Lurker > IhatethisCPU

...It's a factual statement, is what it is.

Oi have not been suckered by SSW, Oi just don't have the ego that comes from being a big deal in a tiny, *tiny* pond. Oi know you haven't been paying attention to wot Oi've been saying, because this is a company of boring narcissists and one of the many reasons Oi've been wanting to leave this hellhole, which Oi will *finally* be able to do after Noight of Champions- thank you for reminding me of wot et was called, by the way, Oi haven't heard that name enough in the past week...

And, as the link between the two companies... Oi, on Metal Sonic's behalf, refuse your request. If you need to know why, look back to Ruin. You lost to me, in the third stupidest match Oi have ever heard of. You have lost the right to be called of of this den of arrogant ignorance's best after that little display, boy. Oi do have... other freelancers that Oi can set you up against, however. ...Oi'm pretty sure my booking week is up next, after all, Oi really haven't been paying much attention with how busy Oi've been getting interesting people to come in for a noight or two.
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Hi, I'm CPU, and I'm 90% dumb, 10% water. And 10% percent poor math skills.
(CPU)

...Oh *wait*, I didn't actually get a golden mushroom because- >_<

So disregard that 'shroom until I can actually use this shell. >_<

CPU.
---

Hi, I'm CPU, and I'm 90% dumb, 10% water. And 10% percent poor math skills.
(CPU)

*...Uses mushroom because why the hell not*
---

Hi, I'm CPU, and I'm 90% dumb, 10% water. And 10% percent poor math skills.
(CPU)

CPU
---

Hi, I'm CPU, and I'm 90% dumb, 10% water. And 10% percent poor math skills.
(CPU)

...Bombadil, after Oi foind where Stroife took Percy, and Oi get back from my trip to get some favors called in, I am going to send you back to Eragon where you belong. And Sal is *not* part of this crossover.

AND BELIEVE ME OI DON'T WANT TO GO BACK TO ERAGON EITHER. ...Bad enough Oi had to it read in in grade school because me teacher thought Harry Potter was racist against gingers. (fingers to forehead)

XIII
eaed
CPU
Sally
Wigs/Shad
Belome
---

Hi, I'm CPU, and I'm 90% dumb, 10% water. And 10% percent poor math skills.
(CPU)

You know *why* I brought up the tag team division? Because we *both* knew that your whole THRIVING tag team division BULLSHIT WAS JUST THAT. Complete, and utter, *bullshit*, to make yourself feel like a bigger in this already tiny pond.

And oh, you wanna know about the rest of the roster? Those that haven't been paying attention to the UCA because they believe this to be a short term attention span project from the higher ups, and are currently working to move up the ranks of an *actual* wrestling organization? The ones that your higher-ups refuse to bring over because they don't want to admit the level of obscurity that you people actually deserve to face?

There's roughly 42 people on the roster at least the last Oi heard, but Oi'm only going to name... 15 more of the people o because *with* that Oi've already made my point. Rick Bruiser, Joe Bruiser, Masked Muscle, Sir Astral, Zylo, Belome, Bob Charlie, Mack the Knife, Hinopio, Cid Highwind, Shy Guy, Sticks, Jazz Jackrabbit and a friend of mine in Luxord. You want to know why they haven't *all* shown up here? Because if they did, NONE OF YOU WOULD HAVE A MATCH ON YOUR OWN SHOW.

You might be noticing that we're missing what you're considering 'big' names on there, Shadow, Knuckles the Echidna... fucking MIGHTY THE ARMADILLO... because we're big, but we aren't even the *biggest* company in the world, and they've moved on to places that're even bigger than us. We're just the *only* other one, major or otherwise, that sees anything in this shithole of a company and it's backwater roster. There're 62 of them, at last count, ALL AROUND THE WORLD, and they range from the Shonen Battleground to fuckin' Survivor Techicos and Rudos. And Oi have a hand in almost *all* of them. ...Except for Survivor and Big Brother, because Oi do have standards. And you wanna know why you didn't know about ANY OF THEM before now? Because you were *all* too entrenched into this dead-end company to even *consider or CARE* about the idea there might be other companies out there.

