Vanity Affair
"Who needs a peaceful lifestyle when you can be stressed out and rich?!"
Score: 6/10
If the American Dream had a motto, that would be it.
We begin as Ash uses Torkoal to fight a random guy's Scizor, which now pronounces it "Sciz-zor" even though all previous Scizor pronounced it as "Scee-zor." Perhaps unsurprisingly, Ash wins easily. As the battle goes on, Drake of the Elite Four watches.
After the battle, Drake goes into a restaurant that Team Rocket is working in and orders a glass of milk with peppermint, because nothing says "hardened, grizzled sailor" like milk with peppermint. His milk is served to him in a tea cup, I honestly don't know. When the heroes wander into the restaurant as well, Max recognizes Drake as a member of the Elite Four. Really. Max recognizes Drake, a member of the Elite Four, but he doesn't recognize Steven, who is either the champion. This is like recognizing Bill Wennington but not Michael Jordon. By the way, I have no idea who Bill Wennington is, I just pulled his name off of Wikipedia's article on the 1998 Chicago Bulls.
Drake compliments Ash, and invites the heroes to "take a ride on my boat." Yes, go with the old mustachioed man who doesn't wear a shirt. That will get you places in life. Drake also invites Team Rocket (disguised) because of how good their milk was.
When they reach his wooden sailing ship, Drake challenges Ash to a battle. I actually considered complaining about this, but then I remembered Ash is in the Top Sixteen of two different regions and is the Orange Islands Champion, so what the hell, why not. Brock warns Ash not to be cocky, but come on, Brock, Ash did great the last time he fought an Elite Four member, didn't he?
Drake sends out a Shellgon, so Ash counters a dragon type with Pikachu, an electric type. Ash decides Shellgon are slow, so using speed attacks is the best option, so he immediately orders a thunderbolt. Drake dicks around with Ash for a while, not giving any orders to Shellgon, before suddenly busting out powerful moves and destroying him in seconds. Drake's first mate tells the heroes the plan: Drake lets speedy opponents deal some damage to the tough and defensive Shellgon, and waits for them to get too close to dodge and then obliterates them. He came up with this plan from his experiences on the ocean, because obviously, experiences on the ocean lead directly to "wait for your opponent to exhibit overconfidence."
Drake sends out Altaria, so Ash counters with Grovyle, which is literally the worst possible choice he could have made. His plan is to use the masts as trees and jump around, but Grovyle still gets utterly demolished by, of all things, Altaria's solar beam. Drake tells Ash that he needs to focus more, but before anything more can happen, Team Rocket steals Pikachu. Drake gets offended by the idea of pokemon thieves, so he just plain busts out his Salamence and destroys them in about two seconds.
Look at Chimecho there, you just know it knows a particularly painful blast off is in its immediate future. Brock calls Salamence the most sheerly powerful pokemon he's ever seen, even though he saw a Kyogre battle a Groudon three episodes ago.
At night, the heroes have dinner with Drake, and Drake tells Ash that he used to be too overconfident to win consistently. He tells Ash that he has incredible potential, perhaps enough to even one day beat Trip's Snivy.
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Not changing this sig until I decide to change this sig.
Started: July 6, 2005