LogFAQs > #976854528

I dare not to sleep, lest I become woke again. Judd and I were rollin' coal and traveling the land, making good progress into the heart of evil. But I noticed his focus slipping the closer we got to Manhattan.

When Alan Jackson's were you there when the towers fell came on the radio and he didn't sing along, I had some suspicions. Now Judd's always been a good ol' boy but he was never the brightest bulb in the batch, and I began to fear the woke mind virus waves radiating from the east coast were getting to him.

Still, I didn't expect it when his head began to spin in circles, his eyes glowed bright yellow, and he began to talk about trading in the coal roller for an electric vehicle. He had been compromised, no doubt about it.

After we crossed into Manhattan, I knew he was delivering me into the enemies clutches, so I jumped out the door, tucked and rolled, and rose to see the horror in front of me. Dozens of people surrounded me, eyes all glowing yellow.

A child approached, and asked me to buy some girl scout cookies, but I would not be taken in that easily. "WOKE!" I screamed, and pushed her into a careening stumble. She crashed into a street performance artist who was doing some sort of ritual dance on stilts to appease baphomet or some other dark lord. I took advantage of the momentary chaos to flee deeper and find a manhole and enter the dark underbelly of manhattan's sewers.

As soon as I descended completely, the shadows came to life, swirling and surrounded me on all sides; nothing but gleaming teeth and nails visible in the darkness. I reached back into my pocket and pulled out my personal-sized copy of the constitution to hold above my head, "C.H.U.Ds OF THE UNDERGROUND, TAKE ME TO YOUR LEADER. BY THE NAMES OF WASHINGTON, JEFFERSON, JACKSON AND HAMILTON, I COMPEL YOU! FOR I AM WEREWOKE AND THE FULL MOON RISES THREE DAYS HENCE!"