And you know what they *all* have in common...? None of them have ever heard of this company, OR DO THEY CARE. The SSW is the *only* one that's even *willing* to work with you people, and Oi've been foighting them every step of the way, because Oi'm not a fan of people Oi actually care actually wasting their toime on things and people that aren't worth it. The fact they've been willing to work with you people as much as they have is a testament to the patience they have for misguided arrogance, which Oi don't have. And one or two have been following this little saga that's been going on, and know what the fuckin' POKKEN BATTLE LEAGUE, *that* niche hellhole of it's own? They agree with me about this entire venture being a waste of toime on the scale of NJPW's brief association with Total Nonstop Action wrestling. SSW Is *determined* to make this work, but... *shrugs*
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Hi, I'm CPU, and I'm 90% dumb, 10% water. And 10% percent poor math skills.
(CPU)

THERE IS NO THRIVING TEAM DIVISION. There's FOUR. FUCKING. TEAG TEAMS. THERE'RE MAYBE 18 PEOPLE HERE, HALF OF WHOM DON'T DO ANYTHING. THIS IS A STAGNANT POND.

Tell me, look at how many people are here now, and HOW MANY PEOPLE ARE LIKELY TO SIGN UP? There IS. NO. GROWTH POTENTIAL IN THE UCA.

Do you know *why*? Because no one outside of the UCA bubble cares. Tell me, how many people that aren't directly involved with this company takes part in it's activities? How many outside of it? The anwser is none. Because this company does. not. change. It keeps fucking going, and without some outside attention, it's going to die. ...Which actually suits me fine, because if it does, Oi don't have to work in this bog of disappointment and self-delusion anymore. The higher-ups want to help, but you're going to be the death of the company you claim to care about, for the sake of your *own ego*, boy. Now, you sit your ass down, but only after you remove your head from it.
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Hi, I'm CPU, and I'm 90% dumb, 10% water. And 10% percent poor math skills.
(CPU)

(SONIC DOESN'T WORK FOR SSW ANYMORE FOR FUCK'S SAKE. I said as such last time! @_@')

Sonic
Metal Sonic
Broken Raven
Emerald/Strife
CPU
Wigs
Shad

...Oi apologise for this, Oblivion, but *sets fist on fire and punches a chair into DP's face* Oi have some anger Oi need to work on.
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Hi, I'm CPU, and I'm 90% dumb, 10% water. And 10% percent poor math skills.
(CPU)

...Guys, you do know that booking yourselves over Super Sonic Wrasslin' doesn't actually make you better, right? Just makes the rest of this wide world of wrestling, a *lot* of them larger than Regional- seriously, you don't get views outside of fucking Greece- ON THAT NOTE.


*Brings out the map of the house show circuit we've all been going on.*

Bruges, Dulft, Caceres, Sighisoara- YOU'VE BEEN BASED IN EUROPE FOR THE ENTIRE TIME YOU'VE EXISTED, AND YOU STUPID BASTARDS DIDN'T NOTICE, *BECAUSE NONE OF YOU CAN READ A MAP.*

And *more to the point*, you're *not* a major property, you're House of Bricks Wrestling, *if that*. And you know *why?*

Because. You're. all. too insular. You cannont accept when people are trying to help you improve yourselves, and before you say you'll improve yourselves...

If you were going to do that, you would've long before now. But you've all permitted this incestual circle of shoddy athleticism and, for the most part, sub-par promowork, IF ANYONE DOES THAT, AND. YOU PEOPLE. REWARD the worst of them.

...The higher ups are willing to try and continue to have this work, but Oi've given up on most of you. Oblivion, Strife, Apollo, Maniac, Solio, occasionally David, AS MUCH OF A FILTHY LIAR YOU ARE being exceptions... and XIII, you have my deepest apologies. But Oi'm going to show you some of what's else is out there in a few weeks. Because *yes*, there's more out there, and Oi have *connections*. Oi will give you all your screentime, because my higher-ups are fair, BUT OI WON'T BE.

*throws up hands in disgust, walks off*
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Hi, I'm CPU, and I'm 90% dumb, 10% water. And 10% percent poor math skills.
(CPU)

...Oi. Bombadil.



Monkey.

