Current Events > Youtube content creators need some fucking training before uploading their shit

(+) Yeah! (+)

Fuck me, I could train them. Here's a list of golden rules:

1. Drop the 30 second dubstep intro. We don't care.
2. No 3 minute rambling monologue at the beginning of the video explaining who you are and what this video is about. Yes, we are here already because we clicked on the video title explaining what it's about. We can see your username also, no need to announce that. Stop telling me "so yeah, that's what I'm going to show you guys here today". I presumed that already given that I clicked on the fucking video to begin with.
3. Stop going off on tangents about unrelated shit. This video has been running for 4 minutes and you still haven't got to the point, stop making it worse.
4. Get a decent microphone and stop breathing directly into the mic, you goddamn mouth-breather.
5. Actually plan a little how you're going to do this video before pressing record. Realising halfway through that you don't have the materials you need or that you don't have a way to easily film what you're doing because you lack a tripod or a place to sit the camera is stupid and we don't want to watch you painfully figure it out while live.
6. Stop explaining basic concepts that anyone who's already doing the task would have to know already. If this is a tutorial on better wood chopping techniques, don't spend 5 fucking minutes giving me a pros/cons list of why using a homemade fire over central heating is a rewarding experience.
7. "Be sure to like comment and subscribe. Check out my channel and blah blah blah" - I know you want to be youtube famous but really I just came here to learn some different egg poaching techniques, I don't need to see your 20 episode Let's Play series.

fuck
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Is someone forcing you to watch these videos

TheMarthKoopa posted...

Is someone forcing you to watch these videos

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TheMarthKoopa posted...

Is someone forcing you to watch these videos

Yes, at gunpoint
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I hate when I go to youtube for a guide or hint at how to do something in a game and they take something that could have been described in 2 minutes and turn it into a 20 minute video. That's the fucking worst.
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pinky0926 posted...

TheMarthKoopa posted...

Is someone forcing you to watch these videos

Yes, at gunpoint

Sounds like you got bigger problems.
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5. Actually plan a little how you're going to do this video before pressing record. Realising halfway through that you don't have the materials you need or that you don't have a way to easily film what you're doing because you lack a tripod or a place to sit the camera is stupid and we don't want to watch you painfully figure it out while live.

I agree with that, but... Do they just upload the whole original video? Isn't clipping and rearranging pieces before uploading your video a thing?
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Pinky you should become a professor at YouTube Youniversity
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pinky0926 posted...

3. Stop going off on tangents about unrelated shit. This video has been running for 4 minutes and you still haven't got to the point, stop making it worse.

Soooo, the person is to be a lifeless, personality-less drone. Got it.
Agreed with everything else though.
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*clicks video titled "instructions to punching a wall"*
It's yo boy here, coming straight at you from nobody-gives-a-fuck. Today, we're gonna look at punching a wall. But first let me explain something, I haven't been making many wall punching videos. I know, I know, you miss me. I miss you guys too. Thanks for all the support, by the way. But the reason I haven't been uploading videos lately is because I've been taking my college exams. So far, they're going pretty good. But I'm struggling with the theory of "I'm too stupid to realize nobody gives a damn about my life" because I think that you guys would be interested in that.
So anyway, onto the main video.
*INSERT EPIC DUBSTEP INTRO WITH FLASHING GRAPHICS HERE*
So yeah, like I was saying, I'm struggling a bit with exams. But I was sick too. So that's why I haven't been uploading. But did you hear about Trump? Man, that guy is completely crazy. He's president but like he still rants on about dumbass stuff.
Now about the type of wall you want because you know, you gotta have a wall if you wanna punch a wall. You want a soft wall. Not too concrete because that might hurt you. Oh and don't practice this in your own home incase you hit a support beam,
But I'm going to be right back after you guys hit like, subscribe, follow me on all my social media, tell all your friends and wonder why you haven't clicked off the video yet.

M I DOING IT RITE?

pinky0926 posted...

7. "Be sure to like comment and subscribe. Check out my channel and blah blah blah" - I know you want to be youtube famous but really I just came here to learn some different egg poaching techniques, I don't need to see your 20 episode Let's Play series.

If it's at the end of a video, I don't see what the problem with that is.
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Laserion posted...

5. Actually plan a little how you're going to do this video before pressing record. Realising halfway through that you don't have the materials you need or that you don't have a way to easily film what you're doing because you lack a tripod or a place to sit the camera is stupid and we don't want to watch you painfully figure it out while live.

I agree with that, but... Do they just upload the whole original video? Isn't clipping and rearranging pieces before uploading your video a thing?

It is, and for some youtubers, they go too far with the clipping. A lot of the "big" names will do a hardcut after... every... single... sentence.
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Imma be real for a sec and say I agree with pinky overall. They are pretty annoying trends in a lot of videos nowadays that force you to play with the progress bar to find what the title of the video was really about
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Marklar posted...

*clicks video titled "instructions to punching a wall"*
It's yo boy here, coming straight at you from nobody-gives-a-fuck. Today, we're gonna look at punching a wall. But first let me explain something, I haven't been making many wall punching videos. I know, I know, you miss me. I miss you guys too. Thanks for all the support, by the way. But the reason I haven't been uploading videos lately is because I've been taking my college exams. So far, they're going pretty good. But I'm struggling with the theory of "I'm too stupid to realize nobody gives a damn about my life" because I think that you guys would be interested in that.
So anyway, onto the main video.
*INSERT EPIC DUBSTEP INTRO WITH FLASHING GRAPHICS HERE*
So yeah, like I was saying, I'm struggling a bit with exams. But I was sick too. So that's why I haven't been uploading. But did you hear about Trump? Man, that guy is completely crazy. He's president but like he still rants on about dumbass stuff.
Now about the type of wall you want because you know, you gotta have a wall if you wanna punch a wall. You want a soft wall. Not too concrete because that might hurt you. Oh and don't practice this in your own home incase you hit a support beam,
But I'm going to be right back after you guys hit like, subscribe, follow me on all my social media, tell all your friends and wonder why you haven't clicked off the video yet.

M I DOING IT RITE?

I imagined Guzma saying this.
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Actually this sums up all my thoughts but much more entertainingly:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9bUtZzi6hag

devilminion posted...

pinky0926 posted...

3. Stop going off on tangents about unrelated shit. This video has been running for 4 minutes and you still haven't got to the point, stop making it worse.

Soooo, the person is to be a lifeless, personality-less drone. Got it.
Agreed with everything else though.

No, when you give me a rambling boring speech about something other than the purpose of the video that's what makes you a lifeless personality-less drone
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I really hate the "Silence is bad, let's cut it all out so that me talking about e.g. different types of map projections can seem like it's really intense and energetic".
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eston posted...

Pinky you should become a professor at YouTube Youniversity

like this:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PhKM3HgFCYI
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i am not subscribe to any channel except wwe, every 2nd youtuber is a money scammer patreon scum
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Isn't the idea behind all this due to how revenue works for YouTube video makers? IIRC, the longer someone watches, the more money they get or something. I could be wrong about this
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Blastia posted...

Isn't the idea behind all this due to how revenue works for YouTube video makers? IIRC, the longer someone watches, the more money they get or something. I could be wrong about this

They did change it so that if you only watch for a short amount of time it isn't treated as a view (to stop misleading videos from getting hits), but I don't think that would impact someone watching an entire two minute video versus a five minute video.
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