#6 - IHateThisCPU
A lot of the past writeups have been joyous and celebratory. This ain't gonna be one those.
This man right here is responsible for the blackest stain to ever be cast on board 8. Son's actions are a dark cloud that hang over our forum to this day. No matter how much me move on from it, we will always be associated with IhatethisCPU and the horrors that he unleashed.
For those who don't know....CPU here literally murdered someone. And I'm not using literally in its internet definition. I'm saying he literally murdered someone.
So basically this dude actually found a girl who wanted to reproduce with him (Truth #1). She was just a typical nerdy girl who worked at your local gamestop. She probably liked CPU because son had a huge collection of anime swords and s*** (probably the only thing in this story I don't believe). Unfortunately she did not know that those swords would be the last thing she ever saw.
One day CPU got really pissed and carved her body with his epic katanas outside of the gamestop she worked at and threw her into the dumpster (Truth #2). He thought he was gonna get away with it, but that night he got a call from the local police department. They just wanted to let him know that he was a murder suspect and interviewed him on the phone for approximately ten minutes before wishing him well and ending the conversation (Truth #3 and a textbook example of homocide investigative protocol). CPU was on edge. Oh how he wished they had gathered evidence or brought him to the station for questioning instead of literally phoning him to tell him he was a murder suspect. His plans were unraveling before his eyes.
But son did not give up, and his faith was rewarded. After being heavily questioned about the legitimacy of his story on board 8, the police immediately called him to tell him that it was actually a completely different person that was butchered at the gamestop dumpster, which is understandable due to her mutilated face and body (Truth #4). He was also incredibly lucky that his girlfriend was now all of a sudden black (Truth #5), because no reports of any murders at any gamestops in the last forever could be found online. And we all know that when black people get murdered, the news just does not care. Finally, his now alive black girlfriend also revealed at the exact same time this was happening that she had ran away for a few days and had just now decided to come back (Truth #6). But we all know that she was actually the girl that the police now thought had been murdered and had been paid off by CPU to pose as his actually dead black girlfriend. He literally committed the perfect crime.
For these terrible events, I cannot ignore CPU's "unique" impact on our board. It may have been an awful act, but it still has a place on this list.
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sess