Current Events > What's so bad dating a trans woman anyways?

(+) Yeah! (+)

Sayoria posted...

s0nicfan posted...

_Rinku_ posted...

s0nicfan posted...

Sayoria posted...

s0nicfan posted...

Sayoria posted...

I'm attracted to guys. If I had my choice, I'd be in it for a cowboy. Trans women are nothing like that.

Would you date a F2M?

Like I said in that linked post, yes if we had a non-sexual relationship.

It said non-sexually so I wasn't sure how to interpret that. IMO you can't have a healthy long-term relationship without a physical component, so a non-sexual relationship isn't really dating. It's more like having a really close friend.

Bullshit. You may not be able to, but that hardly means everyone needs to get their rocks off to form a deep emotional connection.

I mean, you can think that, but social psychology is pretty much settled on the matter. But sure, your long-distance relationship is TOTALLY the one to break the trend. It's the one truly special one that'll show everyone that the rules of attraction don't apply to you.

There's always masturbation when that time comes ya know.

And when the Skype call emds, she's getting drilled by her ACTUAL boyfriend.
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@darkjedilink

Who hurt you, man?

And when the Skype call emds, she's getting drilled by her ACTUAL boyfriend.

Ah, truth in it's most adulterated form...

*takes a sip*

Thirst quenching...
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_Rinku_ posted...

@darkjedilink

Who hurt you, man?

What?

You do know that the very vast majority of long distance relationships fail due to infidelity, right?

It's why I don't bother with them.
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darkjedilink posted...

_Rinku_ posted...

@darkjedilink

Who hurt you, man?

What?

You do know that the very vast majority of long distance relationships fail due to infidelity, right?

It's why I don't bother with them.

It's okay, man. Let it all out. You're among non-judgmental Internet strangers.

darkjedilink posted...

_Rinku_ posted...

@darkjedilink

Who hurt you, man?

What?

You do know that the very vast majority of long distance relationships fail due to infidelity, right?

It's why I don't bother with them.

A normal relationship is one thing, but yeah, I agree: most long distance relationships are doomed to fail.
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Most relationships are doomed to fail.
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Tmk posted...

Most relationships are doomed to fail.

Nah, don't be that way, buddy. Ya just have to want to make it work.
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Teddybearsolid posted...

Tmk posted...

Most relationships are doomed to fail.

Nah, don't be that way, buddy. Ya just have to want to make it work.

I think he has a point.

Think about all the people you/everyone else dated in high school. Any of those people still together?

I mean, still have hope and work on any relationship you're in. It's not unrealistic to acknowledge that most (romantic) relationships do fail.

I'm not talking about personal experience, I'm talking about the reality of what happens to people in general.

A kneejerk negative, defeatist reaction to long-distance relationships is becoming increasingly archaic in the ever-advancing technological age we live in.

The internet has become a huge part of everyday life for even "normal" people and it's showing no signs of slowing down in this development. When you weigh the tiny selection of people in the immediate area of where any one given person may live vs. the entire world they are connected to, well it's clear that long distance relationships are going to be on the rise.
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You have to admit that, even if your odds of finding someone over the Internet are better, what then?

If the love of my life is in Alberta, what the fuck do I do? What does she do? Do we stay long distance forever? Do we draw straws to decide who will completely uproot and leave everything behind to go live with the other person? Meet halfway and live in Arkansas?

Well before the internet people in that scenario would have probably died never connecting on any level meaningfully with someone.

No one in life is the main character who everything has to work out for in the end. Lots of people are never going to have a normal happy content life. It would be best if everyone realised and accepted that, because that can help, both in driving people to work within their means to get what they want in life, but understand that life will be full of compromises and you can't approach it like a video game perfectionist run.
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omega cookie posted...

_Schwarzlicht_ posted...

omega cookie posted...

If you can't have kids, any relationship with you would be a waste of time.

When you date a person, you specifically intend to get them pregnant at some point?

I'm almost 28, and have been engaged since I was 20. If by some chance my fiance and I were to break up, I'd be looking for someone else to settle down with. That, to me, means marriage and kids at some point.

I always viewed dating as shopping for a wife, in a sense. Not that they are things to buy, but as a trial to see if I could be with them forever. As soon as it became clear I couldn't, I'd end the relationship. Not being able to have kids would be a clear sign that it wouldn't work out, so dating them would be a waste of time.

