Current Events > What if my gf doesn't want to have sex and is doing it to make me happy?

(+) Yeah! (+)

Is it morally right to do it in that circumstance? I'm happy and shes supposedly happy I'm happy, but if both of us aren't 100% into it the experience won't be as good Right? I'm conflicted.
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Yeah I can't see it being as good unless you both want it. The more into it the better, it's not about just one person's pleasure.
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Duncanwii posted...

Is it morally right to do it in that circumstance? I'm happy and shes supposedly happy I'm happy, but if both of us aren't 100% into it the experience won't be as good Right? I'm conflicted.

Dont rush yourself, Dude. Sex isnt everything. But at the same time, its still should be a big part of expressing your love.
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Get your little peter wet. If you've done that, the rest doesn't matter.
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Maybe i need to see if there are any sex therapists around here the two of us can go to.
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At the same time, its a great experience. But if she isnt into it, or not in the mood but wants to do it for you. Youll notice the difference.
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did u two finally have sex?

TheDarkCircle posted...

did u two finally have sex?

No im just analyzing the philosophical implications of when we get there and she's only doing it to make me happy. Because that's the vibe I'm getting from her whenever we discuss it.
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Iwin2013 posted...

At the same time, its a great experience. But if she isnt into it, or not in the mood but wants to do it for you. Youll notice the difference.

Yeah, this tbh
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Duncanwii posted...

TheDarkCircle posted...

did u two finally have sex?

No im just analyzing the philosophical implications of when we get there and she's only doing it to make me happy. Because that's the vibe I'm getting from her whenever we discuss it.

Well, if that's the vibe I definitely wouldn't discuss it anymore

You have a lot to assess here. Ask yourself these questions:

1. Are you doing enough to get her in the mood? This includes foreplay, oral, spontaneity.
2. Is she (still) sexually attracted to you?
3. Have you noticed anything change in her behavior in the past 6mo-year?

Its not uncommon for some women to have a lower than normal libido. There could be a lot of contributing factors such as abuse of the domestic and sexual kind from a past relationship, etc. I'm not saying your significant other has gone through this-- just using it as an example.
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I have to come out and tell the truth. I'm not happy with my relationship. I still believe she's my soul mate and we still have a ton in common but right now I'm not happy. We only see each other 2 days a week, for a hand full of hours each and it's never in private. The last time I saw her naked was over a year ago, we never make out, she doesn't seem to care to see me naked even after I sent her nudes. Our relationship isn't stable the way things are now and I'm frustrated because there isn't any way to change things right now. I need help badly.
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Duncanwii posted...

I have to come out and tell the truth. I'm not happy with my relationship. I still believe she's my soul mate and we still have a ton in common but right now I'm not happy. We only see each other 2 days a week, for a hand full of hours each and it's never in private. The last time I saw her naked was over a year ago, we never make out, she doesn't seem to care to see me naked even after I sent her nudes. Our relationship isn't stable the way things are now and I'm frustrated because there isn't any way to change things right now. I need help badly.

That's ok to feel that way. Maybe the solution is to just end it. You can still feel for her/care about her, but maybe this relationship really doesn't work for u :/

Duncanwii posted...

I have to come out and tell the truth. I'm not happy with my relationship. I still believe she's my soul mate and we still have a ton in common but right now I'm not happy. We only see each other 2 days a week, for a hand full of hours each and it's never in private. The last time I saw her naked was over a year ago, we never make out, she doesn't seem to care to see me naked even after I sent her nudes. Our relationship isn't stable the way things are now and I'm frustrated because there isn't any way to change things right now. I need help badly.

As hard as it might sound-- I think its time you split and possibly find someone else that can make you happy. Sure, it might hurt (assuming), if it does-- that's natural. Time heals all. No point trying to save what can't be saved. Its a waste of time for not only you, but her as well.
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I still think the relationship can be saved but things need to change. I meant it when I told her she was the best thing that ever happened to me I feel we're meant to be and it's clear in how she talks to me she feels the same way.
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Duncanwii posted...