(...Also this is a hint as to part of what my booking week in the next few might entail. you have fun figuring this out >:D)
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Hi, I'm CPU, and I'm 90% dumb, 10% water. And 10% percent poor math skills.
(CPU)

...not gonna lie I'd also watch that, but I already watch Tiger Mask W. ^_^'
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Hi, I'm CPU, and I'm 90% dumb, 10% water. And 10% percent poor math skills.
(CPU)

...The apology is accepted, Egg. ^_^ ...BUT OI WILL *STILL* FEAST UPON THE REST OF YOUR SOU- *choked out*
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Hi, I'm CPU, and I'm 90% dumb, 10% water. And 10% percent poor math skills.
(CPU)

OI DON'T WANT THE DAMNED THING!

Oi don't want *any* of these forsaken glorified pants suspenders, WHICH THEY CAN'T DO PROPERLY! OI WILL TAKE YOUR HEAD AND PRIDE, HOWEVER-

*Promptly choked out by a ninja chameleon.*

"...You'll forgive him, the boy's a little stressed at the moment. Once he's had some sleep..."

*The cyborg is promptly dragged away*
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Hi, I'm CPU, and I'm 90% dumb, 10% water. And 10% percent poor math skills.
(CPU)

*Letter appears on the titantron*

'Trying' implies that we don't legally own you after 'Team UCA's ' failure.

This is why you don't wager companies on a wrestling match, gentlemen.

Best wishes,

Percival Watson
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Hi, I'm CPU, and I'm 90% dumb, 10% water. And 10% percent poor math skills.
(CPU)

Stroife ain't got a lock on rage. ...Just a very large share in the company.
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Hi, I'm CPU, and I'm 90% dumb, 10% water. And 10% percent poor math skills.
(CPU)

You have moi apologies in advance, Stroife, Oi don't loike taking out my anger issues on people that aren't directly at fault, but sometoimes that's the only way you have to make a point, yeah?
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Hi, I'm CPU, and I'm 90% dumb, 10% water. And 10% percent poor math skills.
(CPU)

Too late for fucking anwsers AND READING COMPREHENSION YOU DUMB BASTARD! THEY'LL NEVER FOIND YOUR BODY!

(Honestly yes. I'm nails-on-chalkboard annoyed by these random title shots.)
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Hi, I'm CPU, and I'm 90% dumb, 10% water. And 10% percent poor math skills.
(CPU)

FUCKING DAMMIT.

You fucking know what? Oi care about fairness even less than Oi care about hearing about wot fuckface has to say later now, YOU ARE BOTH DEAD MEN EGG AND BOMBADIL.

Oi'm going to bury both of you AND EVERYONE THAT'S VOTED FOR ME so far under the fucking ground you'll think you're Blinx the Toime Cat 1 AND 2.
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Hi, I'm CPU, and I'm 90% dumb, 10% water. And 10% percent poor math skills.
(CPU)

Oi'm not in charge of the SSW business decisions here, Bombadil. If it was up to me Oi'd be out of this spaceship of assholes (KEEP FIRING, ASSHOLES) entirely, but nooooooo....

emerald
BEAR
Tails
Maniac
Blaze/NiGHTS
Eggman/Metal Sonic
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Hi, I'm CPU, and I'm 90% dumb, 10% water. And 10% percent poor math skills.
(CPU)

Tom Bombadil posted...

*arches eyebrow*

...."child company"?

*Letter 3*

Yes. You lot will be largely self-reliant, and anyone that comes in from this point on isn't under our employ, just yours.

...It occurs to me that you might've be thinking this was an equal working agreement. And, to this I say, Ah hah, hahaha, ha ha, *hahahahahahahaha*.


Best wishes, Percival Watson.
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Hi, I'm CPU, and I'm 90% dumb, 10% water. And 10% percent poor math skills.
(CPU)

*Second letter*

Our ward is currently still being choked out to lessen the risk of him hurting himself, so I can't get a response from him on that front, but if you believe this 'GTM' to be a suitable partner, than I see no further reason to be disagreeable.

Your cooperation is much appreciated.

