Lurker > KogaSteelfang

Still a virgin, but I'm over 30 anyway. So... Yeah.
---

Switch FC: SW-3227-7104-3140. PSN: Grindpantera
Twitch.tv/kogasteelfang

LinkPizza posted...

How small?

I don't remember the exact number, and once we entered high school several other classes combined into our school. After combining, I think my class went from about 20ish to maybe mud 30's.
---

Switch FC: SW-3227-7104-3140. PSN: Grindpantera
Twitch.tv/kogasteelfang

LinkPizza posted...

Why weren't you welcomed? And what did the teacher do?

I was an outcast. None of the other students wanted anything to do with me, I was bullied out of every class activity. If I had gone, I would've been alone, and it would've just been another time I was excluded. Might've possibly even caused people to confront me to leave or something, I don't know why they had such a problem with me, but most of them despised me.

The teacher messed up my class due's. We either had to pay $50, or sell some tickets to earn that money. I didn't sell any tickets and when I handed them back in, she didn't mark it down. Then I was later accused of stealing them, and told I had to pay for all the tickets plus the $50 to attend. So I just stayed home.
---

Switch FC: SW-3227-7104-3140. PSN: Grindpantera
Twitch.tv/kogasteelfang

No, I wasn't really welcome. Plus a teacher's mistake earlier excluded me from attending. Actually, maybe it wasn't a mistake at all. Who knows.
---

Switch FC: SW-3227-7104-3140. PSN: Grindpantera
Twitch.tv/kogasteelfang

Nah, my town is tiny. Population around 1,000. Classes were small.
---

Switch FC: SW-3227-7104-3140. PSN: Grindpantera
Twitch.tv/kogasteelfang

I work alone.
---

Switch FC: SW-3227-7104-3140. PSN: Grindpantera
Twitch.tv/kogasteelfang

Yeah, I feel like it'd just be bothersome to them if I asked them out. Plus, I kind of feel like they'd just think I was a creep if I expressed interest.
---

Switch FC: SW-3227-7104-3140. PSN: Grindpantera
Twitch.tv/kogasteelfang

Esrac posted...

I already have two children.

This topic makes me wonder if I'm the only regular poster on CE to successfully procreate. I forget how many of you are incels or otherwise opposed to traditional family stuff.

---

Switch FC: SW-3227-7104-3140. PSN: Grindpantera
Twitch.tv/kogasteelfang

Wariodorf posted...

KogaSteelfang posted...

I'm a fan of the monster hunter series, so I drew a zinogre. Put it as my avatar because I liked it.

I didn't know you drew.

Anyway, I like Wario and I thought the Carl Brutananadilewski edit was hilarious

I used to draw a lot, and was fairly decent. Not so much any more since I rarely draw any more.
---

Switch FC: SW-3227-7104-3140. PSN: Grindpantera
Twitch.tv/kogasteelfang

I'm the same, it sucks.
---

Switch FC: SW-3227-7104-3140. PSN: Grindpantera
Twitch.tv/kogasteelfang

I'm a fan of the monster hunter series, so I drew a zinogre. Put it as my avatar because I liked it.
---

Switch FC: SW-3227-7104-3140. PSN: Grindpantera
Twitch.tv/kogasteelfang

To have a kid has pretty much been the thing I've looked forward to my entire life. I absolutely planned on having kids. That's basically impossible though since I turned out to be a social reject that can't get laid.
---

Switch FC: SW-3227-7104-3140. PSN: Grindpantera
Twitch.tv/kogasteelfang

Do they really make it that apparent?
---

Switch FC: SW-3227-7104-3140. PSN: Grindpantera
Twitch.tv/kogasteelfang

I'm bad at being a man, yes.
---

Switch FC: SW-3227-7104-3140. PSN: Grindpantera
Twitch.tv/kogasteelfang

mipond posted...

Can u write down that information and bring it home and memorize it? You should go over there today, yes on your day off, and write it down, bring it home and learn it.

Yeah, each night I come home with a whole new bundle of notes to look over. This is easily the most complicated job I've ever had.

As far as name calling, you've kinda labled him with a few as well

Oh... I guess I did. I guess I'm a hypocrite then.
I'm an awful person.

