The year is 1995, a young up and coming website designer CJayC has just finished his ultimate work. GameFAQs. A site for the best and brightest of the web. To celebrate CJay decided to do what he always does when he accomplishes something great. Head to Mexico and buy cheap drugs and cheap women.
So CJay set out in his 1984 Honda Accord with one pink door. While passing over the border he got a shiver down his spine. Something was different this visit.
After 3 days straight of drugs, women and one goat CJay decided to do some shopping in the market before heading back to America. He went through various stores and found nothing of value or note. As he was preparing to leave the last store something shiny caught his eye. He went over to inspect and found something that would change his life and the lives of millions of others. A shirt. It had a shine unlike anything he had ever seen. When he checked the price it said 6 pesos. He was sure this was a mistake and quickly scurried to the cash. The cashier went blind as he scanned the shirt.
Cjay bolted from the store into a back alley. He went to put on the shirt but was blown into a wall by it. As CJay struggled to his feet a strange man hobbled towards him.
"Sir you won't be able to get that on. It is a shirt made for only the most elite, better than everyone else type of person. As of yet no one has ever been able to put it on." - Hobbled Man
"What do you mean?" - CJayC
But it was too late the man was gone and CJay had the runs.
After several hours in a pay toilet, CJay left back to America. To find out what could be done with ... the SHIRT.
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Not changing this sig until the Bengals, Bills, Browns and Lions win the Super Bowl (10/10/10) The most American Canadian on Board 8 - #9 Bro on Board 8
Upon returning to the US Cjay contacts his best friend and vision of manliness, SBAllen. Allen was a gigantic African American with more swag, swank and pizazz than anyone Cjay knew, surely he could wear The Shirt.
"Allen you'll never believe what I found in Mexico! Get yourself over here right now!" - Cjay
"Yo yo yo I be headin therez for the sure and all dat." - SBAllen
Allen arrived at Cjay's upper lower class mansion and went down to his lab. Inside the lab he saw something amazing, unlike anything he had ever seen. THE SHIRT!
After 45 minutes of standing mouth agape he spoke... "Yo my bro wazzit you gots there, dang thing is blingin like Mr. T on a Tuesday." - Allen
"I found this in Mexico, but I couldn't put it on.... do you think you can?" - Cjay
"Ain't no thang I know how ta where a shirt ya fool." - Allen
Allen went to put The Shirt on but a beam of light came from it blinding them both temporarily. When they gained their vision back, Cjay was shocked to see ..... Allen was now a skinny little white guy in a sailor suit.
"Cjay what is it? Why are you looking at me like that friend?" - Allen
"Dude ...." - Cjay
He hands Allen a mirror. As Allen gazes upon what he has become all he can say is. "Gee whiz this is super! I always wanted to try on a sailor suit."
It became apparent to Cjay that not just anyone was going to be able to wear The Shirt. It had turned his friend from Bro to No instantly. He knew he needed to find a man that could wear it. HE NEEDED TO!
Having both touched The Shirt, they were now bound to finding it a suitable owner.
Literally Obsessed.
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Not changing this sig until the Bengals, Bills, Browns and Lions win the Super Bowl (10/10/10) The most American Canadian on Board 8 - #9 Bro on Board 8
Fast forward 6 years to 2001. Cjay and Allen have gone through countless trials and failures on their path to find someone to wear The Shirt. They introduced forums and user accounts to GameFAQs in hopes they could find an elite but only found well.... us. They had also tried various celebrities and were responsible for their deaths.
It became painfully clear to them that no human on this earth was going to meet their needs. Lucky for them Cjay and Allen also happen to be excellent biochemists and had extensive knowledge of science.
They began the process of creating a host for The Shirt. Countless failures occurred and many half finished genetically engineered monsters were left to moan the world. They would later become the trolls you know and love today. The issue seemed to be a lack of raw power and energy and as such the two great minds set forth one of the most complex insane plans ever. They decided that they needed to cause a massive explosion to get the energy they needed to make someone worthy of wearing The Shirt. So for months they plotted with a group of men that were led to believe they were doing this for the betterment of humanity.
On the morning of September 12th 2001 at 11:46am est Cjay and Allen got the energy they needed when they set off a nuke inside their private silo. From that energy Ulti was created.