Mind you, I'm talking about relationships. I was never one for the "date a girl for a month or two, fuck a bunch, and break up" stuff. One night stands and party hookups were enough to take care of those urges, and I've long since stopped hunting for whores.

Engaged for 8 years? What?
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Tmk posted...

Well before the internet people in that scenario would have probably died never connecting on any level meaningfully with someone.

No one in life is the main character who everything has to work out for in the end. Lots of people are never going to have a normal happy content life. It would be best if everyone realised and accepted that, because that can help, both in driving people to work within their means to get what they want in life, but understand that life will be full of compromises and you can't approach it like a video game perfectionist run.

Fair point.

I suppose the ultimate takeaway should be to do what makes you happy. Personally, I'd need to at least be able to hug or hold hands with someone, but that's just me. Everyone's different.

Monolith1676 posted...

Engaged for 8 years? What?

We'll get married when we decide to have kids. We're both balls deep in our careers right now, and there isn't a rush to actually do it. The only benefit would be tax breaks, and neither of us care about that.
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Miz_iZ_AwSOme_X posted...

Sayoria posted...

The Admiral posted...

The penis

And if post-operative?

don't matter turning your dick inside out does not mean is magically a vagina is still a dick. and if you was born a man then you're still a man no matter the amount of hormones therapy surgeries and make up they invest on still a man.

This
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TC.....why's it so important that people date a transgendered person?

I'm not trying to be a dick. But I've never understood the need to be concerned about who people enter relationship with and why. I've only ever been concerned with who I entered a relationship with.
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thanosibe posted...

TC.....why's it so important that people date a transgendered person?

I'm not trying to be a dick. But I've never understood the need to be concerned about who people enter relationship with and why. I've only ever been concerned with who I entered a relationship with.

TC is trans, and thus has a vested interest in convincing people that it's a viable option.
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tbh if they're attractive and can pass then sure. I'd even date a pre op
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omega cookie posted...

Monolith1676 posted...

Engaged for 8 years? What?

We'll get married when we decide to have kids. We're both balls deep in our careers right now, and there isn't a rush to actually do it. The only benefit would be tax breaks, and neither of us care about that.

Ah that makes more sense.
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Sayoria, I am afraid this will always be contextual. You aren't going to get a real answer to this question here. I can tell you that the interest in trans girls is higher than you will see people ever admit to though, so I am pretty sure any trans girl can find someone if they go about it properly.
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This topic is full of real answers.
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I care more about the person than the gender/sex. While I'm not attracted to "men" in general, a feminine looking person can attract me.
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omega cookie posted...

Monolith1676 posted...

Engaged for 8 years? What?

We'll get married when we decide to have kids. We're both balls deep in our careers right now, and there isn't a rush to actually do it. The only benefit would be tax breaks, and neither of us care about that.

What's the disadvantage?
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Sylph posted...

I can tell you that the interest in trans girls is higher than you will see people ever admit to though

It really isn't lol
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UncleBourbon33 posted...

Sylph posted...

I can tell you that the interest in trans girls is higher than you will see people ever admit to though

It really isn't lol

My inbox from a dating site a year ago says otherwise. I never acted on any of it, but the information I got from it was enlightening.
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Anteaterking posted...

omega cookie posted...

Monolith1676 posted...

Engaged for 8 years? What?

We'll get married when we decide to have kids. We're both balls deep in our careers right now, and there isn't a rush to actually do it. The only benefit would be tax breaks, and neither of us care about that.

What's the disadvantage?

The time to do it, and having to coordinate getting both of our families there. I'd just do a quickie wedding at the city hall, but I'm near positive either my grandmother or her father would shoot me in the face if I did so.
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TheKingOf-Kings posted...

John_Galt posted...

Sayoria posted...

The Admiral posted...

The penis

And if post-operative?

Inverted penis

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The whole not-being-a-woman thing.
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If I had to date a chick I'd rather date one with a dick tbh
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the adam's apple
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Mostly playing Devil's advocate here with my minimum of experience. (Dating a transgirl so I'm not against it obviously.) A lot is anecdotal so ... you know. Treat it as such.

We know what pleases a man and all the places to focus on.

That's a "your mileage may vary" sort of deal. Really depends on what their partner prefers and their own personal experience.

