LogFAQs > #973186950

Jeff_AKA_Snoopy posted...

Like I'm a bad person for being ready to move on and not be a care giver to a slowly dying wife.

I believe in some degree or another, everyone thinks about this when someone else is dying, whether it be age, or ailment.

My dad, being someone who was already difficult to get along with I was thinking the same thing. No, in all honestly I didn't want him to die, but the reality is that he was. Spending another 3-4 months to stretch his life with chemo, having to contend with his struggles and needs, and the person he persisted on being...unfortunately that didn't sound pleasant at all. My mom was looking at having to quit her job, me possibly having to stop helping my brother and sell my own car. All this in attempt to contend with a few months and no safety net to getting back to where we left off afterwards to still make a living. This wasn't some kind of hinderance from climbing the ladders in life or prospects of how this could affect me starting a family, this was putting the ability to support ourselves, period, at risk. Thinking like this really sucks.

My uncle is now in a similar place, but on a longer timeline. He can't always catch himself losing his bearings but he's been trying. I do get frustrated about what that takes out of my time and funds. Not frustrated at him, but at the situation. Obviously not trying to make him feel bad, and me getting involved is in return for how much he did for my family. I have a clear bottom line I'm not just going to turn a blind eye to this.

So through that, I've come to accept the fact that being frustrated is inevitable*. You just learn to show it less or in a different way. It's not like your fundamental stance or care for a person changed.

I imagine the people in question know it's a matter of time, and the things they can and can't do. My dad did have the thought cross his mind that he didn't want to become a burden. He had to drop everything before to take care of my grandmother, so he's aware of what it takes out of everybody. I'm sure my uncle's looking at life now as if all he's doing is passing time to watch the sun rise and fall. News and material things, they don't matter. He's absorbing the past more than the future now.

You enduring your wife's process for so long is a pretty heavy weight, and blessing at the same time. Some people never are able to digest and accept the transition to death because they're taking it in under a shorter timeframe. It sounds like you've been able to go back and forth with it as well.

I hope the appointment in Vancouver goes through how you and your wife see fit.

*won't get too into it, but I do believe the biggest target of frustration may be the infrastructure of society itself. Case in point, your long-winded journey in pursuing MAID. Arguably what goes into the resource depletion concerns for me is the US healthcare system and all the other legal work of attempted collection.