Board 8 > I got my first job when I was 9.

(+) Yeah! (+)

Worked at a sheet metal factory. In two weeks, I was running the floor. Child labor laws are ruining this country.

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An hour ago an entire fireball consumed my entire face and it was far preferable to spending another second with you.


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ICON:
Yeezy taught me.

That's pretty cool actually. I only worked in a sheet metal factory for half a year.

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Brawl is like ZSS' breasts. Well rounded for casual players.
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You know, Leslie, the Super Bowl is in a couple months. I usually watch it with my brothers, maybe you can come by during halftime and shoot me in the head?

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The whole point of this country is if you want to eat garbage, balloon up to 600 pounds and die of a heart attack at 43, you can! You are free to do so. To me, that's beautiful.


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ICON:
Yeezy taught me.

I had to wait until my dad fell asleep so I could steal his keys. You ready?

I was born ready. I'm Ron ****ing Swanson.

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Strippers do nothing for me. I like a strong, salt of the Earth, self-possessed woman at the top of her field. Your Steffi Grafs, your Sheryl Swoopeses, but I will take a free breakfast buffet anytime, anyplace.


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ICON:
FUN FUN FUN FUN

XD Steffi Graf

I've established a scientifically perfect, ten-point scale of human beauty. Wendy is a 7.4, which is way too high for Tom, who is a 3.8. 10 is tennis legend Steffi Graf.

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I have been developing the Swanson Pyramid of Greatness for years. It's a perfectly calibrated recipe for maximum personal achievement. Categories include: Capitalism, God's way of determining who is smart, and who is poor. Crying, acceptable at funerals and the Grand Canyon. Rage. Poise. Property rights. Fish, for sport only, not for meat. Fish meat is practically a vegetable.

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On my deathbed, my final wish is to have my ex-wives rush to my side so I can use my dying breath to tell them both to go to hell one last time.


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ICON:
#Kanyeshrug

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ICON:
Yeezy taught me.

My idea of a perfect government is one guy who sits in a small room at a desk, and the only thing he's allowed to decide is who to nuke. The man is chosen based on some kind of IQ test, and maybe also a physical tournament, like a decathlon. And women are brought to him, maybe... when he desires them.

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2010 Boardy Winner for Mafia Host of the Year

I have cried twice in my life. Once when I was seven and I was hit by a school bus. And then again when I heard that Li'l Sebastian had passed.

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It's never too early to learn that the government is a greedy piglet that suckles on the taxpayers teet until they have sore, chapped nipples. ...I'm gonna need a different metaphor to give this nine year old.

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"30"

I watched that episode today.

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Mer

"I fear what you heard was I want a lot of bacon and eggs, what I said was I want ALL the bacon and eggs you have".

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Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. Don't teach a man to fish, and you feed yourself. He's a grown man. Fishing's not that hard.

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The key to burning an ex-wife effigy is to dip it in paraffin wax and then toss the flaming bottle of isopropyl alcohol from a safe distance. Do not stand too close when you light an ex-wife effigy.

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Every time she laughs, an angel dies. Even telemarketers avoid her. Her birth was payback for the sins of man. But you know the worst thing about her?

She works for the library.

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Under my tutelage, you will grow from boys to men. From men into gladiators. And from gladiators into Swansons.

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Chex Warrior (Chex Quest) for CB2011

Tammy: It's really good to see you, Ron.

Ron: You've aged horribly.

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