Board 8 > Let's talk about cheating in a relationship

(+) Yeah! (+)

Would you cheat on your partner? Have you done it before?

What are your thoughts on the subject? It just randomly popped into my head, and wanted to know what you all thought.
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Pokalicious posted...

Would you cheat on your partner?

no

Pokalicious posted...

Have you done it before?

no

Pokalicious posted...

What are your thoughts on the subject?

don't do it
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No, no.
I would leave the relationship immediately if it happened against me.
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Good talk.
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MariaTaylor posted...

Pokalicious posted...

Would you cheat on your partner?

no

Pokalicious posted...

Have you done it before?

no

Pokalicious posted...

What are your thoughts on the subject?

don't do it

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Eddv posted...

Good talk.

Not really a discussion so far lol. But hey, if we're all faithful partners then there really isn't a need for one!
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Eddv posted...

Good talk.

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uh basically my thoughts are if you want to have an open relationship or fool around, great, go do that with other people who also want to do that. don't ruin it for people who want to have a serious relationship by lying to them and tricking them into having a relationship with you and then screwing around on the side.
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LOLIAmAnAlt posted...

No, no.
I would leave the relationship immediately if it happened against me.

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I feel like we're living in a world where most people don't really care about being unfaithful. Most of the relationships I see nowadays are were one or the other is cheating, plans to cheat, or has cheated before.
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Is that most people Poka....or you
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Most people. I'm not even in a relationship. Even if I was, I would not tolerate cheating.

And if it happened to me then I don't believe in second chances in those situations.
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Shitty thing to do.
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MariaTaylor posted...

Pokalicious posted...

Would you cheat on your partner?

no

Pokalicious posted...

Have you done it before?

no

Pokalicious posted...

What are your thoughts on the subject?

don't do it

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Pokalicious posted...

I feel like we're living in a world where most people don't really care about being unfaithful. Most of the relationships I see nowadays are were one or the other is cheating, plans to cheat, or has cheated before.

I don't think it seems like that at all
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Nope nope nope.

I'd leave if I found out she had cheated previously on someone else. If someone cheats once, they'll do it again.
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Well maybe people here in PR are just shitty all-around, then.
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ive done it twice
both times in relationships that were essentially dead
dont feel great about it but i dont really regret it

I've been cheated on before but it was a middle school relationship and it didnt matter in the long run.

I am 100% against cheating. However, i'd want to see if anything could be salvaged before immediately throwing the relationship away if I were cheated on.

That being said I'm 100% confident Digi wouldn't cheat on me, as I wouldn't cheat on him.
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I used to be pretty blase about the entire thing, but I think the issue was that I never really cared about anyone I was dating. The idea of it now is pretty serious and I'm sure I'd be crushed if it happened to me, and also can't imagine ever doing it.

For the record I never actually did it in the past, but I'm pretty sure I wouldn't have fought against a safe opportunity. On the other end, I just wouldn't care if it happened because I never felt any ownership towards the girls or the relationships.
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tabiicat42 posted...

However, i'd want to see if anything could be salvaged before immediately throwing the relationship away if I were cheated on.

I used to think this way, believing in giving people second chances. But if that were the case, if the couple were to try and make things work after something like that, the cheated partner lost his trust on the on who cheated already. And what is a relationship without trust?
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Pokalicious posted...

Well maybe people here in PR are just shitty all-around, then.

No, it definitely happens here.
I know people who actively cheat. One has it scientifically down.
He has had 2 full time girlfriends now for 4 years. Has had a rotating 3rd and even once a 4th along with countless one night stands/flings. With girls that are also cheating.
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tazzyboyishere posted...

MariaTaylor posted...

Pokalicious posted...

Would you cheat on your partner?

no

Pokalicious posted...

Have you done it before?

no

Pokalicious posted...

What are your thoughts on the subject?

don't do it

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I would murder everyone
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I probably wouldn't cheat, I would just be honest with my gf and say what I am doing and then she could dealwithit.gif.

I don't think it's too big of a deal though. The act of cheating alone is pretty shallow and sex is only a fraction of the entire relationship. Totally salvageable. If you lie and go behind your partner's back and such, that's terrible, but not because of the sex. It's because you're lying and untrustworthy. If you don't lie and cheat (one night stand or whatever) then it seems pretty minor imo.

But also I definitely do not have the sex drive and lust to even want to cheat, usually. It hasn't crossed my mind when I was in a serious relationship. It has happened when I was in casual relationships but that's what casual is all about.
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does it have to reach cheating for trust to be broken?

how about making out with someone else? or does it have to reach penetration?
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GTM posted...

does it have to reach cheating for trust to be broken?

how about making out with someone else? or does it have to reach penetration?

For me cheating isn't really about sex. It's wanting something intimate, whatever it might be, with someone else and going through with it.

Just making out could be cheating. Could be because it's one of the things I could forgive, giving the situation.
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"What is cheating" could be an interesting discussion. Does emotional cheating exist? What about cuddling, holding hands, etc.?