I still think the relationship can be saved but things need to change. I meant it when I told her she was the best thing that ever happened to me I feel we're meant to be and it's clear in how she talks to me she feels the same way.

In times like these-- males tend to be insecure when their relationship is in jeopardy. I assume you've asked her numerous times about the state of your relationship and the answers are the same? The only problem here is the lack of sexual attention. Not to sound awful, but do you think she sought said attention elsewhere?
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WalkingPlague posted...

Duncanwii posted...

I still think the relationship can be saved but things need to change. I meant it when I told her she was the best thing that ever happened to me I feel we're meant to be and it's clear in how she talks to me she feels the same way.

In times like these-- males tend to be insecure when their relationship is in jeopardy. I assume you've asked her numerous times about the state of your relationship and the answers are the same? The only problem here is the lack of sexual attention. Not to sound awful, but do you think she sought said attention elsewhere?

Like, has she ever cheated on me? She isn't that type. She's only ever been in one other relationship before me and it ended badly. And it isn't like I don't flirt and compliment her I tell her all the time how I think she looks amazing and sexy and beautiful. I'm the perfect boyfriend, so why would she cheat?
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I'm the perfect boyfriend

Dude. -_-
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Eevee-Trainer posted...

I'm the perfect boyfriend

Dude. -_-

I apologize. I'm not perfect. Im no where near perfect. But I still want to be with Kara. Even if I have to fight tooth and nail to make both of us happy.
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Duncanwii posted...

I still think the relationship can be saved but things need to change. I meant it when I told her she was the best thing that ever happened to me I feel we're meant to be and it's clear in how she talks to me she feels the same way.

U know I think you're a good guy, GREAT guy

So having said that... I think the changes u seek tho are selfish ones. There's nothing mutual about the changes that need to be made in this relationship to make u happy. Wanting to have sex with your SO isn't selfish, but if she's not desiring physical contact with u for whatever reason, needing that to "save" the relationship is.

I think the conflict comes in that you have feelings for her, u want it to be physical, but clearly it isn't. I think u need to respect that with her and get out of it for now :(

I would start with trying to get the parts you dont like improved. At least try. Like see each other more, in private, etc. if she isnt compromising get out

As for OP its sexual assault
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Duncanwii posted...

WalkingPlague posted...

Duncanwii posted...

I still think the relationship can be saved but things need to change. I meant it when I told her she was the best thing that ever happened to me I feel we're meant to be and it's clear in how she talks to me she feels the same way.

In times like these-- males tend to be insecure when their relationship is in jeopardy. I assume you've asked her numerous times about the state of your relationship and the answers are the same? The only problem here is the lack of sexual attention. Not to sound awful, but do you think she sought said attention elsewhere?

Like, has she ever cheated on me? She isn't that type. She's only ever been in one other relationship before me and it ended badly. And it isn't like I don't flirt and compliment her I tell her all the time how I think she looks amazing and sexy and beautiful. I'm the perfect boyfriend, so why would she cheat?

Ask her if she's in love with you or just loves you. Not every women puts faith in compliments. Some may feel insecure and you're lying about their exterior appearance. Not saying you are, I'm sure she's every bit of beautiful that you say she is. Women are a complicated network. Perhaps you're laying it on too thick. Does she ever compliment you or is it one-sided? I still feel the whole "I'm having sex with you to make you happy" is pretty bad. Her happiness is your happiness-- if she can't give you a straight-forward response then I'd say it's time to abandon ship.
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I'm going to close this topic and sleep on it. I'll consider everything everyone, including me, has said and I'll talk to her about it in the morning. If it is true that it looks like the relationship can't be saved I'm not going to attempt a break up until we're face to face. She deserves that much.
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Duncanwii posted...

I'm going to close this topic and sleep on it. I'll consider everything everyone, including me, has said and I'll talk to her about it in the morning. If it is true that it looks like the relationship can't be saved I'm not going to attempt a break up until we're face to face. She deserves that much.

Good luck.
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I hope things work out for ya.
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Good luck fam
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