Time to sleep now anyway.
---

Switch FC: SW-3227-7104-3140. PSN: Grindpantera
Twitch.tv/kogasteelfang

No.
---

Switch FC: SW-3227-7104-3140. PSN: Grindpantera
Twitch.tv/kogasteelfang

Yes, and no.
I very much prefer to be alone and away from people. That's where I'm most comfortable. On the other hand, I still want those connections to it her people, and I want a family of my own, which I can't get staying alone. I wish one of these desires would just die, either let me be alone and content, or make me stop wanting to avoid people. This whole thing of wanting both is very stressful.
---

Switch FC: SW-3227-7104-3140. PSN: Grindpantera
Twitch.tv/kogasteelfang

Also, I've finally got the auditing stuff down and can do that on my own. I'm still slow, and make an occasional mistake though, but it's not nearly as bad as it seemed at first. The part I'm struggling with is memorizing which rooms have which rates, and the various rate plans and stuff I have to deal with when checking someone in.

The guy training me called me simple the other night, last night he called me slow and I don't think he meant the speed I was going. >_>
---

Switch FC: SW-3227-7104-3140. PSN: Grindpantera
Twitch.tv/kogasteelfang

Good news, that person didn't actually die. Well, she did, but they managed to save her. Also, 2 days off! I've got to go in early in Saturday, but then I leave early too, so meh.
---

Switch FC: SW-3227-7104-3140. PSN: Grindpantera
Twitch.tv/kogasteelfang

I'm undecided.

I often think it's not, because I only have small simple dreams and can't even achieve them. I feel like a complete and total failure in life, and that there's no hope for things to change in the future. Then again, I've been diagnosed with depression and that's how it's supposed to make you feel, so I might feel differently if it weren't for that.

On the other hand, every time I was prepared to end my life, I was never able to go through with it. Last December was the last time I was going to, but I couldn't myself to do it. I guess maybe that means that deep down I do feel things really can change, idk.
---

Switch FC: SW-3227-7104-3140. PSN: Grindpantera
Twitch.tv/kogasteelfang

BlkPopeIseem posted...

Pretty fucking good

This, why is that even a question.
---

Switch FC: SW-3227-7104-3140. PSN: Grindpantera
Twitch.tv/kogasteelfang

None, there's not really any point.
---

Switch FC: SW-3227-7104-3140. PSN: Grindpantera
Twitch.tv/kogasteelfang

mipond posted...

Next time he starts that just try to get him talking about a game or sports or something.

I'm not really capable of steering a conversation. Plus he uses any excuse at all to bring the conversation back to that. Like last night, he got a text shortly after our shift started saying that someone had died at a building down the hill from us. So he ran out to see, and saw some cops there. He came back in and told me it looked like it was true. Then he said that he wagers it was ______ because she was bad into drugs and liked to hideout over there. Then he mentioned that she would exchange sexual favors for drugs/money and that she'd often stop in to see him for that until she got heavily into it and became nasty.

Literally turned someone's death into a brag about having sex with them. I didn't see the conversation taking that turn at all. He's good at swerving any talk into that. >_<
---

Switch FC: SW-3227-7104-3140. PSN: Grindpantera
Twitch.tv/kogasteelfang

The guy training me at work called me simple.
---

Switch FC: SW-3227-7104-3140. PSN: Grindpantera
Twitch.tv/kogasteelfang

Kanaya413 posted...

You could probably report this i think

I'm not going to report him, he was just trying to make conversation when we had nothing to do. It's not his fault that I couldn't handle it.

Last night was worse, I actually got my work done pretty quickly but that gave us about 5 hours of just being idle. About 3 and a half of that time was him talking about that stuff again. Luckily I didn't have any panic attacks this time, but it was really annoying anyway. Then he watched some YouTube videos about robots and fell asleep.
---

Switch FC: SW-3227-7104-3140. PSN: Grindpantera
Twitch.tv/kogasteelfang

I'm supposed to be, but I'm not.
---

Switch FC: SW-3227-7104-3140. PSN: Grindpantera
Twitch.tv/kogasteelfang

Tonight, but then I'm off Thursday and Friday.
---

Switch FC: SW-3227-7104-3140. PSN: Grindpantera
Twitch.tv/kogasteelfang

Tappor posted...

Joelypoely posted...

