Last Topic: 8:58:45pm, 02/07/2025
Last Post: 8:58:45pm, 02/07/2025
I have two ex-work buddies, 1 and 2. When I first started, I was paired with 1, and we built this camaraderie that can only be forged by working closely together. Due to work requirements, 1 had to be reassigned, and 2 was assigned to me while 1 slowly weaned out of the team. Luckily, all three of us, then the remaining two of us were able to develop the same kind of camaraderie.
Because of work again, I got reassigned, alone. And 1 is reassigned back, this time to 2. To be honest, it makes me jealous that everybody else, not just 1 and 2, have a foxhole buddy at work and I don't. The kind of light hearted banter and inside jokes that only foxhole buddies share, sharing of more intimate thoughts, collaborative planning of work, working late together to meet the timeline, carrying the mental burden of trying to overcome a problem together. All the things that everybody else have that I don't. I tried to text 1 and 2 inspanidually, as well as other colleagues that I'm friendly with, but it just isn't the same. I'm pretty sure I have a very unhealthy attachment style here.
1 has always dreamed of something better and during our time, and had confided in me about dissatisfaction with the job scope, and the desire to leave for a new challenge. But 1 has always been held back by fear and familiarity. Fear of the unknown, of inadequacy, and of the effort required to overcome the comfort of familiarity. All of which I can relate to, since I had to overcome them to get to where I am now. Trying to be a good friend, I've always tried to encourage 1 and either assuage or refute 1's insecurities.
Recently on a whim, I agreed to help out with the first step of 1's exit plan: updating 1's resume. But now as the date to meet up approaches, I can't help but feel like I'm plotting against 2 behind 2's back. I do have my loyalties to 2 as well and I don't want to hurt 2 and take away 2's foxhole buddy. Especially when I see them enjoying the camaraderie that I so crave with each other. I don't know if I'm doing this out of loyalty to 1 or out of jealousy of everybody, 1 and 2 included. I don't know if I should I continue to help 1. Is there something that I can do to assuage this sense of frustration and loneliness?