Lurker > KogaSteelfang

Yeah, it won't do anything.
Nevermind, got it to take the picture but I'm not signing up for a free trial just for this.

Smackems posted...

You have to keep trying. I know it's tough, man, but you can't stop. That won't solve it

It just feels so hopeless. It's been over 4 years since my last attempt and it feels like that took everything I had left. I've been considering trying again, but I'm so tired of it all, I don't feel like I have it in me. I wish I could just meet someone and hit it off and go from there.

Smackems posted...

You've got it in you. I've seen enough of you to know you've got it. You just have to learn to get it out

Thanks.

Smackems posted...

Talked to a therapist?

Not recently. My previous one made fun of me for this. Insulted me too.

Smackems posted...

The one thing that definitely isn't going to get anyone anywhere is not trying to change things to get themselves a partner, and just talking about it

You gotta change it yourself. You're the only one that can

Everyone always thinks I haven't tried. Rather than thinking that I have and failed miserably for years.

haloiscoolisbak posted...

Alright, if you truly think you'd be happier alone that's valid. You know yourself better than I do ofc

I'd be happier to know someone looked at me and liked what they saw. To have someone flirt with me or hit on me. To want to hang out with me and go places together. To find someone who likes me enough to want to share them self with me. To be valued. To be wanted. To be loved. For someone to be with me physically, not because it's their job, not for money, but for me. The way I want to be someone.

Yes, I know almost everyone is struggling to find love. To find happiness. But they aren't all struggling to find a chance. They're not struggling to find a partner, if even just for the night.

You were 28 and it didn't work out, but you found someone. You found 2 others after as well. And I can't. I just want to have the same basic value that you have. To be equal. To have a chance. Those people saw you, they liked you, they valued you, they wanted to be with you.

I've never had any of that. It's an empty feeling, and I simply feel that paying for an empty meaningless experience would benefit me. I honestly think I'd end up even more ashamed of myself, and hating that it was my only option.

IDK guys. I really don't think that route is right for me. I don't think I'll be able to pivot my opinion just because you guys are ok with it.

I just don't think sex on its own is important enough to me to do that. Yes, it's important to me, but more for what it represents rather than just an act to do with someone.

That shouldn't be my only option. I shouldn't be locked into staying a virgin and paying someone for sex. You keep saying that sex workers are people too, and of course they are... But I'm a person. I have value, my life should matter shouldn't it? I just don't understand how I ended up being such a worthless person. How pretty much anyone else can find romantic success with just a little effort, and I'm still a complete and total failure at 40. I'm no good... And if no one wants to be with me, I'd rather just be alone.

haloiscoolisbak posted...

I didn't lose my virginity to a prostitute

I didn't assume you did. I just didn't think you'd suggest prostitution from what you posted about him.

haloiscoolisbak posted...

but it was some crazy religious girl who I ended up not liking after a few months due to her views on abortion. It was hardly an enjoyable experience and I may as well have paid for it.

But you didn't have to.

haloiscoolisbak posted...

I've dated two more people since and paid for it since a few times too. Sex in either context offers enjoyment in its own way.

Do you think your view would change if you had no other option? Maybe you're just more open minded about sex than I am, but prostitution is not appealing to me in the slightest.

haloiscoolisbak posted...

My client is very stubborn, not a good listener and very close minded so he's not actually benefiting/learning from the prostitute experiences the way myself and I imagine most others would

My problem lies with finding a partner who wants to be with me. Finding a date, and a relationship. How would a prostitute help me to attract someone? Help me be able to speak better? Help me be someone worth being with?

I know your going to say confidence, but it would hurt mine. If you're going to say experience, that would only benefit me after finding success.

haloiscoolisbak posted...

As the above poster said, I would try with a prostitute just to at least experience the logistics of the whole thing. It'll all feel less impossible moving forward.

The girl would probably be a lot more caring than you think as well. They're still people. Just be respectful.

Oh, you think so too then. I guess I assumed you'd think differently since it didn't help your client at all.

Master_Kazuya posted...

