Board 8 > Maria Ranks 100+ Fetishes, The Topic [RANKINGS]

(+) Yeah! (+)

Hey so you guys nominated them, and I will now rank and discuss them. The overwhelming level of response I got this time was, well, overwhelming. For a point of reference zea and I barely managed to scrape together 50 nominations last time and this was with us actively going and recruiting people/bringing awareness to the topic. This time I didn't even care enough to go through the effort of doing that but the nomination topic still got a lot of activity and I ended up with over 100 nominations!

Some Things:
- This might be disappointing but I removed Mycro's noms from the ranking list. I didn't find any of them appealing, they were just too gross and weird for me. I can't find any particular reason to rank them in comparison to the other stuff on the list. But I WILL still talk about them.

- My tastes are... pretty unique. I tend to dislike a lot of the classically popular fetish stuff and overrate more vanilla fetishes. But then I also have weird niche fetishes of my own that are not even part of the classically popular fetish categories. One of the big ones from last topic was not nominated this time and that is probably for the best. Anyway last time this was offset by zea being more into the popular fetish stuff, but sadly he is not here to counter balance me this time.

I'll post the first few write ups from my lowest tier soon!
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cool cool
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tag
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[Pickles Tier]
Basically the "I Really Don't Like This" tier. This is made up of things that I actively dislike. They can basically ruin a scene for me just by being in that scene, just as putting pickles on a sandwich would instantly ruin it for me. The bottom spot is particularly reserved for something that I dislike to the extent that even other people liking it negatively affects my opinion of that person. Also I know I'm a terrible human being for not liking pickles I'M SORRY

100th Place.
Lolicon, as nominated by metalslug

This very easily shoots to the bottom of my list by a very, very wide margin. I considered giving this entry its own tier. Well beyond "I don't understand this," and well beyond "Seeing this ruins a scene for me." When I see people discussing their enjoyment of lolicon it makes me legitimately uncomfortable and a bit creeped out.

Here are the biggest problems with lolicon for me:
- First, I'm just straight up not attracted to children. This whole thing is weird and a huge turn off for me. It actively and immediately ruins any materials. Rather, I actively avoid anything that I think will have this material in it.
- Secondly, I don't believe that fetishes just come from nowhere. This isn't exactly to the extent that when someone says "I like lolicon but I'm not attracted to real children" I'd straight up say that I think they are a LIAR, but... the way I feel is that on some level they must be attracted to these childlike bodies and that makes me uncomfortable. I don't understand it, I don't understand why they would be.
- Thirdly, the normalization factor. People openly discuss this shit and there are those who act like it is completely natural and normal. Fucking children and being attracted to children is not normal by my book.

Probably not a great way to start a fetish ranking topic since I'm sure there are board 8 lolicons who will be butthurt by me expressing this opinion but, well, there it is. That's simply how I feel and I've always been a pretty frank and straightforward person.

99th Place.
Futanari, as nominated by Mac and kateeeeeeeeeeeeeee

This is one of those things that, well, I'm not sure how to describe it. Under normal conditions I'd probably rank it among the stuff that I understand but I'm not attracted to. Maybe I'd hedge on the side of not understanding but that's not entirely accurate either. I actually understand the scientific explanation for why people are attractive to this. But for me it's not just something I feel neutral about, it actively turns me off. I cannot use materials that involve futanari characters, it pretty much instantly kills my libido. I don't feel strong revulsion against people who enjoy futanari or anything, but it's probably one of the biggest turns offs for me that will instantly kill the eroticism in any scene.

Yeah, I know, I'm on great pace by already ranking two pretty popular fetishes at the very bottom. Anyway since Mac and kateeeeeeeee both nominated this and kateeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee seemed really enthusiastic about it I'll briefly go on with a subranking of the specifications given.

natural intersex > futa by magical or other means

real person has no control over it so it feels wrong for me to call them gross or anything over that

no opinion on futa x (blank) pairing, they are all equally unappealing to me. sorry.

no opinion on exact penis/testicle/vagina combinations, they are all equally unappealing to me. sorry.
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98th Place.
Age Play, as nominated by Simoun

Simoun struck out with a few of his noms and this is definitely among them. I don't feel as strong about this as I do about lolicon, mostly because it is a more broad term that could refer to a lot of different things. Is people engaging in sexual roleplay between consenting adults upsetting to me? Not really. Since it's not something I ever really visibly see and kill my interest in a scene it ended up just above Futanari, although I don't know how I'd react if I legitimately saw this in any pornographic materials. I would stop reading it instantly, almost certainly.

