Hardcore ladder match: Rob Van Dam vs. Jeff Hardy
RVD hip tossed out of the ring after a series of exchanges, Jeff hits a springboard corkscrew moonsault and kind of hits a table as well.
Jeff runs the barricade and takes out RVD. Ladder's already in the ring now. RVD leaps into the ladder and hits Jeff. And Jeff hops over the rope to hit the same move.
RVD does a flip for no reason amidst a series of charges. The crowd is chanting "RVD! RVD!" Jeff's put on the ladder, somersault and a senton splash. Now he hits a superkick and a leg drop. And now the ladder's on Jeff, moonsault onto the ladder!
Missed swanton from Jeff, and now RVD misses a 5 star frog splash. Both guys up the ladder, suplex from the top! Back up they both go, sunset flip from the top.
Jeff goes up, RVD moves the ladder and Jeff's hanging. I'm not sure what they're trying here. RVD tries leaping with an elbow and misses, Jeff misses his fall. Whoops?
Ladder gets pushed over on Jeff and he falls awkwardly. RVD goes up and he grabs the hardcore belt.
Shane made Booker T some bookends. Booker T is getting choked up.
Whyyy is this stalker storyline still a thing that exists.
Oh good we get another champ vs. champ match. 5 belts in all in this match.
Steel cage match: Kanyon & DDP vs. Kane & Undertaker
DDP and Kanyon both try climbing out immediately, smart guys. And now I'm about a minute in and this pace is already plodding. Big boots everywhere and not much else.
Kane gives Kanyon the first chokeslam of the match, then just wanders in a circle for thirty seconds. Taker hits DDP a few times to get the crowd going because they were dead.
Kanyon's stuck on top and Taker wants Kanyon to go. Kanyon's out, and Undertaker finds a chain, leaving DDP caught in a handicap situation. It's squash match time. Kane is literally sitting in the corner while Taker and DDP fight for a while.
"Get your ass out of here and I'll let you live. You ever look at her again and you die. Go." Taker lets DDP escape. Oh, he grabs him to do the last ride. Taker pins and the brothers win both tag belts. Who was this match supposed to be entertaining for?
Rock's consulting a doctor. Stasiak runs into a table.
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ONLY FIVE CAN LADDER.
Sushi, kamikaze, fujiyama, nippon-ichi...