rather than live in fear of things not working out. Can't have the highs without the lows. No regrets. Etc.

Breakups are awful but I'd rather be with someone than not

viewmaster_pi posted...

might want to self delete before it gets modded and you end up suspended/blocked/etc

He's suspended. :(

When you haven't had a job in 24 years, live with your parents, have no car, hardly ever go out in public, have severe social anxiety, and have no desire to change what-so-ever, you don't deserve to have a relationship let alone you probably couldn't attract anyone anyway. Even if for some reason someone did like me regardless of all of my faults, I would absolutely be questioning their judgement. It's better for me to just stay alone forever.

TuxedoCyan posted...

When you haven't had a job in 24 years, live with your parents, have no car, hardly ever go out in public, have severe social anxiety, and have no desire to change what-so-ever, you don't deserve to have a relationship let alone you probably couldn't attract anyone anyway. Even if for some reason someone did like me regardless of all of my faults, I would absolutely be questioning their judgement. It's better for me to just stay alone forever.

You don't have to 'deserve' a relationship. They aren't rewards for good behaviour.

You just have to meet someone who likes you. There's a lot of people out there, and despite what you're told, they aren't all looking for the same thing.

ai123 posted...

You don't have to 'deserve' a relationship. They aren't rewards for good behaviour.

I still think terrible people shouldn't deserve rewards and I absolutely am a rotten person.

You just have to meet someone who likes you. There's a lot of people out there, and despite what you're told, they aren't all looking for the same thing.

Well I'm not looking so I can't possibly meet this woman that somehow exists out there.

I know I'm not flat out ugly. I did have 5 different girls show attraction toward me in my school years. I'm just too scared to try anything. Too scared to get a job. Too scared to drive. Too scared to be around people. Too scared to socialize. I'm literally scared of living a normal life. I just want to stay alone in my room forever without a care in the world. It's how I've been living all this time so far.

TuxedoCyan posted...

I still think terrible people shouldn't deserve rewards and I absolutely am a rotten person.

Well I'm not looking so I can't possibly meet this woman that somehow exists out there.

I know I'm not flat out ugly. I did have 5 different girls show attraction toward me in my school years. I'm just too scared to try anything. Too scared to get a job. Too scared to drive. Too scared to be around people. Too scared to socialize. I'm literally scared of living a normal life. I just want to stay alone in my room forever without a care in the world. It's how I've been living all this time so far.

I assume therapy has not gone well? There are some shit therapists out there.

Nope. I'm with my future wife.

TuxedoCyan posted...

When you haven't had a job in 24 years, live with your parents, have no car, hardly ever go out in public, have severe social anxiety, and have no desire to change what-so-ever, you don't deserve to have a relationship let alone you probably couldn't attract anyone anyway. Even if for some reason someone did like me regardless of all of my faults, I would absolutely be questioning their judgement. It's better for me to just stay alone forever.

holy shit. spittin facts.

Probably.

I don't see that as a bad thing though.

I'm ace so idgaf

Guide posted...

I assume therapy has not gone well? There are some shit therapists out there.

I tried therapy back in 2000 and they were not good. I tried prescribed medications back then too and they only made me feel worse. I gave up trying after that. Like I said, I don't want to change anymore. I like being the way I am.

The only thing I've done that I would consider positive is that I've started exercising daily. I started Jan 1st 2019 and have kept it up to today. It's helped me feel better about myself but not enough to want to actually do anything significant.

i don't completely lack empathy for people finding it hard to make connections. but people that feels this way, do you work on being the type of person people desire to be around?