Current Events > im 36 and i still care what people think

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i thought youre supposed to learn the "idgaf anymore" ability once you turn 35?

accord posted...

i thought youre supposed to learn the "idgaf anymore" ability once you turn 35?

If you evolved early you'll learn it a little later.

I honestly envy people who have this ability and I view it as a really big privilege. For a number of reasons I just don't have that ability and I think it'd be amazing to be able to just live my life and be myself while not caring what others think.

The idea is completely alien to me.

well, I think you're...a swell guy

I never want to act like I largely cared because for the most part on many things I didn't but I was influenced to a small degree by it growing up but I had something unfold in high school that hit me like a ton of bricks and I instantly went true 100% "I don't care what anyone thinks" after that. So for me the lesson was fully learned at 17.

I'm 48 now so it has been almost 30 years now.

Admittedly, I can only do this when I know people will already look favorably upon me. Being tall and white is unfortunately potent in assisting this.

CRON posted...

I honestly envy people who have this ability and I view it as a really big privilege. For a number of reasons I just don't have that ability and I think it'd be amazing to be able to just live my life and be myself while not caring what others think.

The idea is completely alien to me.

If you want to live that way what's stopping you

Fuck that idgaf shit
People generally like me and it's an awesome experience. Would recommend to a friend

It depends on what you mean by you care. With some people and regarding some things, you should care. But if you have a hard time being yourself because you worry about what others think, then that is a problem.

ok blurryface

there are pros and cons, you gotta learn how to balance caring with not to get the best results

not caring at all won't do you many favors, nor will caring about everything everyone thinks at all times

You should care what people think.
But the key is not letting it control you.

Yea I envy this as well, I have family members who really don't care and live care free for the most part and it's really liberating to be around them especially when we go out it's like they truly live in the moment.

I have my moments of this but I can't help it when those thoughts come and I notice people acting weird around me. I get in my head about it and I end up circling back around to over thinking about my actions. If I grow out of it I'd be happy without a doubt it's difficult sometimes to overcome.

MC_BatCommander posted...

If you want to live that way what's stopping you

It's a mental health issue. I was bullied for most of my life and it began in the home, literally as soon as I was able to start speaking. My siblings had a weird obsession with embarrassing me in public and one in particular worked a local job where they would constantly air out my family's dirty laundry and ask people in my perceived age group what they thought of me. I would constantly hear "I saw someone you went to school with and they said you're weird".

It eased up the older I got but those deep issues are still there. I missed out on a lot of friendships (and even a few potential relationships) because I didn't want to be made fun of. Even today, I consider myself a massive geek but I don't want to associate with people who have my hobbies or interests because I don't want to be considered a geek (or worse, a neckbeard or something) by association.

CRON posted...

It's a mental health issue. I was bullied for most of my life and it began in the home, literally as soon as I was able to start speaking. My siblings had a weird obsession with embarrassing me in public and one in particular worked a local job where they would constantly air out my family's dirty laundry and ask people in my perceived age group what they thought of me. I would constantly hear "I saw someone you went to school with and they said you're weird".

It eased up the older I got but those deep issues are still there. I missed out on a lot of friendships (and even a few potential relationships) because I didn't want to be made fun of. Even today, I consider myself a massive geek but I don't want to associate with people who have my hobbies or interests because I don't want to be considered a geek (or worse, a neckbeard or something) by association.

I am sorry your family did that to you. Somehow you need to understand that being a geek or having geek activities isn't the negative it used to be. I do geeky stuff all the time and have had no problem making friends or getting into relationships. I actually think it helped me a lot by being both geeky and outgoing.

bsp77 posted...

I am sorry your family did that to you. Somehow you need to understand that being a geek or having geek activities isn't the negative it used to be. I do geeky stuff all the time and have had no problem making friends or getting into relationships. I actually think it helped me a lot by being both geeky and outgoing.

I'm aware of that and it's something I need to work on. It goes a lot deeper than that, which makes it tough. I view almost everything in terms of "how can someone judge me over this?" or "how am I going to be perceived by someone?". A lot of it comes from being in an emotionally abusive relationship with someone who had no qualms about making me feel less than.

I know being into nerdy and geeky stuff is as mainstream as it gets these days but I've never really felt like it's something I can relate to or belong to. I'm getting older and I've found people in my age group who are geeky tend to be cringe millennial types. It's a problem where I think a lot of stuff is cringeworthy even though these are happy people enjoying their interests and making friends.

It'll take work but I hope one day I can overcome all this and learn to be happy and comfortable.

I've never once heard someone say that 35 is the age where you stop giving any fucks about what others think. I thought that was supposed to happen at a much older age?

accord posted...

i thought youre supposed to learn the "idgaf anymore" ability once you turn 35?

Tends to be the type of thing you regret later in life :)

"No, no, I didn't have it right. I was destructive, missed something, time's changed, I needed to care, just saying things, etc"

Every cares what people think
Especially the people that say they don't

Youll never not care what people think, but you may be able to regulate it better.

I never cared about what people thought about me online, but in person that is all I care about and get crazy anxiety over.

That is why I never go out in public anymore. I wish I didn't care IRL. Must be nice.