97th Place.
Tentacles, as nominated by Natwaf

This fetish makes any scene worse. It's more of a visual cue than anything else for me. When I see a bunch of tentacles on the screen I find it distracting and gross, and I can't get off to it at all. I will say I am probably less revolted by this fetish than I was last time I ran the topic a few years ago. It's definitely never going to be something I like, but there has been one really specific case where I just ignored the tentacles and focused on the human character.

it was Samus btw

Samus is great

96th Place
The Dick Turns Into a Gun and Shoots Bullets, nominated by Tera

Yeah, yeah, I know. This should PROBABLY be ranked than a few of the others considering it would result in someone actually dying if it was realistic. But this one is so funny and unrealistic that I couldn't even consider it in those terms. While I certainly would consider this to be a huge turn off it's also just too... I dunno, funny. Also the fact that Tera described the sex as being mostly normal UNTIL the guy cums means that the first part of the scene can be hot if you don't know what is "coming" at the end.

This is actually not speculation, it's something I know FOR CERTAIN. There is a scene in Taimanin Asagi 3 where Asagi is fucked while stuck in a wall. At the end they put a dildo inside of her that turns into a spear and ... well, you get the point. Anyway I did think that scene was okay up until the surprise twist at the end. At such a moment I just stopped and was like. Well... no. Definitely not okay.

Fun fact of the day, I guess.
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Samus is indeed great. Tag.
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boy I did NOT guess "dick turns into a gun and shoots bullets" would outrank "futanari"

surprise update I guess since this one is pretty short

95th Place.
"You're Not Mac Arrowny," as nominated by lefty


Like most people I obviously wish that I was the great Mac Arrowny. As a result, being reminded that I am not the great Mac Arrowny is something I had to rank in the category of things I really dislike. This was lefty's only nomination, but I know that he secretly has a thing for girls with pink hair so I'm going to talk about that.

Pink hair is pretty solid. It's not one of my favorite hair colors in a fantasy context but it's usually pretty good. I find it tends to work better on cute or pretty characters over hot ones, but it can work on hot characters too. I find Ingrid to be insanely hot and she has pink hair for example. In real life this has a huge amount of variation, so it pretty much varies from person to person. I did know someone when I was a teen who dyed her hair pink and I found it really attractive. Good job, lefty.

Paratroopa1 posted...

boy I did NOT guess "dick turns into a gun and shoots bullets" would outrank "futanari"

guns hate him!

find out 6 easy tricks to turn your dick into a bullet shooting weapon of self defense
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Tag
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I dunno I think "I really want to bang this woman but oh no if I orgasm I'll kill her with bullets" sounds almost credible. it's like, something monokuma would do if he were in hentai

Paratroopa1 posted...

I dunno I think "I really want to bang this woman but oh no if I orgasm I'll kill her with bullets" sounds almost credible. it's like, something monokuma would do if he were in hentai

It sounds like it is basically the Superman dilemma.
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it's like a complicated manifestation of orgasm denial when you think of it that way.
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That or some kind of really heavy handed metaphor for STDs or unwanted pregnancy

Does your dislike of tentacles extend to tentacle-ish things? Like not literal octopus tentacles but like an alien with a humanoid body but surprise it has various slimy tentacle-like appendages. Maybe each one has a dick head at the end of it that cum independently.
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mnkboy907 posted...

Does your dislike of tentacles extend to tentacle-ish things? Like not literal octopus tentacles but like an alien with a humanoid body but surprise it has various slimy tentacle-like appendages. Maybe each one has a dick head at the end of it that cum independently.

yes, I grouped this all in that category.
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Paratroopa1 posted...

That or some kind of really heavy handed metaphor for STDs or unwanted pregnancy

I am now imagining a 1950's sex ed video. The sperm would have swastika bands and guns and as they march along, there would be narration saying something like "Don't let YOUR sperm be the next Hitler! Just say no!"
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tag

Tag. Did I nominate anything?
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Raka_Putra posted...

Tag. Did I nominate anything?

No. If you nominate one thing right now I will add it to the list as an un-numbered late entry.
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Locker room
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It is good to see you admit to being a terrible person for hating pickles
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MariaTaylor posted...