When are women going to stop objectifying us CEmen?! We are more than our flesh prisons.

implying women actively want to do that

This, I wouldn't mind being objectified a bit. >_>
---

Switch FC: SW-3227-7104-3140. PSN: Grindpantera
Twitch.tv/kogasteelfang

Sure.
---

Switch FC: SW-3227-7104-3140. PSN: Grindpantera
Twitch.tv/kogasteelfang

Orthopox12 posted...

KogaSteelfang posted...

Yes, but I don't think it counts. I was 12, and was outside with a bunch other kids. Then they all started daring each other, one of the dares was for me and a specific girl to kiss, she seemed willing so we kissed. Nothing special at all, basically just pressed our lips together and separated.

That's the story of the farthest I've ever gotten with a girl in my entire life...

How long ago where you 12....

22 years. >_>
---

Switch FC: SW-3227-7104-3140. PSN: Grindpantera
Twitch.tv/kogasteelfang

masterpug53 posted...

Pretty sure it was channeling the power of the Bifrost when it was flying down on him (I think I remember seeing the telltale rainbow effect), which probably helped quite a bit.

This. It was a very powerful weapon anyway, one of the strongest in the universe and they were told it could manifest the bifrost. Thor got a massive power boost in Ragnarok, and was likely channeling his power into it, while it was deflecting the blast with the bifrost power, and Thanos just didn't think to hit him with the full power of the gauntlet. Until that point, one stone was more than enough to wreck anyone he had encountered.
---

Switch FC: SW-3227-7104-3140. PSN: Grindpantera
Twitch.tv/kogasteelfang

My dad would sometimes "jokingly" point a loaded gun at me if were outside, and remind me that he could if he wanted. Iirc there were a couple of times he fired at the ground near my feet, not terribly close, but close enough that I knew he didn't care if he did actually hit me.
---

Switch FC: SW-3227-7104-3140. PSN: Grindpantera
Twitch.tv/kogasteelfang

Groot is Yggdrasil, a celestial that connects all the realms and is the source of life in them all.
---

Switch FC: SW-3227-7104-3140. PSN: Grindpantera
Twitch.tv/kogasteelfang

Yes, but I don't think it counts. I was 12, and was outside with a bunch other kids. Then they all started daring each other, one of the dares was for me and a specific girl to kiss, she seemed willing so we kissed. Nothing special at all, basically just pressed our lips together and separated.

That's the story of the farthest I've ever gotten with a girl in my entire life...
---

Switch FC: SW-3227-7104-3140. PSN: Grindpantera
Twitch.tv/kogasteelfang

BlazinBlue88 posted...

Was going to suggest the same thing. Like I told Koga in a PM, bragging about your sex life as an adult is trashy.

If I ever develop a sex like, I might want to talk about it. Not in person to anybody, I don't think I could ever do that, but I'd probably mention it on here. :/

Plus, each night he talks about that stuff more and more. Last night he was listing off everyone we went to school with(he was a year ahead of me) and how many of how classmates had sex with each other in school. Then he was talking about his experiences and it seemed like he wanted me to comment, and I was sitting there trying not to break down. v_v
I'm working with him the rest of the week, I'm sure he's just going to keep bringing it up and start giving more details.

I would have the same problem when I had that side job at Staples. Look up some stretches that focus on your back and try to do them when you first wake up. Keeping those muscles limber will help with the standing.

I can't tell if it's a normal ache, or if it's agitating the injury I have. It hurts pretty badly, but once I get to sit down its stops right away. I'll look into those stretches though.

ScarIetess posted...

Sorry I guess

I didn't mean anything by what I said, I was tired and in a weird mood after all night with that guy.

thanosibe posted...

Panic attacks suck. I had one over a job, and I didn't even know what it was. But I was miserable at that job, and was glad when I did get out of it and get the job I have now.

Yeah, they totally suck. Not too long ago I was applying for a job at a gas station, and sat in the parking lot freaking out. It was caused because the manager stepped out and saw me in the parking lot about 20 minutes early. Those 20 minutes were then spent trying to control my breathing, heart racing, being close to vomiting, and fighting back tears. It was awful, I was shaky and my voice was trembly when I did go in.

Carlbertomfg posted...

At least you had a panic attack about something he was talking about that *wasn't* work related. At the end of the day you can at least tell him you aren't comfortable talking about intercourse. It'd be a lot worse if he was training you and you had a panic attack regarding work related. Consider this more social training!! I think you're doing great!

