LogFAQs > #973849829

Jeff_AKA_Snoopy posted...

I have been working with my psychologist about the whole like... who am I outside of being a caregiver to my wife. Like, realistically, I have lived and worked pretty much exclusively to take care of her for the past 6-7 years. Beyond being a widow after my wife passes... like, who am I? I know I am good at my job, I know I am a good friend, a good member of my family. But who am I outside of that? I'm not co-dependent or anything like that, but I've definitely become the caregiver to my wife more than anything else.

It scares me that people who know me as a pair will only really know me moving forward as a widow, as half of a whole.

I actually avoided family functions for awhile after my wife passed. I have those well meaning, yet insensitive, family members who'd want to talk about it or bring it up constantly like it's my whole identity at the time. They seem to get it because after awhile when I did start going again no one ever brought it up. Finding an identity can be hard. I get what you mean though. Your job can't define you, being a good friend or family member can't define you. What does define you? I'm still trying to find out what defines me while still going on with life since I do have to be dad and provider for my kid. That's the shitty part isn't it? The fact the world goes on while you still feel lost.