LogFAQs > #962150742

No problem. I was questioning my gender for a while there, and frankly I'm still not 100% on how I feel. A big concern I have is that I don't have a great relationship with masculinity - it's like I don't know what masculinity expects from me, I don't see eye to eye with the role I'm expected to play.

But I also don't think I'm a very happy person in general, and both my feelings regarding masculinity and my overall unhappiness are informed by a lifetime of being bullied and "othered". Like, I've just never fit in. I've gotten by to a degree by masking aspects of myself that aren't socially palatable, but even that can only go so far y'know. And while it's one thing to imagine life being better under a different set of circumstances, like having been born a girl, I'm also concerned about neurodivergence and the possibility that I'm as bad as I am because all the bullying led to stunted social skills. It's a real mixed bag, and I don't have the answers. And with the past year of my life being such a massive shitstorm on so many other fronts, I haven't had time to really unpack gender stuff alongside that general negativity with my counsellor.

But with all that being said, I feel strongly about gender and I'm invested in the zeitgeist within the queer community. If there's anything I can do to start a mature and reasonable discussion that normalizes aspects of queerness that people aren't familiar with, I want to start that discussion and I want to maintain a positive, educational environment where people can come to terms with those aspects.

Parts of my posting about the dysphoria bible, in hindsight, don't apply universally - the idea of male and female brains can come across as bio-essentialist, and a thought I've been considering lately is that whether there's an underlying biological need for gender transition or not, gender transition and non-binary self-expression is something that anyone should have the freedom to experiment with. And yet if a biological necessity to transition rings true to people, if gendered brain chemistry is indeed an aspect to the transgender experience and that avenue genuinely helps someone come to terms with a sort of disconnect they feel with their assigned gender, that's equally as valid.

Honestly, the only thing I've learned in the past couple of years is how subjective the trans experience can be, and that I shouldn't be preaching to one expression of that experience because when people are convinced that there's a single path, anyone they perceive as straying from that path can potentially be harmed with bigotry. Gendered brain chemistry made sense at the time, and I still believe that it's a significant explanation behind the reality of gender transition. But today, I don't necessarily believe it's the one and only reason behind gender transition. I just don't know.

At the end of the day, I'm happy to have made a positive difference in somebody's worldview. My opinion doesn't always stay the same, and I'm always looking for another way to look at things that may expand upon a prior stated opinion or straight-up usurp it if it seems like a better idea. But whether I carry a point forward or leave it behind for something new, I'm always glad to hear that something I said helped another person come to terms with something about themselves.