Poll of the Day > You guys were right, I think im a parody of my former self.

(+) Yeah! (+)

When I first started posting here on the social boards, I had already accepted my life as it was, and had learned to content with it. I believed the past was gone, and the future could be better. I could brush off criticisms, because you guys didn't really know who I was as a person, so I couldn't take it personally. Visiting here was just something to do to pass the time, and wasn't important to me. I was still dealing with anxiety though, which made me overly cautious when posting, and I hadn't fully realized how bad my depression was.

The longer I posted here, the more comfortable I became, and somehow people started to notice me and liked me. So I began to open up about my life, and finally found out how good it felt to be able to talk about that stuff without the threat of violence. However, because of that, the criticisms did begin to bother me, because now they were actual judgements of me as a person, instead of the things I carefully chose to post before. At the same time, I was seeing how people lived their lives normally. I realized what all I had missed out on by being shut away from everybody for so long, and it began to really affect me in a negative way. I began to feel hopeless for the first time, but st that point you guys were mostly still being very supportive, so it didn't feel like a big issue.

The real problem hit when venting to you guys became a habit, and I guess I began craving attention and reassurance. My hopelessness began to bleed through to my posts, and I adopted the negativity into who I was as a poster. I began to just barf up all my negative feelings to you guys, still expecting the same treatment I got from when I was a positive person. Then I was diagnosed with depression, and put on medication, and went through a short round of therapy which was awful, and nearly killed myself twice. Things were too much for me to handle, and I have no idea how I was ever content with my life before, it must've been some powerful denial going on or something.

This new me is the opposite of who I was when I first arrived here. He was content, and hopeful, and shrugged off hurtful things like they were nothing. Now I'm bitter, and negative, hopeless, and take everything to heart. I want to get back to who I used to be, but I feel I'm too damaged now and that I can't.

Several of you had mentioned before that I'm just a parody of who I used to be. I was offended by that then, but I see now what you guys meant. It's no wonder the posters here who dislike me really dislike me. Oh well. I guess I'm just going to try and be more positive in general from now on, but being so negative has become such a habit. It might be tough to break,

tldr: I'm a much worse person now than I was before, and I don't blame anyone for disliking who I've become.
---

>complains about being a negative person and venting negativity
>vents about self negatively at length
---

Kyuubi4269 posted...

>complains about being a negative person and venting negativity
>vents about self negatively at length

Yep,
---

I know exactly what you're talking about.
I went through more or less the same path as you did here a couple of years ago.
I felt like shit and I frequently came to PotD to vent.
I don't quite remember how or when but suddenly something changed within me and I started to feel better about myself.

I started to feel more confident and I could actually talk to people irl.
Especially girls because they always made me nervous before.
I simply realized they were like ordinary people just like us guys.
Nothin' special about them. Girls aren't these magical beings that must be treated in a certain way.
Treat them like any other human on this planet and they will treat you as such.
---

LeetCheet posted...

I know exactly what you're talking about.
I went through more or less the same path as you did here a couple of years ago.
I felt like shit and I frequently came to PotD to vent.
I don't quite remember how or when but suddenly something changed within me and I started to feel better about myself.

I started to feel more confident and I could actually talk to people irl.
Especially girls because they always made me nervous before.
I simply realized they were like ordinary people just like us guys.
Nothin' special about them. Girls aren't these magical beings that must be treated in a certain way.
Treat them like any other human on this planet and they will treat you as such.

I do treat everyone the same, just I'm not social at all. I need to put myself out there and meet people if I want things to change. Still, my posting style has gone down the toilet and people rightfully called me out on it. Just felt like acknowkedging that, idk.
---

I don't think you should worry what PotD thinks of you.
I remember a couple of years ago when I was posting all kinds of shit here.
Outsiders even thought this board was obsessed with Tess Merkel when it really was just me posting about her lol
I was one time even recognised on one of the game boards as "that obsessive guy".

I eventually stopped doing that and promised to not make any more topics about Tess Merkel and I've kept that promise ever since.

