LogFAQs > #932332292

just had a scare where I opened my file where I ranked everything. for some reason I entered like 100 blank spaces after 'stardew valley rankings' and before the first entry on the list... so I thought that I had somehow deleted it and was like 'fuck that, not ranking all of them again.'

thankfully it was just a result of me mashing the enter button a bunch of times every time I moved a character up or down on the list.

- 38 -


Alex

Down goes the first bachelor. The guy is kinda full of himself, and while he does sort of apologize in some later scenes and claim to change... he continues to be pretty self centered. I have had for a while now a good ranking in my head of which spouses behave more or less selfish after you marry them, and this guy was always near the absolute bottom.

Funny enough, the new 14 heart events mostly lined up in level of selfishness along with how I felt about each of the characters. So I don't think I was too far off the mark.

Alex's new event is, almost certainly the most selfish one. He asks you to help him make a 'gift,' then uses it to buy himself a TV that he can install at the saloon so he can go hang out with the guys. Uh, okay then. I don't think I need to explain why him doing the classic trope of hanging out with the guys and ignoring his spouse is a bad thing, and him calling it a gift is laughable.

But it gets worse.

In the same scene where you meet them at the saloon for the first time he literally talks about how much he regrets not being a professional gridball player, but being married to you is still nice. Yeesh. That is like one of the least romantic things I have ever heard that was actually trying to be romantic.

So to summarize:
Offers you a gift.
The gift is actually for himself and his friends.
The gift is him finding something to do that he can use as an excuse to get away from you.
He spends the time thinking about how he wishes he could've been a pro gridball player instead.
Oh, but uh, being married to you is fine I guess.

Easily the worst marriage candidate. The big thing that sets Alex apart from Pam or Clint is that you can still be friends with him and not be on the receiving end of his bad behavior. You just need to not date him, and you wouldn't want any of your friends to date him, and he's not a terrible guy.

- 37 -


Evelyn

Alex's grandmother ranks closely to him for totally different reasons. Let's face it, of all the 'she's boring and I had nothing to say' characters she is the most boring. That's about it. She sends you cookies sometimes, which is cool, but most of the time they just end up occupying space in one of my item chests and causing more clutter. And like almost every line of seasonal dialogue she has is about cookies. Get a god damn personality, lady.

Some of her lines about her and George at the festivals when they were younger are kinda interesting though, I will give her that.

- 36 -


Elliot

And down goes another bachelor. Yeahh.... it's no secret that ConcernedApe is a bit better at making the female marriage candidates more appealing than the male ones.

This guy is annoying to find and befriend. He doesn't have any immediately obvious gifts that you can easily pick up off of the ground to give to him, except shells, which don't always spawn. He wanders off to weird, specific locations at times that aren't always easy to remember -- and normally you have to go out of your way to go and look for him. And early on in year 1 are you really wasting space in your rucksack carrying around shells just in case you run into Elliot? Usually not.

Now there is a character with similar behavior who did place higher on the list, so this alone doesn't damn him. But I don't think his design is too appealing, and ConcernedApe seemed to intentionally make Elliot come across as kinda flighty and dumb. He's like the male equivalent of a ditz, and his appearance is similar to those male romance novel leads that I don't find attractive at all. Combined with the fact that it's difficult to get to know him better and it's understandable that even after multiple playthroughs I don't know THAT much about him.

I used to REGULARLY forget his name (along with some of the other bachelors, but this is a problem we'll get into later) and be like 'wait, which one was Elliot again?' I think part of the reason is because to me he actually looks like more of a Sebastian than the actual Sebastian.

Now for anyone who actually likes, or even loves Elliot... Trust me, I get it. I really do. You probably like his design more, and I don't doubt that he's more interesting if you actually go through the trouble of seeing all of his dialogue and heart events from first meeting to marriage. But keep in mind the only character on this list that I dislike is Clint and MAYBE Alex. I just happen to like the upcoming characters more than I like Elliot.

I will also admit that him being stupid is kinda goofy and amusing at times, and I actually ended up changing his ranking when I thought more about this.

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now I only see your dull imposter
https://imgur.com/BYYr6fn