Current Events > The Caucasian's Guide To Black Barbecues

(+) Yeah! (+)

http://adequateman.deadspin.com/the-caucasians-guide-to-black-barbecues-1730865233

lol
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lol
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Lost it at the dominoes and spades advice.
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I also got caught not knowing you have to bring something

But then again they're haitians so one of them actually pretended that part of what he brought was brought by me
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SSJGrimReaper posted...

lol

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As a white guy married to a black girl, I can confirm everything in that article.
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Wow I read the whole thing.
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lold
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Lmao
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I could write a pretty similar and accurate guide for Hmong barbecues.
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This is art.

Except Uncle Jerome, who is saved, sanctified, and filled with the Holy Ghost. In fact, Uncle Jerome is starting a new ministry that confronts the evil of drugs and alcohol.

lol
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frozenshock posted...

I also got caught not knowing you have to bring something

If you're invited to a dinner party, why would you think it's okay to not bring anything?

lmao
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I feel like that would be way more fun than my families boring ass get togethers.
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Shit start poppin at the old school hip hop stage. Never had I heard gospel music before at a cookout.

And damn, the park down the street line is legit. Everyone old enough to be a grandparent is parking in that driveway or right outside the house, every time believe that.
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Printerscape posted...

frozenshock posted...

I also got caught not knowing you have to bring something

If you're invited to a dinner party, why would you think it's okay to not bring anything?

How would I know? I thought they were just going to order pizza and we'd split the cost or something. I didn't know people were going to come up with a bunch of homemade things
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Printerscape posted...

frozenshock posted...

I also got caught not knowing you have to bring something

If you're invited to a dinner party, why would you think it's okay to not bring anything?

Bruh, it's a cookout not a dinner party. Recognize the difference.
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lol funny shit.

I ve been to a few black "cookouts" when i was in the south. good times.

he's right about the music too. shit turned to biggy and 2pac and there was a scuffle.
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(Yes, there is a White Thanksgiving and a Black Thanksgiving. White people’s Thanksgiving has pumpkin pie and wine. Black Thanksgiving has pound cake and Crown Royal.)

Fucking dead
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Kineth posted...

Lost it at the dominoes and spades advice.

Yeah that was pretty great
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lol

100% accurate

If you hear "We fall down...but we get up," run motherfucker.

LMAO done.
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I read through the whole thing every time it's posted, it just gets better and better
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Amazing
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I didn't realize Spades was as popular in the black community as it apparently is.
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My last cook out ended with half us being arrested. It ain't a cook out unless someones going to jail.
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Makeveli_lives posted...

Printerscape posted...

frozenshock posted...

I also got caught not knowing you have to bring something

If you're invited to a dinner party, why would you think it's okay to not bring anything?

Bruh, it's a cookout not a dinner party. Recognize the difference.

White people cookouts are still professionally catered, but like the article mentions everyone is inside and the only people "cooking out" are the catering staff.
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sondast posted...

Makeveli_lives posted...

Printerscape posted...

frozenshock posted...

I also got caught not knowing you have to bring something

If you're invited to a dinner party, why would you think it's okay to not bring anything?

Bruh, it's a cookout not a dinner party. Recognize the difference.

White people cookouts are still professionally catered, but like the article mentions everyone is inside and the only people "cooking out" are the catering staff.

rofl.. this is some nice bait.
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I could've sworn a stand up comedian did this bit. Anyone know who I'm thinking of? I don't think it was Chris Rock.
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Forlorn_Ass posted...

Wow I read the whole thing.

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frozenshock posted...

I also got caught not knowing you have to bring something

But then again they're haitians so one of them actually pretended that part of what he brought was brought by me

let me educate you my friend

whenever you go to a haitian bbq there are a few easy things you could bring:

1. one of those delicious cakes with fruits on top and inside
2. a big ass thing of croissants (costco has some damn good croissants)
3. multiple bottles of this: https://images-na.ssl-images-amazon.com/images/I/91eND78jKKL._SY550_.jpg
4. 24 pack heineken

i consider myself an expert on the haitian bbq
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Or LOTS of aluminum foil. I don’t know what the hell black people do with all the aluminum foil at cookouts, but they ALWAYS need more. I have long suspected that black cookouts were ploys by hosts to get free aluminum foil.