Anyways, I don't really lose sleep over doing what I did back then.
Sometimes I do think back on it and chuckle to myself; "Man I was kinda weird back then lul".

I mean, do you think ICOYAR regret anything he has ever said and done on this board?
Other people constantly call him out and he almost never even responds back to them.
---

Sorry, I had to go to town just before you posted that. I remember the Tess Merkel stuff lol. Iirc that was ending about the time I was settling down on the board. I've said before that I'm kind of jealous of Icoyar's ability to post what he wants without caring about the backlash. Obviously I wouldn't want backlash, but yeah, it'd be nice to be able to just do what you want with no regard for anyone else.

Anyway, I'm gonna grab a nap, didn't sleep well and I work tonight. Ugh.
---

hahaha amazing tc we've seen this song and dance before you admit that your self-awareness to your horrible attention seeking behavior is bad and then guess what? you do nothing, go back into your stupid ass attention seeking behavior with nothing having changed and the cycle continues. get a job.

Are you admitting to being a gimmick yet
---

maybe you need to stop posting here. I've thought the same for myself. make some changes in your life, big or small. dye your hair. take up a new hobby. move to portland. whatever you need to do.
---

LeetCheet posted...

Tess Merkel

Ah, I remember those days. Those times were quite funny. At least you had good spirits about the whole thing.
---

edededdy posted...

hahaha amazing tc we've seen this song and dance before you admit that your self-awareness to your horrible attention seeking behavior is bad and then guess what? you do nothing, go back into your stupid ass attention seeking behavior with nothing having changed and the cycle continues. get a job.

I already said it's become a habit that's hard to break.

acesxhigh posted...

maybe you need to stop posting here. I've thought the same for myself. make some changes in your life, big or small. dye your hair. take up a new hobby. move to portland. whatever you need to do.

This is really my only social interactions. I like you guys, and don't to be cut off from people again. I admit it's probably not good for me, but I don't think it'd be better the other way either. Currently working on a few smallish changes.
---

Just post what you want and ignore what the haters say. I havent even seen anyone complain about you that wasnt already a churlish poster to begin with.

KogaSteelfang posted...

This is really my only social interactions and don't to be cut off from people again.

So get real friends, that's your problem.
---

DistantMemory posted...

Just post what you want and ignore what the haters say. I havent even seen anyone complain about you that wasnt already a churlish poster to begin with.

There have been many that I thought I was good with that ended up saying things that hurt. It only really bothers me if I think we're on good terms though. Then when I reach out in private, they either explain that they do like me, but hate my posts, or flat out confirm they don't like me.

Kyuubi4269 posted...

KogaSteelfang posted...

This is really my only social interactions and don't to be cut off from people again.

So get real friends, that's your problem.

I know. >_<
---

KogaSteelfang posted...

I know. >_<

So go get some. Find the nearest open place and talk to strangers.
---

The only way your life will improve is if you move out of your parents' house. It's fine if you get a roommate.
If you insist on staying there then there's no point to posting about how unhappy you are there.
You just need to do it, instead of making excuses.
Honestly you're a grown man and it doesn't matter how your parents feel about it.
---

SusanGreenEyes posted...

The only way your life will improve is if you move out of your parents' house. It's fine if you get a roommate.
If you insist on staying there then there's no point to posting about how unhappy you are there.
You just need to do it, instead of making excuses.
Honestly you're a grown man and it doesn't matter how your parents feel about it.

Dunno if it'll make any difference, but my mom, cousin, and myself are moving this week. At least until Spring next year. Of course I'll still be in a similar position, but maybe things will be better without my dad around constantly.
---

It's always difficult to be in a rut and not know what to do to get out of it. You gotta choose whether you let your situation change who you are or stubbornly remain who you are until that changes your situation.
---

The biggest problem with anxiety/depression is that almost everybody uses a "one-size fits all" approach when trying to help, which when it comes to mental health is a "fits virtually nobody" one instead. At least you've seemingly noticed negative behaviours, which is the best way to work through them.