We can't get pregnant, and that seems to be something many are trying to avoid these days.

Some people really want children. Of course adoption is also possible but some people really want their own biological children. And then there's surrogacy but ... you get my point. >_>

Not something I claim to understand since IMO the parent-child bond and love are more important, but I'm just me.

More likely to be loyal I'd think, given how many of us feel desperate at times and too many resort to "take what I can get."

I can ... sort of get that, yeah. The dating pool for transpeople seems comparatively small so I've always figured people will try extra hard to not fuck up just so they're not lonely.

It's anecdotal though so who knows.

No tampons or feminine hygiene products in the house or expected you to buy for us while you are at the store.

I wouldn't call that anything noteworthy in the grand scheme of things to be honest. >_>

They can still pass highly, highly well as a female if they've been at it and know their ins and outs.

Very true. Of course the opposite is true: some just don't pass at all.
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The baggage could include highly emotional roller coasters (like many biological women may be)

I think there's more contributing to transpeople's emotional roller coasters because you're more likely to get a bunch of stuff in a package as opposed to necessarily just "female hormones."

Like sure: transgirls take hormones so that's relevant and does cause emotional cycles. Same for transmen as well, albeit in a different fashion.

But the depression rate in transpeople is pretty damn high, so there's that to deal with. Social isolation, self-loathing, suicidal ideations all are likely components to their own emotional turmoils in addition to the hormones. Sure, cis people can have all those too, but typically it's at a lower frequency so there's less "risk" so to speak.

And let's be honest. Not everyone has the emotional strength to deal with someone who's suicidal. I'm barely able to shoulder the burdens of the few I try to help.

Anecdotally speaking on this subject: I've only really known three transgirls (and no transmen, but I've only known one) that really seem to have their heads on straight. That being you (Say), Sylph (though we haven't talked much she seems chill), and of course my girlfriend. (There's also a friend of mine on Discord that's closeted about being trans and is kinda iffy.)

In the grand scheme of the transgirls I do know, that's actually a rather small percentage. Which isn't much in terms of empirical evidence, but it gives me a good idea of why some people wouldn't date transpeople on this respect. Most of the others I know are:

- Just flat out crazy (explosive, implosive, violent, etc.)
- Have severe problems with self-loathing (to the point that they're a downer just to be around)
- Often are suicidal
- Have ridiculous ideals and expectations for cis people

Hell my girlfriend's exes were seemingly complete crap. She was practically bawling when I called her cute the other day, just because she's so not used to that; it's clear she has some baggage herself and I doubt they were really "good" as partners go but she probably stayed because loneliness sucks. (Though it only made her cuter when she got all flustered lol. ^.^;)

So overall - however anecdotal - I feel if you date a transperson you're more likely to get someone with a lot of emotional baggage, and on top of that you're more likely to get *worse* emotional baggage than in the instance of a cis person.

But at the end of the day, they're just another person. Putting all debate about whether it's "gay" aside, dating a transperson does seem to come with additional risks from my perspective, with comparatively minimum rewards beyond a higher degree of loyalty.

But then again ... it doesn't really matter in the grand scheme of things, does it? You love who you love, and you'll do what you need to for those you love. If you're dating a transperson and they're suicidal, of course you'll help them, just as you would a cis person.

So in a way, the differences are just minor, and I'm sure you can find someone - sans the gender identity issues - who's cis and just as bad off in terms of baggage as any transperson you know.

... not sure why I went on this rant. I guess it's because the whole thing I've noticed with there being a lot of nutty transpeople bugs the hell out of me.
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Well, it is honestly somewhat challenging at times to not be a gibbering mess with just how ridiculous some of the interactions people try to have with you if they know you are trans and whatnot, but honestly I can tell you with complete certainty that any actual issues I have stem from how utterly garbage my parents were. See, I am at the normal one of my siblings. Take that as you will.
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omega cookie posted...

...someone else to settle down with. That, to me, means marriage and kids at some point.

...but as a trial to see if I could be with them forever. As soon as it became clear I couldn't, I'd end the relationship. Not being able to have kids would be a clear sign that it wouldn't work out, so dating them would be a waste of time.

I see, that makes a lot of sense. I always see this 'can't have kids, no want' reply in these sorts of topics and never really got it, but now I do. Thanks.

