LogFAQs > #964746542

ParanoidObsessive posted...

Depends on the individuals, depends on the fighting.

Some couples are constantly arguing, but it's the way they both express themselves and it doesn't really leave lasting damage. Other couples may almost never fight and constantly go out of their way to compromise or mediate with each other, so the fights they do have are bad and leave really deep scars.

The real problem is when one of those types winds up with another of those types, so the passive one is constantly getting emotionally battered by an aggressive type that doesn't even realize there's a problem.

And then there's the people who are so pathologically terrified of ever fighting that they turn themselves into victimized conflict-avoidant doormats to avoid ever disagreeing, doing far more harm to themselves and their lives than any fight would have.

Like most things in life, context is everything. And you kind of need to judge cases on an individual bases rather than just making sweeping absolutist statements about stuff (which are almost always entirely wrong).

This about sums it up. You can't really make blanket statements beyond "try to be happy overall" and "try not to hurt people." I would say routinely breaking up over fights and then getting back together is generally not a good thing, but that's not necessarily a matter of fighting too much so much as it is a matter of needing to learn how to resolve those fights without running away from them.