Many thanks, Percival Watson.
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Hi, I'm CPU, and I'm 90% dumb, 10% water. And 10% percent poor math skills.
(CPU)

*A letter crosses the titantron*

Greetings, new employees, and viewers of the UCA, It will be a pleasure to work with you as our new child company, for however long this arrangement lasts, and, we assure you, you will all be treated as you deserve.

To the 'King' of the UCA's... bodyguard, retainer, we aren't entirely sure what you are other than quite loyal, and a tad... unnerving in said loyalty.

Our ward would appear to have gone into a frothing rage upon hearing the phrase 'title opportunity' and smashed Scratch through a wall as a response.

I didn't quite understand what he was saying through the cries of anger and disgust before Ms. Acorn knocked him out with a sleeper hold, but I suspect those words are a sore point with him and part of his deciding to leave your company.

However, he did communicate a desire, in his brief moments of clarity, that his partner over there still get a shot. I ask that you replace our ward, but still give his partner, this... 'Sol-ee-oh'...? gentleman a shot at this title if you wish to show him appreciation.

Best of Wishes, Percival Watson
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Hi, I'm CPU, and I'm 90% dumb, 10% water. And 10% percent poor math skills.
(CPU)

Edit: (Faiiiir enough. ^_^')

(And fuckin' dammit I hate when that happens. >_<)
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Hi, I'm CPU, and I'm 90% dumb, 10% water. And 10% percent poor math skills.
(CPU)

...Oi just want to be done with this entire place. That's all. Get that last date over with, show my new employer's superiority and what it's like to be treated by a company that appreciates the work you put in for them and treats you well. But no. NO. Oi FOIND MYSELF STUCK IN THIS HELLHOLE OF A COMPANY BECAUSE MY BOSSES GOT SO FUCKING ANGRY AT HOW MY CONTRACT WAS BEING HANDLED.

And now Super Sonic Wrasslin' has taken over. And they say they're going to improve it, and make it not a joke like that crime against nature called Big Brother Mexico. And Oi'm expected to be the liaison between the two companies and *handle the cross-promotion*. ...Foine. FUCKING FOINE. THEY ASK ME TO HANDLE THIS, AND THEY assure me that this will be the last six weeks Oi have to deal with this... 'place', and Oi can foinally focus on honing moi craft with SSW.

Oi can deal with this. Oi will loathe every last second of it, but if this means Oi can finally, finally be done with the UCA, Oi will live up to their expectations and make sure each and every single one of you embarrassments to my life's love will turn into something watchable.

David, Oi have a few folk in mind, none of them have any interest in a regional 'World' title, but they do see something that Oi don't in you, and wish to hone that with a better class of worker.

Big the Human, YOU SHUT UP. Your failure as part of 'Team UCA' is directly responsible for this living hell Oi foind myself in! You have earned NOTHING.

And *eddv*, Oi am going to rip out j edward's liver and force feed it to you. Oi will NOT have the belt that oi and moi greatest rival WARRED OVER disrespected by a dime-store Survivor cast-off!

To the rest of you... Oi am going to go lay down and try to cool off, and we can discuss this like reasonable people. If oi'm needed, call Percy or Luxord. Oi'm not anwsering calls for the forseeable future

*Stalks off, glancing at and apologising about the irritability to someone off-screen as new theme music plays the cyborg off the screen*



(...Lemme know if anyone has any ideas, I legitimately got nothing. @_@')
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Hi, I'm CPU, and I'm 90% dumb, 10% water. And 10% percent poor math skills.
(CPU)

Hnn...
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Hi, I'm CPU, and I'm 90% dumb, 10% water. And 10% percent poor math skills.
(CPU)

...soooo we actually won the match and am not sure what do
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Hi, I'm CPU, and I'm 90% dumb, 10% water. And 10% percent poor math skills.
(CPU)

(...I was not actually expecting us to win, so a proper response will be later. ...Largely because I'm unsure where to go from here)
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Hi, I'm CPU, and I'm 90% dumb, 10% water. And 10% percent poor math skills.
(CPU)

CPU/Tom/Apollo/Sonic.
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Hi, I'm CPU, and I'm 90% dumb, 10% water. And 10% percent poor math skills.
(CPU)