One night stands and party hookups were enough to take care of those urges, and I've long since stopped hunting for whores.

Tho you're being kinda judgy for being a past whore yourself, no? >_>
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Topics like this on here are pretty pointless since the majority of people on here have never had a meaningful interaction with a transsexual anyway. Youve maybe seen a cross dresser at most - there are many more of those out there. And you usually wont see either unless you already have made it out to gay bars.
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scorpion41 posted...

Romulox28 posted...

the man hands

And penis

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_Schwarzlicht_ posted...

omega cookie posted...

...someone else to settle down with. That, to me, means marriage and kids at some point.

...but as a trial to see if I could be with them forever. As soon as it became clear I couldn't, I'd end the relationship. Not being able to have kids would be a clear sign that it wouldn't work out, so dating them would be a waste of time.

I see, that makes a lot of sense. I always see this 'can't have kids, no want' reply in these sorts of topics and never really got it, but now I do. Thanks.

One night stands and party hookups were enough to take care of those urges, and I've long since stopped hunting for whores.

Tho you're being kinda judgy for being a past whore yourself, no? >_>

Meh, sex is sex. Relationships are different.
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This topic is no different than making a topic asking why don't gay dudes get together with girls
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I want kids
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Tmk posted...

Well before the internet people in that scenario would have probably died never connecting on any level meaningfully with someone.

No one in life is the main character who everything has to work out for in the end. Lots of people are never going to have a normal happy content life. It would be best if everyone realised and accepted that, because that can help, both in driving people to work within their means to get what they want in life, but understand that life will be full of compromises and you can't approach it like a video game perfectionist run.

This is the harsh reality of life that lots of people fail to realize. Thumbs up.

And I'm not saying that if you feel you are going to die alone you should just accept it and wallow in it, or if you feel you were born only to suffer and die and that you are going to for the rest of your life so you should give up and stop trying, that's far from what I mean. Just that what people really need to stop and think about is that one day we will die whether we want to accept it or not, and many people will die having only experienced pain, heartache, suffering, and loneliness their entire lives.

The only thing the world we are born in guarantees us is death. We all need to start accepting that fact as reality and seek out ways to improve the quality of life for us all.
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Y2J0sHBK_GB posted...

This topic is no different than making a topic asking why don't gay dudes get together with girls

That's arrogant.
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How so? You are telling people to go against their instincts
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T.c pof is that way
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Sayoria posted...

Y2J0sHBK_GB posted...

This topic is no different than making a topic asking why don't gay dudes get together with girls

That's arrogant.

Y2J0sHBK_GB posted...

How so? You are telling people to go against their instincts

It depends on which angle you look at it.

Suppose you have a trans person in front of you. MtF for the sake of argument. They present reasonably as their gender, and have gone through with SRS and all that.

Some people will consider the transgirl female. It is her gender after all, and she looks female. Perhaps she's attractive, has a great personality.

Some people will consider the transgirl still being male. After all, no matter what, nothing can change her sex: her sex chromosomes would still be XY, and we're not really able to change that.

In the former case, a guy sleeping with her would likely consider it being "straight", and in the latter a guy would likely consider it "gay."

Granted, it's all just gray area. Some people care about gender more, and others care more about sex, when it comes to their partners and their own preferences.

Personal opinion: I'm of the former case, but at the end of the day people love who they love. Focusing on whether it's "straight" or "gay" is dumb and pedantic; love is love, so long as no one is being hurt or abused or anything.

Also, a footnote: since you're clearly referencing reproductive instincts, I imagine you have something to say about gay people in general outside of the context of transgender people? >.>
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My point is this, though I get what you are saying: the topic totally dismisses the human psyche. You like what you like, despite the countless discussions on this board, for instance, if you aren't into black people then that's your preference. If you aren't into fat people, that's your preference. Why should trans be any different? Preferences exist and we all have them. Why run from that? There are well over six billion people in the world which means somebody for everybody. Why shouldn't we aim for what we are into. I'm not at all into the idea of fucking a mtf no matter how good they transition... I'm not a bigot, I'm just not into it. We all act that way and we should.
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In fact, let me add on to it. I met a fat girl last year on POF and dated her and hated it. I did it because I wanted to convince myself personalities matter but when it came to the bedroom? I wasn't interested. These things matter. A trans is no different
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