But they only had the perfect body .... they still needed to create a persona to match ....
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Not changing this sig until the Bengals, Bills, Browns and Lions win the Super Bowl (10/10/10) The most American Canadian on Board 8 - #9 Bro on Board 8
Having successfully created a body to host The Shirt the two young scientists had to kill off 9 months waiting for him to be ready to implant a personality into.
"Allan would you like to go on a picnic?" - Cjay
"I would love to go on a picnic, I love picnics they are the best." - Allen
"I know you love picnics." - Cjay
"I know you know that I love picnics." - Allen
The two of them set out to the beach for a nice secluded picnic.
"Allen would you like some of my turkey sandwich?" - Cjay
"I would love some, does it have mayo?" - Allen
"Of course it has mayo, I love the feeling of mayo in my mouth." - Cjay
"As do I, I love the gooey feeling of a condiment with the zip of mayo in my mouth. Would you like some of my pickle and salami sandwich?" - Allen
"I would love some of your salami and pickle sandwich Allen." - Cjay
The two ate sandwiches alone on the beach watching the tide roll in as the moon rose. Truly they were the best of friends.
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Not changing this sig until the Bengals, Bills, Browns and Lions win the Super Bowl (10/10/10) The most American Canadian on Board 8 - #9 Bro on Board 8
After 9 long months the human form ready to wear The Shirt was ready. Cjay and Allen had failed to implant a persona into the body as they had no idea what makes up a persona and also they were tired from so many picnics. So they just decided they would put The Shirt on the body and see what happens.
The Shirt was placed on his naked form and.....
A GIANT BEAM OF LIGHT SHOT TO THE HEAVENS. THUNDER LIGHTNING SYNERGY EXPLOSIONS MOONS EXPLODING SUNS COLLIDING!
Ulti was born
"Pay attention to me!" were his first words.
The Shirt had given a persona to the body they had created. Cjay and Allen were overjoyed that they had finally found a person to wear The Shirt.
"Look at how amazing I am." - UIti
He was a being of pure megalomania, ego, charisma, swag, bro, power, and OBSESSION.
The two stood in silent shock not able to vocalize the words they wanted to and simply dropped to their knees.
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Not changing this sig until the Bengals, Bills, Browns and Lions win the Super Bowl (10/10/10) The most American Canadian on Board 8 - #9 Bro on Board 8
Cjay and Allen now had a very big decision. Do they let Ulti loose on the world to roam and concur and lay waste. Or do they contain such a magnificent specimen to study him and learn from him. The answer was clear.
Ulti was locked in a basement with a computer only having access to GameFAQs. They told Ulti he was a super manly womanizer that had been laid countless times and was rich. He of course ate this all up as his greatest pleasure was hearing about how great he is.
In the summer of 2002 Ulti was let loose on GameFAQS and in particular Board 8. Cjay and Allen started to run character battles on GameFAQs to keep Ulti busy and entertained. He was enthralled by the voting habits of normal people and thrived on the competition to be the best. He spent weeks and months analyzing the x-stats and trends. Discussing them in a contest stats and discussion thread to leech the ideas of others and claim them as his own.
By the end 2004's Best Game Ever contest Ulti had become unstoppable. He had yet to leave the basement but still went on about his excellent social life. He was now on top of GameFAQs having just won the contest and was beginning to feel the need to expand his existence. Cjay became all too aware of this.
Something had to be done.....
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Not changing this sig until the Bengals, Bills, Browns and Lions win the Super Bowl (10/10/10) The most American Canadian on Board 8 - #9 Bro on Board 8
Ulti had become far too amazing a human being to contain in a basement, however Cjay did not feel the world could handle him. Board 8 was already beginning to worship him as the God he was. Thus Cjay began to plan for a way to eliminate Ulti and use what he had learned from him to make a more acceptable perfect being. One with the ability to analyze situations and morph to the needs of them.
Cjay began to slowly poison Ulti everyday in his food, however after only a few days Allen noticed something was weird. Ulti had become less awe inspiring and lost interest in Board 8 in favor of sleeping. Allen did some snooping and found the poison Cjay had been using as well as the plans for a new supreme being. Allen was beyond furious. Ulti was his God, he would not allow this.