Age Play

i don't know the range covered by age play generally. i'm assuming it's mostly like schoolgirl roleplay? i can't think of a situation where it would be personally appealing. in an extreme case, the idea of baby talk during sex is legitimately terrifying. or is this more like girls calling their male partners 'daddy' and stuff?

MariaTaylor posted...

Tentacles

there was a time when i thought i was really into tentacles stemming from the rationalization that "well, clearly it's better if EVERY POSSIBLE ORIFICE is filled because that = MAXIMUM PLEASURE. these days i'm more often turned off by tentacles than not because they often just act as a substitute for dicks. the orifice thing can still apply but like...tentacles can't beat dicks. the only advantage i can think of for tentacles is that there can be less concern for space/logistical issues. in a lot of scenes that depict gangbangs that inevitably include double penetration for instance, there are a limited number of positions with that many people involved and i'd imagine a lot of people end up in situations where they are uncomfortable. regarding solely the space issue, in fictional situations you would fix this with disembodied, floating dicks not attached to anyone so their respective bodies don't limit the positions. but ultimately i don't think organizational issues would be enough for me to turn to tentacles. tentacles also have a possible negative of being really ugly like those with bumps all over them. smooth tentacles with a curved end are the best if there has to be tentacles.

MariaTaylor posted...

Dick Turns Into a Gun and Shoots Bullets

dicks turning INTO not dick things are a no-no. you already have something perfect. why the fuck would you want it to change. and i don't really like guns in general. i've seen pictures from photoshoots and whatnot of girls with guns and it doesn't really appeal to me at all.

MariaTaylor posted...

"You're Not Mac Arrowny,"

i originally thought i got off to not being Mac Arrowny but considering that Mac Arrowny beat me to two of my noms i may have to consider...maybe i AM Mac Arrowny...

kateee posted...

dicks turning INTO not dick things are a no-no. you already have something perfect. why the f*** would you want it to change.

"waste of a perfectly good dick"

tag
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tag
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wait how did my joke noms make it out of the bottom five?
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GranzonEx posted...

wait how did my joke noms make it out of the bottom five?

BECAUSE they are jokes. Some of the things in the bottom 5 are there because people take them completely seriously.
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good topic

yeah I would rank any joke above the #100th place entry, for example.

anyway I'll be doing some more write ups shortly here.
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Tag
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[Just Some Mycro Things]
as nominated by MycroProcessor

Alright so at first I assumed Mycro was joking and I did write his stuff down. I wasn't sure what I planned to do, probably put it all at the bottom and not say very much. Well, I got confirmation that he was at least serious. In some sense I feel like the right thing to do is to at least talk a bit about each of his nominations since that is the purpose of this topic. I could not find any way to reasonably rank them in comparison to the other entries on this list, but hopefully me talking about them is enough.

"cursed infinite capacity diaper that permanently fuses itself to the wearer and forces them to constantly poop/pee themselves in it for eternity"

Apparently this has something to do with incontinence, but it's intentionally taken to the extreme for some reason to intentionally be disturbing and gross? But also he didn't make his nominations very extreme because he wanted to keep them at least relatively normal. I have no idea what lays further down this road but I don't want to see it. In one of my communications classes there was a girl who had to give a speech in front of the class and chose to talk about krohn's disease which she apparently has. I will never forget the moment where she admitted to a room full of peers that she struggles with incontinence as a result of it. That takes some weird courage for a 20 year old girl to do.

"shapeshifters with such poor control over what they turn into that they change species at least a few times a minute"

This one is at least a bit funny and amusing. I'm a huge fan of literary subversion. I don't understand how this could possibly be sexual since the subject would constantly be transforming into things that you aren't attracted to but, well, I guess I'm just not on the same level as MycroProcessor. At least the idea is creative!

"prison where inmates are forcefed lard through tubes going down their throats, to make them too fat to move so that they are incapable of hurting themselves or others"

This seems like something out of a horror movie, not smut. I mean I guess there are some 'human cattle' premises that are written erotically and verge very close to what is being described here, but even the way Mycro talks about the set up makes it feel like the entire thing is predicated upon self loathing. Presentation is key here and this doesn't sound like something that is even meant to be hot. It sounds like some kind of punishment fantasy.