Lmao

Anyway, at black cookouts, ALL our uncles are the drunk uncle. Except Uncle Jerome, who is saved, sanctified, and filled with the Holy Ghost. In fact, Uncle Jerome is starting a new ministry that confronts the evil of drugs and alcohol.

But if you take him to your trunk, he’ll have a nip.

Haha
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I'm black and I never saw anyone play Spades or Dominos at a cookout. It is probably a regional thing.

Here are some more that I would add.

1. If you bring beer, don't bring bud/miller lite or any craft beers. Just stick with Heineken or Corona if it is a 35 and under crowd but don't forget the limes.

You're also not there to get shitfaced. Black people don't want to do keg stands and the only Wooing he enjoy is when Ric Flair does it.

2. When there is hip hop playing we don't want to hear about Eminem or how you like rap that has meaning. This is a party. We like that shit and know it but were trying to dance.

Stick with a two step or like the article said learn the electric slide or cupid shuffle.

3. Don't try to add any pro black stuff to the mix. It will come off as fake and we won't believe you. While were at it leave any all lives matter stuff at home.

4. Don't stare. Black people get uncomfortable with starring.

5. Don't come all dressed up. A polo and a nice pair of jeans/shorts and a decent pair of sneakers are acceptable.

6. Sports is a good talking point if you want to talk to people but you're going to start losing us if you bring up hockey and depending on were you are baseball.

7. The aluminum foil does have a purpose. It's so Uncle Jerome can take the food with him to work and eat the next day. I have a uncle, well actually he;s my mom's cousin, Jerome and this is what happens.

8. If you have kids make sure they act right and they don't back talk you.

9. Don't try to say black slang terms or break out your black accent that you've been practicing,

10. If you show up eat and try everything. If there is something you're unsure about only get a little. Don't waste food and throw something out.
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Skywalker82 posted...

When there is hip hop playing we don't want to hear about Eminem or how you like rap that has meaning

Skywalker82 posted...

Don't try to say black slang terms or break out your black accent that you've been practicing,

H...have people done these
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ASithLord7 posted...

Skywalker82 posted...

When there is hip hop playing we don't want to hear about Eminem or how you like rap that has meaning

Skywalker82 posted...

Don't try to say black slang terms or break out your black accent that you've been practicing,

H...have people done these

Lol.. yes?
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Kineth posted...

ASithLord7 posted...

Skywalker82 posted...

When there is hip hop playing we don't want to hear about Eminem or how you like rap that has meaning

Skywalker82 posted...

Don't try to say black slang terms or break out your black accent that you've been practicing,

H...have people done these

Lol.. yes?

I'm not doubting it and I've seen the first one, it's just so incredibly cringey.
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ASithLord7 posted...

Skywalker82 posted...

When there is hip hop playing we don't want to hear about Eminem or how you like rap that has meaning

Skywalker82 posted...

Don't try to say black slang terms or break out your black accent that you've been practicing,

H...have people done these

The hip hop thing only at parties I've been too. They didn't bring up Em but they went with the usual Mos Def, Talib Kweli, and Kid Cudi.

The slang and changing they way they talk, yea...
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Skywalker82 posted...

ASithLord7 posted...

Skywalker82 posted...

When there is hip hop playing we don't want to hear about Eminem or how you like rap that has meaning

Skywalker82 posted...

Don't try to say black slang terms or break out your black accent that you've been practicing,

H...have people done these

The hip hop thing only at parties I've been too. They didn't bring up Em but they went with the usual Mos Def, Talib Kweli, and Kid Cudi.

The slang and changing they way they talk, yea...

Jeez
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The spades thing is funny . I learned spades by playing with my white friends. When I tried to play with some black friends I was so lost. How in the hell is a 2 going to be a King.
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bump
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NinjaWarrior455 posted...

(Yes, there is a White Thanksgiving and a Black Thanksgiving. White people’s Thanksgiving has pumpkin pie and wine. Black Thanksgiving has pound cake and Crown Royal.)

Fucking dead

Reminded me of this

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VOaMsJOJ7AA
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