Idk man, maybe if you see what it feels like, you'll accelerate that time since the sex hangup isn't in the way

I consider sex to be a natural part of dating, and relationships. Those are what I want, despite complaining about being a virgin. In my mind, they're all wrapped up as the same thing. It's just simpler to say I'm a virgin, because you get the whole picture in just a word.

Master_Kazuya posted...

It's like having your first beer or first vacation or something. There's novelty in it being your first but it's really just an experience that blends in with your life

I can't think of anything I've done multiple times where the first time was like legitimately the best time.

Sex is a complicated subject. It means different things for different people. For some people it's meaningless, for others it's an expression of love and means a lot. Some people cheat because they don't view it as anything but entertainment, but that also ends marriages and relationships. It's an emotional and powerful thing, and I simply want my first time to be with someone who wants to be with me. Not someone who just wants money and lets me use their body.

Master_Kazuya posted...

Not getting laid isn't helping your confidence, why not try it? You're literally jealous of a 50 year old that fucks hookers.

Because paying for it would give me another hangup in exchange for practically nothing. I could what, brag about paying for it? Knowing it was the only way I could manage at all? How would that help my confidence?

Master_Kazuya posted...

If you really just desires someone to want you, you would have no reason to be jealous of that guy.

Like I said, I think it was the way it was phrased. The part about him being laid 100x came before the part about the prostitutes. I initially thought he was talking about an incel that was infinitely more successful than I could ever hope to be. That hit me before I realized he was discussing prostitutes, but by that point it has already triggered my insecurities.

Master_Kazuya posted...

And most single people are also waiting for someone to truly desire them, regardless of how much sex they have/had. You waiting for sex while it bleeding through every interaction you have is not helping you.

Those people have options. If they can get a date, then they can also eventually have sex. If they can have sex, they can eventually find a relationship. Finding those things means they're desirable. It means people look at them and see someone they want to be with. Seeing others have all that, when I'm failing hurts.

Paying for sex would just hurt me more, and it would be something I could never take back. It would always be my first time. I'd be ashamed of myself, and afraid to ever mention it if asked about it. Between the two choices, yeah, I'd rather stay a virgin than pay for it.

pretzelcoatl posted...

i know you sometimes bum out, but in all honesty you're a great looking dude. (not to be weird)

Not weird, thank you. I just struggle really hard with depression and an unreasonable amount of self loathing.

I should say it more often how much I appreciate all of you being kind to me.

haloiscoolisbak posted...

It's the self awareness you're showing that my client lacks. He is full of hate and blame for others.

The way I see it there's only 2 options here. Blame them, or blame myself. There's 1 common denominator here and it's me. I think I probably have the same bitterness and hate as most incels, it's just focused inward instead.

haloiscoolisbak posted...

I don't think you realise how many women out there would genuinely accept you rather than make it seem like you're less than them.

Maybe, but accepting me doesn't mean that they'd want to be with me. Everyone else being able to find someone is what makes me feel inferior. I'd very much like to just be an equal.

haloiscoolisbak posted...

I say this as a 32 year old who lost it at 28.

Even your relatively late start is at least a start. You managed to find someone who wanted to be with you.

haloiscoolisbak posted...

Dating apps and perseverance.

I simply don't have this. I'll try for like 5-6 months in dating apps, and that failure added to the rest wears me down. Like I said, I can't even get a date. How am I supposed to manage anything more?

projectpat72988 posted...

Yeah but do you actually pursue relationships with whichever gender you're attracted to?

A couple of issues here. IDK how I'm supposed to pursue a relationship when I can't even get a date. Also, I'm fairly certain that I'm demisexual, at least partially I think. There is no attraction until I grow close to someone first. Well, I do sometimes get crushes on people, but it only goes beyond that if I get to know them and like them.

I don't have many options. I don't think most people realize that. They always have options, and opportunities, and have people interested in them and can't understand when a person simply has none of that.

tremain07 posted...

Like a legit ugly bastard looking motherfucker? I didn't know those existed in real life

I've met a few. But honestly, you'd have to ask them. I've been told that quite a few times, with people thinking it'd give me hope rather than make me feel inferior to said "fat ugly guy."

kurdt032 posted...

Can't imagine getting to my 40s (or 30s for that matter) and not just getting a prostitute. You must genuinely not want to have sex.