"big udders completely replacing crotch genitalia on entities that are not cows"

I actually would say this one qualifies at a fetish that I at least understand but wouldn't do anything for me. I know a lot of people are into like furries, animal type characters, and in general lactation seems to be a big thing among the fetish community. This one is harder to make fun of or to simply refute the premise so I'll just say that if this had shown up on the list it would have been his highest ranking nomination... along with all the other stuff that got nominated where I was like 'yeah I know people are into this, but not me.'

All in all I will say good job Mycro. You at least got people talking!
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yeah i got nothing

I've stumbled on an artist that seemed to like turning guys into bulls, only they still had udders and each teat thing was a separate dick. So yeah that's a thing I guess.
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I've seen western comix where the guys and gals turn into bovine or furry bovine anthropoids, but not random Udder manifestations
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Tag for 1) hating pickles and 2) hating lolicon. Well said. I always tried to figure out a way to describe how I feel about lolicon without being accused of thinking every lolicon probably wants to fuck children.
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SSBM_Guy posted...

without being accused of thinking every lolicon probably wants to f*** children.

that's an accusation i think i could bear

STElNER posted...

SSBM_Guy posted...

without being accused of thinking every lolicon probably wants to f*** children.

that's an accusation i think i could bear

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I mean I just think they sort of do, but they don't want to say it or admit it. I don't know. Maybe I'm wrong. But it's not a mental hurdle that I'm capable of moving past.

[Miley Cyrus Tier]

Also known as the "Dislike" tier. I kind of dislike Miley Cyrus but I probably wouldn't walk out of the room if she entered. I don't harbor any particularly negative feelings toward Miley or the people who enjoy her music. Rather, I just don't like listening to her music. If someone asked me if I liked her it would be a no rather than a yes.

94th Place.
Mexican midgets and donkeys, as nominated by NFUN

I don't have much to say about this. I apologize to NFUN if I'm wrong but it seems like a joke nomination, despite being his only one. It's too specific and it doesn't involve any of the things I'm attracted to. Well, that's not exactly true, mexican/hispanic features tend to be pretty hot. But I'm not into midgets, donkeys, or bestiality.

93rd Place.
Centaurs, as nominated by Mac

Another Mac nom falls early. This is starting to remind me of the last contest. I'm not sexually attracted to horses and I'm not into bestiality. Having a human half leaves some room for imagination, I guess. There are probably sexual tasks that could be performed. But I couldn't really bring myself to rank this very high.

92nd Place.
Midget Clown Sex, as nominated by Granzon

See above, except this doesn't involve animals so it ranked a bit higher. The clown thing I didn't even consider when ranking since there wasn't anything else that was super close to it.

91st Place.
Hairy Armpits, as nominated by Granzon

Finally we start getting into what I consider more serious noms. I actually understand that this is a real fetish. However, it is something that I dislike. I think I could probably tolerate it but I'm really not so sure. I'm a very neurotic person. Seeing a hairy armpit would likely gross me out. Like, not in the sense of, like, 'oh girls should shave because society says so.' But, like, 'all body hair is gross and this grosses me out.'
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MycroProcessor posted...

Honestly I think the main reason I think udders replacing crotch genitalia are hot is because they're like this big annoying thing that gets in the way of your legs. It's definitely one of the most recent fetishes for me to appreciate, I didn't used to like it at all until I realized how hot it could be to have this big thing on your crotch that needs to be milked...it's very tame on its own but it's not too hard to imagine how this could turn into being locked in some milking facility and go into all kinds of extreme weird stuff.

does mycro have a b8wiki page yet and if not can this be it

MariaTaylor posted...

- Secondly, I don't believe that fetishes just come from nowhere. This isn't exactly to the extent that when someone says "I like lolicon but I'm not attracted to real children" I'd straight up say that I think they are a LIAR, but... the way I feel is that on some level they must be attracted to these childlike bodies and that makes me uncomfortable. I don't understand it, I don't understand why they would be.
- Thirdly, the normalization factor. People openly discuss this shit and there are those who act like it is completely natural and normal. Fucking children and being attracted to children is not normal by my book.

Would you classify rape fetish the same way?
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[You Like This? I Don't Like This.]

I don't like this.