CPU/Tom/Apollo
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Hi, I'm CPU, and I'm 90% dumb, 10% water. And 10% percent poor math skills.
(CPU)

CPU/Tom

No, they only write slash fiction between the people on the roster, or so the UCA subreddit (Which does not actually exist) says. Oi don't care enough to see who's popular though. There's not much of it, though, something about there being not much to work with.
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Hi, I'm CPU, and I'm 90% dumb, 10% water. And 10% percent poor math skills.
(CPU)

CPU/Tom
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Hi, I'm CPU, and I'm 90% dumb, 10% water. And 10% percent poor math skills.
(CPU)

(The funniest thing is that Sonic doesn't even work for SSW anymore with the thing we've been using.)
DP
Tom/Apollo
Maniac
Strife2
Egg
Shad

MODERN WARFARE MATCH VOTING

VOTE BASED ON HOW MUCH TIME HAS ELAPSED FROM THIS POST
EVERY TIME THE MATCH CHANGES YOU MAY VOTE AGAIN

Tom
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Hi, I'm CPU, and I'm 90% dumb, 10% water. And 10% percent poor math skills.
(CPU)

*lasers*
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Hi, I'm CPU, and I'm 90% dumb, 10% water. And 10% percent poor math skills.
(CPU)

...of course when I say that my laptop decides to start having issues again. but bump anyway
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Hi, I'm CPU, and I'm 90% dumb, 10% water. And 10% percent poor math skills.
(CPU)

*picks up and places david over next to the Deuce And Domino memorial service* You stay over here, adults are talking about children's games.

...And you've... never played a Pokemon game, Strife?

https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/236x/34/44/f6/3444f64623ad7a249ef6863fafec7ffa.jpg

this thing. usually without the hoodie

(Edit) ...Huh, well alright. ^_^'
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Hi, I'm CPU, and I'm 90% dumb, 10% water. And 10% percent poor math skills.
(CPU)

That belt is *not* worth getting eaten by a mimic, which that damned thing was and *is*.

And it was Molten Mine, although admittedly most people wouldn't have figured that out since most don't remember even even played Black Knight.

*Anyway*, just have the one date left, and Oi'm finished with this damned company. Finally rid of that belt, and Oi don't have anyone else Oi've any interest in fighting here, sooo... ...guess Oi've just got to defend SSW's rep once.

*Raises a finger*

...HOW DO YOU NOT KNOW WHO SCYTHER IS YOU NINNY? Green, *actual scythes for arms*, turns into a mecha when it evolves? ...Maybe yer a Digimon or Monster Rancher kinda guy, which Oi can kinda respect.
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Hi, I'm CPU, and I'm 90% dumb, 10% water. And 10% percent poor math skills.
(CPU)

No worries! ^_^
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Hi, I'm CPU, and I'm 90% dumb, 10% water. And 10% percent poor math skills.
(CPU)

muddersmilk posted...

>_<

I have such bad luck with Message ID votes.

(It's makin' up for my *not voting in the match at all* ya boik)
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Hi, I'm CPU, and I'm 90% dumb, 10% water. And 10% percent poor math skills.
(CPU)

STILL doesn't mean what you think it means, you quarter store Flame Hyenard!
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Hi, I'm CPU, and I'm 90% dumb, 10% water. And 10% percent poor math skills.
(CPU)

THE GORRAM HELLEVATOR'S A MIMC, YOU CAN'T FOOL ME, OI AIN'T GETTING IN IT.
Raven
Apollo/Strife
Eggman
Piston
Dp
Golurk/Scyther (...Okay, maybe Oi wasn't clear enough, but lemme put it simply. Big the Cat is Sultan if Sultan was a Sonic chara. ...At the very least Big's a better promo. >_>')
j ed (Fuck Caius. Oi kinda LIKE FFXIII-2, but fuck Caius)
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Hi, I'm CPU, and I'm 90% dumb, 10% water. And 10% percent poor math skills.
(CPU)

davidponte posted...

Emeraldegg posted...

Davidponte - 7
LITERALLY SUPERMAN - 1
Literally less boring than Superman

DP - 6
Squirrel Girl - 3
I don't know who squirrel girl is, but she choked, as she had a 3-0 lead before DP threw his heavyweight around.