Personally I would drop the hammer if my gf was cuddling with another guy but does it count as cheating?
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I don't know how far it has to be to be considered cheating, but I know I'd be hurt if anything happened, even before it reaches sex, for sure.
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emotional cheating is way worse than just fucking someone and being done with it imo

Kissing and probably cuddling are cheating to me. Holding hands, probably not...but I'd still be mad about it.
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Cheating is obviously per-relationship based on what you have agreed the relationship to be about. If you haven't talked about that then literally anything goes and you're dumb for getting mad. Be an adult and talk about your feelings, don't just assume the other person magically aligns with your ideals, and definitely don't expect social norms to implicitly enforce things for you.
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Getting mad because of holding hands I mean come on

What???
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I've instead become poly and am in two relationships. But as an asexual of sorts, sex is an incredibly minor part of my relationships...
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foolm0r0n posted...

Getting mad because of holding hands I mean come on

What???

If it's meant to show romantic affection to someone, that's totally fine to be mad about.
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I just imagine telling my gf I'll be mad if she holds hands with someone else and it seems p ridiculous
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I just imagine foolmo having a girlfriend and it seems p ridiculous
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Accurate
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Pokalicious posted...

tabiicat42 posted...

However, i'd want to see if anything could be salvaged before immediately throwing the relationship away if I were cheated on.

I used to think this way, believing in giving people second chances. But if that were the case, if the couple were to try and make things work after something like that, the cheated partner lost his trust on the on who cheated already. And what is a relationship without trust?

i'm only talking about my own personal feelings about it. trust can be rebuilt, imo
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I feel probably a majority of ppl cheat or would cheat. Most do not admit it or justify it as not cheating in their minds to not feel guilty.
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I would define "cheating" as going behind your partner's back to establish intimacy with someone else. This can happen, even in an open relationship, if one remains untrue to the boundaries or their partner's wishes. (Or if you've pressured your partner into having an open relationship, against their better judgment.)

It is a cruel thing to do. It doesn't always happen on purpose - sometimes passion sweeps you away, but that doesn't mean you're not at fault. Taking responsibility and accepting the consequences of your actions are what's necessary to begin to mend what broke.

Intentionally going out of your way to have a "side" and intentionally playing two people like that, however, is more unforgivable - that's an act of pride more than lust, with a large dose of entitlement as well. People don't exist to serve your sexual and egotistical desires. This doesn't make you into poly relationships, this makes you someone who treats human beings like a game, and that's despicable.

So if I haven't made myself clear, I agree with the copypasta this thread's got going on.
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MariaTaylor posted...

Pokalicious posted...

Would you cheat on your partner?

no

Pokalicious posted...

Have you done it before?

no

Pokalicious posted...

What are your thoughts on the subject?

don't do it

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MariaTaylor posted...

Pokalicious posted...

Would you cheat on your partner?

no

Pokalicious posted...

Have you done it before?

no

Pokalicious posted...

What are your thoughts on the subject?

don't do it

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Pokalicious posted...

I feel like we're living in a world where most people don't really care about being unfaithful. Most of the relationships I see nowadays are were one or the other is cheating, plans to cheat, or has cheated before.

curious, what's the age group?
teens and low 20s, i see that happen often enough to seem that way. a lot of them are people who shouldn't be in relationships to begin with.
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Obviously it's a shitty thing to do

I like the idea of an open relationship though.
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Pokalicious posted...

I feel like we're living in a world where most people don't really care about being unfaithful. Most of the relationships I see nowadays are were one or the other is cheating, plans to cheat, or has cheated before.

Maybe you should meet new people.
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XIII_rocks posted...

I like the idea of an open relationship though.

No person who is worth your time would agree to something like that.
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MariaTaylor posted...

Pokalicious posted...

Would you cheat on your partner?

no

Pokalicious posted...

Have you done it before?

no

Pokalicious posted...

What are your thoughts on the subject?

don't do it

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Poka, I feel like PR has a different culture than most of the US. People here are very laid back. More so than anywhere I've ever lived. Maybe that explains where you're coming from?

I once had a girlfriend make out with another guy. Her friend was sleeping over and wanted to make out with this guy down the street, so they visited his place and they all got frisky. She might've done more with him, I wouldn't be surprised. She was incredibly regretful once I found it (the guy ratted them all out since he was dating my sisters best friend). What a mess that all was.

I broke up with her the next day.
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I had a girlfriend in my teens/early 20s, and we really hit it off. Over a year into the relationship, I began to feel the "familiarity breeds contempt" excuse. My interest in the girl dried up, and I cheated on her. Told her the next day, and she (obviously) never forgave me. Haven't seen her since, and haven't really been in a serious relationship since either. Learned how dumb I was the hard way.

You do not cheat on anyone, period. Losing interest is an unfortunate possibility, but betraying them to sleep with someone else shows a lack of companionship, intimacy, and trust. Saying you can sleep or love multiple people at the same time is a fantasy. Some people could, but that is not the norm at all.

Don't cheat on anyone. Just don't.
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