One night as Cjay was busy working on his new being, Allen came up behind him all sneaky-like.
"ALL HAIL ULTI!!!!!!!" Allen yelled, as he bludgeoned Cjay to death with a copy of Chrono Trigger. Cjay's most hated game had dealt the final blow. As Cjay fell to the ground a vial fell from his hand and smashed on the floor and dripped down the sewer.
On the vial it read .... "Luster"
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Not changing this sig until the Bengals, Bills, Browns and Lions win the Super Bowl (10/10/10) The most American Canadian on Board 8 - #9 Bro on Board 8
Chapter 8: The Redeathening part 2 the continuation this time for real not that last time was not real but this time...
There stood Allen. Standing over his former best friend. A friend that had forsaken Ulti. Not a true friend.
But now Allen had to tend to the gravely ill Ulti. Cjay had succeeded in bringing Ulti to the brink and Allen was short on time to save him. Sadly Allen was incompetent as a doctor and Ulti succumbed to the poisoning by Cjay.
Allen was beside himself, he had killed his best friend and now his God was gone. Ulti's body evaporated like a Jedi's as he became one with the universe. All that remained was The Shirt. Allen became blind with rage and decided he needed to do all in his power to tarnish Cjay's legacy, so he assumed his identity for several months and merged GameFAQs with GameSpot and various other sites. The new CjAllen was on a rampage making sure no one found out that Cjay was in fact gone. Once CjAllen had made the site uniquely his own he came up with the story that Cjay was 'leaving'. No one ever heard another thing from Cjay.... of course no one knew he wasn't so much leaving the site as he had already left this realm.
Now that GameFAQs was his domain Allen needed to remake Ulti. He placed The Shirt on Ulti's PC and ran a program based on Ulti's habits to keep up the illusion Ulti was still around. He also created the story of a wife for the Ultibot. This Ultibot was to hold over the site until Allen could create a new real Ulti.
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Not changing this sig until the Bengals, Bills, Browns and Lions win the Super Bowl (10/10/10) The most American Canadian on Board 8 - #9 Bro on Board 8
As the contents of the vial dripped down the sewer they landed on a pile of things. A potato, a calculator, the lower half of a waffle iron and a book on being straight to the point and blunt. Synergy happened and a soft glow occurred. When the synergy was done a being was left laying there.
It was Luster. Cjay's final creation had come to be in a way that he never would have expected.
Luster wandered the sewers for weeks until he surfaced in Pennsylvania. A family took him in and gave him a computer with dial up. Luster was immediately drawn to GameFAQs and made it his home. At first Luster was timid and kept to himself, but over time he started to come out of his shell and display the potential that was originally conceived by Cjay.
And then Luster met ... Ultibot....
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Not changing this sig until the Bengals, Bills, Browns and Lions win the Super Bowl (10/10/10) The most American Canadian on Board 8 - #9 Bro on Board 8
Truly Ulti was awful, he could not grasp the glory that was other users and he needsed to feel a power from other users pain. The Ultibot was now malicious and make B8 a place of bad and sad. He was not alloweding to be a story anymore. Ulti I am not impressed and Sir Chris is not going to be a threat to me or anyone, just look at him.
Ulti was impressed by the Luster and he even made him a friend but Allen was still busy at work to find a real Ulti because a bot is no Ulti at all. Later it was determined that Ulti was.
Allen looked far and wide for a way to make a new Ulti but without Cjay's raw brilliance nothing was found.
Two of the six slides at six flags I assume that is why it is named that for six being its slide number.
Ulti then was still a bot.
Allen realized he needed help.
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Not changing this sig until the Bengals, Bills, Browns and Lions win the Super Bowl (10/10/10) The most American Canadian on Board 8 - #9 Bro on Board 8
*sung to the theme of 'You'll Never Stop the Simpsons'*
Ulti's Shirt, Cjay knows, Allen's fling, He's no bro, He's made of cells, Allen fails, Obsession sticks, Massive fail,
Murder happens, Ulti's fake, Allen lives, For high stakes, Ulti's future, Who the hell knows, President?, TV Shows?,
Cjay worries Ulti's gay, Pities you too and gets paid, Winning, ageless and a man, LITERALLY OBSESSED, and User of the Year,
Users murmer, Ulti moans, Posts all over, Only he knows, Ulti blows them all away, WHAT ELSE DO I HAVE TO SAY!?
