This is going to be quite hard, even though I knew a day like this was inevitable. I've taken leaves of absence from message boards a few times over the past year due to frustration, the immense negativity presented by a lot of topics and posters, but for whatever reason, I returned like nothing had gone wrong. Now it seems I need to quit for the right reasons. I'm not super busy, nor am I forcing myself to leave under duress. However, the lure of GFAQs (and the internet in general) seems to be my own addiction. I don't suffer physical ills like smoking, drinking, etc., but I feel sitting on my ass day in day out looking at the same websites will eventually tear me down. I think that moment has come. That said, eight years is a long time, and things have changed.
When I first started, the gaming battles had begun in earnest. This was my first ever message board, so I wandered into Board 8 in amazement at the myriad of posts and topics. I quickly found out things about gaming, different fanbases, and internet popularity. For whatever reason, I got hooked on the idea that someone somewhere could read my posts and think, “this person is cool.” It was an intimacy I hadn’t had because I didn’t socialize at school or outside. I still don’t, but I’ll cover that later. Anyway, this was the time when “armies” were huge. Rallies for different fans occurred, trying to make their favorite character “the best.”
I joined the “Official Sephiroth Army,” ironic given my choice of username. In those initial months, I christened myself a “shaman,” which led to my first big topic stream, S3. It was an advice forum for people to send in random questions about me, my hobbies, their issues in life, or other comments. I was instantly hooked on the sensation of answering people’s questions and could feel the gratitude. I wanted to help people if I could, and that was the first time I felt a “rush” of being a “message board junkie.” Other self-made threads like “Name a Flaw” still exist today in certain boards so it makes me happy to know they still exist. Kyle Bowen’s topics, “All-Purpose Wrestling,” and this soapbox are the other proudest moments. For anyone from the Pro Wrestling Board however, I do hope you go to hell. The sheer amount of cynicism, hatred, and hypocrisy there is unparalleled. For something we enjoy watching, I don’t know how one can live ******** about something they love on a daily basis.
I have no qualms about anything I’ve done while being an “internet junkie.” Eight years go by so fast, but it’s retrospective. That social inadequacy I spoke of still exists, but it has more do to with being solely focused on living and working as opposed to fearing rejection. Instead of wanting someone next to me to respect and admire, I feel content in the fact that I can live my life without compromise. I think the other change is that my eternal optimism has clashed with cynicism. It’s opened my eyes to how not to accept things just because they are commonplace or easy. People have every right to *****, but I have every right to tell them to go **** themselves for feeling too depressed or angry for their own good.
If I learned anything, it’s that shaping one’s life takes time. I don’t regret being here, staying up all those late nights, or finding friends or getting into flame wars. Still, it’s time I learned to accept a new phase in my life. Thanks to overcoming obesity, I already know what it takes to eliminate addictions. Like Dante from Clerks, I became addicted to the convenience. In that sense, I took a ****, but now I’m getting off the pot. I hope to see you guys again in another lifetime. Best of luck.
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"Should I slice off your tongue or break your countless bones? Either way, I get paid; you'll bleed to death and die alone." - Blood Money