LogFAQs > #983914936

TheSuperSilver posted...

The "work" has a lot to do with compromise, understanding and realizing you're not going to always get what you want in a marriage. I've always told my wife that my big thing for getting married is that she makes me a better man for exposing me and teaching me things I never knew. I'm a better person because of her. May be easy to do for some, hard to do for others, but some effort might be required.

I get that. For me the distinction is the following:

With my ex wife, if a disagreement arose, there was NO compromise or admitting that she could have contributed. She would just berate me for hours until I agree it was 100% my fault and I detailed all the ways I would never do so again. I have since realized it was emotional abuse.

With my current wife, if either of us has an issue it goes like this:

"I was sad/upset/whatever when you..."

"Oh, I am very sorry, I had no idea that... Next time I will try..."

That's it. And this happens maybe 3 or 4 times a year. We rarely have issues. And if both of us want to do something different, we just do. If I want to go out with friends, it's fine. If I want to play Stellar Blade for 5 hours straight on a Sunday afternoon, it's fine. And vice versa. Of course, if we already had plans together, I honor it unless something truly unexpected and worthwhile comes up.

Simple understanding and assuming positive intent goes a long way. And that doesn't seem like work to me, or at least not hard work.

And yes, my wife makes me a better person too.