Current Events > A woman's open letter to male virgins (long, but interesting read)

(+) Yeah! (+)

http://www.christianitytoday.com/women/2014/may/open-letter-to-male-virgins.html



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dude, why do you even care so much

Milkman5 posted...

dude, why do you even care so much

Why does anyone?
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I'm to lazy to read all that. Can someone paraphrase
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I stopped reading when she started talking about the bible.
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it blows me away that male virgins seem to be more upset about what people think of virgins than actually not having sex.

Stop living your life for others, live for yourself and get over it, dude. jesus

Milkman5 posted...

dude, why do you even care so much

Cause I'm a virgin and don't want to be.

SkittyOnWailord posted...

I stopped reading when she started talking about the bible.

It's from a christian based site. What did you expect?
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Tadamoto38 posted...

Cause I'm a virgin and don't want to be.

So solve that. Be the change you want to see in your sex life.
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She had me going until she brought God into it. For those of us who aren't Christian, this doesn't mean much.

She is right that it doesn't define your identity, but I've experienced first-hand how much being a virgin for so long can destroy your self-esteem. It's especially frustrating when you see people around you constantly that are in relationships, both in person and online. It begins to become easy to convince yourself you're just not appealing enough and that there's no girl that will ever want to sleep with you, much less want you period.

I finally got my wish late last year, but I had to resort to paying for it. And I don't regret it.

Tadamoto38 posted...

SkittyOnWailord posted...

I stopped reading when she started talking about the bible.

It's from a christian based site. What did you expect?

My fault. I didn't notice the site until you said that.
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I think its sweet she wrote all that, but society was built by neanderthals looking to bone down. Were just a bunch of monkeys screeching our mating calls. Not everyone gets to fuck, and thats the most fundamental motivator there is
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thats a letter everyone should read

very good message
hope it helps fix the cracks
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religious trash/10
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so...
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anyone know if she is dtf or what???
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At least she tries to offer words of encouragement to incels/virgins instead of trying to drive them into a downward spiral of rage like immature CEman do.
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SkittyOnWailord posted...

I stopped reading when she started talking about the bible.

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Most people just want a fulfilling relationship, and that tends to include sex. Sure, women probably don't want a clingy dud in the sack, but I'm willing to bet that past a certain age priorities change for most of them. Other variables besides "experience" may become more important. Choosers will become beggars eventually, unless they're extremely wealthy or objectively perfect human beings inside and out.

Everyone was a virgin at some point, and there was a big shift for me going from one side to the other. It's easy to tell somebody else it's not a big deal and to not attach self-worth to sex, but it's depressing to be unwanted romantically. It's a trickle-down effect: the longer you're alone the more of a problem being alone (and all that comes with it) will be. I haven't been single since I was about 20 or 21, and though I don't expect my marriage to fail, I can safely assume I have female friends waiting to be a rebound (with comments like "I wish there were two of you so I could have one" being less than subtle).

My time on GameFAQs has made me realize that a lot of incels simply lack the necessary combination of self-awareness and confidence required to climb out of their rut.
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TheCyborgNinja posted...

(with comments like "I wish there were two of you so I could have one" being less than subtle).

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I was in my late 20s before I lost my virginity to the woman who would become my wife. I am glad I waited till I found the woman I wanted to live my life with before I had sex. The opportunity had arisen several times in the past, but I had rejected it. I do not want to share that experience with anyone else. Finally, while sex is something my wife and I share at least a few times a week, I enjoy holding her close as she snuggles me before bed just as much as intercourse. Sex is great but it isnt the only thing. Dont sell yourself short.
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way too preachy.... I was interested then more then 50% of her letter was talking about god.

Pepys Monster posted...

At least she tries to offer words of encouragement to incels/virgins instead of trying to drive them into a downward spiral of rage like immature CEman do.

Actually CE is pretty helpful to incels/virgins until they start ignoring good advise in favor of just listening to what they want to hear. That and making tons of generalizations about women. That is when CE turns on said incel...
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TheCyborgNinja posted...

It's easy to tell somebody else it's not a big deal and to not attach self-worth to sex,

Yeah, very easy for those who've had it.

it's depressing to be unwanted romantically. It's a trickle-down effect: the longer you're alone the more of a problem being alone (and all that comes with it) will be.