90th Place.
Female Muscle Growth, as nominated by azuarc

I don't want to spoil a later entry too much but I'll just say I'm not a fan of muscle mass. This is not something I would like, or something that I have liked in the past in partners or people that I've been attracted to. Presumably this fetishization also encompasses the idea of muscle being magically added and grown. But if I don't like something then it's certainly not appealing to have it added by magic, science, super drugs, whatever.

89th Place.
Dragons, as nominated by redien

I actually find dragons less sexually appealing than a few of the things lower on the list, but they fall into an odd category as far as the dislike category is concerned. Okay, so... here's the thing. I would never want to have sex with a dragon. Like, a giant fire breathing reptile. No thanks. However, fantasy incarnations often have dragons that can turn into a human form, which is fine. Combining those two ideas I got something that I feel neutral about (it turns into a human, I'm attracted to humans) and something that I dislike (I do not want to fuck a dragon).

88th Place.
Attention, as nominated by Steiner

I dislike receiving attention. It seems like something that makes a lot of people happy but for me it has never been that way. I've almost always preferred to fly under the radar. For better or worse this is the end I try to achieve in life. To be able to do my own thing without getting noticed. So yeah, attention as a fetish is not something I would like, I don't think.

Interestingly this got me thinking about ways in which it has probably affected me for the worse.
Real Life Example: I try not to stand out or draw attention to myself. This can lead to my achievements not being noticed. People think I have no personality and don't remember my contributions even when I make them. This leads to lower success in work and in relationships.

Internet Example: My misguided attempts to fly under the radar cause people to mostly remember our negative reactions, and never notice the other things that I do. I don't think this is entirely my fault though. If someone is upset because I called them a pedophile for liking lolicon or told them they were acting embarrassing in a situation where they were acting embarrassing, and then they choose to avoid looking at all of the content I create on the board (which is a metric fuck ton) I don't really see how that is my fault. Oh well.
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Mac Arrowny posted...

Would you classify rape fetish the same way?

to 2: yes, it has to come from somewhere. even if it's just a domination fantasy taken to the extreme which couldn't exist in reality without being harmful or problematic.

to 3: no, I don't think people try to normalize rape porn or talk about it like raping people is completely normal
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Hmm, I don't think I've heard a lolicon defender say that having sex with children is normal either. I do think that rape porn is a fairly normal fetish tho.
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[Partial Differential Equations]

The lower half of the neutral section, these are things that I find it difficult to wrap my head around. I guess the difference is that if I got better at solving PDEs it would probably be a useful skill to have. Understanding why someone thinks autofellatio is a fetish would not benefit me in any way. People who landed in this tier have earned the right to call me a plebe and an uncultured dilettante because I am simply not intelligent enough to understand their fetishes.

87th Place.
Autofellatio, as nominated by Fungi

This seems gross to me and I don't understand why anyone would want to do it.

86th Place.
Slow Transformation [Sex Change], as nominated by Mega Mana

Being able to change your biological sex instantly seems like it would be pretty convenient if you wanted to have a sex change. Undergoing a long and difficult process in order to change your sex seems a lot less convenient. I don't understand why someone would like a process that is inefficient, much less fetishize it.

85th Place.
Gay Denial, as nominated by kateee

Maybe saying I don't understand this is a lie. I guess the secret fantasy that people deny being gay might secretly be open to the idea of fooling around is appealing? That seems like it might be where this comes from. However for me I find dishonesty really attractive so I don't know why a person being dishonest would be an attractive thing. To me it would make them less attractive.

84th Place.
Things That Pokewars Is Into, as nominated by scarlet

I don't know what things Pokewars is into. For that reason I'm pretty ignorant on this subject and was not able to understand it.
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would you read a doujin that contains a large number of these bottom ranking fetishes if it was drawn by your favorite artist?
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nothing so far. "Attention" wouldn't actively turn me away but it also wouldn't be enough to make me want to read something. "Things Pokewars Is Into" is somewhat nebulous since I have no idea what he is into. that's a maybe, I guess.
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MariaTaylor posted...

I don't know what things Pokewars is into.

MariaTaylor posted...

100th Place.
Lolicon

MariaTaylor posted...

84th Place.
Things That Pokewars Is Into, as nominated by scarlet

I don't know what things Pokewars is into. For that reason I'm pretty ignorant on this subject and was not able to understand it.

This should be last place. It's felonious to be into what he is into.
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scarletspeed7 posted...

This should be last place

i mean technically it is