LogFAQs > #961039854

When I was really young, my grandmother would torture me. She would hold me under the water while i struggled to breathe, she stuck me in a shed outside in Arizona that was filled with cobwebs and extremely dark and lots of other things.

At that point I just wanted to die. I eventually learned to kinda ignore time, and no matter what was happening it would eventually be over.

She eventually died and all that stopped, but that lesson, the method of ignoring time, it didn't go away. I had nightmares for years and would get depressed due to them. I have always just been waiting for my life to finally end, and have focused on trying to make the world a better place for others along the way.

Over time I did start to enjoy things again, have motivation and goals etc, but it's still always been there, just the desire to eventually get to the end, when it will all go away and the things I have experienced will no longer matter.

So what I want out of life is to get to the end with the least amount of suffering possible, to help prevent suffering in others, and to try and make the time pass as quickly as possible, by staying active/busy the whole time.

For the most part I have been able to do that, to avoid extreme suffering or pain, and to help others do the same. I have helped many people and gotten good friends and family in the process, and I have enjoyed myself as well. I still just want to get to the end, but I will continue to enjoy the process as much as possible along the way.