I have a horrible tendency to talk about myself a lot, though not in the same way, so maybe just try to break that cycle by only talking about things other than yourself on here for the next month, but try to participate as much as you can. Everything that has been trained, can be retrained.
---

I'll admit to wanting to tag you into that short PotD communal bathroom post only because I know what your job is.
Everybody can be subject to a bit of parody.

Whatever you write here ends up defining a persona. It doesn't have to be set in stone but trying to change it has to be sincere. The bullshit detectors run on high around here.
---

KogaSteelfang posted...

SusanGreenEyes posted...

The only way your life will improve is if you move out of your parents' house. It's fine if you get a roommate.
If you insist on staying there then there's no point to posting about how unhappy you are there.
You just need to do it, instead of making excuses.
Honestly you're a grown man and it doesn't matter how your parents feel about it.

Dunno if it'll make any difference, but my mom, cousin, and myself are moving this week. At least until Spring next year. Of course I'll still be in a similar position, but maybe things will be better without my dad around constantly.

What if you just leave by yourself and maybe get a roommate, as opposed to moving in with your family?
---

Mead posted...

It's always difficult to be in a rut and not know what to do to get out of it. You gotta choose whether you let your situation change who you are or stubbornly remain who you are until that changes your situation.

I'm still who I used to be in person, it's just my online behavior that changed. It's weird, the things I post are the things I'm feeling, but it's like that's not really who I am, like I take on a more negative personality online than in person, and I don't like that.

TheCyborgNinja posted...

The biggest problem with anxiety/depression is that almost everybody uses a "one-size fits all" approach when trying to help, which when it comes to mental health is a "fits virtually nobody" one instead. At least you've seemingly noticed negative behaviours, which is the best way to work through them.

I have a horrible tendency to talk about myself a lot, though not in the same way, so maybe just try to break that cycle by only talking about things other than yourself on here for the next month, but try to participate as much as you can. Everything that has been trained, can be retrained.

I haven't really talked much about myself recently, just a topic about my dad being a "celebrity" at the hospital, and ...kittens. :(
I'm trying my best to get back to my old mindset.

Firewood18 posted...

I'll admit to wanting to tag you into that short PotD communal bathroom post only because I know what your job is.
Everybody can be subject to a bit of parody.

Whatever you write here ends up defining a persona. It doesn't have to be set in stone but trying to change it has to be sincere. The bullshit detectors run on high around here.

I saw it, and was tempted to post in it, but felt it would be seen as attention whoring. Oh, a topic about a bathroom, I better post about being a janitor and cleaning bathrooms. lol

SusanGreenEyes posted...

KogaSteelfang posted...

SusanGreenEyes posted...

The only way your life will improve is if you move out of your parents' house. It's fine if you get a roommate.
If you insist on staying there then there's no point to posting about how unhappy you are there.
You just need to do it, instead of making excuses.
Honestly you're a grown man and it doesn't matter how your parents feel about it.

Dunno if it'll make any difference, but my mom, cousin, and myself are moving this week. At least until Spring next year. Of course I'll still be in a similar position, but maybe things will be better without my dad around constantly.

What if you just leave by yourself and maybe get a roommate, as opposed to moving in with your family?

I'm still looking for a place of my own that I can afford, but rent is going up for some reason. There's a house I fell in love with, it's surprisingly cheap, and is still on the market. If I knew how to get the money, I'd buy that place in a heartbeat.
---

Do you have a decent relationship with your cousin at least, or does your cousin disrespect you?
---

SusanGreenEyes posted...

Do you have a decent relationship with your cousin at least, or does your cousin disrespect you?

He's mentally challenged. We get along great, but it can certainly be very frustrating. He's the only person that I actually talk to everyday, and it can be kind of maddening when the best conversation you've had in a week is him laughing because he said diarrhea then reminding you for days about the time he said it. >_>
He's also learning new language from the kids at school, and doesn't know what it means. He literally thinks his one friend is "black from the waist down" he didn't realize it was a penis joke, and now thinks the guy literally has black legs. He's going to be 18 next year, and still can't dress himself properly.
---