Board 8 > Post a food and I'll Review it on the Pitchfork Scale

(+) Yeah! (+)

Specific items, fast-food, foreign delectables, tv dinners, it's all fair game.

mac and cheese

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Marie Callendar's Chicken Pot Pie

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There was a signature here. It's gone now.
Your face is bees.

Bacon.

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Velcro - what a rip off.

Triple baconator

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Beef Wellington

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Arby's curly fries

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"All video games being free is a human right." -Vlado [Evil Republican]
Play Der Langrisser.

Barbecued Kangaroo.

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LOL!!!! I hope that's a joke....names don't get more n00bish than that

ramen

nothing more hipster than ramen!

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Chicken McNuggets
(vs.)
BK Chicken Fries
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VincentLauw posted...
mac and cheese

Mac and Cheese has dominated the scene with an almost alarming success rate ever since the release of the now seminal Kraft's "Mac and Cheesier" and the early 90's. With ...and Cheesier came an explosion of cheese laden pasta spinoffs: Velveeta Sheels and Cheese, the cheesy rabbit things, and to the food's detriment, Easy Mac. In short, the market is now oversaturated with Mac and Cheese, and I'd be lying if this old staple wasn't in danger of becoming old hat. However, discerning eaters will have their traditional recipes and home-made dishes; these are tough to beat by nearly any food out there. As a bonus, it heats up extremely well and is cheap.

Best New Re-issued Food: 8.9

Silvercross posted...
Marie Callendar's Chicken Pot Pie

When Three Six Mafia made a surprising turn as Academy Award winners with their tuneful "It's hard out there for a pimp", one would never have suspected the message behind such a song could be extrapolated to reflect the culture war of the frozen food aisle. In the aughts you have the vegetarian delights of Morningstar Farms brushing heads with the carnal intensity of Lumberjack meals, frozen vegetables in bidding wars over your hard earned $2.00 like the boy in Better off Dead, and in the middle of it all, unable to distinguish herself at all are the bland machinations of one Marie Callendar. Her latest offering is Chicken Pot Pie. If your idea of "succulence" is throwing a can of peas and gravy and stringed chicken into a thermos, closing the lid, shaking it wildly and pouring it into a crust of disappointment, then you might enjoy this. For the rest of us though, we'd like our money back.

2.3

Pho

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Donny: Are they gonna hurt us, Walter?
Walter: No, Donny. These men are cowards.

bbbtime posted...
Bacon.

Bacon is a magical food that hails from the most humblest of beginnings. One reads of feel good stories in which an inner city child escapes from violence and poverty and becomes esteemed members of society and loving parents. Such is the case of bacon. Pork is on the whole, the blandest of meats, so much so that roughly 80% of pitchfork readers polled have termed it "unclean and unhip." Bacon is a different story, as 99% of pitchfork readers enjoy a good strip of sizzle with the morning egg whites. One wonders if pitchfork readers themselves have forgotten bacon's origins, forgotten the rump of a hog wallowing in mud and filth. The bottom line is bacon is a stone cold classic, whether chewy or crunchy.

Pitchfork's List of the Top 50 Greatest Foods of All Time #7- 10.0

KommunistKoala posted...
Triple baconator

Wendy's joins the list of well-respected artists who have fallen into a trap of their own excess: the four minute outro of Kanye's Runaway, Gaga's ever exploding persona, and now Wendy's Triple Baconator. In short, it is too much of a good thing. The TB aspires to be a crushing assault of bacon and hamburger, and to this degree it succeeds in bursting your arteries much in the way a Wolf Eyes album succeeds in blowing out your eardrums. Your heart is to Isabella Rossellini as the Baconator is to the movie Irreversible. I myself, would prefer some lettuce and tomato to balance out the rivers of sodium one ingests in this burger. Call me a pansy if you will.

6.4

Mahi Mahi

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One Piece: Pirates with style!
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SubDeity posted...
Arby's curly fries

Arby's has taken the idea of the french fry and completely re-defined it. What once was stright is now curly. What once was a familiar potato-ey yellow is now an unnatural intimate brown/orange, like a smouldering bonfire. What once was a means of giving yourself an excuse to eat ketchup is now a ketchup-killer. Truth be told, this is perhaps a perfect item of fast-food. The taste is impeccable. There's a certain playfulness to be had with Arby's curly fries: whether they possess a single curl or are wound into a tight spiral, this is just a fun food. A revelation. Arby's Mt. Everest - it will never be topped.