They'll never stop Ulti True Stores! Have no fears, He'll be trolling for years, Like Ulti stops being a robot, maybe he makes a woman moan, has he ever sold his soul or, how 'bout more drunken chapters, where something happens, and do-do do-do do? Sorry for the theme song, have no fears i've got stories for years!
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Not changing this sig until the Bengals, Bills, Browns and Lions win the Super Bowl (10/10/10) The most American Canadian on Board 8 - #9 Bro on Board 8
there .... curse my work schedule changing this week and throwing off my topic maintenance
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Not changing this sig until the Bengals, Bills, Browns and Lions win the Super Bowl (10/10/10) The most American Canadian on Board 8 - #9 Bro on Board 8
I blame myself. Got busy with my own project and missed the timing to bump it and Cokes' abstract drawing topic. >_<
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You're such a kid! By fr0q. - http://img.imgcake.com/genirisjpgde.jpg Me. By me - http://i974.photobucket.com/albums/ae221/GenesisSaga/JustForFun.jpg
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You're such a kid! By fr0q. - http://img.imgcake.com/genirisjpgde.jpg Me. By me - http://i974.photobucket.com/albums/ae221/GenesisSaga/JustForFun.jpg
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You're such a kid! By fr0q. - http://img.imgcake.com/genirisjpgde.jpg Me. By me - http://i974.photobucket.com/albums/ae221/GenesisSaga/JustForFun.jpg
I will get a new chapter up soon, been a busy week
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Not changing this sig until the Bengals, Bills, Browns and Lions win the Super Bowl (10/10/10) The most American Canadian on Board 8 - #9 Bro on Board 8
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You're such a kid! By fr0q. - http://img.imgcake.com/genirisjpgde.jpg Me. By me - http://i974.photobucket.com/albums/ae221/GenesisSaga/JustForFun.jpg
Years had passed and the Ultibot had run out of ways to defend itself from the constant onslaught of users trying to usurp him as God. Allen knew it was time to replace the out of date Ultibot with a better AI.
Luckily for Allen the KFC he lived next to was employed by many M.I.T graduates that never amounted to anything despite their immense knowledge. Luring them over was simple, he merely offered them the chance to work on a new AI system that would make all others obsolete for $5/hr. What they didn't realize was that there was no job to be had. Once he had gotten them down to his basement he locked the four of them in there and forced them to become Ulti or be tortured.
Allen's new AI was in fact the ultimate AI, humans. Over time they slowly gave in to Allen and truly began to believe they were Ulti. As they sat facing the four walls of the basement never breaking eye contact from their screens. The Shirt sat on a pedestal in the center of the room. A constant reminder of the glory they must live up to every second of every day.
Surely this new manifestation of Ulti would be exposed, but when ...
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Not changing this sig until the Bengals, Bills, Browns and Lions win the Super Bowl (10/10/10) The most American Canadian on Board 8 - #9 Bro on Board 8
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Not changing this sig until the Bengals, Bills, Browns and Lions win the Super Bowl (10/10/10) The most American Canadian on Board 8 - #9 Bro on Board 8
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Not changing this sig until the Bengals, Bills, Browns and Lions win the Super Bowl (10/10/10) The most American Canadian on Board 8 - #9 Bro on Board 8
--
You're such a kid! By fr0q. - http://img.imgcake.com/genirisjpgde.jpg Me. By me - http://i974.photobucket.com/albums/ae221/GenesisSaga/JustForFun.jpg
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You're such a kid! By fr0q. - http://img.imgcake.com/genirisjpgde.jpg Me. By me - http://i974.photobucket.com/albums/ae221/GenesisSaga/JustForFun.jpg
The 4 Ulti's were a star! But still it was a secret to everyone. B8's 3rd most popular podcast, Serious Business even had a segment called 'Ultiwatch" to follow all the happenings of Ulti's life. However they wanted more, they needed to get inside that which is Ulti. So Icehawk hired his mexican counterparts 'El Seriouso Bizness" to go to Ulti's Jersey Mansion and conduct a live interview. What followed was one of the most horrific nights in B8 History.