That might be coming up soon, as one of the more important steps I have to do has turned out completely wrong every single time. I know exactly what I have to do, but the math just never matches what it's supposed to be. Once they expect me to do it on my own, I'm sure it'll hit.
---

Switch FC: SW-3227-7104-3140. PSN: Grindpantera
Twitch.tv/kogasteelfang

I'm certain my dad is narcissistic, because literally the only thing that matters to him is anything that might affect him. Everything always revolves him, what he wants, what he feels like, and nothing else matters.

He's also a sociopath and psychopath. He doesn't care whatsoever about anyone other than himself(unless it involves him somehow). No one matters to him unless he can get something from them, then they only matter until he gets what he needs. He's also unstable and violent, it's as likely for him threaten to kill one of us or attack us, as it is that he'll simply talk to us. Pretty much any conversation with him is a form of Russian roulette with various different bad scenarios as the bullet. He told me a while back, that the reason he beat me when I was younger and convinced me I was worthless(until I was about 24-25 years old) was because it made him feel good to do it.
He hasn't been physically violent for quite a while, but he still reminds me fairly often that he wouldn't mind having another chance to kill me. Usually threatening to kill both me and my mentally handicapped cousin in our sleep, either by shooting us in the head or slitting our throats.
---

Switch FC: SW-3227-7104-3140. PSN: Grindpantera
Twitch.tv/kogasteelfang

I'll try not to.
Also, thanks for the compliment.
---

Switch FC: SW-3227-7104-3140. PSN: Grindpantera
Twitch.tv/kogasteelfang

ScarIetess posted...

You're not pathetic, you're doing fine :D

You don't think having a panic attack because he mentioned sleeping around us pathetic? I kind of do.

Also, on an unrelated note, my back ends up hurting really badly from standing all night.
---

Switch FC: SW-3227-7104-3140. PSN: Grindpantera
Twitch.tv/kogasteelfang

D:
---

Switch FC: SW-3227-7104-3140. PSN: Grindpantera
Twitch.tv/kogasteelfang

Things are starting to settle in, I think. I'm getting the hang of it all finally, although my math at a specific part of the paperwork is always wrong and I don't know why. I even think I can already see a difference in being able to talk to people.

The bad things from last night are... that I had a couple of panic attacks throughout the night. I was already stressing out over all this stuff, and then the guy training me decides to talk about sex for a couple of hours... It just stressed me out so badly. That added stress of hearing about the things he's done, and worrying he'd ask me questions pushed me right into a panic attack. Then I had another later.
...I'm so pathetic...
---

Switch FC: SW-3227-7104-3140. PSN: Grindpantera
Twitch.tv/kogasteelfang

---

Switch FC: SW-3227-7104-3140. PSN: Grindpantera
Twitch.tv/kogasteelfang

A little long usually, not really close to shoulder length though. It becomes pretty curly once it grows out so far, big looping curls that all bunch up and look stupid. So I let it grow until it starts curling then get it cut.
---

Switch FC: SW-3227-7104-3140. PSN: Grindpantera
Twitch.tv/kogasteelfang

Unable to detect lies.
---

Switch FC: SW-3227-7104-3140. PSN: Grindpantera
Twitch.tv/kogasteelfang

With a confused black guy in them.
---

Switch FC: SW-3227-7104-3140. PSN: Grindpantera
Twitch.tv/kogasteelfang

Touch posted...

KogaSteelfang posted...

I can be pretty toxic sometimes. :/

Didn't mean it like that mang :( But good on ya on the job

I know, it was a Pokemon thing. :D
---

Switch FC: SW-3227-7104-3140. PSN: Grindpantera
Twitch.tv/kogasteelfang

I can be pretty toxic sometimes. :/
---

Switch FC: SW-3227-7104-3140. PSN: Grindpantera
Twitch.tv/kogasteelfang

mipond posted...

@KogaSteelfang

How was work? Only wanna hear the positive stuff.

Uh, I guess there's not much to say. Same as before, I did the paperwork and everything. The night didn't drag out like the first night did. The boss guy was watching cartoons when I got there.
---

Switch FC: SW-3227-7104-3140. PSN: Grindpantera
Twitch.tv/kogasteelfang