Poll of the Day > Fifth anniversary of my wife passing today.

(+) Yeah! (+)

Been a hard past 5 years, and the previous 7 years before that were pretty freaking hard as well. I have been valiantly fighting to find a purpose in the world and get back to some kind of living, but things just kept getting in the way. Every time I tried to start teaching again, BAM something came up. This last one, Covid, has been a real roadblock (not just for me for everyone of course).

Also finding many of the things i used to enjoy becoming less of an incentive. I even thought I lost my taste buds due to covid, but I can still taste things, I just don't have the joy from it, the motivation to eat, that I used to. I have tried a few medications to fight depression, but that doesn't really seem to help, and I'm not really depressed, just apathetic without much to motivate me. Even helping others, which I have still done as much as possible, just doesn't motivate me as much.

I kinda am becoming disassociated with joy, with the pleasure of life, which makes it harder for me to empathize with others and want to expend my dwindling energy and motivation to make their lives better. The amount of effort it takes me to wake up at 6 am to watch a friends daughter for them for 3 weeks because their daycare closed down due to covid, is way more then I feel like I am helping them by not needing to hire a babysitter. It's not worth it for me to drive into town to volunteer because it is so hard on me to drive and I just don't feel like I'm making much of a difference, at least not enough of one to be worth the effort.

Some of it may just be getting old, mixed with how much harder everything is now with covid. The cost of everything is skyrocketing as well, and even just going out requires wearing a mask all the time (which I do but hate). I have a trip to the bay area coming up this month, I am hoping going to some of my favorite places to eat will spark my appetite at least, and i am getting to see a few relatives while there.

I wonder if this is just the eventual way everyone turns out, but I have seen many people older than me with a zest for life. My uncle who is 15 years older than me just returned from traveling all over south africa for instance and loved it so much he can't wait to go back. People are still enjoying life, motivated and productive after covid, but it seems like almmost an overwhelming obstacle at this point, the final wall between me and getting back into a normal life like I had in the past. Even having friends is hard and I consider avoiding them due to the energy it requires.

Is this just me or are any of you also struggling lately? I felt like I was overcoming things a few times but then something like getting pnuemonia for 3 months or the last 2+ years of covid lockdowns etc would just obliterate my efforts. Hope things get better soon. I have had my passport for over a year now and really want to travel to Europe, something I have wanted to do my whole life. I was hoping the mask requirements would go away, but I may have to just give up on that and go while they are still in place. At least I do still have a few goals like that to look forward to.

it's my birthday woo

Nade Duck posted...

it's my birthday woo

The little girl I was watching has her birthday today as well, you are birthday twins. Sadly the party was postponed for 2 weeks because of a covid scare at her daycare again, so it won't be till the 20th now.

Am kinda happy that something positive like her birthday is happening on Feb 5th so it's not just a negative day for me in the future.

Edit Also, HAPPY BIRTHDAY!:)

It figures that when I get my life back together, the world seems to fall apart. Leave it to a pandemic, a second gilded age, another bout of racial tensions, and an onslaught of idiotic people who want only to be angry with no fix for their problems (and they'll even try to make you angry too).

In any event, here's to your late wife, dude. *Raises glass*

Entity13 posted...

It figures that when I get my life back together, the world seems to fall apart. Leave it to a pandemic, a second gilded age, another bout of racial tensions, and an onslaught of idiotic people who want only to be angry with no fix for their problems (and they'll even try to make you angry too).

In any event, here's to your late wife, dude. *Raises glass*

Thanks:)

Yeah, the last few years have sure been crazy. Here is hoping that things get better soon!! *Raises glass as well*

Stay strong.

Entity13 posted...

an onslaught of idiotic people who want only to be angry with no fix for their problems (and they'll even try to make you angry too).

I mean, welcome to humanity?

wolfy42 posted...

The little girl I was watching has her birthday today as well, you are birthday twins. Sadly the party was postponed for 2 weeks because of a covid scare at her daycare again, so it won't be till the 20th now.

Am kinda happy that something positive like her birthday is happening on Feb 5th so it's not just a negative day for me in the future.

Edit Also, HAPPY BIRTHDAY!:)

thank you sir, stay positive. <3

Oh shit. Im sorry man. I remember was around the time i quit going onto here. I hope everything is well for you, and Im sorry.

Sorry for your loss. :( I know how hard losing a loved one is.

I'm not sure how would I pick up the pieces after losing a wife. Cut yourself some slack for keeping it together at the very least

I'm sorry for your loss.

Thanks everyone.

Day is over again and I mostly just slept lol. Freaking woke up at 2pm today feeling half dead from sleeping too much. I was on this board a ton during the 6 months before she passed and everyone was very supportive. Still really appreciate that:)

Ok, I'm always on this board a ton lol....but it helped alot back then.

Sounds rough. This hamms for you.