This so much. It truly feels like a lot of my self esteem, insecurity, and depression issues would be lessened if someone wanted to be with me like that. Being unwanted sucks. I was talking with one poster, and he became very offended at me for saying he doesn't understand how it feels to be in your mid 30's and still a virgin, because he became (very)sexually active at 15. I don't think there's many people out there who could understand what it feels like, except those who experience it themselves. Maybe it just feels worse for me because of my abusive childhood/young adult life, where I was convinced I was totally worthless.

All I know is that sometimes it drives me crazy that I've never had a real connection to someone else. I want a relationship, to be cared about and loved. Of course I want sex too, but that's secondary to being loved. I would hope finding a healthy relationship would include some kind of physical intimacy.

Doesn't even matter in the end though. It feels like there's no hope. Even if I changed myself, excercised and became a better person, there'd still be no one to see it. No matter what I do, I'm just going to be alone. So why should I even bother?
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C7D posted...

I enjoy holding her close as she snuggles me before bed just as much as intercourse. Sex is great but it isnt the only thing. Dont sell yourself short.

You can do that and feel just as satisfied with other women even if they don't become your wife.
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So this website about helping Christians be Christians and presumably helping nonChristians become Christians shows you a brief preview of an article unless you make an account and log in.
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omega cookie posted...

yikes
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refmon posted...

yikes

Now what was the point of posting that? I made this topic because I find it helpful and insightful to hear about male virginity from a woman's perspective. And you decide to be an ass wipe and post that image just to make me look like a bad person. I already explained that. It was a fucking joke. I wasn't serious. And I apologized for it.
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@babyeatermax posted...

I'm to lazy to read all that. Can someone paraphrase

"its ok to be a virgin"

Not sure why anyone would need an essay to tell them this though
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Also, did folks just NOT look at the source or......? You keep whining about the God talk, but its pretty clear thats where it was coming from before even clicking the topic, then you see the site is called Christian Today....
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zado19 posted...

Also, did folks just NOT look at the source or......? You keep whining about the God talk, but its pretty clear thats where it was coming from before even clicking the topic, then you see the site is called Christian Today....

I'm guilty of not looking at the source and just reading the letter.

But it was more preachy then I would have expected even if I HAD read the source...
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Kinda hard to complain about her bringing up God when the conclusion from a godless point of view is the whole purpose of life is to reproduce and advance via evolution.
The godless counter to this is that having too many people is bad for human evolution and will destroy us, but then who is the person unworthy to make the advancement of the species via sex? No one wants to be that person.

But essentially that is what it is. In that view, if you aren't having sex, then you are evolutionarily selected as not worthy to continue the species or advance them by that mechanism.

Perhaps it doesn't have to come from the bible, but it must come from spirituality beyond basic scientific logic to say that yes indeed being a virgin is a good and moral thing.
I mean, even the argument that there is too many people doesn't say you need to not have sex since you just abort as needed.
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EnragedSlith posted...

I think its sweet she wrote all that, but society was built by neanderthals looking to bone down. Were just a bunch of monkeys screeching our mating calls. Not everyone gets to fuck, and thats the most fundamental motivator there is

Pretty much this. I was pretty okay with being a virgin as long as I was but it's hard for someone to just say "Don't care too much about it. Be happy with who you are" when the entirety of society is obsessed with sex and the idea of being a virgin past a certain point is actively shunned.

Tadamoto38 posted...

make me look like a bad person.

I don't need to make you look like a bad person, because you are a bad person.

See below for proof:

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She seems nice.
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TL;NR Srs, TL;NR
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Pepys Monster posted...

TheCyborgNinja posted...

(with comments like "I wish there were two of you so I could have one" being less than subtle).

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SkittyOnWailord posted...

I stopped reading when she started talking about the bible.

I didn't click on it because it said christian in the link.
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christianity is built on the same foundation as bitcoin
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Milkman5 posted...

it blows me away that male virgins seem to be more upset about what people think of virgins than actually not having sex.

Stop living your life for others, live for yourself and get over it, dude. jesus

this
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