LogFAQs > #962112670

[LFAQs-redacted-quote]


Im about to go on a rant, Ive been having a lot of thoughts and its sometimes hard to articulate without typing it out. The whole thing wont necessarily be in response to your post but just my stream of consciousness prompted by the question in a general sense. I hope from an interest standpoint that it at least gets people thinking.

Its not a dumbass question at all, and the fact that people feel like they cant ask these types of questions is really upsetting to me. I, personally, feel much more respected if someone asks rather than assuming. If you dont know something, how are you gonna find out? I admire resourcefulness more than most human attributes, and the best resource for information about a particular individual is most likely that individual.

Having said that, it is impossible to predict or understand how being asked that is going to affect someones self esteem, or how it could lead to negative mental health outcomes for those suffering from trauma. In general, these types of questions tend to be understood to boil down to wondering about someones genitals, and have been used for nefarious and oppressive ends. Im confident in my ability to decide for myself if a question is being asked sincerely or is worth answering, but its different for everyone. And yeh, its not really our responsibility to educate people, but people cant form understanding without information, and the degree to which some people go out of their way to have the most granular identifiers is at times both indecipherable and unapproachable. So maybe it can be made into a teachable conversation so someone whos been conditioned to binary thinking for decades can understand what half this shit means.

I think an often undeveloped communication skill in a lot of people from any demographic is assuming that people have good intentions and extending the courtesy of believing them to be capable goes such a long way in building mutual respect in good faith. Of course, you should hold people accountable when they cross your boundaries, but setting and communicating those boundaries is the responsibility of the person who wishes for them to be respected.

What it comes down to, if the ask is for me to allow what other people think of me as to effect my life in any way, I refuse. Some rando at the grocery store calling me a sir? Theyre probably trying to be polite based on what they see, so its like, whats my responsibility when it comes to putting an end to that? Im gonna try harder, thats what is within my control, not what a stranger chooses to say.

This is not intended to be a criticism or a minimization of anyones struggle or feelings, everyone is valid and deserves to be comfortable, safe, and not only accepted but supported. If their needs to accomplish those feelings are to have people always use their correct identifiers, that seems straightforward to me. I also just dont think it makes sense to despise people for their ignorance until it proves harmful.

Im a woman, I will be using she/her pronouns, but I sincerely wish pronouns werent a thing cuz I find being evaluated in those terms is harmful to a persons spirit, and stifles their creativity. You can improvise confidence, but you cant manufacture authenticity. Thats why Im just super big on encouraging people to love themselves no matter what they are or how they identify, once you start treating yourself like someone you love, thats absolutely infectious and people will be so drawn to you.