Best New Food - 9.8

SBell0105 posted...
Beef Wellington

This certainly looks delicious. Regrettably, I've never tried it. There's a certain amount of elitism and pretentiousness about the name though, so I'm sure it'd get a 7.something based on that alone.

SSJSephirothGokuX123 posted...
Barbecued Kangaroo.

Never had this, but for some reason I imagine it would taste the way the Mars Volta sounds. Therefore:

3.0

no more today

it is a pretty pretentious dish.

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TimJab posted...
ramen

nothing more hipster than ramen!

Ramen is a food that has expanded beyond its Asian origins and found favor world-wide. Its taste has evolved from its simple broth/noodle beginnings. Much like mac and cheese, what could once be considered a hearty meal can now be distilled into a quick mid-afternoon snack. Much like southern hip-hop, the quality of ramen varies wildly. The dry cakes you get at Wal-Mart for .20 are tasty enough, but true conosieurs know the best ramen comes directly from the streets, where the soul of the broth mixes with the aroma of experience and passion. Adventurous eaters will experiment with various veggies and additional ingredients - might I suggest some egg?

8.3

Luster_Myst posted...
Chicken McNuggets
(vs.)
BK Chicken Fries
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Remember the glory days? Those cool June mornings when you slept in until 10:30, kicked off your Beetleborg sheets and proceeded to laze around your house all day? Maybe you'd walk down the street to your pal Daniel's house for a quick game of Army. Then around noon, you'd come home and your mother will have prepared for you a tray of pure childhood decadence: chicken ******** nuggets. A dollop of ketchup, maybe mustard, or even plain - there's just no way this wasn't going to be damn good.

Well prepare to have your glory days **** upon. Burger King has effectively managed to **** up yet another chicken dish. I'm not sure exactly why Burger King keeps trying to experiment in chicken, because they clearly have no idea what they're doing. Remember their chicken sandwich? My high school cafeteria completely lapped these chumps. Dry, chewy tasteless slabs of protein that conjures up no good feelings, only sick ones. In a world where Wendy's Spicy Chicken and Chick-Fil-A exist, how can Burger King sleep at night putting out such drivel. Even ******** McNuggets beat this crap. This is like comparing the band Jet to The Rolling Stones. Shameful.

Nuggets: 9.1
BK Chicken Fries: 1.8

this topic is brilliant

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Mer

Her latest offering is Chicken Pot Pie. If your idea of "succulence" is throwing a can of peas and gravy and stringed chicken into a thermos, closing the lid, shaking it wildly and pouring it into a crust of disappointment, then you might enjoy this. For the rest of us though, we'd like our money back.

You are so right on this one that I will now believe anything you say for a week straight.

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neonreaper posted...
Pho

"You will believe a man can fly." That was the tagline for the original Superman movie, directed by Richard Donner and starring one Christopher Reeves. That movie surprised everyone by being both a convincing action superhero movie and a fairly entertaining drama/love story. What does this have to do with Pho, you ask? Let's just say, "you will believe a man can eat tripe and find it delicious." My experience with Pho is admittedly low, but the one time I tried it (shared, among friends, with extra onion and sriracha) I found it delightful. A surprisingly delicous delicacy from Vietnam, the low man on the Asian food totem pole (Indian > Thai > Japanese > Korean > Chinese > Vietnamese).

Best New Food: 8.3

Psycho_Kenshin posted...
Mahi Mahi

Mahi Mahi is to fish as ****** Up is to hardcore. People who don't like "fish that taste fishy" eat Mahi Mahi. Why don't you just order the chicken you pansies? Or a tuna fish sandwich? Or better yet, just go to McDonald's, order a "filet o fish" and get down to business on your processed cardboard. Get this weak sauce fish out of here. What's next? Tilapia? Ugh. Give me the mercury aftertaste of mackerel. The subtlety of white tuna. The unique bouquet of swordfish. At the very least, you could have a nice salmon with lemon. On the other hand, it IS fish, and fish is awesome. There's just so many better options out there.

5.0