Current Events > Man, Rodney Dangerfield had some wild one-liners lmao:

(+) Yeah! (+)

My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too.

My wife asked me to take out the garbage. I told her you cooked it, you take it out!

I told my bartender, surprise me. He showed me a naked picture of my wife.

Yeah my wife and I was happy for 20 years Then we met.

My wife has to be the worst cook. In my house, we pray after we eat.

Im not a hypochondriac, but my gynecologist firmly believes I am.

My sex life is like shooting pool with a rope!

Never tell your wife shes bad in bed. Shell go out and get a second opinion.

Im taking Viagra and drinking prune juice I dont know if Im coming or going.

I stuck my head out the window and got arrested for mooning.

When I was a kid, we were so poor that if I hadnt been a boy I wouldnt have had anything to play with.

Last week I told my wife, "If you would learn to cook, I could fire the chef." She said, "If you could learn to make love, I could fire the chauffeur."

With my doctor, I don't get no respect. I told him I want a vasectomy. He said with a face like mine, I don't need one.

I was making love to this girl and she started crying. I said "Are you going to hate yourself in the morning?" She said "No, I hate myself now."

I'll always love that line from Back to School when he asks the teacher out and she says she can't because she has class and he says, "Call me when you got no class." Guy was a great one.

Comedy legend and his face while hes delivering standup cracks me up every-time

https://gamefaqs.gamespot.com/a/forum/4/404b3699.jpg

Ryven posted...

I told my bartender, surprise me. He showed me a naked picture of my wife.

Boy, what a joint. I asked the bartender for a double and he brought out a guy that looked just like me.

https://youtu.be/-LbLySbHLYE?si=5hQ_pbFiHvifW_rM

Youre right, he really was a great. Were lucky he eventually got picked up by mainstream or most of his humor would have been forgotten to time. Paul Mooney was great, but most of his sets have been lost or forgotten.

As a kid my mother never breastfed me, she said she only liked me as a friend.

Another classic

He was excellent in that episode of the Simpsons as well:

https://youtu.be/4ZCHH3swvxs?si=LiRQyX2owqU8aJJH

Hexenherz posted...

I'll always love that line from Back to School when he asks the teacher out and she says she can't because she has class and he says, "Call me when you got no class." Guy was a great one.

Lmao

Didn't he start comedy late in his life? I think it's pretty funny how I always thought he was born into it.

[LFAQs-redacted-quote]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_VyDpFRc-eE

Yeah he was great! I really miss him.

My personal Mt. Rushmore of stand-up:

Rodney Dangerfield
Richard Pryor
George Carlin
Eddie Murphy

A girl phoned me the other day and said, "Come on over, there's nobody home." I went over.

Nobody was home!

Ryven posted...

I stuck my head out the window and got arrested for mooning.

Lmfao

My favorite is:

I came home from work early and saw a guy jogging outside naked. I said "Hey buddy why are you jogging naked?". He said "Because you came home early.".

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W6QzY6KbCUQ

His standup was basically committing nonstop murder and it was great. Dude was a fucking comedic freight train.

put her back in, she aint done yet!