Your Undisputed Champion had a harder time defeating Squirrel Girl than I did beating literally Superman.

If literally Superman can't stack up, what chance does DP have?

As I've said time and time again since being named #1 Contender, I'm a changed person, this is a different match, and there is absolutely nothing that I will let get in the way of me and finally achieving my goal of becoming Champion.

Oi would like to point out that you did have the Kryptonite trunks, young Jesse Eisenberg, and Squirrel Girl was on-panel.
...Also Oi'm not entirely sure why Egg felt the need to make fun of DP's weight. >_>'

(Also people *like* Squirrel Girl, because she's actually interesting. If XIII wasn't too cheap to afford Batman fuck batman or even *Calendar Man* there'd be more of an fight.)
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Hi, I'm CPU, and I'm 90% dumb, 10% water. And 10% percent poor math skills.
(CPU)

Oi'm fairly certain you have to use them within a certain amount of toime for them to count as a business expense, unfortunately.

And you're a tad... biased on the subject, so forgive moi for discounting your opinion on the matter slightly. (:p)
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Hi, I'm CPU, and I'm 90% dumb, 10% water. And 10% percent poor math skills.
(CPU)

Superman? Couldn't afford Booster Gold, eh?

Tom/CPU
Both are equally boring.
Squirrel Girl
Maniac
Solio
Egg
Raven
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Hi, I'm CPU, and I'm 90% dumb, 10% water. And 10% percent poor math skills.
(CPU)

muddersmilk posted...

Well then I'm glad my vote didn't count.

He didn't deserve my bonus votes for being the only one to do a written paragraph.

https://gyazo.com/4329e1d81bb95ef73ba89471269ed933

(...I actually didn't expect anyone to do that bit and I am impress. >_> <_<
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Hi, I'm CPU, and I'm 90% dumb, 10% water. And 10% percent poor math skills.
(CPU)

(I'll leave it to you to figure out what word I meant! I'm sure you'll manage in time.)

And you're welcome, incidentally, considerin' my partna over there Solio and Oi are the reason the Tag Division started back up properly to start with. And, before ya respond, no, Oi don't care enough about either you or your partner's, and his being an insult to Big The Cat's brains, and Oi say brains because Oi know your partner doesn't know how to spell words with more than two things, and Oi want him to get when Oi am mocking him, enough to foight you two. Oi have standards.

"And that's why you're fighting Grounder on the house show circuit right?"

Shaddup Jackrabbit.

(...Also I can't write Metal Sonic worth a damn, otherwise there would've actually been a response to DP's complimenting SSW durin' Tombat. ^_^')
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Hi, I'm CPU, and I'm 90% dumb, 10% water. And 10% percent poor math skills.
(CPU)

(You keep using that word. I don't think it means what you think it means.)
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Hi, I'm CPU, and I'm 90% dumb, 10% water. And 10% percent poor math skills.
(CPU)

Tom Bombadil posted...

who wants to count :D :D :D

(So very not it.)
---

Hi, I'm CPU, and I'm 90% dumb, 10% water. And 10% percent poor math skills.
(CPU)

I did give Karkat a STRIFE contract, because that seemed simple enough to fix at least. Ya prob gonna wanna look that over, but I did do that.
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Hi, I'm CPU, and I'm 90% dumb, 10% water. And 10% percent poor math skills.
(CPU)

He... kinda asked me awhile back to put out feelers to see if anyone'd be interested in joinin' up so it... wouldn't be just be Sanic characters, but I... got really panicky about the whole thing and never actually sent out the PMs because I had no idea who'd be interested...

...Could be a post-MW feud thingy, dependin' on how things go. I'll follow your lead on that if ya wanna.

...Or it could be one of those uneasy alliance feuds leading into a full-fledged one post-MW...
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Hi, I'm CPU, and I'm 90% dumb, 10% water. And 10% percent poor math skills.
(CPU)

...I rather assumed you were gonna do that anyway.

...all these shenanigans are partially my fault to begin with after all ^_^'
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Hi, I'm CPU, and I'm 90% dumb, 10% water. And 10% percent poor math skills.
(CPU)