I just want to be wanted. The idea of renting someone else's body to use for own pleasure bothers me.

It's never been about the sex, but that does bother me. It's about my inability to find someone myself. About being unwanted, undesirable, and a failure.

Besides, haloiscoolisbak stated that it didn't even help the guy. I don't feel it would help me either, but instead make me feel worse that I had to resort to that just to lose a label and for someone to let me use them physically. I'd gain nothing from it.

haloiscoolisbak posted...

Like he's set a low bar.

A low bar that's still better than anything I can accomplish.

Ugh, I'm sorry, my mental health has been spiraling and this is one of my triggers. I'm going to try and get some sleep instead of complaining here.

haloiscoolisbak posted...

He's 50 and miserable.... And he's still been laid 100x thanks to prostitutes.

I have no interest in seeing a prostitute whatsoever, but this still feels like a punch in the gut. About the same as it feels someone tells me "I know a really fat ugly guy that gets laid all the time." Just makes me feel like they're more desirable than me.

I know I shouldn't feel that way over someone using prostitutes, maybe it was how it was phrases but it still hit.

https://gamefaqs.gamespot.com/a/forum/1/119a7250.jpg

Ya

STEROLIZER posted...

shyness, social awkwardness, religious attendance, abstinence from alcohol

I guess these would be my reasons.

STEROLIZER posted...

personality disorders

Potentially this too.

The fact that it bothers you to have made a few relatively minor mistakes means you care. That's the sign of a good parent. Everyone makes mistakes, no one is perfect, and you're learning as you go too.

You're going to mess up, you're going to say or do things that you wish you hadn't. But that's just life, and as long as you learn from it, it's progress. Don't beat yourself up over it.

GateOfDoom posted...

I have around 300 grand saved up

O__O

nekrodev posted...

I know people that are over 30 and still can't understand that Tidus is pronouced "Tee-dus"

We understand, we just refuse to acknowledge it.

Arcanine2009 posted...

Fair point to not want a job like a call center or customer service. But talking in meetings over zoom is just expected nowadays. And every job requires an interview process.

you're a really good person who's been through a lot and a really big help to your mom. The only thing holding you back is yourself. I would say that to most people here. Fear of change. But change leads to growth.

Yeah, I know I'm holding myself back. I just don't know how to stop.

[LFAQs-redacted-quote]

It's been going for a year already. It's an art studio type deal where we teach art classes, let others come share their arts and crafts and teach how to do stuff, and sell our own stuff. We do all kinds of community projects too, like currently we're running a rock snake competition with all the other businesses in town and the winner gets a prize, plus an article in the newspaper about them.

I also opened an escape room in one of the spare rooms. But it seems despite my town having literally no entertainment options, that no one is interested. Probably going to just close that down and find something else instead. Currently working towards some type of overstock store. Mom has already contacted a guy that can get us pallets of items for good prices.

I'm 40 and live at home with my parents too. Rather extreme social anxiety and depression makes it difficult to function. I've never had a girlfriend or date or anything, and that tears me up, as my biggest goal in life was always to become a father and husband.

I do have some things going for me though. I do work part time at a hotel. I also had enough money saved to be able rent a place and start a small business. Though, that's not going great at the moment.

I really do feel like just a complete failure and loser.

So you're definitely not alone tc. There are lots of us here.

Shotgunnova posted...

No, I played the game on PS1 and experienced the spoiler firsthand.

This. I don't think I even had real access to the internet for several years after.

Tiles I guess. It'd be a bit inconvenient to set up first, but once they're set it'd be fantastic.

I'd have 1 at home for obvious reasons.
1 at work to cut out the travel.
I'd put 1 at the beach for instant vacation mode whenever I feel like.
Maybe 1 at the doctor's office just for convenience.

Can't really think of a good place for the 5th. I guess either just save it as a spare, or maybe put it at the grocery store.

The ability to cause people around you to get a faint whiff of popcorn.

Jiek_Fafn posted...

