My dad is convinced he's going to die on December 18th.

He has a very bad aneurysm in his aorta. We didn't find out until he just dropped unconscious one day. At the hospital they called for a helicopter to fly him to a heart specialist, and the specialist gave him about a 3% chance to live. Obviously he survived. They placed a stint in him and were monitoring it.

A few years ago, once again he just dropped. The doctors refused to listen to mom telling them to check his aneurysm. They stalled for hours before realizing he was dying and got rushed back to the heart surgery place. They saved him again, but told him he shouldn't have lived. Said to stop smoking(he increased it) and enjoy life having dodged a bullet twice. Said not to count on dodging it a 3rd time if he doesn't start taking better care of himself.

Well, he just had his check up and the doctor said they want to replace the stint. Scheduled it December 18th. Now he's telling everyone that he's dying, and that the doctor said he wouldn't make it(the 3rd bullet comment from years ago). He's planning on us celebrating his last Christmas on the 17th because he won't be here on the 18th(he literally won't be here as he'll be in the hospital), because he assumes this is a death sentence.

He's taking it surprisingly well so far, generally he gets meaner when he thinks he's going to die. But he's been pretty chill this time.

I mean, it's just a simple procedure and even the doctors aren't worried. But really, it'd be pretty silly if he survived near impossible odds before just to die on a simple procedure.

He's obviously and understandably very worried about his health.

This sounds like a way of coping. Expect the worst and hoped to be relieved when it doesn't happen. If it's working for him, that's good.

Hearts out to your dad

Having a stint replaced isn't risk free but it absolutely doesn't count as dodging a bullet.

ai123 posted...

He's obviously and understandably very worried about his health.

This sounds like a way of coping. Expect the worst and hoped to be relieved when it doesn't happen. If it's working for him, that's good.

I understand being worried, I really do, but I don't think it's good to go into a procedure expecting to die. Acknowledge the possibility, sure, but don't people you probably won't make it. The doctors wouldn't do it if it was going to kill him.

A_Good_Boy posted...

Hearts out to your dad

Thanks. He's not a good person, but I don't exactly wish him dead. If he does die, I don't think it'll bother me like it should.

Enclave posted...

Having a stint replaced isn't risk free but it absolutely doesn't count as dodging a bullet.

Exactly. He's acting like this is his 3rd strike and he's out after this. No, it's possible he could survive 10 more bullets, or have died at the first. He's treating it like a countdown to doom.

KogaSteelfang posted...

I understand being worried, I really do, but I don't think it's good to go into a procedure expecting to die. Acknowledge the possibility, sure, but don't people you probably won't make it. The doctors wouldn't do it if it was going to kill him.

Did...did you ever ask him how it felt when he just dropped unconscious twice?

Regardless, the man FEELS like he's died twice, so he's gonna be a bit worried about it a third time especially with warnings from doctors and him knowing he's directly disobeying doctor's orders by smoking even more to cope. He seems to be smoking more to just be like eh fuck it I'll enjoy my last days since I know I'm on my last days. So likely coping.

Enjoy it while he's still around. I don't have a great relationship with my dad either (he's also not a good person) and if he died I believe I won't care but who knows it might just hit me out of left field for some reason.

He's confusing defeatism for clairvoyance. Here's to hoping for a successful procedure, despite is pessimism.

Just an aside (and sorry to be that guy): it's stent, not stint.

badjay posted...

Did...did you ever ask him how it felt when he just dropped unconscious twice?

We've brought it up a few times trying to get him to be more appreciative of family. But he denies it. Says we'd let him die if we had the chance. When we say we literally helped save him twice he says we're lying and it wasn't as bad as we say.

badjay posted...

Regardless, the man FEELS like he's died twice, so he's gonna be a bit worried about it a third time especially with warnings from doctors and him knowing he's directly disobeying doctor's orders by smoking even more to cope. He seems to be smoking more to just be like eh fuck it I'll enjoy my last days since I know I'm on my last days. So likely coping.

Could be. But he's mostly always been a chain smoker. He did quit for a long time, then started back up look cool in front of his friends. The doctors said it was making his condition worse, and may have caused it to begin with. But he hasn't stopped or slowed at all. Just started doing it openly when he his it from us before(but it was obvious anyway).

badjay posted...

Enjoy it while he's still around. I don't have a great relationship with my dad either (he's also not a good person) and if he died I believe I won't care but who knows it might just hit me out of left field for some reason.

Yeah, I expect that I'll likely be surprised by emotions when that happens. But when he was in surgery and they told us he probably wouldn't make it, I had no emotions either way. I was just bored waiting on them to tell us if he lived or died. It surprised me at how little I cared and it made me feel like a bad person.

Villain_S_Fiend posted...

He's confusing defeatism for clairvoyance. Here's to hoping for a successful procedure, despite is pessimism.

Just an aside (and sorry to be that guy): it's stent, not stint.

Oops, my bad. I remember being corrected in that before when I mentioned it, but couldn't remember which was which. Didn't feel like looking it up right away either.

I've been there with the increased smoking.

At one point they say I'm not making it out alive. What kind of life will I have. In their minds its lets get it done and over with. Accelerate

My friend quit twice. 8 months out of the 13. She did good considering what her deal was. I tried to explain to her in not a nagging way. That not quiting 2 decades ago got you here. You might have lived another 20y. Shame she didnt deserve it.

Villain_S_Fiend posted...

Here's to hoping for a successful procedure

this.

if it does cause his passing during procedure it might've been his time to go (even if we don't like/accept it).

Sometimes it's best just to be a pessimist so you or people around you aren't as let down if something bad happens; then you can be extra glad if something good happens.

I hope he makes it through the surgery fine and you guys don't have to worry about it! I know what it's like to lose a family member just before Christmas.

yeah he's not wrong for just trying to accept the possibility as a reality try to get that anxiety out of his system.

But projecting is where it gets shaky. I guess that speaks to how much he's stressing over it. Hope for the best.