LogFAQs > #975634019

Sorry I am bad at checking things like that sometimes.

Okay so I am going to spoil this. This is some really actually heavy shit. If you don't like hearing about trauma don't click this. Sincerely. This is my open and honest topic with the world but if you don't want to hear about my problems then that's cool but yeah just putting things into this place because I am committed to getting healthier and I think part of that is being open with the world even if no one clicks the spoiler.

so basically a major issue with my life rn is my partner's mental health effecting my own at times. I have ptsd that was brought on from severe emotional neglect for a majority of my life. My mom tried her best but she wasn't perfect and she was the only family I had. When my mom got sick the rest of my family ghosted us and I spent years being very isolated and alone. Lost. Adrift at sea emotionally. The problem occurs that I know really well how to set boundaries with people these days. Therapy has helped me a lot. I am clear on the things that trigger me and send me spiraling. One of these is being interrupted. And I don't mean once or twice or three times. But talked over constantly because it makes me flashback to times and also prior relationships where I was made to feel as if I didn't have a voice. That what I had to say didn't matter. It's really emotional for me after a certain amount and I am really clear how this can make me feel.

last night we were talking about things and she kept interrupting me and when I asked her to please stop she just didn't care at all. Her face was void of all emotions and she just said to get over it and then it just got worse from there until I was crying for a solid two hours.

This would be easier if this was just someone being cruel but she is good most of the time. I don't mean that in the classic abuse victim sense I mean sometimes her empathy just leaves her and we are both trying to schedule her with therapists and psychiatrists to see if medication can help. It's helped me a lot.

sometimes her empathy just... leaves her for stretches. She becomes like a void. And it just makes her say the most cruel and uncaring things and because I love her so much and I have experienced s lot of emotional abuse and gaslighting in my life it just sends me to impossibly dark places.

The worst part is with all of my medical concerns until I am a bit more healthy and able to start really supporting myself meaningfully even if I wanted to leave I couldn't. I have gotten a lot better but I still stumble sometimes (literally) . I sm going to need months of physical therapy and probably a little increase in my medications before I am really on the right track. I don't want to leave because I do understand that this isn't intentional. She had a rough childhood too. She's taking steps to try to improve and has. But there's just no preparing my mind for this and I wish I at least had the health and freedom to walk away if I chose to but I don't. So I cried a lot. I felt better after. We talked. She's sorry. She is always sorry after. She has made s lot of improvements and is willing to get help but I also am self aware enough to know that I just sound like every abuse victim ever so yeah. Idk.