That cold January night, Eduardo Bellisimo, Wigzzilio, Tequila Manuel and Elmerio set out to get into the Jersey Mansion of Ulti. While Sir Chris was back live at Icehawk Tower to relay what was happening. Icehawk was .... sick, or something so he wasn't around. As the 4 doomed members of the Mexican news team approached the mansion in their Mexican News Chopper, they could feel the presence, the aura, the power. Ulti was surely close by. Elmerio remained circling overhead in the chopper while the other three went down to get a closer look. Manuel went inside the front door, Eduardo went around back, and Wigzzilio tripped breaking the camera and cracking his skull open. He was the first to die. Moments later Elmerio crashed the chopper as he had taken it upon himself to sample Manuel's tequila. So only Eduardo and Manuel were left deep in the bowels of the Ulti mansion, scared and searching for the truth. Manuel finally stumbled upon a room, with such ... presence. He opened the door and what he saw was beyond description, as The Shirt blinded him with its glory, the 4 Ulti's rushed him. He ran off blinded stumbling through the corridors until he ran full speed into a solid gold statue of Mike Tyson for some reason. The 4 Ulti's converged on him and ripped him limb from limb devouring every piece of him. Eduardo had since snuck into the Ulti's room averting his eyes from The Shirt and begun to download all the info off their computers to relay back to Serious Business.
As he was working frantically he heard foot steps. As the transfer of files reached 100% he turned to leave and there at the door were the 4 Ulti's. The door closed. . .
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Not changing this sig until the Bengals, Bills, Browns and Lions win the Super Bowl (10/10/10) The most American Canadian on Board 8 - #9 Bro on Board 8
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You're such a kid! By fr0q. - http://img.imgcake.com/genirisjpgde.jpg Me. By me - http://i974.photobucket.com/albums/ae221/GenesisSaga/JustForFun.jpg
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Not changing this sig until the Bengals, Bills, Browns and Lions win the Super Bowl (10/10/10) The most American Canadian on Board 8 - #9 Bro on Board 8
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Not changing this sig until the Bengals, Bills, Browns and Lions win the Super Bowl (10/10/10) The most American Canadian on Board 8 - #9 Bro on Board 8
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You're such a kid! By fr0q. - http://img.imgcake.com/genirisjpgde.jpg Me. By me - http://i974.photobucket.com/albums/ae221/GenesisSaga/JustForFun.jpg
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You're such a kid! By fr0q. - http://img.imgcake.com/genirisjpgde.jpg Me. By me - http://i974.photobucket.com/albums/ae221/GenesisSaga/JustForFun.jpg
Oh I see how it is... UotY ends and SO DOES THIS PROJECT!!
-3 Nick
Next year....
(Kidding of course, but seriously continue this pwease)
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You're such a kid! By fr0q. - http://img.imgcake.com/genirisjpgde.jpg Me. By me - http://i974.photobucket.com/albums/ae221/GenesisSaga/JustForFun.jpg
As the 4 Ulti's feasted on Eduardo's carcass The Shirt and each of them started to glow. A huge flash filled the room as their forms became one. Ulti was back and this time he was for real.
But Ulti had a new desire in life, he wanted to get out and explore the world, he no longer would let himself be used by Allen. He burst out of his Jersey mansion with blinding speed towards wherever Allen lived ... San Francisco I guess. Ulti managed to reach there in under 2 hours running. He ripped down a wall of Allen's home with his bare hands.
"Hello Allen, it's been awhile." -Ulti
"Dear GOD ULTI! YOU ARE BACK!!!!" -Allen
"Yes indeed I am, but no longer will I the greatest human being to ever grace God's green Earth serve under you." -Ulti
"But Ulti, I created you, I am your father." -Allen
"GOD HAS NO FATHER!" - Ulti
Ulti proceeded to rip Allen limb from limb in the manner which would lead to the slowest most painful death.
His former keeper gone, Ulti set out to travel the world and take his rightful place as Supreme Ruler.
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Not changing this sig until the Bengals, Bills, Browns and Lions win the Super Bowl (10/10/10) The most American Canadian on Board 8 - #9 Bro on Board 8