LogFAQs > #975459896

I'll let ce be the judge.

First off I am not American. My citizenship is in an East Asian country, but I mostly had my education in American academic institutions.

I did not have a stable upbringing either. My parent's occupation forced me to attend around a dozen schools throughout 3 different countries. In the US I was mostly in southern California, a place which in some ways I consider my hometown.

I was born in Korea but also grew up in Japan, then in the US. In the US I probably lived in around 4 regions, though we moved apartments quiet often, like yearly. I lived in Pasedena, Irvine, Lake Forest then onto Riverside. When I was 15 my visa, or let's rather say my parents visa had run out and we had go to renew it back home (to a country I never really grew up in).

Back "home" our renewal was denied. So basically my entire life that I had in the US had vanished. In this new place I didn't have an understanding of the culture, even if it was techincally the country of my ethnicity. Also being from a scattered upbringing, I had considerable anxiety because of the constant adjustments I had to make, everytime that I moved to a new apartment, city, or school. So the stress was compounded as I went into highschool.

In this country I wasn't there for long either, soon after my family and I had to go to Japan. In Japan I had gone to an American international school, and I had thought that I would belong again. But it seemed like the nature of the school was that it was a bubble, and so I felt even more alienated. People there thought that they were alienated from Japan, which I thought was amusing, because these people have been in the same school from k to 12, while I had been in f***ing different schools almost yearly.

College was a bit difficult because of the innate anxiety I wasn't able to process when I was younger. But that didn't really matter as my parent's weren't rich enough to sustain my attendance. I wasn't an American citizen, so finacial aid was limited.

I soon had to come back to my ethnic country. There I was in a period of limbo, deciding whether to go to school here or not. But then I went into the military ( it's mandatory) to buy some time. After 2 years, I went into a school that was cheap, my parent's alumni school. I went into a degree I knew I didn't want to pursue in, but not knowing where to go or where to get help, I just went in. I spent about 5 years at that place, during covid and through a protest against the school president, which pretty much exasperated my anxiety and general sense of direction in life.

It's pretty deliberating because althroughout this my parents were in another country because of their 'occupation'.

You could say I probably became an adult when I was in middle school, because of all the shit I had endured beforehand.

So before anyone accuses me of introspection, please take in consideration of my background.

I know a friend who had a similar upbringing as I, and he eventually jumped off a bridge.

Also being in 3 different countries and witnessing the political and economic evolution of these societies, it's very easy to grasp the general motive and intent of most people. In other words, I see through the soul of any one person. Laziness isn't really a factor here, I've seen more than most people in their entire lifetimes to know more than whatever they think what constitutes as 'life'.

My grandfather, before he past, gave me much insight as to what life was, and in some ways I've probably overcome his understanding of life. Same with my parents or the life of the people in my own generation.

Some people resort to death when becomes too numb to overcome, but that valley of despair itself is something I've transcended as well. Mental disorders also come and go and through those experiences you have a very keen understanding of the very poor and destitute, and those who commit violent crimes.

Anyway I've had a share of colorful experiences.

I would end on a light note, but I do sometimes wish for a more simpler fate. I think most people would had killed themselves by now if they had gine through the same shit that I had gone through. I dont mean as a point of pride, it's just that my experiences aren't so readily be shares with anyone who lived in the same town all their lives. Being unique is a terrible lonliness.