I always feel the strong pull to say that I want to punch your dad in the face

Honestly, the worst part was how he always trash talked me to everyone he knew. He was always ashamed of me, but if any of his buddies were around he'd get furious if I didn't come say hi, only for him to start insulting me in front of them, and having them laugh at me. I eventually started refusing to leave my room, but I'd hear him talking about me anyway and how pathetic I am for not leaving my room. Then he's just beat me for embarrassing him afterwards, but that easier to recover from than being humiliated in front of them all.

Dungeater posted...

and fed me my own vomit

Ew, I'm so sorry that happened to you. Mine never went that far.

He was absolutely abusive. Physically and mentally. He's always putting us down, and he used to be violent. It's all just been threats for about 12 years though. I think he's trying to coast in his old behavior to make us still fear him, but he's just a joke. He always was, but I didn't realize that as a kid.

12.25

Ya.

https://imgur.com/gallery/TBbXL3o

My dog and a baby deer.
Edit: Of course it didn't work, click it to see the video.

I've been pretty vocal about how my dad abused me. It really messed me up.

I'm not sure I can recover, even if things change for me.

I'll Steve your Buschemi.

elizajanegirl posted...

What state are you in Koga? (if you are in the states that is). I am in boring Chicago. It's kinda cool to be in a big city but I much prefer the mountains. I am a mountains over beach girl. Maybe when I an older I will want warmth and sun, but now I just want mountains and hiking trails! We don't have any of that at all near me. Sucks.

I'm in Virginia. I've only been to the beach twice and I loved it both times. I guess it's just because it was a new experience.

Nice! I hope they keep visiting. I live in the mountains so I'm used to lots of wildlife being around. It's nice to be reminded to appreciate it. :)

Here's a pic of a flock of turkeys in my backyard a few days ago.
https://gamefaqs.gamespot.com/a/forum/2/2a0fe921.jpg
Thats like 10 seconds before my dad's horse chased them away.

bsp77 posted...

This is part of why I say that you have never really truly tried to get dates

Seems to be worth trying

That feels a little unfair to choose some arbitrary event, then claim "if you've never _____, then you've never truly tried at all."

STEROLIZER posted...

I use to think that it wasnt possible for a person to actively want to be miserable. But my view on the matter has changed over the years.

Oh... Y'know what, I'm not in the mood to argue. Whatever you guys wanna say or believe, you're right.

I own 2 of the three TV's in our house. One in my bedroom which I use the most. Dad has his in the living room. I bought a new TV and we set our spare room for a gaming room for my 10 year old cousin.

I only use the living room and gaming room TV's every once in a while. Dad hogs his and I only really use it after he goes to bed and that's just to find something for Mom to watch. I play games with my cousin some, but not a ton. Don't use that tv unless he's here.

Not much. Only when I'm not paying attention and then see that I'm like 5 over or something and slow down a bit.

They said I was overqualified.

I've never been to either.

I didn't care much for this episode. Nothing too interesting happened till the end, and it was just a bit of a cliffhanger for a future episode.

It's just a picture, so sure. I'm in plenty of pictures with people I don't like.

action52 posted...

And yet people believe they might just walk naked into somebody's house? And wouldn't even hide themselves enough to avoid being seen by a camera?

Yeah, they Photoshop fake looking alien nudes into the videos as a prank. To cover the real alien stealing the id from the wallet.

ShaneMcComez posted...

I saw the MST3K version a few years ago.

"I'm just going to say it... Nice thigh gap "

C-zom posted...

I haven't, but I have been roofied before. Worst few days of my entire life. I went to a bar to meet up with a girl I'd been talking to. Ordered a drink, she did too, and then we both were idiots and went outside for a smoke.

I remember going inside, taking a sip, smiling at her and then waking up in the hospital two days later. Just like that. As ridiculous as it sounds, it was sheer teleportation. Blink, and her face is replaced my hospital lights.

Unreal amounts of Xanax in my system. Wallet emptied, my debit and credit card were run to the max at the same bar (Stolen by whoever drugged me, I imagine.) my expensive prescription glasses were nowhere to be found and one shoe was gone. I never quite heard how it all went down, because I never heard from her again. In time, I suspected she did it and robbed me.

Holy crap, glad you're ok. Sorry that happened.

Reassemble! Reassemble, Stephanie!